Out of The Box Regifted (22 page)

I sit up in the bed, and I’m crying uncontrollably. I scream out, “I didn’t do this to them, I swear!”

“You didn’t do what babe? What were you dreaming?” I tell him about my dream and he sits by me in bed, holding and rocking me softly. “It’s gone now. It was just a bad dream. Come on lay down, and try to go back to sleep. I’ll stay here with you.” He turns the light on. “You won’t dream it anymore, I promise. I’ve had bad dreams and once you wake up, they go away. Trust me.” He rubs my head, “Shh, it’s okay now.”

I relax knowing he’s here. He’s dressed in his t-shirt and his jeans, and is lying on his side beside me. “I’ll stay here with you until you go back to sleep, then I’ll go get back on the couch.” He smiles and strokes my face. “It’s okay.”

I’m breathing really hard, and he asks if I want some water. “No, I’m fine. You don’t have to stay here, Todd. I’ll be ok, really.”

“It’s fine Olivia. I’m gonna stay here till you fall back asleep.” He turns on the radio and tunes it to soft, classical music. “Listen to the music, and relax. Come on now.” He rocks me to sleep, and I doze back off to sleep the rest of the night.

In the morning, I wake startled, and sit up in the bed, having to collect my thoughts and realize where I am. I quietly walk into the sitting area, and find Todd peacefully asleep on the couch. I see his bare leg sticking out of the covers, and his chest is bare, with his beautiful tattoos exposed. The wakeup call rings, and he’s up as soon as he hears it.

Rubbing his eyes and stretching, he sits up and looks over at me. Yawning he asks, “You okay?”

Ashamed, I answer, “I’m fine. Look I’m so sorry. I can’t even remember the last time I had a bad dream. I don’t know what
that
was all about.”

He smiles, and chuckles, “Well, no worries. Were you able to sleep any?”

“Yeah, after you told me the dream wouldn’t come back, I actually did sleep. Before the dream, I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep; then when I did, I had that horrible dream.”

He looks up at me, “Well, it’s over and we’re going home today. Want me to order room service?”

I give him a thumbs up, “Aww, that would be great. Lots of coffee please.”

I go into the bathroom to shower and get ready. Room service arrives, and Todd has ordered us an array of wonderful breakfast food and at my request, lots of hot coffee. The smell of strong freshly brewed coffee permeates the room, and I’m suddenly missing Ash more than ever. I’m sure he’s having his coffee and reading the paper, at this very moment.

We get ready and before I know it, we are packed up in the car, en route to the airport. I’m anxious to see Ash, and I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed him, until this moment. Once we board the plane, Todd realizes his seat is pretty far from mine, and without reservation, approaches the guy sitting next to me, asking if he’d consider trading seats.

He confidently smiles, “Excuse me…I need your seat and I’ll pay you, if you’ll switch with me.” The guy looks up over his glasses at Todd, and no telling what he thinks, but is more than willing to trade. Todd has some cash out, and offers it, but the guy won’t accept.

“That was pretty slick.” I say.

He leans into me and snickers, “Well, money talks, bullshit walks.”

On the short flight back, we talk about the wedding. Todd’s excited, but more excited that they don’t have to wear tuxes. He cackles, “I mean, I’d do it if Tommy really wanted me to, but fuck I hate tuxes.” I have to laugh at his brutal honesty.

I pat his arm, “Yeah, I don’t envision you in a tux, for some reason. Didn’t you wear a tux in high school to prom?”

“Nope. Never. I wasn’t into that scene. Tommy wasn’t either, but he went because his girlfriend was. I made my appearance at the after parties for the ladies.” He winks, with a devious look on his face.

I gaze out the window, thinking about the last 2 days, and of how I can’t wait to get back to Highland Park, to Ash and my life. Todd is listening to music, reading a music periodical, and I have my Kindle out. We finally land in Chicago, grab our bags, and head for Todd’s car. Once in the car and on the freeway, I catch myself smiling broadly from ear to ear, because I’m so anxious to see Ash and I guess it’s evident. “You look pretty happy. You excited to see Mr. H?”

“You have no idea.” I roll my eyes, “Look, about my bad dream…”

He cuts me off mid-sentence and smiles. “No apologies babe. It was probably all the shit you’ve been through these past few days, and the funeral probably fueled the fire. I’ll tell you something; after my folks died, I had nightmares that were fucking horrible. They got so bad, that I ended up having to see a psychologist. She was actually a girl who used to come watch us play. Tommy recommended her, and even made the appointment for me. After the funeral, I tried to stay at the house. I actually lived with my folks, and for some reason, I just couldn’t stay there after they were killed, so Tommy let me stay at his house. He was living with Mr. H at the time. It was just the two of them, since Anne had already died. Tommy stayed in the same room with me, because I would have these God awful nightmares, where I would wake up and start destroying things. He would get up with me, when it got really bad, and hold me until I could go back to sleep. That sounds really gay, but he would hold me and rock me like a fucking baby. I cried my fucking eyes out, Olivia. It was so fucking bad. The psychologist helped me work through things, and eventually, I got my own place. It took a long time, but I got through it, and I’m a better man now.”

“Todd, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through, but I admire you for getting help. I’m forever grateful that you came to be with me, and you’re such a good friend to me. Thank you.”

“No. Thank you, Olivia. You’ve helped me get rid of a lot of demons. You’ll never know just how much I appreciate you. Hey, let’s quit talking about deep shit, and think of what we’re both gonna be doing tonight.” He winks and laughs.

As we pull into my driveway, I see Ash on the front stoop, leaning up against the wall, with arms crossed, waiting for me, smiling.

“Looks like somebody’s glad you’re home.” Todd says.

“Thanks so much for the ride.”

“No problemo, amigo. We’ll talk soon. Love ya Olivia!” With that, he speeds out of the driveway and is on his way home to Kyra.

I jump into Ash’s arms, and I start to cry.

He looks at me, perplexed, as he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him. “Why the tears, Liv?”

I put my head on his chest, and I feel safe. “I’m just so glad to be home. I missed you so much.”

He carries me into the house, with my legs still wrapped around his waist, and traces a circle around my lips with his finger, “I wanna hear all about it. I know you need to talk... I can tell by the look on your face.”

I tell him about the funeral and how Alan called me, begging me to see him.

I throw my head back, and roll my eyes. “Arghh, you wouldn’t believe how Alan was talking. I couldn’t get him off the damn phone. Finally, Todd put the phone on speaker and ripped him a new one. I felt really bad, but it was my last resort.”

He grins, “All the more reason I’m glad he showed up.” He carries me into the bathroom and sets me on the vanity. “How about a nice hot bath and a glass of wine?”

I close my eyes and stretch my neck. “Mmm, sounds wonderful.” I dangle my feet, eagerly watching, as he gets the water ready. He takes the little seashell scoop from my bath salts and counts, as he scatters them into the filling tub, asking with a questioning grin, “Two or three?”

“
Three please.” I reply, while giggling

He tests the water with his hand, and nods his head approvingly, “Perfect. I’m going to get you a glass of wine. Hop in, and I’ll be right back to wash your back.”

I peel off my clothes and sink into the warm fragrant water, absorbed in my thoughts. I lay back, softly splashing the water on my body, while listening to a soulful and soothing Marc Broussard playlist Ash is playing. I take a deep breath, as the warm water caresses my body. I think back about these past two days, and the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on. Squeezing water from my washcloth, I put it over my eyes and begin to sob. Kelly and Anabelle are dead. Will God ever forgive me for every vile and hurtful thing I’ve said and thought? Tears are still falling from my eyes, when Ash comes back with my wine.

He sets the glass on the vanity, and drops to his knees beside the tub “Honey, what’s wrong? Why in the world are you crying?”

I look at him, ashamed, and put my hands back over my eyes, “Ash, I’ve said such ugly things about Kelly, and now she’s dead. She’ll never get to hold her beautiful little baby girl.” I wrap my arms around myself and rock, as I sob uncontrollably.

He leans over the tub to hold me, as he strokes my head and looks into my eyes, “Honey, of course she will. They’re up in heaven, and that precious baby girl is in her arms right now, you can believe that.”

There’s such a riveting analogy in his words, and I feel at peace, but my tears still flow as I look to him to console me. “So I’m not a bad person? God, I feel awful. I said such terrible things, Ash…I…”

He quickly strips down to his boxer shorts and gets in the tub behind me, holding me in his arms tightly, while rocking me and whispers, “Liv, you’re not a bad person.” He breathes into my hair, “You’re the best person I know.”

He pulls me back into him, rubbing the top of my head, still rocking me. I sigh and sadly laugh, as I remember him holding me this very same way the night Alan told me our marriage was over, “Déjà-vu huh?”

***

I wake the next morning with him facing me, stroking my face. “Mornin, Sunshine! I’ve got coffee made.”

I smile and take his hand. “Ash? Thank you for letting me go to the funeral.”

He leans his head back, and looks confused. “Liv, I didn’t
let
you go; I merely supported your decision, which I’ll always do. You don’t ever have to ask for my permission to do anything, honey.”

I brush his arm and with my finger, trace circles, as I look into his eyes, “Ash, I know that, but I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship, and I’ll never hide anything from you. You know that, don’t you?”

He takes my finger and kisses it sweetly, “Liv, I never would have asked you to be my wife, if I didn’t fully feel confident in your love and devotion to me. I know you needed to go, and I think you did the right thing.” He gets up and motions for my hand, as he pulls me to sit up. “You’re a good person, Liv. You’re caring and thoughtful and above all, you’re my everything.” He fondly gives my behind a little pat, and walks out. “Coffee’s ready, let’s do our morning ritual.”

At breakfast, we talk about our Paris trip. He won’t divulge many details about what we’ll be doing, though. “You just have to trust me.”

We talk about Tommy and Emily’s wedding and about Melissa’s wedding. These next few months will be full. With the closing on the condo, decorating, the wedding being held here, and traveling to Palm Beach, my life and schedule is full. No complaining, though.

The next few weeks, I am in full wedding planning mode. This coming weekend, we are all going to listen to Avenue at the club. Mariah and Gary will be there, as will Ellen and David. I’m excited for Mariah and Gary to meet Tommy and the guys, and Todd even promised me he would be on his best behavior.

Saturday night, we arrive at the club and make our way to our favorite table, where I see Emily and Kyra already seated. I grab a spot next to Emily, directly facing the stage. Emily is twirling her hair, and is shaking her knee. “I don’t know why, but I’m so nervous for Aunt Mariah and Uncle Gary to meet Tommy.”

“They’ll love him Emily, I have no doubt. What’s not to love about Tommy?” I tease.

Mariah and Gary arrive just before the show starts and Tommy, along with the guys, come to the table.

“Mariah and Gary, this is Tommy, Emily’s husband to be.” I say. Tommy opts to hug them both, instead of shaking hands, which makes me proud.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you.” Tommy smiles and says. I can tell they are both impressed. Tommy has on tight jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, which shows his toned body, his tattoos are visible and he looks like the consummate rock star. His hair is fashionably messed up, and I can tell he hasn’t shaved today.

“So Tommy, I used to play bass in a band back in the 70’s. It was a hard rock band.” Gary says.