Out of the Mountain (39 page)

“Must you test my control so completely?” he growled, and I put my hands on my hips, trying to stand proud even if I was shirtless and being rejected. A robe quickly covered me, and I groaned as he turned to face me. I could see the need in his eyes.

“Why can’t you just give into this?” I cried. Frustration was pouring from me.

“It’s not that simple for us.”

“If you don’t want me, then just say it.”

“I cannot,” he mumbled and then sighed as I removed the rest of my clothing under the robe and threw them into the basket. I could feel his eyes on me and I knew he was watching as I dropped the robe and stepped into the bath, even if when I turned he was gone. Invitation once again, declined.

I stayed in the bath long after the water went cold, running through every single moment that had passed between us before he had pulled away from me once again. I quickly realized that this was the least relaxing bath I had ever had. When he was near, he brought something out from deep within me. Something confident and fierce. The feeling was almost as addicting as he was. I wanted him to want me and I needed him to know how much I wanted him too. There was so much to think about, so many horrible possibilities in the next few days alone. It all led back to Rowan for me; no matter what I did he was all I could see at the end of it.

I dried off and conjured shorts and a tank to sleep in. He had seen me naked now, basically, so no more need to sleep uncomfortably in a bra and full pajamas. I braided my still-wet hair and exited the bathroom with my head held high. He was sitting in his chair reading from a thick book. He didn’t even spare a glance my way. I harrumphed into bed, annoyed at being blatantly ignored. I kicked the covers off and stared at the ceiling in frustration when sleep wouldn’t come. Was he mad at me? Had I crossed some sort of line with him? I sighed loudly.

“Is something the matter?” he asked, peering over his book.

“You tell me,” I grumbled.

“No, definitely not.”

“Then what are you doing? Why are you ignoring me?”

“I am not ignoring you. I am not even sure I would know how to do that if I tried, Vinnie,” he protested. I sat up and looked at the book in his hands.

“
The Ties That Bound You: A History of Blood Oaths
,” I read aloud, and raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I had to talk myself out of joining you in the bath somehow.”

“We could have just bathed together. Nothing else had to happen,” I said, and he laughed full and loud.

“Your opinion of me is far too high.”

“If I didn’t want to do something, I wouldn’t do it!” I growled, and he dropped the book and stood. I watched him saunter forward, as graceful as any feline.

“I am sure I could prove otherwise.”

“I am sure that I am still terribly frustrated from our earlier encounter and I would want it, whatever it is that you think you could prove.” I purred, and he grumbled something under his breath.

“What was that?” I asked as I stood pressing myself to him, loving the feel of his hard body against mine and smiling when he stiffened, frowning at me.

“It would seem that you are trying to seduce me,” he grumbled, and I laughed.

“All my attempts fail, so I give up. I only thought since you saw me practically naked and resisted me still that I was free to dress as I pleased. Why should I have to sleep uncomfortably?”

“You should not have to, I always wish for your comfort.” He kissed my head softly before stepping back and returning to the book.

“Hey, don’t go back to ignoring me!” I complained.

“I am not. I only wish to begin to explain our bond to you, before you distract me further and push me past my limits.”

“Oh, OK, cool,” I said as I on the edge of the bed and waited. Excited to finally get some answers.

“There are many types of blood-bonds. The kind that your father had his soldiers take was a vow that tied their power to you. If they ever committed harm against you or stood by and watched another without intervening, they would lose their powers and would be outcast,” he began, and my eyes widened. Why would anyone swear an oath like that to a child?

“The oath I took was different. I made my own promises, set my own boundaries. What ultimately changed it was your own sacrifice. You cut yourself on the blade, of your own will, and I knew I shouldn’t have finished the bond . . . I knew, but I did it anyway. I joined your blood with mine and sealed it, selfishly joining us in a way that is not meant to be taken so lightly.

“It is a ceremony many do when they wish to join together in partnership. I told myself that because you made no oath to me in return, it would not do harm, and at first it did not. I felt the same; nothing changed. I still had the same fierce need to protect you, to stand by every oath that I swore. You were a rambunctious child, always finding mischief, never afraid of anything. The others did not seem to worry about this, but it plagued my mind constantly.

“When you were gone, and I returned from trying to find you in vain, I told myself it was for the best. That Farran would have done all he could to keep you safe. I bided my time. I knew that someday you would return, and I held on to that. I tried my best to make certain that what you returned to in Alaris was worthy of your parents’ legacy.

“When I saw you as you are now, a capable and beautiful woman . . . it was hard to adjust. I felt the connection as soon as our hands touched, knew I was in trouble. The full weight of the oath fell on me, and I tried to pull back, worried at what effects it would have on you. It seemed that your coming of age opened up the possibilities of the bond being what it was intended to be. When you allowed me to kiss you, it was as if the oath finally sealed tight into me.

“It was finished; I was a goner. There was nothing and no one but you. I could feel you everywhere. It was amazing and terrifying,” he admitted, dropping his eyes. I sat silently, trying to process what he was telling me. He took half of an oath that connected him to me in every way. I was free to do as I wished, but he was not.

“I tried to sit back and let you live a little, to bear this burden alone. It was harder than you might imagine. There are ways to sever a bond like ours, one that is incomplete, but it takes a lot of time . . . it’s all in this book if you would like to read it.”

“What would happen to you if I severed our bond?” I asked, aghast at the thought. His face paled.

“You needn’t concern yourself with that. If it is what you wish, then it will be done.”

“What? No!” I yelped at the thought. Separating him from me seemed wrong on so many levels.

“You need to think of all the options. There is no one to blame for the position that we are in except me. I took something from you that was not mine to take. I will atone for that mistake however you see fit. I only want what is best for you.”

“And if you are what’s best for me?” I asked. His eyes met mine, but he didn’t answer.

Silence fell between us and he returned to reading the book in his hands. His face was unreadable, but I had a feeling that he didn’t think he was best for me. Who was he to decide that? He was slowly but surely opening up to me. He could deny it all he wanted, but what we had was real. I lay on my side and watched him read for a few moments, his brow furrowed in concentration, his beautiful lips pursed, and I knew that I loved him. It was a simple fleeting thought, and it meant more than anything. This man who had sacrificed so much for me already would sacrifice everything at the drop of a hat. He thought he knew what was best for me, was trying to convince himself that it was true even now, and I decided to let him have his moment.

I sighed, flopping back into the bed exhausted. Tomorrow was another day.

I awoke to a bed covered in tiger lilies. A smile split my face as I gathered them up. I heard the water in the bathroom shut off and jumped up. Rowan was showering in my bathroom? My head spun at the thought of it. The door opened, and he walked out, towel wrapped firmly around his waist and one in his hand scrubbing the wetness from his hair. His body glistened, still damp. I took him in from head to toe . . . how could someone’s feet be attractive? I frowned at the ridiculousness of him as a whole.

“I apologize. I usually shower at the barracks, but I didn’t want to separate until I had to today.”

“Today is your turn for the ritual. I forgot!” I said as I tried to take my eyes away from the towel that was dipping low, the V-line of his tapered waist showing. I was all but drooling. I saw another scar at the top of his left hip on the same side as the other, and my eyes narrowed on it.

“I got it at the same time as the other,” he said following my line of vision. A grin turned up his mouth as he finished drying his hair. I was sure it was because he was feeling the pure lust that was radiating from me.

“Is this my payback for last night?” I grumbled as I took in the view of his back, covered in wide and thick muscle, and the hint of dimples above his perfectly round butt before he quickly conjured his clothing.

“You could have at least given me a bit of a show,” I whined, lying back in the bed.

“Like the one you gave me?”

“So it was payback!” I laughed, and he shrugged unashamedly.

I quickly dressed and ate breakfast with Rowan before Farran showed up. We decided to do the ritual in my room so he could just stay here and recoup. I would much prefer to spend the day locked up in my room with him and was trying to think of ways to do just that when he caught my eye with a sly grin. I blushed, thinking he had somehow caught on to my line of thought.

When Farran was ready, he handed Rowan the dagger, who sat in his chair by my bed and held it tightly in his hand. His face paled, and he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. He looked as if he might be sick.

“Are you all right?” I asked, concerned, as sweat began to prickle on his brow. I had never seen Rowan break a sweat.

“I do not think I can do this. I cannot sit here and allow you to harm yourself while I hold the blade.”

I reach forward and I wiped it away the sweat, placing my hands in his hair. “You didn’t seem to mind thoroughly kicking my butt on the training field,” I complained, but he was already shaking his head.

“That is not the same. I did that to give you incentive to learn the consequences that follow any fight. To harden you to the pain that is sure to come from battle. This, on the other hand, serves no purpose to help you. It will be to draw your blood and take your power. I cannot stand the thought.”

“Hey, it will be fine. Nothing I haven’t done before. It doesn’t even hurt,” I lied, and I could tell he knew it.

“Just keep your eyes on mine,” I told him. I glanced down to line up the dagger and looked back up into his intense gaze before quickly leaning into what would be my final mark. He tensed, moving the knife quickly away and cutting himself in the process.

“Rowan!” I cried at the blood pouring from the cut on his knee.

“Sorry, sorry! I cannot do it.” He pleaded with me to forgive him, reaching the knife out to me. I saw the desperation in his eyes, his unwillingness to harm me. This man was stronger than anyone I had ever met, and here he was begging me to understand, to let him out of this exchange.

Without a moment’s pause, I grabbed the blade and closed my hand over it, cutting into the flesh easily and mixing our blood. His eyes went wide, but he didn’t move for fear of harming me further. The light began to glow and heat filled me. His blood was calling to me, and words that I meant more than even I understood yet fell from my mouth.

“I swear to honor and protect, to keep you as my guide, to always put your life before mine and forever stand by your side. No matter where my journey takes me, to this oath I will abide,” I gasped through the pain, and tears filled his eyes as a smile bigger than I had ever seen from him split his face.

The light slowly faded, and he dropped the dagger to the floor, pulling my lips to his in a fierce kiss. I felt immense joy fill me, hope and love and light. My heart was pounding in my chest as I felt our bond seal like it was a physical thing. There was no separating us now. I was overwhelmed with sensation.

“Well, I didn’t see that coming.” Farran sighed before taking a long look at us both and leaving.

“Are you all right?” I asked Rowan, worried about the energy drain. I felt amazing, so he must have completed the exchange after all.

“Better than all right. Can you feel it?”

I looked him over and saw that he was in fact looking better by the second. I could feel power in the air around us, a remnant from what I had done.

“As blood mates, we can share power easily,” he explained, and I yipped.

“Blood mates?”

“That is technically what they call a bond like ours when it is completed. To share blood, to swear oaths to each other above all else. It is not a simple thing to do. Each bond is different; the closer you become, the stronger the bond will develop.” He swept a hair from my face, and I leaned into his palm.

“You’re happy,” I said, knowing it was true.

“I feel whole,” he replied seriously, and I felt my heart swell. He was mine.

“I do wish you would have allowed me to explain some things about my past to you before you made your decision . . .” A frown appeared on his face, and I could feel his fear and nervousness.

“There was no decision to be made. I was yours before I even knew it. Past is past.”

“No going back now,” he quipped, and I leaned in to kiss him quickly.

“I guess this means you can tag along to training.”

“Yes, I suppose it does, but Vinnie . . . it is best we keep this to ourselves for now.” His face darkened.

“No public displays of affection?” I guessed, and he shook his head surprising me.

“No, that is not what I meant. You are mine now, and I can do with you as I please,” he joked, and I slapped him on the arm.

“So, just don’t mention the mate bond, then?”

“That would be wise. It will be hard to explain to others at this point, and our powers will begin to grow and shift, so be careful. All we have to do is get through this battle, and then we will be free to sort it all out.”