Out of the Shadows (15 page)

While they waited at the end of the runway, Ben took a moment to remove his jacket and the shoulder holster. These he carefully laid on the rear seat. From the corner of her eye, Leslie noted that the gun was the sort of large, black, semiautomatic weapon that seemed to be preferred by police on television and in movies. Involuntarily, she shuddered and turned to stare out the window.

For the most part, Leslie refused to look at Ben. In stark contrast to the lovely afternoon, the events of the past two hours had confused and frightened her. It wasn’t just the uneasiness she had experienced in the presence of Rasheesh and his nephew, or the realization that Ben had felt the need to carry a handgun. It was the validation of things she had been trying to ignore.

She understood that Ben’s occupations ranged beyond charter air-service operator and occasional tour guide. Rumors were infrequent, but smuggling had been mentioned several times in her presence. It was logical. In her heart she had known it, but she had chosen to disregard the rumors. Without really considering it, she had vaguely imagined that he traded liquor, animal skins, rhino horns, ivory or even diamonds, all of which were very serious and held severe consequences if he was caught. But today’s meeting did not exactly fit her preconceived notion of how ivory smugglers operated. It had to be something more serious, more deadly. Drugs, maybe, or, even worse, it might be weapons. Facing the likely criminal nature of his work left her disillusioned and disheartened.

And yet, she was beset by confusion. What she had learned today didn’t correspond with other things she knew of Ben. With the Merdians, with Simon, and with others—but mostly with her—he had been genuine, honest and caring. He was intelligent, funny and surprisingly humble.

The thing she was most fearful of considering, but which was becoming increasingly unavoidable, was what she felt for him. She had known for some time that he was very attracted to her, perhaps even in love with her. It was in his eyes and in his touch. He no longer tried to hide the longing. Reluctantly, she admitted to herself that she was very attracted to him, too—probably in love.

After the loss of Brian, she had sometimes considered that she might fall in love again. But she had assumed it would be with someone like her husband, not an itinerant pilot who was engaged in something criminal. She leaned her head against the window of the Cessna and tried to fight back the tears.

Ben was likewise deep in thought as he flew home. The incident on the steps of the building had shaken him. For more than three years he had maintained his safety by remaining in constant control of his thoughts and actions. There had never been even a momentary lapse in his focus as he worked to accomplish his objectives. Inwardly he cursed himself as he realized he’d made more mental and procedural errors in this single day than he had during the past three years combined. Fortunately, they had pulled off the meeting, but he shuddered with the realization Leslie’s life may have been in danger because of him.

He stole a glance at Leslie and saw that she was leaning against the passenger door. Her eyes were closed, but he doubted she was sleeping. Painful introspection made him realize that he was completely and totally distracted by her. He’d been neglectful of his work in the past months. More than once he had shortened trips and even failed to fly out when he should. His love for her simultaneously left him warm and expectant and cold and fearful.

He still had work to complete. There was a real possibility this could be his last dealing with Rasheesh and those like him. He’d had enough of the lifestyle, as well as the pervasive need to be alert and on guard. If he completed this deal as planned, he would be done. But he knew one thing for certain—to preserve his life, and possibly even Leslie’s, he
had
to regain focus.

* * *

I
T
WAS
DARK
when they arrived back at the clinic. Titus had been watching for their approach, and he opened the gate and waved to them as the Jeep passed. In silence, Ben walked Leslie to the door and stood aside for her to precede him into the dark, deserted waiting area.

Just inside the door, Leslie groped to find the light switch and flipped it on. That accomplished, she faced the pilot. After an awkward moment, Leslie looked down at her hands and murmured, “Ben, I’m rather tired...I...uh...”

Ben’s eyes never left her face as she struggled to find polite words to dismiss him. The wariness and withdrawal had returned. She didn’t want him around. He nodded and retraced the short distance to the door. Rather than going through, however, he paused. With a deep sigh, he placed one forearm on the jamb and leaned into it, resting his head on his hand.

Leslie could think of nothing to say, so she waited until he turned back to face her. His expression held such intense longing that she had to look away.

He thrust his hands in his pockets and stepped toward her. “Leslie, I’m sorry about today. I should never have involved you in my...uh—” he paused to search for a word “—activities.” He reached forward to touch her, but she stepped back, and he dropped his hand. “I’m sure you’re wondering—”

“Ben, I really don’t want to know,” she interrupted. She walked a few paces, pausing near the center of the room. She turned toward him, and her pent-up emotions rushed forth. “You confuse me! I don’t understand you!” Her voice broke a little. “I don’t understand what you do, and I’m very afraid for you. And what’s worse, I’m afraid of what I feel for you.”

He saw her shoulders shake. She was crying. He led her to a section of chairs that lined the wall of the waiting room. He gently pushed her into one and moved another so that he could face her. Taking her hands in his, he said quietly, “For the past couple of months, I’ve been thinking it’s time for me to go home.”

Expecting some sort of confession or explanation, Leslie glanced up to watch his face.

Ben studied their joined hands. “Leslie, I want to tell you what I dream about.” He looked up and held her dark blue eyes with his. “I want a family. I want a house on the edge of some town in the South or the Midwest.” Her expression showed bewilderment. Tears continued down her cheeks.

He looked away and continued. “I want to teach history.... I want to watch my children grow—to show them how to ride bicycles and throw footballs. And when they’re old enough—you know, like seven or eight—I want to teach them how to fly.” As he spoke, tears formed in his eyes, and they slid freely down his cheeks.

Despite her disillusionment and frustration, Leslie responded with a brief smile. “You’d make a wonderful father.”

He smiled, too, then became serious once more. “Leslie, I’m going to be finished here soon.” He ignored the tightness that formed around her mouth. “When I’m done, I’m going home. I just have to finish.”

Leslie jerked her hands away and stood abruptly. “No!” She paced across the room. “Stop
now! Please!
” Her angry words echoed the disappointment in her expression as she turned back to face him. “If you want money, I have it. I have a lot of it.” Her voice rose with each word, and she used her hands for emphasis. “Money’s nothing. It’s not important!
You can have it!
” Then, with a sobbing breath, she added quietly, “Take it, but please stop. Don’t do any more...”

He shook his head. Objectively, he wondered if she realized the implication of what she had said. More than anything else, he wanted to go to her and hold her and reassure her, but he forced himself to refrain. He remained seated and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees and staring at the floor. “No, Les. I don’t want money.”

She moved forward then to kneel in front of him, looking intently into his eyes. She could see conflict, coupled with pain and worry. Suddenly needing to touch him, she grasped his hands and pleaded, “Why, then? Tell me why.”

Staring at their hands, he whispered, “I have to. That’s all I can say right now. Leslie, I have to finish.”

Frustrated, she stood and backed away. She was suddenly exhausted. “It really is getting late, Ben. There will be twenty or thirty people here by seven in the morning.”

At her prompting, he stood and walked slowly to the door. His movements were deliberate, signifying he was still reluctant to go. As before, he turned abruptly. They were standing very close. Gently, he pulled her into his arms. “I can’t leave like this.”

She was stiff initially but, despite her desire to remain detached, she found she was unable to resist him. Little by little, Leslie gave in to the embrace. She felt him kiss her hair and, with her eyes closed, she raised her face to welcome his lips. The kiss was deep and loving. His arms tightened, and his hands moved across her back to grasp her dress in a gesture akin to desperation. Ben removed his lips from hers and touched them to her temple. She was incapable of letting him go. She held her arms around his neck tightly and buried her face in his shoulder.

Finally, Ben sighed deeply and pushed her until she was standing at arm’s length. He searched her eyes and found both love and emotional turmoil. “Think about what I said. I know I’m asking a lot, but I want...no, I
need
you to trust me.”

She chewed her bottom lip and nodded in reply, then kissed his throat gently before dropping her hands and stepping back to let him leave.

This time, he made it through the door before he turned again to face her. His demeanor had lightened a little, and his expression now held a hint of his usual impertinence. “You have to tell me something.”

Leslie pushed away a trailing tear and gave him a puzzled look. “What?”

“Is your ‘daddy’ really an anesthesiologist?”

For the first time in several hours, she actually laughed. Through a watery giggle she answered, “Hardly.
Dad
is a mailman, but I didn’t think that would fit Meredith’s profile.”

Heartened, he grinned at her. Shaking his head, he said with wonder, “You were terrific, you know. I had to bite my cheek to keep a straight face or else I would have blown the entire thing. Shoot, you almost had me convinced that you were afraid of ‘those mean ol’ lions.’” He was still smiling as he climbed into the Jeep.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

L
ESLIE
’
S
OBLIGATION
to
the clinic in Kenya was nearing an end. Mama Joe was due back in just three weeks, and then she would go home. When she considered the rapidly approaching time for her departure, her emotions were mixed. She was anxious to see her family and experience the wonderful conveniences of American life, which she vowed to never again take for granted. But at the same time, she dreaded the thought of leaving Namanga and saying goodbye to the people who had come to respect and rely on her—and those she had come to care for, too. And at night when she was alone, she conceded that what she dreaded most was the possibility of never seeing Ben again.

The days following the eventful trip to Mombasa were busy, first with routine clinic patients and then with the pervasive crises that were faced almost daily. Wednesday afternoon, Paul stopped by to invite Leslie to dinner. She readily agreed, but, as he was leaving, Paul mentioned that Ben was coming, too. That bit of news gave her pause as she was both reluctant and eager to see him. She sighed in resignation, knowing it was too late to back out.

It was after six that evening when Titus dropped Leslie off at the Merdians’ house. Ben’s Jeep was parked next to Paul’s Land Rover, and Leslie steadied her emotions for the meeting, telling herself she would be friendly but detached. As soon as she saw him, though, she knew that following her plan would be impossible. Where Ben Murphy was concerned, she would never be detached.

Beth opened the door before Leslie had a chance to knock, and the little girl welcomed her excitedly. Ben and Paul stood to greet the new arrival, and Leslie walked forward to give Paul a quick hug. “I’m sorry I’m late. As we were about to leave, Mrs. Ngundu brought in her youngest son. Evidently he’d found a broken bottle he was trying to use to store trinkets.” She laughed and shook her head. “He just needed a few stitches.”

Paul chuckled. “I know that little guy. He’s a walking accident.”

Leslie finally turned her attention to Ben and was struck by the undisguised yearning in his expression. Her reaction was involuntarily physical. She felt herself flush deeply, and her heartbeat rose to an uncomfortably rapid rhythm.

He grasped her shoulders lightly before kissing her on the cheek. “Evening, Leslie.”

Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she swallowed with some difficulty before replying, “Hi, Ben. It’s good to see you.”

Both waited for the other to speak again, and when neither did, Paul announced, “Uh...Judy’s in the kitchen. I’ll go tell her you’re here.”

As he turned away, Leslie stopped him. With lightness in her tone that she did not feel, she said, “No, let me. I’ll see what I can do to help.” She did not glance back as she escaped to the kitchen.

After the initial awkwardness, an ease settled on the group as they gathered around the dinner table. The meal was delightful, full of laughter. After dinner, the men entertained the children while Leslie helped Judy with the dishes. Initially, their conversation centered on Leslie’s work and Judy’s school, but midway through the cleanup, Judy asked, “Did you and Ben have some kind of argument? You’re both acting like something is wrong.”

Keeping her attention on the plate she was washing, Leslie answered, “It wasn’t an argument. It was really more like...” Struggling for an explanation, she bit her lip and glanced at her friend. “Judy, do you know anything about what Ben does? I mean, other than the charter service?”

Judy paused in the process of drying a glass. “Honestly, Leslie, I’m not sure. Ben never discusses it. I think Paul may know more, but he hasn’t shared it with me.” She sighed and set the glass on the counter. She placed one hand on Leslie’s arm to gain her full attention. “Leslie, it’s clear that in many ways Ben is not what he seems. I can’t tell you what he does or why. But I do know this—” she looked squarely at her friend “—he loves you.”

Tears threatened, and Leslie nodded. “I just don’t know what to do about it,” she whispered.

A short time later the women joined the men and children in the living room. Despite the serious discussion in the kitchen, the conversation was unforced and natural, and soon they were all laughing companionably. Titus arrived at the appointed time, and Leslie rose to leave as the Jeep pulled into the driveway. She hugged each member of the Merdian family. She knew that she’d have only a few more opportunities to be with them, and the realization saddened her deeply.

Impulsively she took Ben’s hand and pulled him toward the door. Paul and Judy glanced at each other and in unspoken agreement allowed the pair to leave the room unaccompanied. Judy closed the door and distracted the children by telling them to get ready for bed.

Alone on the covered porch, Leslie and Ben studied each other with uncertainty and expectation. Leslie broke the awkward silence. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.”

His expression did not change, so she continued. “You know, about what you want.” There was still no reaction. She took a deep breath. “I need to tell you what I want...but, Ben...”

When she did not immediately continue, he put his hands on her shoulders. She looked away from his eyes and stared at the top button of his shirt. The tears that had threatened earlier formed now, and she blinked hard to hold them back. “I want to tell you, but I...” Shaking her head, she whispered, “I want you. But I’m afraid...I’m afraid for you...and what I feel for you.” She bit her lip. “I can’t lose someone again.”

Finally, he pulled her into his arms. His voice was a little hoarse when he said, “Leslie, it’s all right. It’ll be all right.” He closed his eyes and stroked her hair. “I’d do anything—
anything—
to keep from hurting you.”

“I know,” she whispered. She rested in the embrace for a minute more before she raised her face to him. His kiss was gentle and loving, and she gave up trying to fight her emotions. Her hands clasped his neck, and she stood on her toes trying to get closer.

It was Ben who finally ended the embrace. He lightly touched her forehead with his lips before stepping back. Leslie blinked, then wiped her damp eyes with one hand and said with a reticent smile, “Titus is going to wonder what’s going on.”

He grinned. “Honey, Titus already knows what’s going on.”

He walked her to the Jeep and opened the door. After she had settled into the seat, he leaned down and said quietly, “I’m leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. I’ll stop by the clinic as soon as I can. Okay?”

She responded with a sweet half smile and a nod as he closed the door, and Titus backed out. As they drove through the compound gate, she turned back. Ben stood watching the Jeep depart. During the drive home, Leslie recognized an expectancy she hadn’t known in ages. On reflection, she realized the feeling was hope. She was beginning to consider possibilities for the future—and, unexpectedly, the future appeared full of promise.

* * *

F
IVE
DAYS
PASSED
before Leslie saw Ben again. Early Tuesday morning the following week, she was packing supplies with Titus and Naomi to take into the countryside for a two-day trip holding immunization clinics. They would leave shortly, visiting three villages in the next day and a half. They planned to return Wednesday evening.

As the trio loaded the Jeep, they observed a vehicle driving up the dirt road. Leslie recognized it as Ben’s, and she grew nervous in anticipation of seeing him again. But it quickly became evident that it was Simon, and he was going much too fast on the pothole-filled road.

The Masai pulled through the gate and skidded to a stop, sending dirt and pebbles flying. Leslie’s nervousness turned to alarm when she saw his face and heard his words as he addressed Titus, all the while looking at her. Trying to understand, she caught enough of the dialogue to know something had happened to Ben. He spoke the English words “rifle” and “airplane,” and she recognized the Swahili words for “wound” and “blood.” She was overcome by a feeling of dread as she waited for Titus to translate.

“Miss Leslie,” Titus said while Simon was still speaking, “Ben was shot by bandits when he landed this morning. Simon was on his way to the airport and heard the gunfire. Ben killed the bandits, but he was badly injured. Simon left him at his house because the ride from the airport made him bleed badly.”

Leslie had heard enough. Acting quickly, she addressed Titus. “Take me and Naomi to Ben’s.” Fortunately, the supplies she would need were already in the car, as they always carried a full stock when they traveled in order to manage emergencies. She knew, however, they would need a better vehicle if they had to drive to Nairobi. “Tell Simon to go get Paul, and have him bring his Land Rover for transport.” In less than a minute, the two Jeeps sped off in opposite directions.

Despite driving at a speed that threatened to disable the vehicle, the trip took a nerve-racking fifteen minutes. Leslie jumped out of the Jeep before it came to a complete stop, her bag of emergency supplies and equipment in hand. She ran across the short path and through the door but stopped short when she saw Ben lying on the cot against the far wall. His face was deathly pale, his eyes were closed, and his shirt and pants were covered with dark blood.

“Oh, dear God!” she cried as she rushed to kneel by the bed. Trying not to panic, she touched his chest and waited for movement, then said a quick prayer when she felt it rise and fall. With that small reassurance, she began assessing the extent of his injuries. Within moments, fear threatened to overwhelm her as she realized how inadequately equipped she was to save his life.