Out of The Box Regifted (36 page)

I’m embarrassed by his remark. Another moment of silence passes and he slaps my knee, laughing, “Come on… You wanna ask me why the hell I came back half naked. Just say it, Olivia.”

I breathe out through my nose and turn to face him. “Okay Todd, where
were
you and why did you come in barely dressed? It looked bad, I’ve got to say.”

He rolls his head to the side and pops his neck. I’ve hit a nerve and defensively, he responds in an agitated tone, “I fucking know that. Don’t you think I fucking know?” He puts his head on my shoulder, conceding. “It’s just….ah shit Olivia. Girl I’m gonna tell you something and you gotta promise not to say a word to anyone, and I mean anyone, Mr. H included.” He exhales through his lips. “I’m not sure I can even talk about it and its fucking tearing me up. I’ve kept it from everyone and it’s now to the point where we need some help, but if this gets out. Fuck it.” He sits up, fisting and wringing his hands. “Okay I’m gonna tell you. I feel like a fucking rubber band about to snap.”

Shirtless and looking desolate, he shivers as he leans into me. At this point, he just needs someone to just listen and understand him. I have to believe it when he says he wasn’t with another woman, and he’s about to spill the beans to me. I listen intently, as he tells me that Brian has gotten back on drugs. I had no idea anyone in the band even used drugs; not that I would even know what someone looks like who is on drugs. I’ve never had to deal with that.

He’s meticulously tracing the patterns in the carpet with his finger, as he gives me the history. “Brian had a bad drug problem back in his New Orleans days, but he did rehab and kicked the habit. Once we went out on the road, he was with this chick that got him back on cocaine. He’s been using it in fucking excess and I’ve been trying to get him clean. The other guys don’t even know.” His finger is tracing faster, as he gets angry. “Olivia, Brian was with these 3 chicks one night and they had fucking coke all over the room. I walked in to this loud fucking heavy metal music blaring. Shit there was fucking coke on the coffee tables, on the night stands. Hell the chicks had in on their fucking bitch gums and were going down on him.” He looks at me with pain in his eyes. “He was so out of it, he didn’t even know what was going on. I saw it and blew a fuse.” He lays down and props his head in his hand. “I never fucking messed with drugs. Tommy didn’t either. The other guys messed around with pot, but never any coke. We knew Brian had been in rehab when we took him on, but he swore he was clean and he was, until we went out on the road. Fuck. I feel responsible. I should have seen it and stepped in.”

I take his hand and pull him up. “Todd this isn’t your fault. Brian’s an adult. You shouldn’t have to supervise him.”

He laments sadly, “The night I found him with those chicks, I fucking paid them all to leave and got them a cab home. Brian was so fucked up he didn’t even know they were going down on him, poor fuck. A fucking blow job by three chicks and he’ll never even remember it. He couldn’t even get it up, and they were all over him like he was a piece of meat. It was fucking disgusting and I got so damn scared. I stayed with him all night, and the next morning we talked about it.” His voice escalates, “He said that he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again, but he’s been using every fucking day. This shit is so easy to get and I just can’t watch him 24/7. I’m fucking worn out. I’ve spent every night keeping him in the room after the shows, but he sneaks it in.” He’s rambling on and I feel it’s best to just sit and listen. He just needs to get this off his chest. I can tell it’s been eating him alive. I pat his knee, as he continues. “He uses before we go on, he uses after we play and it’s now fucking out of control. I seriously thought I could get him off the stuff. I thought I could do it, Olivia. We need him in the band, but we need him clean and healthy. I fucking don’t know what to do. I fucking can’t do this anymore. I tried to fix things and I can’t. I fucking can’t fix this and I think we need to get him help. It’s beyond anything I can do now.” He throws his hands up in despair. “And to throw more fucking fuel on the fire, Kyra thinks I’ve been fucking around and I haven’t. I swear on my parent’s grave that I haven’t so much as thought about another girl, since I met her. I just can’t tell her about this shit.” He waves his arm towards the exit sign. “She’s gone - fucking gone, Olivia. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna tell everyone, when they see she’s gone? I tried calling her and she’s so fucking hard headed, she won’t answer.” He pounds his hand on the floor. “Fuck Fuck Fuck! I fucking hate my life right now. I’ve just lost the best thing I ever had, for a worthless piece of shit cokehead that’s like a brother to me. What the fuck?”

I take him into my arms and rock him like a baby. He’s hurting so bad and I’ve got to come up with some answers and fast. I can see both sides, I see why Kyra left; hell I probably would have done the same thing. But knowing Todd as I do, and the fact that he’s my best friend, who has just bared his soul to me, I hurt for him. He is the one I need to focus on.

Reluctantly I ask, “Do you think we need to get Ash involved? Because he could get Brian into rehab and make sure no one knows. Is there anyone you know that could possibly take his place?” I wait for his answer, but he says nothing. He’s staring at the wall. I move around to face him. “Look...I’ll do whatever I can, you know that. I just don’t know what to do.” I start picking at the skin around my thumb and again, I notice I’ve picked until it bleeds. He looks at me with a grossed out look on his face. “Why are you doing that?”

I contritely look at him and fold my hands. “What do you mean?”

He holds my hand up, looking at the bleeding skin. “You’re picking the fuck out of your thumb, that’s what I mean. Why did you do that?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know. Why does it matter?”

He laughs, “Because it does, you damn doofus. Besides, you’re supposed to be figuring out a way to get Kyra back - not fucking self-destructing.”

I lick my thumb and shake it. “We’ll figure this out honey, I promise. You don’t have to do this alone. I’ll do what I can with Kyra. She loves you honey, she’s just hurt right now and I know why she felt the need to get away. I get that.” I shrug my shoulders and wrinkle my face, “It’s a woman thing. Maybe she’ll talk to me tomorrow. But…I think you need to call her.”

He starts to speak and I stop him. “If she won’t answer, at least leave her a voicemail and let her know about Brian. She loves you. She loves Brian and the guys. Please just do that, can you do that for me?”

About that time, the door to our room opens and Ash sees us on the floor. He looks confused.

“What’s going on? Todd? Olivia? What’s wrong?”

He comes across the hall and gets down on his knees in front of us. He knows there is something really bad going on. We’ve got to tell him. I look to Todd and he shakes his head. “Go on you tell him, Olivia. I don’t know what the fuck else to do. I can’t do this anymore.”

Looking confused, Ash listens as I tell the secret. I tell him what Todd has told me and that Kyra has left.

We all huddle in the hall, as the rest of the story is revealed. Ash is stunned. He shakes his head and gives Todd a hug. “Todd man, why didn’t you say something? You don’t have to take this all on yourself. The rest of the guys need to know. This affects you all. Tell me everything, so I’ll know how I can help.”

Todd starts to speak, “I was in Brian’s room earlier, and we got into a fight because I flushed his fucking coke down the toilet, and he fucking went off on me. I made him get in the shower and he fought with me. I tried, God I tried so hard to make him see that he doesn’t need that shit. Brian’s like a brother and I can’t stand to see him doing this to his body.” He’s reenacting to us with his hands. “I had him in the shower, trying to sober him up. He’d gotten ripped on alcohol and did a bunch of coke, and was so fucking high he didn’t even know where he was. I took my jeans off and wrestled him into the shower, then put him into bed and he finally passed out, so I came back to the room. I thought Kyra would be asleep, but she wasn’t, and she fucking went off on me too.” He throws his hands up. “I’ve fucking had it, Mr. H. I don’t know what to do. She’s gone, Brian is a fucking cokehead, and I’m fucked. That’s my story.”

Ash takes control and takes Todd by the arm, “Okay, son here’s what we’ll do. Do you have the key to Brian’s room?” Todd nods yes. Ash holds his hand out. “Give me the key and I’m going to go check on him. I actually have a friend who owns a rehab facility and I can get him in, but only if he’s willing to go.” With a relieved look, Todd hands him the key. “Thanks Mr. H. I owe you big time.”

Ash takes my shoulders and pats my behind. “Olivia, go see if you can get hold of Kyra. Maybe she hasn’t left yet and you can go pick her up.”

I can sense Todd is relieved, as Ash heads off to check on Brian.

I call Kyra from my room. She doesn’t answer, so I text her.
‘Honey where are you? I need to talk to you, so if you can call me please…’

It’s only minutes before she calls.

She’s at the airport and waiting to get on a flight back home. I tell her that Ash and I have talked to Todd, and briefly tell her the situation with Brian.

“
Todd will fill you in. This isn’t about him cheating. I just wanted you to know that. He loves you Kyra.” My voice starts to crack, “He’s so torn up about Brian and didn’t even tell me, until I saw him crying out in the hall a little while ago. Please come back, don’t go home. He needs you so bad Kyra. When does your flight leave?”

She’s crying into the phone, “I can’t even get a ticket. Olivia. My credit card limit is less than the price of damn the ticket, so I’m pretty much screwed. I’m just sitting here trying to figure things out.”

“Oh honey let me come get you. You and Todd need to talk and work things out.”

She sniffles into the phone, “Talk? What’s there to talk about? Todd wouldn’t tell me what was going on. If he can’t talk to me about things that are going on in his life, do we really even have a relationship?” She starts crying harder and whimpers, “Because you’re supposed to be able to talk to the person you love. He completely shut me out.” Her breath hitches. “I can’t do this, if he won’t be upfront with me. This isn’t how relationships work.”

I plead with her. “Kyra look - he has his reasons for not telling you. He’s apologized and he feels horrible.” I’m nervously tapping my nails on the table, grasping desperately for the right words to say. “He’s hurting so bad, please just give him the chance to tell you everything. I don’t want to tell you what to do, but I’m begging you with all my heart to please come back. Please?”

She whimpers, “I don’t know, Olivia. I’m so...so confused right now.”

I make one last attempt to convince her, as I clear my throat. “Todd’s a private person and he’s not used to sharing his feelings. It’s kind of a front he puts up. He has a hard time opening up to people, and he’s not going to share something, if he doesn’t have control of the situation. In this instance, he definitely felt he’d lost control. I don’t expect you to fully understand, but at least try Kyra.”

Reluctantly, she agrees to wait for me to come pick her up. I let Todd know that I’m going to the airport in a cab and that Kyra has agreed.

He throws his head back and puts his hands over his face, exhaling a sigh of relief. His face lights up. “I’ll go with you. Let me grab my wallet.”

I hold my hand up, “No, Todd. She agreed for me to come get her. You stay here and go to Brian’s room. You and Ash need to take care of him. I’ve got this under control, I swear.” I put my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to convince him. “You’re emotional, she’s emotional and together you two won’t do anything productive. I’ll text you when we’re on the way back.”

His shoulders start to relax. “Fuck Olivia, I owe you so damn much. Why do you put up with all my shit? I owe you my life and I just want her back. Let her know that I’d never cheat on her. I love her goddammit. Can you do that for me? Please?” The pleading in his voice makes me all the more determined to get back here with Kyra.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. “You wanna go smoke while you’re waiting on the cab? I really fucking need one. Bad.”

I laugh and slap him on the arm. “Yeah, let’s go have one. Even though it’s only seven, I’ll have one with you. Call me a cab and you’re paying for it.”

We’re smoking, as the cab pulls up. He puts me in, gives me a thumbs up, and taps the roof as the car pulls off.

Kyra’s waiting outside the terminal, as the cab pulls up. Looking distraught, it’s evident she’s been crying and her eyes are swollen. As I take her into my arms, she sobs. I hold her tight and feel her despair. I take her face into my hands and smile. “Honey, Todd is a good man. And I know in my heart he would never ever cheat on you. He loves you so much, so please don’t be hard on him.” I wipe her tears with my thumb. “Look, I know you’re hurting, but this is killing him and I want you two to work things out, so just give him a chance that’s all I ask.” She nods and puts her head on my shoulder.

On the way back to the hotel I’m curious, so I call Ash. “What’s going on? How’s Brian?”

“Liv, he’s in pretty bad shape. I’d venture to say he’s been using for longer than we think. The kid needs help. Look, when you and Kyra get back to the hotel, I don’t want either of you to come to this room under any circumstances - understand? You don’t need to see this. Just take her to our room and later, Todd and I will come to you. We’ve got some major decisions to make, and the rest of the guys need to be in on this as well. We’ll figure it out. Jesus. This is bad, Liv.”