Pandora Gets Greedy (12 page)

Rufina reached around trying to free her cloak from the hook, with no luck.

Homer just stayed where he stood.

“You have tormented us enough,” Alcie said, rising from the floor, something clenched in her hand. “You dumb, ugly, gross, lemon-rindey … uh … Iole, take it!”

Iole sighed.

“Well, since I'm going to be executed anyway, how about boorish, vulgar, impudent, ill-bred, unmannered, abusive, obnoxious …”

“Tough on the eyes,” Homer cut in.

“Aahhhhh!” screamed Rufina.

“I have a few,” Pandy piped up. “Disrespectful, rude, and something we would never be back home in Greece: obvious!”

Rufina narrowed her eyes and spoke low.

“You're all dead.”

“Then this won't matter,” Alcie said.

She walked forward and, reaching high, smeared a handful of horse manure all over Rufina's face.

“As they say, you are what you eat!” Alcie said, with a smile.

Rufina wanted to scream but was afraid to open her mouth.

Pandy walked to Homer and motioned for him to lower his head.

“Valerius's house, tomorrow night. We'll meet you in the garden when it's safe,” she whispered into his ear.

Homer nodded.

“Give us a decent head start,” Pandy said aloud to Homer. “Then call for the guards.”

“They'll never believe you, stable boy!” Rufina hissed though the manure. “They'll find me and I'll tell them
you
brought me here!”

“Yeah, let's think about that,” Pandy said. “Caesar's house, Caesar's stable boy. Obviously a Caesar favorite since the ruler himself freed him from the ring just today in front of thousands of witnesses. You, roaming the streets, meeting up with night guards who'll say that they saw you heading this way—alone—after a decent hour. Who will they believe? Homer will say
that he had to put you up there just to keep you off him.”

“After you fell in a pile of horse poop,” Alcie said with a little wave.

“Oh, I wouldn't want to be you when your mother discovers your indiscretion,” Iole said.

“See ya!” said Alcie.

And with a single glance from Pandy to Homer, who nodded in return, they were gone, racing back down the alley and around the corner, tearing through Subura and Rome like they were being chased by Hera
and
Juno.

A short time later, having spent every moment since their return to the house following Iole's suggestion that they press the edges of their rough cotton coverlets into their faces, Pandy and Alcie stumbled, sleepy-eyed out of their tiny room, only to crash into Melania and Iole at the top of the stairs.

“What's going on?” Alcie said, listening to loud voices below and stifling a yawn.

“Yeah,” Pandy asked, stretching her arms as if she'd been asleep for hours. “What's all the noise?”

“Some sort of commotion,” said Melania, starting down the stairs. “Varinia sent for us. Something to do with Rufina!”

“Rufina?” said Alcie, heading down with the others. “Commotion? But she's always good as gold!”

They found the entire household gathered in the large hall, already being festooned for Caesar's final celebration feast.

Rufina was in the middle of the floor, thrashing like a wildcat but held fast by two centurion night guards. Varinia was sobbing, held up by two house slaves until Melania crossed the floor and embraced her mistress. Lucius was circling his daughter like a tiger about to pounce on a rabbit.

“Say again!” Lucius bellowed. “
Where
did you find her?”

“The stables of Caesar, sir,” answered one of the guards.

“And with whom?”

“The stable boy. A gladiator whom Caesar recently freed,” replied the other centurion.

“And how do you know she was not taken forcibly from this house! I sent that youth into the ring in the first place; he could easily have wanted to revenge himself upon me by soiling my delicate child!” Lucius roared.

There were a few involuntary twitters around the room and the guards shuffled their feet and looked at each other.

“Sir, we, both of us, encountered your daughter on her way to the stables,” said the first guard. “She was alone; said she was on your business, sir. A short time later, we were summoned to Caesar's home. We found the stable boy waiting for us, and your daughter … on a hook.”

“Oh, Rufina!” wailed Varinia.

“I wasn't alone!” screamed Rufina. “Pandora, Alcestis, and the Vestal Iole were also there. Alcestis rubbed horse poop on my face!”

All eyes turned to Pandy, Alcie, and Iole.

“Sweet Minerva, daughter,” cried Varinia. “I myself saw them retire hours ago.”

“We haven't left our room all night, sir,” said Pandy.

“Perhaps your daughter is unwell, sir,” Alcie said, a look of complete innocence on her face.

“Liars!”
shouted Rufina.

“Look at them, you … you foolish girl!” Lucius said. “Look! They still have creases from their coverlets lining their faces!”

“And you would accuse a Vestal of such behavior?” asked Melania, softly. “Perhaps she
is
ill, mistress.”

“I am
not
ill!” Rufina yelled, then she dissolved into a sobbing heap. “They were there. They
were
there! Execute them … pleeeeeeease!”

“Take her to her room!” Lucius commanded the guards. “Wait! You, boy!”

At once, Crispus stopped staring at Iole and snapped to attention.

“Sir?”

“You will, from now on, stand outside my daughter's room. She will leave only when her mother or I allow it. You will sleep only after she has gone to bed. Is this understood?”

“Perfectly, sir.”

“Retire now, all of you,” Lucius went on. “Crispus, accompany my daughter upstairs. This household is to forget any of this happened come dawn.”

“I am sorry you had to trouble yourselves, centurions,” Varinia said, approaching them with her hands outstretched. “There's gold for each of you …”

“Varinia!” exclaimed Lucius, watching the gold change hands.

“I'm sure they would like to forget this episode, husband. And tongues are more likely to remain silent if they are eating and drinking well. To your health and full stomachs, both of you. May we count on your … discretion?”

“You may, lady,” said the second guard.

“I thank you,” Varinia said, watching the guards leave the house.

“Everyone, be gone!” called Lucius to the last of his household straggling up the stairs or ambling to the far corners of the house. At the top of the stairs, Pandy and
Alcie shot a look to Iole, who shot one in return before she disappeared into her closet.

“Look at the shame your daughter has brought to us, wife,” Lucius said, staring at the spot where Rufina had stood.

“We paid the guards well, husband. And no one in this house will … What do you mean,
my
daughter?
You're
the one who has spoiled her so that she now resembles a moldy pear! You're the one who has doted upon her; you've turned her into this … this … creature!”

“Me!”

“You!”

“You dare speak to me like this!”

“Hush, you madman! Unless you want to wake everyone a second time!”

Just before dawn, Pandy was dreaming.

She was crawling through the belly of a snake, and yet she could stand. The stench from the creature, however, kept knocking her backward and if she tried to cover her mouth she couldn't get to her feet again because the floor was so slippery and …

Suddenly, Pandy and Alcie were awakened by a soft tap on the wall outside their room. An old house slave poked her head through the privacy curtain and saw Alcie on her cot and Pandy on the floor, coiled up in her coverlet.

“You are both being summoned by the young mistress.”

“Well,
this
oughta be fun,” Alcie said, dressing hurriedly and following Pandy out into the corridor.

They approached Rufina's room and, with a quick
nod to Crispus, let themselves in without announcement. Rufina was at her looking glass and didn't acknowledge them; she combed her hair for many moments before deciding to speak.

“You two must think you're very clever,” she said softly. “And creasing your faces like that. Genius. Of course, if I had been thinking clearly last night, I would have suggested Mother or Father smell your hands, Alcestis, but something tells me that would have been a waste of time. Let me guess: a little rose water? Lavender, maybe? Before you went to bed?

She glanced at Alcie, who just stared back at her.

“I am going to see you both put to death—and the Vestal too—if I have to stick you in a bear pit myself. But until that time comes, and it will, you still have to do what I say in this house. And I'm hungry. Only moments ago, I heard a hawker outside the house shouting about a new bakery. Something about the best bread in Rome, with olives on top or some such, and I've decided to send you both on an errand. The place is called Profit Rolls and it's in a section of the city somewhere to the west, I think. I don't know. Find it and bring back the household bread for the day.”

“Since Caesar is not convening the Senate today or tomorrow, your mother is expecting us both to assist in decorations for the upcoming feast. If we are not here when she calls for us …,” Pandy began.

Rufina was on her feet so fast that Pandy didn't have time to focus. She struck Pandy hard across the face, knocking her onto the floor.

“
What?
” Rufina said, as Alcie balled up her fists and began to lunge. “
What
will you do, Al-
cesspool
-tis? You would strike me in my own home with a guard so close outside? Do you want your death to approach even faster? Stand up, slave. I've just given you a simple command and you will do as I say. Not another word.”

Pandy got to her feet.

“As you wish …,” she began.

“
Not another word!
” Rufina screamed. “Or I will have your tongues removed and served to Caesar at the feast. Oh, and if you're not back within the time it takes me to comb the last bits of horse poop out of my hair, I'll have you declared escaped. Now, get me my bread!”

Pandy and Alcie backed out of the room, but Alcie made certain that Rufina saw her staring and that her eyes never left Rufina's smirking face.

Before heading out, Alcie asked Balbina, chief cook and head of the house slaves, for a bit of money with which to buy the bread. As she handed over the coins, Balbina cautioned both girls to be back soon; preparations were moving fast now that the feast was almost upon them and they were needed. Out of the house, Pandy and Alcie began to head west but soon realized there were many streets winding off in that direction.

“Which do we take?” Alcie asked, coming to the umpteenth fork.

Pandy was silent, looking for clues … anything. She even sniffed the air around her for telltale scents of baking bread. Then her eyes caught something high overhead.

An owl—beautiful, enormous, and not something she would expect to see in the bright morning sun—sitting calmly on a balcony down one street.

“There,” she pointed.

At that moment, the owl was joined by a second, just as large and stunning, and they both swiveled their heads to look at the girls before taking flight slowly down the street to the west.

“Works for me,” said Alcie.

“Thank you, Athena,” Pandy said, hurrying her pace to follow the birds.

Within a short time, after leading the girls through a twisting maze they would never have negotiated on their own, the owls came to rest on top of a small, single-story building that looked out of place nestled between the much taller structures around it. The aroma wafting out of the open doors and windows was intoxicating and Pandy and Alcie stopped for a moment, an inexplicable feeling of both happiness and hunger creeping over them.

Walking inside, they found themselves surrounded by racks and racks of the most incredible pastries, breads, and buns. Directly before them was a long, low case with glass on the front displaying the most extravagant treats. There were cream-filled cakes, rolls with pink icing, tarts topped with peaches and honey, crispy baked “horns” filled with custard and rose petals, and tiny little dough balls rolled in lavender seeds.

“Did they have
these
in Hades?” Pandy whispered.

“Hey, don't be dissing the dove hearts,” Alcie said quickly, but then she inhaled deeply and lowered her voice. “No, I don't think they did.”

Suddenly, there was a tremendous clamor of metal from a back room, which could just be seen through an open doorway. Pandy and Alcie saw two men in helmets and bloody breastplates cross from one side to the other. In that same moment, Venus and Aphrodite popped up from behind the display case. At least Pandy assumed it was Venus and Aphrodite; both of the women were covered from head to toe in honey, cream, and powdered sugar. Pandy could really only tell these creatures were the goddesses by the fact that they were larger than any normal women, their golden hair cascaded in perfect ringlets, and their laughter made her feel absolutely giddy; it was the same elation
she'd felt every time she'd ever heard Aphrodite speak or laugh. And now, there were two of them.

“Hades indeed!” said one goddess.

“They could only wish for delicacies such as these in Hades!” said the other. “Hello, Pandora! And … Alcestis, you're back! Oh, my dear girl, you have no idea how your friends mourned your, well, I guess it was a non-death, wasn't it? But believe me, Pandora wept pitchers; I still have the nose-phlegm stains on my girdle to prove it. And I
see
you're not
blind
anymore. Get it?
See
…
blind?
Oh, I laugh! Venus, darling, this is Pandora and Alcestis!”