Out Of Her League (27 page)

She smiled against his lips, kissed his flat tummy and scooted to curl up beside him. Maybe lovemaking was as natural as breathing with the right partner.

He opened his eyes. “Pretty proud of yourself, huh?” he asked, one corner of his mouth curving up. “You should be.”

She felt incandescent, invincible.

“Don't move,” he whispered, kissing her as he got up. “Be back in a second.”

He came out of the bathroom a few moments later, still stark naked. A little thrill rushed through her at the sight of him, still astonished that she was free to touch and kiss that gorgeous body at will. Rayne bent and scooped her up, carried her to the couch and lay down, pulling her on top of his chest. Cuddling into him, she rested her head over the steady throb of his heart, stemming the tears that came out of nowhere. He hugged her tight, stroking her hair while the quiet torrent rushed through her. With a sigh she fell asleep, his heart beating beneath her cheek.

Rayne woke alone, knew instantly something was wrong. He sat up in his empty bed, where he'd carried her sometime last night and tucked her securely against him. The bedside clock said five-thirty freaking a.m. He strained to hear the shower running, Christa moving about in the kitchen, but only silence came. Throwing on his jeans he made a quick tour of the cottage, finding it empty. Disappointment filled him. Then fear.

Stay calm, don't panic
. Where could she have gone? Maybe Jake had been desperate for a walk. But she wouldn't have ventured outside on her own, especially not after Nate's update. Christ, what if the psycho had somehow crossed the border, come after her? Or maybe... ?

Maybe she'd jumped in the car and left for good.

God, had last night scared her that badly? He scrubbed a hand over his face.

On the heels of these awful thoughts, he ran and threw open the front door, practically sagging with relief when he saw the rental vehicle parked in the driveway. So she hadn't gone far, but where was she? He went back to the living room and peered out at the beach, seeing nothing but banks of fog and churning gray waves past the eaves dripping water. Maybe Bryn had seen her.

He grabbed the phone. She answered on the third ring.

“Hey, Bryn, I was wondering if— ”

“Yeah, she's here. She was out walking her dog. At dawn.”

Rayne exhaled and leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. “Shit.” She'd scared ten years off his life. When he hung up, he flopped onto the couch and raked his hands through his hair. Should he go after her, or would that frighten her away even more? It bugged the hell out of him that he couldn't do anything but sit here with his thumb up his ass and wait for her. He was a man of action, accustomed to taking charge and solving problems. Well, he sure had a problem here. Last night he'd finally realized he was in love with her, and this morning she'd taken off.

That's right— God help him, but there it was. He loved her. Staring down into her trusting aquamarine eyes, his heart had teetered on the brink and free-fallen into the unknown. It hadn't scared him then, but this morning he didn't have a clue what the hell he was supposed to do next.

He was frustrated by her sudden withdrawal, hurt even. Life was about to take a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn. No more women for him, but he was fine with that. From now on, though, whenever he made a decision he had someone else's thoughts and feelings to consider. If things progressed between them they might even move in together, in his condo or her house, if she could face living there again after the attack. It would be weird giving up his place with the ocean view, his independence, but he'd been a bachelor for so long, it would be kinda nice to make room for someone else in his life. Someone he cherished, who made him a better person.

Was he capable of making this kind of commitment to her? Christa wanted the security of a committed life partner and someday, marriage and kids. If they got that far, what kind of husband and father would he be? Would he be able to meet his own expectations regarding those roles? Or would he self-destruct the way his father had and devastate the ones who depended on him?

The rational part of his brain knew it was a stupid thing to think. It's not like it was genetic or anything. Yet the fear loomed.

His cell phone shrilled from the bedroom and he ran to answer it, frowning when he saw it was work calling. “Hutch here.”

“Lieutenant Morrow, Hutch. Sorry to interrupt your vacation but we've got a situation going down and I need you. Got an armed barricaded suspect holding his young son hostage. Military vet, high on meth and heavily armed. Negotiator's trying to talk him out, but nothing so far. We've got zero visibility into the house, and the way things are looking we're going to have to go tactical on this one.”

“Has my team come in?”

“Yeah, they're being briefed right now.”

He promised to be there, then hung up, frustration gnawing at him. He and Christa had come a long way in the past few days, and the few more he'd planned for them would have helped her heal even more. Now that they knew for sure the stalker was gunning for her she'd have to stay at his place under lock and key, but would she be safe enough there, even with the additional security his condo offered? The perp had been smart enough to get Christa's alarm code at home, so breaking into a secure building wasn't much of a stretch.

He rolled his head to ease the tension in his neck. Wonderful. Now he had to break it to her that she had to leave this place she'd grown to love, only to be locked up in his condo alone.

“Was that him?” Christa asked after Bryn had hung up.

“Yep. I think he was worried you'd left town without him.”

She dropped her head into her hands. “God, I feel so stupid. What do I do now?” When she'd woken up beside him this morning, that little voice in her head had been screaming at her to get up and out of there. With his warmth curled around her she'd felt too fragile to face him. So she'd slid out of bed and taken Jake out on the beach, giving herself time to check her emotions and come to grips with the fact that despite his reassurances, this was probably going to be a fling. Bursting with the need to vent, she'd used her cell phone to call Teryl, her friend's lack of surprise about her and Rayne coupled with her caution to be careful only adding to her blend of elation and anxiety.

She'd kept Nate's news about Seth to herself, not wanting to stress Teryl out in the delicate weeks of the first trimester. Considering this increased threat to her life, she never should have left the cottage alone. She'd walked all the way to Bryn's, intending to turn around and start back, but had seen the kitchen light on and was dying for her advice.

Bryn pinned her with her intense stare. “Care to tell me what happened last night?”

Christa glanced down at her lap, toying with the frayed cuffs of her sweater. “Well nothing really, he... we... ” She gave an eloquent shrug. “You know.”

“You slept together?”

Oh, why was this so hard to talk about? “Sort of.”

“And?”

Christa gripped her mug tighter and stared into its murky contents. “And I don't know what to do now.”

“What do you mean?”

She shook her head, trying to find the right words. “He... he
overwhelmed
me. Not physically— ”

“Well then, that sounds pretty damn good to me.”

“You don't understand, I
lost
it, Bryn. I totally lost control and ended up crying all over him afterward.” She whispered it, like she'd admitted to some sort of mortal sin.

“And this is the end of the world because... ? I'm sure he understands you would be emotional after what happened to you. You probably needed a good cry, you keep everything bottled up so tight. What's the real problem here?”

She pushed up from her chair and began pacing. “It was like he had absolute control over every part of me— my body, even my heart.” Her voice thickened. “I had no control and he wouldn't let me hold anything back, even though I tried. I felt so vulnerable, and then I lost it.”

“Wow,” Bryn breathed, fanning herself.

“I didn't know I could feel like that,” she admitted.

“So you had amazing, mind-blowing sex, cried all over him, and then what?”

“I fell asleep on the couch and woke up beside him in his bed.”

“So basically you took off in a panic because you're scared of... ?”

Christa took a sip of cocoa, let the mouthful of hot liquid warm her. “I'm afraid of getting my heart broken again.” It sounded so stupid, but hey, that was how she felt.

“And what makes you think he'll break it?”

She met her gaze, all the torment in her soul surely mirrored in her eyes. “Because he's not into long-term relationships, everyone knows that. And because I'm in love with him.”

Bryn's brown eyes softened. “Christa, you must know you're more to him than just a casual fling.”

“I hope so. But do I mean enough to him that I won't get my heart smashed all to pieces?”

“Maybe you should ask him that.”

She snorted. “Yeah, right. He'd run so fast he'd leave skid marks.”

Bryn patted her hand. “Look, sweetie, love is risky. That's how it works. But I told you before, I've known Rayne for a long time and I've never seen or heard of him acting like this with another woman. Whatever happens, at least you know he really cares about you. Look at it this way, a man had nuclear meltdown sex with you, then held you when you cried your heart out, and carried you to
his
bed, and you woke up
next
to him. Wouldn't you say it's a good sign that he wasn't the one up at five o'clock in the morning walking your dog?”

Christa couldn't help laughing. “That
is
a good sign.”

“And I also should point out that you're not the only one feeling a little freaked out. He probably thought he'd scared you off for good.”

“I feel like such an idiot. What am I going to tell him? Sorry about my psychotic behavior, Rayne, I'm sure it will pass?”

“Tell him whatever you want, but tell him soon. He's probably wearing out the carpet as we speak.”

Bryn walked with her and Jake as far as the last few yards, the path climbing the dunes dotted with clumps of sea grass waving in the ceaseless wind. The air was cool and damp, promising more rain. Nerves jumped in her stomach. She would waltz in and say hello, smile at him, and put this whole awkward scene behind her. She would enjoy the moment while it lasted, take her cues from him. If he broke things off before she was ready, well, that was the risk she was taking. She'd just have to deal with it when the time came.

Realizing she'd stopped at the foot of the weathered porch stairs, she bolstered her courage and led Jake up to the back door. She let him in ahead of her, absorbing the jolt to her heart when she found Rayne standing in the kitchen doorway. Would the sight of him always take her breath away?

She forced the nerves down, smiled at him as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Hi. We got all our exercise for the day, so we can spend the rest of it relaxing. I brought you back a cinnamon bun.” Did that sound as ridiculous to him as it did to her?

“Thanks.” He accepted the brown paper bag from her. “Do you want some?”

“No, thanks. I had some toast at Bryn's.” She went past him to hang up her coat, saddened she'd caused this rift. She'd been intimate with him last night, and now look at the distance between them. All her fault, too. “Did you sleep well?”

He put the bun on a plate and set it on the table along with a cup of stale coffee. “Yeah, not bad.”

Until you woke up alone and wondered what the hell had happened to me
. Blood rushed to her face and she busied herself doing dishes at the sink. Better to get it over with and put her out of her misery. “I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't mean to make you worry.”

“Are you okay?”

“I guess. Just kind of embarrassed about how I reacted last night. You know... after.”
And now you probably think I should be on medication
.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm sorry, Chris. I never meant to scare you.”

“I wasn't scared. It was a little intense, that's all, but I'm fine now, really.” To prove it she smiled at him over her shoulder. “I probably scared you to death, though, huh?”

“Only when you took off this morning without a word. I was afraid that you'd... that he'd... ” He stopped, seemed to be picking his words carefully. “And I wondered if you were thinking, last night, about what you wrote in the journal, what he said to you about me.”

I can hurt you in so many ways, and your boyfriend's even bigger than me. Look at how helpless you are right now, and he's twice my size. Imagine the damage a guy his size could do. Worse than this, sweetheart. And once he had you he'd throw you away like all the others
.

Oh, God, is that what he'd thought? “I would
never
think you were like him.” Her voice rang with conviction.

He shifted his stance. “You have to know I would never— ”

She came over to stop the words with her hand, the first time she'd touched him since last night, and she could barely keep from wrapping herself around him. “Don't,” she whispered, “don't even say it. I know you would never hurt me.”

He kissed the fingers covering his mouth, reached up to take her hand in his. “Never.” He drew her into a tight hug, letting the rest of the tension drain out of him. “I wanted our first time to be so good.”

“It was. That's partly why I panicked.”

“How come?”

She buried her face closer. “Because, all right? I'm dying of humiliation here. Give me a break.”

He tilted her flushed face up to his. “Tell me, Chris. If you can.”

She pulled her chin from his grasp and steeled herself. If she was going to get her heart broken, it might as well happen sooner rather than later, before she'd spun all her hopes and dreams around a life with him. “I wasn't sure where you were at,” she admitted, staring at the Nike logo printed across the chest of his T-shirt. “In terms of us.” When he remained silent, she gazed up at him with her heart in her throat. “You know, if it was only a fling, or... ” The disbelief in his stare made her afraid she'd really offended him.