Paradisal Tragedy (21 page)

“I… I’m sorry,” he managed to wheeze out. Agony dripped from his voice.

“Shhh, don’t talk you’re going to be okay.”

“This will be your punishment,” Nate said as he exited the room. Annabella didn’t care about going after him. She only cared about the man she loved who was bleeding out in front of her. She read somewhere that you had to keep pressured on the wound. Reaching for a shirt that laid on the floor she applied it to the wound.

“Travis?” she asked. “Are you with me?”

All she got was silence. Dead silence.

Sneak Peek

Ian stared at the gravesite that lay in front of him with his hands clenched at his sides. One of them held the white roses he’d just purchased. It was mid-afternoon in Cantua Creek, California and the sun was warm against his cheek.

As he inhaled, the scent of fresh cut grass was all he could smell. He heard the rustle of the leaves as the wind blew them around. It had been so long since he’d stood in the state he loved most in the world, the place where he’d been the happiest, and most of all, the place which held his most treasured memories…

He couldn’t remember the last time his mind had felt peace, or his heart had known love, but he was sure it was something he’d never find again. 

He stared down at the grave – the one that had been put there because of him – and guilt consumed him. He remembered growing up in Cantua Creek. It had been home; he always loved California. Now, it was the place he visited once a year. It nearly killed him each time he had to leave.

He loved living in New York, but this was his home and he wanted nothing more than to be able to come here more often. If only life were that simple. As he fell to his knees, he placed the roses in front of the headstone. It was beautiful; there was a heart in the center with the names of his parents and Leila. It broke his heart each time he looked at it. It was a gut wrenching feeling every time he thought of the little girl that never had the chance to live.

He traced a finger over his mother’s name and let the pain surface through his chest. He deserved this. Staring at the grave, he remembered all the circumstances that led to this. He knew that everything that occurred that night was his fault. For the past seven years, he carried the guilt, even though he knew logically it wasn’t his fault.

How could it be?

He
wasn’t the one that physically cut the brakes on that black Volvo that dark, windy night. But everything that happened that night was set in motion because of his actions. He caused this, and he’d have to live with that for the rest of his life. He tried his best to save them that awful, tragic night, but it had been too late. He failed them. He let them die.

It didn’t matter how many times someone told him it wasn’t his fault; he’d never stop blaming himself. The worst part of it all was that his little sister was only seven years old. Little Leila, he used to call her.

He still remembered everything about her, the little girl that always looked up to him with her wide blue eyes that were too big for her face. She had been a huge part in all of the good things in life that Ian had accomplished. She brought out the best in him, at least until she died. 

And his parents…

They were the most amazing people he’d ever known. Ian was a middle child, caught between his little sister and the only living relative he had left, his brother Jeremy. Their parents supported them as best as they could. But in the end he wasn’t there for them.

Seven years ago, the people he wanted to protect more than anything in the world were the people he hurt the most, and because of that he ran away. Without thinking about it as a rational person would have done, Ian packed his things and left town without thinking twice.  Since then, he only came back once a year; the anniversary of their death.

It is the most painful and dreadful day of the year, not that any other part of the year is a breeze for him. His life is a dark cave. He pours himself into his work since it is the only thing he had left.

“I miss you guys so much,” he finally spoke after kneeling there for what felt like a lifetime. “Each day I wake is another day that I die a little more inside. I’ve yet to find redemption for all the things I’ve done. I’ve battled this alone for so long and the honest truth is that I can’t seem to find my way.”

“Well if it isn’t Ian Anderson, big shot business owner.” A voice came from behind Ian as he knelt at the grave. Wiping his tears away instantly, Ian stood as he turned around to be confronted with a face he’d never thought he’d see again. He felt his heart sink deeper in his chest at the sight of the man that stood in front of him. His bronze hair, messy as the wind blew it to the side of his face. His lips curved into a soft smile as Ian’s eyes grew wider, not able to find his voice. The emotions inside him began to build up as he stared at the man before him.

His mind flashed to the years before the tragedy hit. He and Ian used to spend a lot of time together; they had been reckless together. Ian remembered even racing their motorcycles on an old country road in the middle of the night.

Finding reality, Ian took a deep breath. God, did it hurt. He wanted nothing more than to be the coward he was and flee from this scene. Selfishly though, he missed Elliot, he missed his old life, and it hurt like hell. With the exception of his brother, Ian was alone in this life. He had no one.

“Elliot,” Ian said. Elliot Montgomery was once a person Ian was close to. His heart began to race as he faced him. He watched as Elliot searched Ian for all the answers for all the pain he’d caused seven years ago, but when Ian said nothing, Elliot only sighed.

“It’s good to see you man, it’s been a long time,” Elliot said as he approached the grave. It had been seven years since Ian saw anyone he cared about from his old life. Seven years since he’d spoken to the people he’d once called friends. He left without a single good-bye, only a letter to the girl he loved. And now here he was, face to face with someone he used to know.

“Yeah, I guess it has,” Ian responded as he ran his right hand through his black hair. He wasn’t exactly sure how to react to his past standing right in front of him, and he had a distinct feeling that Elliot wasn’t the only Montgomery he was about to see. Deep down that gave him a bit of hope, but Ian knew that he had to push it back. There was no way he would be able to see Allison. He left this place for a reason, and he had to stick to that, no matter how much it killed him.

“It’s shocking to see you here though. It’s been what, seven years?” Elliot questioned as he tried to remember the last time he’d seen Ian. It was the day before he’d fled. The day before Ian had left the only women he’d loved with a broken heart.

“I only come back once a year. This isn’t my life anymore,” Ian stated with sadness in his voice. He was honest in what he said; this wasn’t his life anymore. His life had drastically changed in the seven lonely years since that awful night he lost his family, but that didn’t mean he didn’t wish this was still his life. Every day he woke with a pain and an ache deep inside his soul, hoping that maybe today it was just a dream. But it always turned out to be reality and that killed him.

“We’ve all missed you,” Elliot said, not completely sure if it was a good idea to mention the words ‘we.’ He wasn’t sure how Ian would react to her name.

“I’ve missed you too,” Ian said as he ran his hand across his forehead. “How is she?” He asked the million-dollar question that had been weighing on his mind. He thought about Allison every single day of his life, and although there was no way for them to ever be in each other’s lives, he did care enough to know how she was.

“She’s good, Ian. She’s really good,” Elliot confessed, as Ian sat on the bench that was along the side of the graves.

“That’s good to hear, it’s all I ever wanted. Her happiness…”

“Maybe you could stick around to see…”

Ian threw a hand up before Elliot could have the chance to say her name.  He couldn’t bear to see her after the horrible way he’d hurt her. Not to mention, he couldn’t risk putting her in danger. This was Ian’s battle now, and no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t suck her back into his life.

“Elliot, it’s not a good idea. Your sister has a new life. I made sure of that long ago, and there’s no reason to bring the past back up,” Ian told him with a sigh. He wanted to see her more than anything but he made the decision to leave her long ago. Leaving her was better than losing her, so that was what he did. He wouldn’t jeopardize her life for his own selfish reasons.

“Ian, when you left her all those years ago, she was broken. It was like she wasn’t Allison at all.” Elliot closed his eyes, remembering the grief his sister suffered from the moment Ian left until the moment she accepted he wasn’t coming back. “She didn’t just lose you, Ian, she lost your parents and Leila, too. She loved them.”

“The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt your sister. I loved her. God, did I love her. There were things I just couldn’t handle. I always knew she deserved better than me, and maybe now she’s found better. I have a plane to catch. And knowing you Montgomerys, she’s not far behind, so I’m going to get out of here before she arrives,” Ian gave Elliot one last glance and walked to his rental car.

Rather than leaving, Ian abandoned his car, and hid behind a tree, where he watched the rest of the Montgomerys arrive at his family’s grave.  Allison was still as beautiful as ever; her silky brown hair rested on her shoulders and she wore a black dress that showed her curves – the curves he always loved. She wasn’t all skin and bones, but she wasn’t too curvy for Ian’s taste. Her pale, flawless skin beamed in the sunlight. She was as perfect as she ever was. Ian found himself staring; he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

After leaving the gravesite, Ian drove mindlessly for what seemed like a lifetime, until he reached the airport. All he could think about was Leila, how he had let her down and how he’s now paying the price. Seven years of pain, anger, and grief that he still can’t let go. He knew people who lost someone close to them, and they say it gets easier. They told him that in time it would hurt just a little bit less but to him the death of his family was just tragic. He couldn’t let them go and the pain never lessened. He was trapped in the dark; no light, no happiness.

He was all alone.

The only thing that kept him going was the fact that he owned his own company and that allowed him to bury himself in work. Living in New York City wasn’t something he’d thought he’d ever do, but he couldn’t bear going back to the place where he lost everything. The only regret he had about leaving was the one person he’d loved. 

He had no choice though; it was the only way to protect her. The one girl who loved him through everything, and the one he loved more than anything.
Allison
. She was his entire world and she begged him to open up, to talk to her. In the end he had left her broken hearted without an explanation why.

Seven years later, he was still very much in love with her, but he had taken the easy way out and left. His only explanation to her was a letter, and not a day went by that he didn’t kick himself for it. It didn’t help that he’d seen Allison. She’d looked right at him, and all he did was run. God, did she look beautiful. She was different in a way, stronger it seemed, but she had so much about her that was exactly the same. His guilt sank deeper, making him feel worse. He knew after his talk with Elliot that he should have just kept going, but he was a selfish man, he needed to see her. Craved it. God, seven years later and he was still in love with her.

After getting home from the airport, Ian looked outside the window of his apartment at the amazing view of the city. He remembered all the plans he and Allison had made before he ruined everything. He hadn’t loved anyone since her. He’d been with women since her, heck, they were always throwing themselves at him, but they never appealed to him the way she had. It was sex, nothing more. To him, it was all about hooking up without letting himself feel for anyone. At end of the day, his heart belonged to the woman he had loved seven years ago. The only thing he ever wanted was something that he’d never have.

As Ian was staring outside at the snow falling around the lights of the city, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. It took him a minute to realize what it was before he fumbled to answer it.

“Anderson,” he answered, still looking out the window

“Hello, little brother, it’s Jeremy,” the firm, familiar voice said.

Jeremy called often. Ever since they lost their family, they promised to always be there for each other. They lived in different states, but they were as close as brothers could be.

“It’s good to hear from you, Jer.” Ian smiled. There weren’t many things that had made Ian happy in the past seven years, but his brother did. Ian and Jeremy weren’t just brothers, they were best friends.

“Good to hear. Listen, I’m sorry I haven’t called in a few days, Ian. I’ve been working a lot of overtime,” Jeremy apologized.

Ian wasn’t upset, because he knew that being a firefighter took up a lot of Jeremy’s time. The career path Jeremy chose worried him. He was now the only family Ian had left and everyday Ian feared that it could be the last time he’d speak to his brother. If there was anything he knew for certain, it was that he’d never be able to survive losing Jeremy. He’d already been consumed by all the torture and guilt he’d carried around. Losing his brother would destroy him.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Ian insisted.

“Well, I hope you’re up for a visitor in that oversized apartment you have there in the city. I’m coming to visit, and I won’t take no for an answer,” Jeremy joked.

“Of course. When will you be here? I can send my plane to pick you up from the airport there in California,” Ian offered.

“No thanks, I think I’d rather fly the normal way,” Jeremy told him with a smirk that Ian sensed through the phone. “But I’ll be there tomorrow night, so send your fancy driver to pick me up at the JFK airport. I love you bro, I’ll see you then. Oh, the flight lands at ten.”

“Good. Coming alone?” Ian asked, wondering if he’d bring his wife, Kirsten along.

Jeremy laughed. “Yes, just me,”

“I’ll see you then. Be safe, Jer,” he said sadly. Ian was paranoid when it came to his brother. It didn’t matter how many security checks a plane did, or how they made sure everything would be safe, Ian worried that in the blink of an eye the plane could crash, or he could have some kind of tragic accident and forever be gone. Ian just couldn’t handle that.

“What wrong, Ian? I can hear it in your voice, so don’t even bother lying to me,” Jeremy said, dropping the humor in his voice to shift to seriousness. Jeremy knew Ian better than most. He always knew when something was on his mind, and right now he wasn’t going to pass it off as nothing.

“I saw her today,” Ian admitted. The truth was, as much as he kept his feelings buried deep inside his dark and twisted soul, he just needed to let it all out. It was time to let himself hurt. He deserved it. He deserved each and every drop of pain that was being inflicted upon him.

“Her? As in Allison?” Jeremy couldn’t keep the surprised out of his voice as he took in each word that his brother spoke to him.

“Yes. I went to the grave like I always do. Elliot was there, and they all met up at the grave, Jer. They visit our family every year. I was talking to our family when I heard him behind me. We talked for a few minutes until reality set in and I decided it was better if I left. I headed to my car, and I saw her, I just couldn’t leave so I hid behind a tree and I watched her, she’s still so beautiful. God, Jer, what am I doing? I think she saw me.”

“What did you do?” Jeremy asked out of his own curiosity. He’d always been the biggest supporter of Ian and Allison’s relationship while they were together, and it crushed him just as much as it crushed Ian when the tragedy forced them apart.

“Nothing, I just ran. I have to protect her; you know that better than anyone else,” Ian defended himself. He wanted nothing more than to be able to run to Allison and confess every secret, every lie, every burden that he’d carried for the past seven years, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t put her life in danger no matter how much he was hurting himself.

“Ian, it’s been a long time, maybe he’s not coming back to taunt you any longer.”

“I won’t take that risk, not with her,” Ian said. If there was one thing that was always important to him in life, it had always been Allison’s safety.

“Ian…”

“I have to go. I’ll see you soon, brother.”

Ian knew that Jeremy was more than likely only coming to check on him. His brother knew that this time of year was hard for him. Jeremy knew that Ian blamed himself for the death of their parents. He knew everything about the real reason Ian had left California seven years ago. He knew the reason he was forced to break the heart of the woman who meant the world to him.  Ian knew that he could live forever and he’d never forgive himself for the pain he caused her. Jeremy was overprotective of him, and Ian knew that.  Of course, with Jeremy being a fire fighter, he risked his life every day and that worried Ian.

***

Allison stared intently out the window of her office, ignoring the ringing of her phone. She’d been at work for three hours now and she hadn’t gotten through a single manuscript. All she could think about was the emotions she’d felt that morning at the cemetery.