Over. (This. Is. Not. Over. #2) (36 page)

             
Cadence. Let me just say that Cadence and I have grown really close over the past four years. Cadence, the man Malcolm likes to call a dumbass, actually majored in government and The Classics at Cambridge. Cadence isn’t a dumbass; he’s just a sensitive soul. And unfortunately, when it comes to men, sensitivity is never considered a noble virtue. But, since I live with a ‘man’s man’, I’ve come to appreciate Cadence’s warmth. As a matter of fact, he and I have started our own book club. I never knew he was an ardent fan of Shakespeare! Each Sunday, one of us picks a piece of classical literature to analyze. We re-read it and then dissect it until we come to the conclusion that we could have written it better. Each Thursday we Skype each other to talk about it:

             
“That Apollonius Rhodius was a joke.” Cadence said during one of our book-club meetings.

             
“Took the words right out of my mouth, Cadence.” I said, sipping a glass of Malbec. “Who does he think he is writing the Argonautica!”

             
“Who’s a joke?” Malcolm asked while walking past me and into the kitchen with a basketball in his hands.

             
“Apollonius Rhodius.” I yelled out.

             
“Who?”

             
“Ugh. Do you see what I have to live with Cadence?”

             
“Well, no offense Danny but my brother has always been sort of a dumbass.”

             
“Yeah … well, what can you do …”

             
Believe it or not, there have been no sex scandals involving Cadence of any kind. I know, we’re all shocked too. We all have our own theories as to why he’s been good these past few years, but here’s mine: He’s finally found something he loves so he no longer has to go from person to person searching for it. Cadence is a lover, he’s not a creep. He’s sentimental, he’s not a playboy. I think that he felt empty with his work as a lawyer. Being a politician suits him much better. He can smile, joke, laugh, be silly, kiss babies, be sentimental, quote people and get this, it’s all a part of his job. This is what he’s
supposed
to be doing. He’s in heaven. He even confided in me last week that he is completely, unabashedly and inexcusably in love with his wife now:

             
“You don’t find a woman like Lola every day, Danny.” He said to me after book-club. “Every time I think about Laura, I call Lola and beg her forgiveness.”

             
“And what does she say?” I asked.

             
“That even though she’s glad that part of our life is over, she still wishes she didn’t love me so much.”

             
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” I said to Cadence. He bawled like a baby. I guess that quote struck a nerve.

             
Lola works for her mother now as her personal assistant. Lola was always a housewife with no housework which meant that she had plenty of time to focus all of her attention on Cadence. Now that she has something to do, she has no time to check in on Cadence twenty-four hours a day. So, while thriving careers may hurt the relationship of some couples, it actually helped Lola and Cadence’s.

             
They don’t have any kids yet and since they both love their jobs (and apparently each other) I’m not sure if they want to rock the boat. Those two may never have their own family and they’re fine with that for now. They have plenty of nieces and nephews that fly into DC for the first week of summer vacation to visit them.

             
Lola and I are cordial with each other but we aren’t friends. Only Malcolm, Winnie, Jacob, Rena and I know about her stalking and my fire-starting. But we all smile for the cameras, I call to check in on all of the kids during the first week of summer vacation, we attend family functions together and when she and Cadence are in town, we all hang out at sushi bars but that’s about it. She’s made friends with some senators’ wives in The District. I guess everything worked out for her.

             
My mom and dad.
Well, my mom is a badass. Seven months after Malcolm and I married, which would have been May, she was offered the Provost position at Harvard and of course she took it. Dr. Elise Rouge and Jackson Rouge, Esq., moved back to Boston in June. The exact date was June 21
st
. I remember that because I wasn’t even in town to welcome them back. I was in Italy with Rena, Winnie and all three of Jacob’s sisters. We all left the very day my mom and dad officially moved back home. And, as much as I wish our week vacation in Italy was a pleasure trip, it was really a week of purging, crying and accepting new beginnings. It was something Winnie needed before the annual Fourth of July celebration the Yates, Blairs, Marchs and now the Rouges enjoy in Hilton Head. There was going to be tons of family there and Winnie needed to mentally prepare for the headache that was sure to come. Why was there going to be a headache? Well, on June 21
st
, just three hours before the six of us tossed scarves around our necks, bought seven bottles of Moet and hopped on an international flight to Italy, Winnie filed for divorce from Jacob.

             
Anyways back to my parents, my father kept his law office open in Houston and started a sister office in Boston: Rouge and Associates of New England. It feels pretty good to have my mother and father back on the east coast. My mom and I go drinking together and my dad and Malcolm have Celtic season tickets. Here’s the big surprise though, when I was born, my mom was eighteen and my dad was twenty. So, when they moved back to Boston, my mom was forty-six and my dad was forty-eight. So, let’s play a game, what do these two people have in common: My mother and Halle Berry?

             
They were both forty-six when they had their second child.

             
My mother gave birth to her and my father’s second child when she was forty-six and he was forty-eight. I have the audacity to have a baby brother. They named his little butt Cameron and he has the nerve to be cute. I talked about my mother like a dog … as bad as she cussed Halle Berry’s ass out that day in Hilton Head.

             
“One thing’s for sure,” my mother said one day while we were heading to Cameron’s official ‘I’m three-months old’ photo shoot, “his ass won’t be going to St. Bernadette’s. There’s no telling what in the hell goes on there.”

             
My father is the same dad he was with me, patient, easy-going, a better example than my mother. Cameron has the same personality as my dad; nothing knocks him off his rocker. He’s cool, chilled out, debonair even. And no he doesn’t have red hair.

             
“Thank goodness.” My father said when Cameron was born. “Having a Ginger is one thing but a red-headed son? Let’s not get carried away with this.”

             
Now, let’s see, who’s next. Oh, I know:

             
Queen Angie and King Wynston
. Malcolm’s mother and father. They still live in London but they come to Boston frequently. I know that people would think that Angie and I clash, but we actually don’t. Aside from the fact that she has taught me how to speak, eat, walk, smile and wave all over again, she really is a riot. Appearance is everything to her and she took great pains to make me an official member of the ‘Blair Monarchy’, hence the waving lessons. But I’ve got to give it to her, she rarely if ever steps on my toes. In fact, she treats me like the next matriarch of the family. She’s even given my name a royal pronunciation: Dun-yell:

             
“You’re
it
Dun-yell because Lola is, you know, too emotional at times. Let’s make sure we never forget the Burning House Incident. Always keep that in both your remembrance and in your Blair family notes.” Oh I will.

             
Since Malcolm and I have been married, Angie has been trying to make him understand that in his and my relationship, I have the more senior position. Therefore, she’s not only grooming me to take over the throne one day but she’s also grooming Malcolm to be more obedient.

Angie:
Malcolm, did you hear Dun-yell? She said she was in the mood for chips and dip. Why are you still sitting here?

Malcolm:
Have you asked Dun-yell
why
she has the urge for chips and dip?

Me:
Shut up Malcolm.

Angie:
I think I’m going to add chips and dip to my list of comfort foods.

             
Angie and Wynston also adore Nicholai and have kept him in London every summer since he was three. Nicky can’t even remember a time when
Gram
and
Gramps
weren’t around. They both consider him their first-born grandson and next-in-line to the Blair throne if Malcolm is accidentally killed or murdered. Because, you know, there’s no telling what Lola’s up to.

             
They’re good people.

             
So who’s next? Oh I know …

             
Nat and Dena.
Well those two had two more children, little girls (Elaine and Tracie), and they are as perfect and happy as they were before. Honestly, it took me a while to warm up to Nat. I know that he’s Malcolm’s best friend but I just didn’t get why. Jacob and Malcolm seemed much more compatible. But, like Malcolm said: I don’t need to call Jacob my best friend, he’s more like a brother. Yet, I still didn’t see how Nat fit in with Malcolm and Jacob. However, over the course of four years, a lot has happened with Rossi and his presidency. I see that Nat is the methodical one of the three. He’s the numbers guys, Jacob is the muscle and Malcolm is the organizer. Neither of them have jobs more important than the other, they all three need each other. Nat isn’t loud, he isn’t talkative, he isn’t flashy but he’s loyal as hell and always dependable. And that’s what really counts. We’ve grown closer these past four years, we aren’t besties, but we enjoy each other’s company.

             
Dena is a bitch. There are so many times when I just want to give her the finger, but that would be rude. So when I feel like doing that, I just have to remind myself that bitches are people too. And, in the words of Cadence and William Shakespeare:

If you prick them, do they not bleed?
If you tickle them, do they not laugh?

If you poison them, do they not die?

Dena’s ass better leave me alone.
Then again, perhaps my hate for Dena has to do with her brand new BFF. Guess who. Jasmine.

              These two met in the airport the night Dena and Nat flew Laura back to Boston. Jasmine and Marlon were there, they all began talking, Dena realized that Jasmine was the black version of her and then
boom
! a friendship was born. They have lunch together at least four times a week, they eat popcorn and watch ‘chick flicks’ together, they head over to Martha’s Vineyard the week before the Fourth of July to unwind, and they even have annual trips to Napa Valley together for wine tastings. I just want to punch them in the face. Yeah, they’re nearly inseparable and it’s starting to
annoy
Laura, from what I hear.

             
Laura has supposedly given Dena an ultimatum of being friends with Jasmine or her. She’s even started to call Malcolm back up, threatening to show a copy of
the picture
to the press. Malcolm told Jacob and Jacob damn near blew a gasket. His ass flew to Maryland with Malcolm, knocked Laura’s door down while she was having dinner with her husband and in-laws, and told her he’d sooner kill her than have her humiliate Winnie.

             
“Malcolm! Why would you do that?” I asked him after he came back home that night and told me the story.

             
“Baby, I rang the doorbell but by the time I took my hand off the buzzer, the door was already off the hinges.”

             
Needless to say, Laura has yet to reveal the picture.

             
Speaking of Laura, she has a popular gymnastics school in Maryland, seems perfectly sane these days and has two children now. A set of twin girls. And you’d never believe what their names are: Blaire and Scarlett. She has problems.

             
Rena and Matt
. Those two have changed remarkably; they secretly hang out with the crew. Matt has the nerve to have ‘a craving’ for sushi these days and since Rena became so close to Winnie and Jacob’s sisters, he realized that he’d have to adapt to his wife’s new friends or grow apart from her. Like Rena told Matt that day when he flew all the way to Baton Rouge just find out that she was in Hilton Head:
Matt shut your ass up, things change! You’ve got to learn how to go with the flow
. He adjusted exceptionally well to Rena’s new friends and, get this, is good buddies with Jacob. Rena and Matt also had another son. Thomas was born a year ago. I had the unfortunate opportunity of hearing about his conception: