Over the Line (21 page)

An eye for an eye. Her debt was paid, in blood, as it happened. But there was a neat parallel to it that made her feel as if it was meant to end here. When the adrenaline left her body, she felt calm. But she knew she was holding down some feeling, something unfamiliar. And that was fine. As long as it stayed submerged.

She took off her suit and felt rueful that she wouldn’t be able to take it back to the store. She shoved it into the kitchen trash can. She slipped on the clothes she had arrived in, and placed the bloody engagement ring on the counter. She rinsed her hands, grabbed her bag, and left the Walker family home with Sadie. She would go to the hospital to say good-bye.

The hospital was a busy suburban one, but Sadie bullied her way past the gatekeepers and up to the floor where James was. As they got out of the elevator, the first person Beth saw was Harry.

“Harry! What are you doing here?” Sadie frowned at her, and Beth realized Sadie hadn’t seen Harry leave with James.

“I just wanted to be sure he was okay. You understand,” she replied, looking into a room that nurses were flitting in and out of. “They’re just dressing the wound. He’ll be fine.”

Sadie put her arm around Harry and cooed. “Of course I understand.”

Suddenly Beth understood, too. She understood everything. Harry wanted to be sure she wasn’t going to lose James like she had her husband. Beth understood in that second that she did not belong in this world. Being with James would not help her work, and definitely not her career prospects. Her life would be easier, simpler, without any of this. No, she wasn’t going to do this. She needed to be away from James, Sadie, and the rest of the crazy family, and away from the hospital.

Beth held on to the elevator doors, unable to get out. Sadie looked back at her in confusion. “Aren’t you coming to see him?”

“No, I’ve just remembered, I need to… Anyway, tell James to walk it off, from me, will you?” If she hurried, she could get a flight from National back home to North Carolina right away.

Sadie nodded, still frowning, and turned away from her. Beth let go of the doors and pressed the button to get the hell out of there.

As soon as the elevator started moving, she started shaking. It was almost as if leaving him was causing a physical reaction. She was determined to get back home. Leave the crazy here. Leave James here. It felt wrong suddenly, but she knew it was for the best.

The airport was nearly empty, and a heat haze obscured the view of the Washington Monument in the distance. She paid for a one-way ticket to Raleigh and went through security and to the gate.

Tammer picked her up at the airport, and she avoided answering all of the questions her sister peppered her with. She felt a frisson of longing at the thought of being home with her dog again, of having this weekend fade into a distant memory, or maybe feel like a movie she’d once watched.

The problem was she was almost sure she was a little bit in love with James. When she’d seen him go down, she’d been petrified that she would lose him before she could tell him what she felt. But then, as soon as she’d realized that it wasn’t a life-threatening wound, those words had dried up in her throat.

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed them to be as dry as her words.

* * *

“Where is she?” James had asked Sadie back in the hospital room, looking past her in the hope that Beth would appear.

“Who? Harry or Beth?” Sadie asked with an arched brow.

“What? I mean Beth.” He lay back on the hospital bed, trying to think past the drugs they had given him when they’d removed the bullet from his shoulder.

“I brought her here, but she didn’t get off the elevator. She told me to tell you to ‘walk it off.’ ”

He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. “What happened? I don’t remember anything after being shot.” Then he laughed quietly. “She told me to walk it off? I told her to do that once. Where is she? Can you get her up here?” He looked at the door again as if she’d just walk in.

Sadie dragged a chair forward and sat, reaching for his good hand. “Squirt. Beth has gone. She left. Harry jumped in the ambulance with you. I think she panicked, seeing you bleeding. I’m fairly sure that’s more to do with Danny than with you, but maybe Beth thinks it’s something else. But don’t worry about it. None of your relationship was real, right? She told us it was fake after they carted you off.”

“She said that?” James felt his voice fall to a whisper, although it felt like he was talking at a normal volume.

“She said the relationship was fake, and it was over, and we were a bunch of idiots. I’m paraphrasing of course, but she was right, mostly.”

It was over? What…? His brain fritzed, but somehow he didn’t have the energy to do anything about it. The last thing he saw was his sister’s concerned expression as everything went black again.

* * *

It was a week before James left the hospital. A reaction to Vicodin had messed with him quite badly. He hadn’t been able to speak, and one of his lungs had stopped working until the drug worked its way out of his system.

When he recovered, he realized that he had no way of getting in contact with Beth. He couldn’t call her because he didn’t have her number, and he didn’t know her unit or who her commanding officer was. He only had her address, but she was still more than six hours away. It wasn’t like he could just show up at her door. While he could have asked his father for help, it didn’t seem the right thing to do now that he’d heard everything she’d blasted his family with. Getting her information covertly sounded like a very bad idea to him. He sensed Beth would never forgive him.

His shoulder was still killing him, which he enjoyed. It took away the focus from other areas. He couldn’t miss her, feel bereft without her if he couldn’t move without wanting to throw up. But it turned out he could lie to himself about all those things.

When he’d returned to the pool house and seen the ring on the counter, it felt like a punch to the gut. Which he’d known was some kind of weapons-grade stupidity because it hadn’t been a real engagement. Wasn’t real.

Was fucking so
. Well, maybe not the engagement, but the something between them was. He was sure. Sure as his aim with an M-4 rifle.

And now… now he needed a plan. A foolproof one this time. One that didn’t involve his family, climbing, weddings, or anything else.

Afghanistan, four months later

Beth had come back from a thankfully uneventful patrol and was doing a little paperwork before heading to the chow hall. It was Italian Day, so she was looking forward to carb-loading before her evening workout. That was what this deployment had been for the months she’d been there: sleep, eat, patrol, eat, workout, sleep. For her it was a comforting routine, but she knew it drove some people crazy.

It made it easy for her to forget the days before. To forget James. Really forget him. She knew that her heart had been damaged, but time and distance always fixed that war wound. She tried not to dwell on it… or think about how often she slept in the t-shirt of his she’d swiped on her way out of the pool house that last time.

For the first week it had smelled of him, and she’d taken to sleeping with it under her pillow. She refused to think about him during the day, but at night, as sleep overtook her, her thoughts always skipped away to James. But like it or not, eventually she’d had to wash it, and since then she’d worn it. Like her Purple Heart, it was a kind of battle trophy. A symbol of a near miss, or a lucky escape.

The chow hall was packed as usual. Italian was a popular day, as was Surf and Turf Day. She lined up, grabbed her food and sat at a table with some guys who waved her over. “Hey, Sarge,” one of them said with his mouth full. Really full.

“Hey, Monster Mash.” She winced at the sight of his food almost spilling from his mouth.

“Dude. Swallow first, then speak,” one of his friends said, slapping him on his back, making him nearly cough up. By habit she grabbed her plate and leaned away from what would surely be a food reappearance one way or another. Miraculously, it all stayed in his mouth, and she put her pasta down and started to eat again.

The guys were unusually silent, but she took it in stride. Sometimes meal times were not all fun and games. Sometimes people wanted peace and quiet. She did notice, however, when two of them slid apart on the bench.

Then, in the gap between them, the Airman at the next table turned around. She choked on her tortellini.

Her eyes watered as she was thumped on the back by one of the guys beside her. She held her hand up to get him to stop. Then she swallowed what was left in her mouth.

“James?” she whispered. He was in uniform, but had a black sling on his arm.

“Garcia.” He gave her his shit-eating grin and stood. “Never let it be said that I wouldn’t travel to the ends of the earth to track you down.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Her heart was racing ahead of her words. Was he deployed? Unlikely, because he was injured. He couldn’t be here just to see her; no one was allowed to do that. This had to be something else. Didn’t it? Tears welled in her eyes and she used all her willpower to not have them drizzle down her face.
Back in. Back in.

“This seemed to be the only way to get hold of you, I mean really get hold of you. Not like trying to get in touch with you via e-mail, when no one knows your deployed e-mail address. Except for Tammer, who was being particularly closed-mouthed. It took me this long. Four. Months. But I’m here now.”

Tammer hadn’t mentioned anything to her about being in touch with James, and she e-mailed Beth every day. She blinked.

“You ran out on me. When I was in the hospital,” he said, as if reciting from a list of terrible deeds.

People around them, an obviously rapt audience, began commenting. “No way…”

“That’s cold, Sarge,” Monster Mash said. “In the hospital? Brrrr.” He shivered as if she was a cold chill rushing by.

Beth rolled her eyes. “You were going to live. That’s all I needed to know. Besides…” She looked him dead in the eye. “You had company.”

Baxter, sitting next to her, gasped theatrically, and said to James, “You didn’t. Who else was there? Was it another woman?”

“There wasn’t another woman. She was just a friend. Besides which…” He raised his voice a couple of decibels. “I’d. Just. Been. Shot.”

Beth sniffed, then shrugged. “You get shot a lot.”

People laughed. Shit, this was becoming embarrassing. Everyone in the chow hall was now listening. Probably better than eating in front of a TV at home.

“So here’s the deal,” James continued. There was absolute silence. Even the cooks had stopped clanging pots. He pulled out the light blue Tiffany’s box that he’d thrown at her all those months before.

Beth felt lightheaded. Blood rushed to her face, and she felt herself shake. No way was he crazy enough to propose. No way. They’d only really known each other properly for three days. She couldn’t say yes. But she also couldn’t say no in front of all these people either.

But he didn’t get on one knee or anything. He opened the box and pulled out the ring, which was attached to a long chain. “I’m not crazy enough to think you want to marry me. But I’m giving you this ring to wear. And if you ever feel like wearing it on your finger, you can feel free to, and I promise you a tiny, private wedding somewhere with just Tammer, Jubilee, and my sisters. That’s all. Is that a deal, soldier?”

A wave of warmth washed over her. Her shoulders unbunched and it was like all the suppressed feeling in her body evaporated into the air. She felt a ton lighter, and hell, did she love him. Her hand shook as she reached for the chain. “Deal.”

Cheers erupted around them, feet stomped, silverware clanged against plastic glasses, and fists thumped tables, making dining trays jump. So much for flying under the radar and keeping a low profile.

She pointed to the door and he nodded, grinning. She followed him outside into the warm evening air. They stood apart. Hugging, kissing, and fraternization were strictly forbidden while deployed and she was glad, and pissed, that he obviously felt the same way as she did about the rules of engagement.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” he said, his eyes tracing her features. She was so in tune to him that she could almost feel his touch on her face. He took the ring from her and placed the chain gently around her neck, so the ring rested between her breasts. He took the small opportunity to stroke the nape of her neck, lingering for a second. Beth closed her eyes at the touch and tucked the chain under her BDU blouse, so no one would see her flouting uniform regs.

“I… still can’t believe you are here,” she said softly, eyes still closed.

“I can’t believe it either. Ever since you left, I’ve been thinking about you. Been faithful to you, even though you had no idea. So yes, I’ve been in a one-person relationship. I’ve said it. I have no pride left. I thought I’d give you a couple of weeks. I’d come back from the hospital and sweep you off your feet at your house. First your security guard wouldn’t let me into the country club, then Tammer wouldn’t see me. Then after a week, she told me you’d already deployed. I’ve been working for months on this. I’ve written you dozens of e-mails that I couldn’t send. Eventually, I found a delivery that needed to be made and, well, let’s just say that I’m going to be my Commander’s bitch for the next few years.”

She burst out laughing. “Oh no. That sounds like taking all the nightmare duties, speeches and meetings.”

“For the next three years. You see what I sacrificed for you?”

She paused. “I’m sorry. I told you I heard you tell Harry you loved her…”

“And I told you that I do. I do love her. But not the way I feel about you. You know where she is right now? In Iraq. I begged her not to go, but she has something wrong with her. She always needs to be this close to trouble.” He showed her two fingers an inch apart. “We broke up because I spent every day thinking I wouldn’t see her again. I was young. I couldn’t deal with it, and neither could she. I love her like I love Sadie.” He paused. “I only want you. I want to see if this can be anything.” He stepped closer and whispered, “Or everything. You get me?”

“I get you,” she whispered back. She cleared her throat. “So I didn’t see anything in the papers about William.”

James looked at his feet. “I can’t believe he’s dead. Really.” He sighed and lifted his head up again. “His startup was going belly-up, so he took foreign investments in return for a hacking job they had for him. By the time he’d taken the money and realized what the hacking job was, it was too late. Either he had to get into the CIA system or die. Despite his skills, he couldn’t hack the system so he opted to crash the wedding and try to get in that way. He really did think he was working for the Russian government, but he wasn’t. There was no diplomatic immunity for him; we found out they’d just said that to assure his cooperation. So sad, really.”

“And the kidnapping attempt at the JibJab?” she asked.

“Just a fake-out. Along with the e-mails. William needed to create just enough of a security threat to have some of the high-profile guests, like the Vice President, cancel. The VP has way too much security. As soon as the wedding was reduced to family and close friends at the house, William had his in.”

“So him blurting out that Sadie was planning to elope was his way of making sure the wedding happened at the house?”

“He manipulated us the whole way.” Silence fell between them.

“I’m sorry you lost your friend. But at least that’s all you lost,” Beth said.

He nodded and held out his hand as if to shake hers. She put her hand in his and he gripped it, stroking his thumb over hers. “My transportation leaves in an hour, and check-in is right now.” He slipped a card into her top jacket pocket, “For the love of God, please e-mail me and don’t make me come back out here.”

“I promise.” She smiled.

“And I’ll be waiting for you when you come home. I promise. Are you okay with that? Can you put aside your fears of a deployment relationship? I promise, if I do anything to piss you off, you can shoot me. Or sic Tammer on me.” He grinned. “I’m not sure which I’d be more scared of.”

“I think you’ve proved yourself crazy enough to take the risk, and if you can, I can.” She squeezed his hand. “Besides which, I’m hoping this will be my last deployment.”

He frowned. “Anything you want to share with me?”

She shook her head, smiling. That her CIA application was, so far, progressing through the stages was a secret she would hold until she got back.

“Walk with me?” he asked.

They slow-walked to the base terminal, not touching, just perfectly in pace with each other. Her heart was light and so filled with joy that she wanted to run a hundred miles an hour around the base. Was this what love felt like? She’d never felt this before, and she’d never been in love before.

As they got to the entrance of the hangar, he turned. “Hurry home, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting.”

Beth gripped his arm. “I’ll be coming.” She winked at him.

“Hell yes you will. Every day until you beg for mercy.” He paused, looked around and gave her the briefest hug imaginable to mankind. But she felt every part of it. Every part of his body against hers, and hers screamed for more contact.

He turned to leave, but he’d only taken two steps away from her when she said, “James.”

He turned back to her.

“I think I love you.” She bit her lip, wondering if that was the right thing to say, if saying it would make him feel worse about leaving. But he smiled.

“I won. Tammer bet me a burrito that you wouldn’t admit to that until you got back.”

She waited for a second, but he didn’t say it back. He smiled. “Look at the card,” he said, nodding toward her top pocket. He turned and disappeared into the crowded hangar.

She whipped the card out of her pocket. It was his business card, with the TACP emblem on the front. She laughed. On the back it said, “I love you. And I said it first.”