which made me laugh because who would come or go from three floors up in a tuxedo or pricey designer gown?
Colin was nowhere to be found.
“I was hoping Colin would see my grand entrance,” I whispered with a laugh to Felicity as our heels hit the main floor.
“Men are never where you need them when you need them.”
She craned her head for a look around. “Except for my dad on Tuesday and Thursday nights. Chinese food takes precedence over everything else. Then, he’s reliable.”
I squeezed against her, giggling. I was so glad she was with me.
These yearly parties usually meant I wandered alone, like a perfectly manicured pet. Sometimes I got the feeling Mother wanted me there to show me off, and not much more.
And Daddy always insisted that I play the piano.
I cringed. That moment would come soon enough, I didn’t need to ruin the party by dwelling on the performance and making myself unduly nervous.
The air swelled with music from the string quartet. I wanted to lay eyes on Colin.
The high pitch of gossip and laughter pierced the air with the sharpness of arrows, shot from socially tight bows. Eyes watched me with fascinated interest. Mother and Daddy may think no one wondered why their only child was so elusive, but I saw curiosity and criticism in their friends’ eyes.
Year after year.
Arm-in-arm, Felicity and I made a sweep of the main floor like curious kittens. We found Daddy in his office. The hazy scent of cologne and men filled the walnut paneled room. Soft plumes of cigar and cigarette smoke twirled into the atmosphere like wispy ghosts.
The moment I stepped into the room, Daddy looked at me. His grin widened. Conversation and laughter stopped. Every head in the room turned my direction.
“Awkward,” Felicity whispered under her breath.
“I know, right?” I whispered back.
Daddy waved me over. “There’s my beautiful girl.” He reached out and lightly embraced me, careful of the delicate dress. “Princess, you look breathtaking.”
I introduced Felicity who garnered a smile and nod from Daddy and a round of obligatory, semi-bored greetings from Daddy’s associates.
“Ashlyn’s going to play one of her pieces for us later, aren’t you, Princess?”
“Of course.” I clasped my hands and nodded, like the perfect Princess I’d been taught to be: accommodating, cordial, interested, and refined.
“You two have fun, now.” Daddy’s tone spoke of dismissal for business reasons, so I took the hint and linked arms in Felicity’s and we continued our search for Colin.
Mother had hired a DJ to play age-appropriate music for those guests who cared to dance off some of the liquor served at the bar in Daddy’s office. I planned to dance with Colin if I could sneak it in without Mother or Daddy seeing us.
Mother’s laughter fluttered on the air upstairs like falling flakes of snow. We dodged a server dressed in white uniform, and headed to the music room where Michael Buble’s voice floated from the speakers. In one corner, the DJ had set up his tables and accoutrements. In the center of the room, surrounded by a pack of women, Mother had her arm in Colin’s.
I stopped inside the door.
“What the?” Felicity’s tone echoed my shock.
Mother’s hand wandered Colin’s arm like a boa constrictor.
Colin’s back was toward me, but the two of them stood in a small gathering of other women—Mother’s friends—each one lit up like a red light district.
Mother’s cougar display with Colin proved to be more exciting than my entrance. Within seconds, heads turned back to Mother.
A smoldering flame of anger stoked beneath my skin. I broke free of Felicity and crossed to Mother.
Her ruby dress was beaded and sequined from head to toe, firing her eyes to electric emeralds. She kept one hand possessively on Colin’s arm while the other reached out to her lady friends.
“Ashlyn, darling.”
Colin’s eyes flashed to mine with the hope of rescue.
Mother’s friends cooed their plastic hellos, but clearly they were more interested in drooling over Mother’s arm candy than me. I didn’t care what they thought of me, I cared about the fool Mother was making of herself showing off Colin like he was her latest purchase.
“You’re needed on the roof,” I said to Colin.
He immediately slipped his arm from Mother’s and touched his earpiece, ready to check with the man posted up on the patio.
I tilted my head in the direction of the music room doors.
“Big trouble on the roof,” Felicity added, nodding.
Mother’s gleaming smile waned into a flash of panic. “Should I be worried?”
“No,” I said, escorting Colin away, “Colin knows what he’s doing.
Enjoy your guests, Mother.”
“Hurry back, Colin,” Mother gushed.
“He’s working,” I reminded her. Her laughing cadence vanished, as if I’d pinched her in front of her friends. She flashed narrowed eyes at me, and opened her mouth to speak but I turned my back on her, and guided Colin through curious guests to the door.
He glanced at me. “I didn’t get a report of any problem on—”
“There isn’t any,” I said, halting once we were in the hallway. “I’m sorry about Mother. That was… embarrassing in there.”
His cheeks flushed a little. He took in a deep breath and blew it out. “Thanks. I owe you again. You look… amazing,” he murmured. I tingled under his sweeping appraisal.
“So do you.” Just as my fertile imagination had conjured, the fitted black tuxedo enhanced perfection to the point of jaw-dropping. My tingling blood danced through my veins searching for a way to burst from the confines of my body.
“Just to be safe, you oughta take a look upstairs,” Felicity suggested good-naturedly.
I nodded. “Good idea.”
Colin smirked.
Gentleman that he was, Colin allowed Felicity and I to climb the stairs first. Up on the roof the wintry air blew with more force than the breeze off the street. The suit in the corner stood alone, looking out over the sparkling city view of encroaching steel buildings left and right.
Mother had adorned the roof with twinkle lights and trees. Music piped in from the music room played through speakers strategically hidden behind the evergreens decorating the area.
“Hey.” Colin nodded at the security guy.
The man gave a nod back. “I doubt anyone will spend too much time out here. It’s pretty nippy.”
“Take five. I’ll keep an eye out until you get back.”
The man nodded, passed us, and the door shut behind him.
Felicity went to the iron railing and gazed over. “There’s like paparazzi outside,” she swooned.
Colin crossed to the edge, so I did too, and we shared a moment looking down at the busy sidewalk below. The street was lined with dozens of black limos and idling cars, waiting for their owners to return. “This is insane,” Colin said. “I had no idea it’d be this… epic.”
“It’s epic all right.” I laughed at his amazement at what I found commonplace. A cold breeze ruffled his hair. The tingling in my body swam now—with want. His lips looked soft—a nicely etched extension of his carved jaw and cheekbones. A fantasy danced in my head of my exploration of his hair. Then more discovery: his mouth.
“Um. I’m gonna visit the ladies,” Felicity said. A few seconds later the door to the roof shut.
An awkward silence was filled by an occasion horn, honking.
“It’s not Christmas in Palos Verdes, that’s for sure,” I said. “You miss home?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Sure I miss it.”
“Remember that year we strung real popcorn?”
“Yeah.” He smiled, shook his head. “Mom kept that for years.”
“My mom threw it out, it got so smelly.”
He laughed. “I remember that it did. Mom couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it—she’s kind of like that.”
“That’s sweet,” I said. “Better than having everything new every year. Nothing means anything because you don’t have it long enough for it to be a part of you.”
Was that admiration I saw as he studied me? His gaze swept me.
“You’re going to freeze out here in that.”
“You don’t like my dress?”
“It’s stunning.” He slipped off his jacket and placed it over my shoulders. His heat. His scent. I took in a deep breath then realized how ridiculous I must look. Colin’s eyes simmered with interest.
Music piped up to the patio through speakers slowed to a romantic ballad. We were alone. I extended my hand. “Would you dance with me?”
Hesitation was obvious on his face, causing the corners of his mouth to inch downward. “Ash, I’m working.”
The moon’s winter white light cast him in an irresistible, angelic hue. I stepped closer, and the white plume of his breath fanned my face. The erratic rhythm taunted. I slowly placed my hands on the front of his shirt, my fingers spreading out to feel as much of him as I could.
“You’ll be cold without your jacket,” I said.
“Ash…” His voice was hoarse.
I peered up at him through lowered lashes. “One dance.”
He seemed to struggle with words. Whatever he was feeling inside kept him from moving even an inch. He remained close—did he like to tempt himself too?
I’d read in my romance novels that women’s hands often traveled up their hero’s chest. Would he like that? I allowed my hands to inch upward. Beneath my palms, the silky fabric of the white shirt was slick over his warm skin.
He snatched my wrists. “We can’t,” he said.
Smiles we’d shared suddenly froze in the icy air, leaving me to wonder if they’d ever happened. Where had he stowed our moments?
The pressure of his fingers hurt, but alongside the pain searing through my arms a delectable enjoyment wound my blood tight. We stood silent. Seconds turned to minutes.
“So, yeah,” Felicity’s unnaturally loud voice—as if she was alerting us—sounded on the other side of the door. The door swung open.
A path of light beamed from the opening and onto the two of us.
Colin released me.
“So, like, yeah, the Chinese food is pretty good at Chan’s, but…”
Felicity came to a halt, and the security guy bumped into her back.
An apology scrunched her face.
Shame lashed through me.
He’s rejecting you, Ashlyn. Keep your
pride and go drown your bruised ego in some spiked punch
. I crossed to the door, passing the security guy and nearly tripped down the steep flight of stairs.
“Oh, man.” Felicity stayed at my heels. “I tried to keep him from going out there, but he wasn’t buying my conversation skills. Sorry.
What happened?”
“I feel like an idiot.”
“Oh, jeez,” Felicity said. “Details?”
“Ash.” Colin.
I stalled outside my bedroom door, turned and found him two feet away.
Oh, no. Had he heard me?
“We need to talk,” he said. “After the party.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat, panicked that he’d overheard Felicity and me, but I managed to nod.
The warmth from his jacket was gone now, and I slipped the garment off my shoulders and held it out for him. He hesitated a moment, then took it, holding me in a pointed gaze for a second more before he hurried down the stairs, slipping it back on.
I went to my bedroom and Felicity followed, shutting the door at her back. I was ready to buckle in a sob, but I drew in a deep breath instead. “I… asked him to dance with me and he… refused.”
“Oh, yikes. That’s harsh.”
“I made a fool out of myself,” I said. “He sees me a job. That’s it.”
“Not necessarily. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have stopped you and told you he wanted to talk later.”
“What if he heard us?” I fell onto the bed. “How humiliating. My life since he got here has been one humiliation after another.”
“Your life has always been humiliating. Nothing’s changed except that he’s here, witnessing it.”
“Thanks.”
“Get up.” She pulled me upright. “You need to be dazzling. You can’t hide up here, moping. Like they say, ‘nothing’s more irresistible to a man that a woman he can’t have.’”
“But he can have me. I
want
him to have me.”
“I’m talking about right here and now. Go down there and have fun. Be irresistible.”
She had a point. “But they’re all way old.”
“Maybe some new meat has arrived. Come on.” Felicity urged me to my feet.
“Aged meat.”
“Beef jerky,” Felicity snorted.
We shared a laugh. “I swear Mother and Daddy don’t invite anyone young into the house just to make sure I never get a chance to meet anybody.”
“That has a sort of twisted logic where your Dad is concerned,”
Felicity commented. “Doesn’t matter. Colin’s here.”
He’s who I want.
Felicity and I ventured to the music room. Daddy was on one end, Mother on the other, entertaining guests. When we entered, Daddy looked over. I often wondered if he had a sixth sense about me; his ability to feel my presence had always been keen. Uncanny.
He excused himself from his guests and crossed the wood floor with the confident grace of a man in complete control. “Princess, where have you been? I want you to play now.”
I left Felicity and accompanied Daddy to the shiny black grand piano. He waved a hand at the DJ and the room went quiet.
“Attention everyone,” Daddy’s voice silenced the room. “Ashlyn is going to share one of her compositions with us.”
Whispers wound their way to where I sat, ready. I forced a smile, barely noticing the hovering quiet—my thoughts on Colin.
Was he in the room somewhere?
My hands trembled. I pinched my eyes closed, forcing disappointment to disappear. Once my fingertips touched the cool ivory keys, I sighed and began to play Colin’s song. The sweet melody filled the corners of the room, silencing whispers. In my mind, I saw him leaning over the piano, watching me, his smile alight with admiration. The way his lips moved when he said my name. That night after Ninety-Nine, when his arms had wrapped around me—I felt his embrace afresh, strong and warm as if it had just happened.
The tune flowed from my head and filled the room. Haunting, powerful, leaving its echo to ebb off the walls.
Shrilling applause ripped through the air. I looked up from the keys and into the faces around me. The crowd smiled graciously.