Over the Fence: Lyssa Layne's Baseball Romances (63 page)

Shoulders sagged, I walk into the bedroom to a hot and bothered Laurel, and shake my head. Turning the box upside down, I crumble it in my hand and throw it across the room. “I’m a fuckin’ idiot, there’s none left.”

Laurel frowns, I hate to see her frown, and she crawls across the bed. “Don’t talk about yourself like that, neither of us planned on that after dinner treat.” Her hand strokes my erection and she kisses my chest. “I can still take care of you.”

I sigh and close my eyes. I don’t deserve Laurel, she’s too forgiving and too loving. At times, she treats me just like Grey, giving me that motherly love that I never had growing up. Her and Grey don’t see me through my eyes, they don’t acknowledge the fuck-up that I truly am. Looking down at her, her mouth works its way across my chest, trailing kisses over my abs. I gather her hair in one hand and her tongue flicks across the head of my aching cock, desperate to be in her. Like she always does, she licks up and down my manhood, making sure I’m fully at attention but before she takes me in her mouth, she glances up at me.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, babe. I was thinking about going on birth control anyway, then we won’t have to worry about condoms.”

My heart skips a beat and the acidic taste gets stronger in my mouth. I clear my throat, trying to play it cool. “Um…have you thought…do you want more kids? I mean—” Fuck, I’m doing the nervous Laurel thing.

Her tongue darts out of her mouth again and touches my cock, making it twitch. “I haven’t really thought about it but I mean, I’m still young.” She sits up, looking into my eyes. “And if, we…well, you know…get serious, well more serious…well, maybe. If you want—”

Fuck, I can’t take it anymore, it’s going to hurt for me to tell her the truth and depending on her reaction, it may end up killing me, but I can’t lie to her any more.

“If you stay with me, there is no maybe.” It’s almost like an out of body experience as I can hear my own heart beating, my pulse erratic and skipping beats left and right.
Please, Laurel, don’t hate me now...

Laurel

Kneeling on the bed, I drop back to the mattress at his words. My heart is crushed and honestly, I’m not even sure why. I have Grey, and at some point in the future, I’ll have Sam, too. The thought of a baby never even crossed my mind until about twenty seconds ago when Jace asked my opinion. My daydreams lately have been filled with my Jace, the boys, and a picture perfect house. Once or twice, the thought of Jace rubbing my pregnant belly had popped into my dreams, but that was just in my fantasies. When he asked, it was a reality for a brief moment before he made that comment.

Not fully understanding what he means, I shake my head. “Wh-why?” I can feel the tears wanting to come but I bite the inside of my cheek to keep them at bay, cursing my biological clock that Jace restarted when he came into my life.

His fingers lift my chin and he kisses my forehead. “I told you I’m an asshole, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I push his hand off my face and move to the floor, standing before him, not wanting him to have any leverage over me, even if I am still shorter than him when we stand side by side. “Just tell me what the hell you mean.”

He drags his hands down his face. “I was twenty-three, women were throwing themselves at me. After a pregnancy scare with some sketchy girl, Earl told me I needed to get snipped so I didn’t have some baby mama and a kid sucking my wallet dry. At the time, it made sense, I wasn’t thinking about the long-term, just what made me feel good in the moment.”

My cheeks burn as I slowly comprehend his words. “So…you got a vasectomy at twenty-three?”

He nods, dropping to the bed. “I’m sorry, Laurel. I should’ve told you sooner. I hated lying to you but I was so scared to lose you.”

I start to back away from the bed, waving my hands as though it will make everything disappear. “It wouldn’t have changed how I felt about you, I still love you. It just sucks because the hope of a future together is now gone.”

My mind spins as I roll throw the gamut of emotions—anger, resentment, disappointment. Tears burn down my cheeks, confused at my emotions, but knowing that I still love him. I’m almost to the doorway when Jace jumps off the bed and grabs my arms. “Laurel, don’t go. We still have a future together. I still want a family with you. If it’s just you, me and Grey, I’m happy with that or we can figure something out. Please, Laurel, I love you.”

What is the deal with the men in my life making me speechless? He wants a family with me and Grey? Is not having a baby with him worth breaking my own heart? I turn, needing to get some air and clear my mind. Halfway down the stairs, I hear my phone ring in the living room. I’m tempted not to answer, too worried that I won’t be able to hide my emotions, but Grey’s not with me and I always answer when we’re not together. When I see it’s Ashley, I hit answer, even more concerned something’s wrong, my mommy-sense kicking in.

“Laur?” she says on other end and I sit on the couch, holding my head in my hands and bracing myself for what’s about to be said. “It’s Jen, Laurel. She’s gone.”

The phone slips out of my hand and a sob escapes from my lips. Out of nowhere, Jace’s arms are around me, pulling me into his lap as he tries to calm me. Why is this all crashing down on me at the same time? I’m only one woman, I can’t be strong for everyone when I can’t even be strong enough for myself. Jace’s deep voice reverberates in my ear as his kisses my forehead. I don’t have to be strong enough for everyone though, I have Jace to help me with that.

CHAPTER 23

Jace

Kurtis hands me a beer before he pops the top on his own. He holds up his can as though toasting and I pause before I open my beer, waiting for him to speak. When I don’t mimic him, he guzzles down his beverage while I sip on mine.

“You ever meet Jen?” Kurtis asks. I shake my head and he goes on. “I think Laurel used her as a role model for how to parent. Both of them are strong, independent, and you mess with their kiddos—watch out! The three women were pregnant at the same time, Jen was already married, and Laurel and Adam got hitched right after high school graduation. Laurel didn’t know what the hell she was doing and her momma, as sweet as she is, still wasn’t over the death of her own son so Jen stepped up.”

I nod, listening carefully so I can learn about the younger days of Laurel. “So what happens to Sam now? Does he have family around here?”

Kurtis takes another drink, prolonging it as he puts off my question. “Look at those boys, sulking around over there, they won’t even get in the pool. I hate seeing them like that.”

I narrow my eyes, suspicious as to why he ignored me. Glancing over at the boys, the three of them sit on the edge of the pool with their feet in the water, none of them talking to each other. I take another quick drink and set it down before walking over to them.

“Come on, let’s go.” I walk toward the back of the yard, heading for Laurel’s whose yard is much bigger. I glance over my shoulder and the boys are staring at me like I’m crazy. “Grab your gloves, let’s move!” I use my coach voice this time and they jump to attention.

Ten minutes later, the four of us are running drills, focusing on baseball, and not about the sorrow we’re all feeling for Sam and his mother. The boys don’t complain, they don’t laugh, they just play and distract themselves from the first heartache they’ve all experienced. An hour into running this mock practice and sweat drenches our clothes. We take a break, sitting on the porch steps to rehydrate.

Sam looks up at me, his normal smile replaced with the downward turn of his lips. “Thanks, Jace,” he mutters and looks away quickly.

“Any time, man. You know how I got into pitching?” The three boys shake their head so I tell them. “Growing up, I was lonely as fu—” I catch myself, remembering the lecture Laurel gave me about not cussing in front of them. “I was an only child and my parents worked all the time so I was always by myself. I painted a rectangle on our back fence and I’d throw pitch after pitch until I hit the sweet spot a hundred times. The older I got, the more trouble I got into and pitching into that rectangle gave me the focus and concentration I needed to push all my problems out of my mind.”

“So it like, let you get away?” Sam asks, his eyes wide, looking for hope.

I nod. “Something like that. I still do it, I have an old mattress set up over at my place and pitch in the backyard there.”

Grey pipes up. “That’s why you’re so good then, right? Because you practiced all the time?”

I shrug. “Yeah, I guess that was a benefit, too.” I turn to Sam and put my hand on his shoulder. “Look, want me to lay it out for you right now?”

He nods and I squeeze his shoulder. “It sucks that your mom died but it’ll get easier, I promise. You have to remember that she’s not hurting anymore and you’ve got all us here to help you through your pain. There’s going to be days when you don’t want to get out of bed. On those days, we’re going to haul your ass up and if we have to play baseball all day, that’s what we’ll do. If we need to go visit your mom, I’ll drive. But don’t for one second think that you’re not going to get through this.” I point at Grey and Garrett, Ashley’s son, and then to myself. “We’re a team, on and off the field. A guy throws a pitch inside, trying to push you off the plate, we charge the mound together. No one breaks up a team, we support each other when we win or lose. Got it?”

The three boys nod, tears in all their eyes, and Sam leans over to hug me. The boy starts to cry on my shoulder and I give him a bear hug, trying to let him feel how loved he is. The two other boys wrap their arms around Sam and fuck, even I’m feeling the urge to shed a tear or two. When I set foot in Florida, I never expected to find this.

Laurel

The boys look so grown up in their suits and it breaks my heart. I don’t want them to grow up so fast and Jen’s passing is teaching them a hard life lesson that I desperately wish I could protect them from. Sam and I stand in the back of the funeral home, waiting for everyone to get seated before Jen’s service starts. Sam looks up at me and I force myself to see the innocence in his young face, even though I swear it looks like he aged three years since his mother passed away. 

“Laurel?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can Jace sit up front with us?”

“Um, yeah, sure. Stay here with Coach and I’ll go get him.”

I pass Sam off to my father and wander through the crowd, looking for Jace although I could find him with my eyes closed. I smelled his cologne before I even saw him come in the building but I refused to look in his direction. Although, he’s been a huge support to all of us since the news of Jen’s death, the two of us have hardly talked. By the time I’ve been getting home from funeral planning, get everyone fed, and then off to bed, I’m exhausted. He’s been staying at my place with the boys. He and Sam usually fall asleep in the living room but by morning, Sam’s passed out in Jace’s lap in the recliner. It’s been nice having the extra support but I still haven’t had time to fully process the conversation we had before Ashley called about Jen.

Jace sits in a pew with one of the families from the baseball team. I gently rest my hand on his shoulder and he looks up at me. Tears storm my eyes and I nod toward the back of the church, trying to avoid his baby blues.

“Sam wants you to sit with him. Do you mind?”

Jace pops up. “Of course not.” His hand moves to my lower back and applies light pressure, forcing me to move toward the back of the room. When we get to Sam, Jace squats down in front of the little boy and Sam throws his arms around his neck. I desperately want to do the same thing but instead, I pull a Kleenex from my purse and dab at my eyes. My father takes Grey to sit with him, leaving Jace, Sam, and myself alone.

As much as I’m dreading this moment, this finality of our goodbye to Jen, I know I have to be strong for Sam. I open my mouth to tell them we need to head inside but the second I do, my voice is gone as I get choked up, unable to speak. Jace doesn’t even look at me, he just takes my hand, giving it a squeeze and then guides us down the aisle. The entire service, Jace is the rock that both Sam and I need, providing us a safe haven that allows us to grieve and yet be at peace the entire time. The service at the church and the graveside memorial at the cemetery pass in a blur, literally since all the tears I’ve been holding in are now unleashed. Now that we’re back at Ashley’s, who is hosting the reception, Jace finally left my side to be with Sam and the boys, who need him more than I do. Still, I can’t help but feel like a small part of me is missing as I greet guests and speak about the wonderful woman Jen was.

My former Spanish teacher, a woman now nearing seventy, tells a story of when Jen was a first year teacher. I’m only halfway listening as I watch Sam and Grey sulking in the corner of the living room, going through the motions of playing Uno. The boys wasted no time changing out of their suits the second we walked through the door and then hunkered down in the spot they’re in now. While part of my heart is crying at this scene, the other swells with pride as Jace leans against the wall beside them, acting as their bodyguard and warding off anyone that wants to stir up the sadness Sam is harboring. For someone who had a vasectomy and never wanted kids, he’s embracing his paternal side with no issues.