Paranoia (The Night Walkers) (17 page)

twenty-four

By the time we’d stopped for gas, it was nearly noon when we got on the road. Jack insisted on taking over the driving, and he put Addie in the front seat. When he’d whispered something to her outside the car, I’d done my best not to react. I needed better control, and I was learning … but that didn’t stop me from thinking of a hundred ways I could bend him into a pretzel.

Once we were on our way, Addie leaned over the seat and looked straight at me. There was still some reservation in her eyes, still some fear, but the trust and faith seemed be returning.

“Jack wants us to sleep.”

I blinked and glanced over at Jack’s back. “Huh?”

“I’ve been in her dreams recently, you haven’t.” Jack kept his eyes on the road, but I could see from the way he gripped the steering wheel that he wasn’t thrilled about this. “You’ve convinced me to take you into a hornets’ nest … but I want you to be as strong and prepared as she can make you before we get there.”

Addie waited for me to look in her eyes again, then leaned back her seat and closed her eyes. Finn, sitting between Mia and me, was still very tied up and already had his eyes closed, although I doubted he was sleeping. Either way, he wasn’t in a position to make much trouble. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Even with all the adrenaline in my system, I was pulled into Addie’s dream within minutes.

The dream was quiet … so quiet I thought I might be in the Hollow until I turned and saw Addie. She smiled a little and looked straight at me. I wasn’t touching her, but it was clear that it didn’t matter anymore. She could see me anyway. I could tell already that she was a much quicker study of what Jack had taught her than I’d been.

We stood in a park with dark green grass and tall trees. Addie looked up and a slight breeze ruffled the leaves above us and cooled our faces. She walked over to a spot at the base of one particularly large tree and sat, crossing her legs and leaning against it.

“So I guess you finally get to see what a Builder can do.” She patted the grass in front of her with her open palm.

“I guess so.” I walked closer, but hesitated before sitting down. I believed she knew what she was doing, but for some reason it still didn’t feel like it would work. The doors that had always kept me from my own sleep in everyone’s dreams but Mia’s were still there. I could feel them. And as long as they were there, I knew this wouldn’t work.

“Building requires a lot of trust, and … ” Addie looked down for a second.

“And you don’t trust me anymore.” My words came out as deflated as I felt. Addie, the only person who’d always believed I was inherently good, wasn’t sure of me anymore.

“You’ve given me a lot of reasons not to.” She sighed and then took my hand. “But I believe I still can. I was talking about the trust you have to have in me.”

“Of course I trust you.”

“I have to get inside your head to do this.” Addie leaned back against the tree and watched me close. “You’ve never known what that’s like before. You’ll have no secrets from me, and I know how much you value those … ”

My world felt oddly upside down, but I just nodded. “I told you before that I was done keeping secrets from you. I meant it.”

She leaned forward and patted her lap. “Lay down, put your head here, and try to relax.”

I froze for a minute and all I could picture was this same situation, but with Jack’s head on Addie’s lap. My mind replayed the images of them kissing on the front porch. Instead of anger, now, all I felt was pain. Addie was the first girl I’d ever loved, and my own lack of control had driven her away.

But I wouldn’t lose Finn, too. No matter what. I couldn’t.

Resting my head gently in her lap, I looked up as she leaned over me and smoothed my hair out of my face. Her lips kept twitching into a frown and I knew this was hard for her, too.

“You sure you’re up for this?” I asked.

“Shut up.” She gave me a slight smile, then placed her fingertips on the sides of my head and closed her eyes. “Close your eyes and try to sleep.”

I obeyed, and at first I didn’t feel anything. Then it was tiny motions, like small, gentle probes were moving around in my brain. Touching on memories, on my weak spots and my strong ones—every spot she touched released a memory, and we relived my past together. I was frustratingly, achingly, terrifyingly vulnerable. I was exposed in a way I’d never been before, and I forced myself not to fight it.

She saw Dr. Freeburg’s dream for herself, and I could almost feel her shrinking back from me. She saw the way Darkness controlled me sometimes and how helpless and terrifying those moments had been. She brought out the guilt I felt about the people I’d hurt or even thought I’d hurt. We both felt raw emotion when she pulled out my memory of dragging Finn’s bleeding, unconscious body out of the fire and into the snow. Then she saw the conversation where I’d told Finn everything—including how I felt about her, and the conversation I’d had with my mom about how she might be better off with Jack. Jack telling me to give her a reason to let go of me, and the ways I’d thought of doing it.

She saw my version of the time I’d saved her on the swing when we were kids. I relived the way I’d looked for her after Finn and I came inside, my heart stopping in my chest when I saw her tangled in the swing, trying to make myself bigger than I was to shield her shivering body as the storm stung my skin with hard rain and bits of hail, the way my fingers ached as I worked and worked to free her long hair while lightning and thunder rocked the sky above us. I’d felt absolute panic and I knew that even if I had to break the chain that held her trapped, I’d find a way to do it. Last, she felt my heart shred apart all over again when she brought out the memory of when I’d told her I loved her and she told me it didn’t matter.

My face was wet with tears and I opened my eyes to see that some were hers. Her eyes were still closed and heartbreak was written across her face. As she bent over me, concentrating on my pain and past, she looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen her. Then I closed my eyes and she went through every memory, one by one, and closed the wounds and scars my life had left me with. She took her own certainties that I was strong, that I was smart, that I was brave, and wrapped them around my fears. Again and again, she touched the broken pieces until they were healed, the pain smothered and put out like a campfire being buried in the warm earth.

Her touch became hot like a branding iron, but it didn’t hurt. And she moved quickly now; I could feel the strength draining from her, into me. She continued, forming new bridges in my brain. My thoughts came easier and clearer, my heart slowed its rapid pace, my guilt started to ease. She didn’t erase the doubts I held about myself; instead, she paired each concern with pieces of her faith in me. I could see both sides now. Darkness and myself. The person I was afraid I was, deep down, next to the man she thought I could become.

The doors in my mind were flung wide, and Addie’s fingers caressed the sides of my face as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke to a soft nudge of my arm. Sunlight still fell on my face, so I knew I couldn’t have been out that long, but it could’ve been centuries from the way I felt. Everything about me felt better, stronger, sharper than I could ever remember feeling. My muscles didn’t ache, and my mind felt alert and aware on a level above any I’d ever experienced.

And this was only after one dream with Addie.

Suddenly I understood what Jack had said about Mia. I’d be forever grateful to her, and she had absolutely saved my life, but this was something entirely different. This was like starting over. Addie had undone all the damage, the havoc I’d wreaked upon myself both physically and emotionally. She’d made me stronger than I ever knew I could be.

Opening my eyes, I sat up straight and looked down at the hand that had nudged me. Mia jerked back and jumped, my sudden movement obviously catching her off guard.

“Sorry.” I whispered because Addie hadn’t moved yet. “How long were we out?”

“Almost two hours.” Jack was watching me closely in the rearview mirror. “Looks like it did what I’d hoped.”

I nodded. “Yeah, wow.”

“I told you.”

“I know.”

Then he glanced at Addie’s still form for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road. I saw resignation in his face, and he kept his voice low when he spoke again. “She’s going to be exhausted after that. Let her sleep.”

“It—did it hurt her?” With Addie’s seat leaned back, I could see her clearly when I sat forward a little. I brushed a stray curl from her cheek with one finger and saw dried tear tracks on her face.

“Not physically. It’s like when we alter dreams, but about twice as exhausting.” He met my eyes in the rearview mirror. “And I’m guessing you needed a lot of work done … so let her sleep.”

I watched Addie’s eyelids flutter for a moment and wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t already awake, but I sat back in my seat and stared at the scenery passing outside the window. Every detail and nuance of the world around me felt more vivid than ever. It was like it had all slowed down, or I’d just finally caught up with it. I felt wide-awake, quick, and strong … all thanks to the girl I’d shared all my secrets with.

The sun was setting by the time we got within a few miles of the base. Addie had been leaning against the passenger window since she woke up. I’d thanked her a few times and she’d squeezed my hand in response, but she hadn’t spoken.

Now that Jack was finally on board and everyone was awake, he’d spent the last couple of hours telling us the layout of the underground bunkers that the NWS had set up as their North American headquarters, back before the Takers had wiped out many of them and taken control of the organization. Jack had never been here either, but my dad had spent hours going over the schematics with him in case he was ever captured. Our biggest concern was that they’d spent all their time going over how to sneak out … never how to sneak in.

The closer we got, the more nervous Jack seemed. He kept twitching and rubbing at the patch on his jacket.

“I have a question.” When I spoke, he lurched forward a bit before meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror.

“You have a lot more than one.”

“You obviously know my dad better than I do.” I was happy the bitterness didn’t come out in my voice the way it had in the past. Maybe Addie had helped heal that a little, too. “Why would he cave in to their demands, after all this time? Why give them what they want?”

Jack slowly shook his head. “That’s—your guess is as good as mine.”

“One more.”

His hands clenched tighter on the wheel and he waited.

“If my dad taught you all this, he obviously knew every way he could escape.” I waited while Jack turned onto an old highway that meandered its way over small hills and along suburban streets. “So why hasn’t he escaped?”

Jack looked in the rearview mirror again and his eyes seemed filled with emotion for an instant before it all went behind a wall and he stared at the road in front of him. “Same answer.”

We parked the car next to a low-lying building just up the hill from the main base. The squat, dilapidated stone structure sat in a wooded area and obviously hadn’t been touched in at least a decade. Everything inside had been cleaned out, and the shelves that lined the back wall were covered in a thick layer of dust. We put Finn in a back room that locked from the outside, and then Jack hid behind a nearby bush with some binoculars, looking everything over before the daylight was completely gone to see if he could locate a back entry he’d noticed on some of the schematics. We set Addie and Mia up with some water and supplies, along with the keys to the car.

Addie still hadn’t spoken a word since she awoke, and I was starting to worry that seeing all my secrets had been too much. Maybe she was too horrified and she couldn’t see me the same anymore. Maybe somehow giving me all her faith had drained it from her. As amazing as I felt, I was starting to wonder if letting her inside my mind had been a bad idea.

I held out one of Jack’s knives out to her. “I know we don’t want to hurt Finn, but he’d haunt me to the end of my days if I let his body hurt you … okay?”

Mia stood up from a desk and brushed the dust off her jeans as she walked toward the door. “I’ll—uh—go see how Jack is doing.”

Addie took the knife and laid it on the desk beside her with a slight nod, then rubbed her hands together. She looked uncomfortable, like she didn’t know what to say to me anymore. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel that way. My secrets were hard for me; they must be impossible for her. Even though it broke me in half, I knew Jack was right. Addie deserved so much better. Leaving her alone seemed like the kindest thing I could do.

I started backing toward the door. “And if we aren’t back by morning … ”

She looked up at me. Dark circles had appeared below her eyes and tears ran down her cheeks. She growled so low and threatening that I froze mid-step. “Don’t you
dare
do that to me.”

“Addie … ”

She hopped off the desk, ran at me, and wrapped both arms around my neck. Her body pressed so tight against mine that I staggered a few steps backward. Her lips found mine and she kissed me like it was the only thing she had left in her. Wrapping both arms around her, I lifted her off the floor and squeezed her so tight I knew I had to stop or she might not be able to breathe. My hands ran slowly up her back and curled around her hair. Then I slowed down, kissing her, teasing her, because if this was the last thing I ever experienced before walking into the den of lions, I was going to enjoy it. I kissed her lips, throat, cheek, and ear, and breathed in the scent of citrus that was so much a part of Addie to me.

When I pulled back and kissed the tears off her cheeks, she grabbed my face with her hands and stared me straight in the eye. Every emotion she’d always kept so carefully hidden was exposed and raw for me to see. It stole my breath away.

“I love you, Parker. I’ve loved you since we were kids and you saved me from the storm.” She gave a soft sob and held one of my hands to her face. “I’ve loved you when you were my friend and taught me to play Uno and Mario Kart and how to throw a frisbee. I’ve even loved you when you acted crazier than any guy has a right to act.”