Our Favourite Indian Stories (26 page)

'You need a good thrashing to relax at night, huh? You probably think it's cruel of me. You know why I do it, don't you? I only feel like a man when I'm slapping you around. And you're the only one in the world I can flex my muscles to. I suppose if we had children I'd knock them around, too. You know there's nothing better than pummelling the lights out of someone. I don't care how much you miss these bouts of ours, though. I've had enough. From now on, if I lay my hands on anyone, it's going to be to wring that damn Goddess' neck. I'll find myself a hammer and go in there and smash her to pieces. Then I'll light the whole temple on fire with me inside, and die there in peace. Look, if I forget, make sure you remind me. We can't let the next new moon go by.'

It took him a long time to fall asleep that night. And his wife didn't close her eyes once. How had this burden suddenly gotten dumped on her shoulders? Obey her husband and there'd be a disaster. Disobey him, disaster. When had they ever had even a glimmer of happiness in this life? The two had seen nothing but grief. Good thing they didn't have any children. They'd just spend all their time crying over their misery. Troubles churned inside her head until it felt absolutely empty — no more worries, no more sorrow. She looked into the sky. There are more shades of malice, despair, gratification and serenity mixed in the night's dark cloak than even the Creator could name.

Well, time doesn't heed even an apocalypse, so why would it concern itself with this measly Brahmin priest? The cycle of days and nights moved along at their natural pace when finally the new moon day dawned. The Goddess was upset. There was no telling what the crazy priest was capable of. If the worshippers' faith in Her lapsed for a moment, there would be no one left even to remember Her name. The other creatures in the world didn't think of anything besides watching out for their own skins. It wouldn't matter to them if the Lord died today or tomorrow — vultures, crows, jackals and ants would be there feeding on His corpse. If She left her temple, she'd have to go a hundred miles just to find another. There's no relying on these selfish humans! You never knew when their stomachs would growl and everything would change.

The Brahmin's wife thought over her predicament long and hard. In the end she decided that once in her life she might as well do something out of the ordinary. She reminded her husband of his vow the night before the new moon day.

He threw a fit. 'You're reminding me just as I'm falling asleep? Tell me again in the morning and may be I'll remember.'

But the next morning when the Brahmin set off to the temple his wife's mind was on other matters, and she forgot all about his vow. He got angry when he realized this, 'I've told you so many times and still you forget! My faith in you has gone from molasses to cow dung! I'm going to borrow a hammer from someone today, and arrange for the wood and kindling. You come with me after dinner tonight. The whole district will be talking about us tomorrow.'

Meanwhile the Goddess was in a state. She couldn't concentrate on the prayers people were offering. She knew Her Brahmin too well. He could get into one of his moods anytime now and smash Her to pieces. She had to think of a way to appease him.

The sun was setting as he was performing the last evening rites when suddenly the Goddess emerged from her idol. She was adorned so gaily that she sparkled like a thousand lamps. Priceless diamonds and pearls glittered as she walked. When the Brahmin looked up and saw this lone devotee standing beside him, he thought this was his golden opportunity.

He was just about to snatch her jewellery when she spoke: 'Son, I have been testing you these many years. If only you could have waited a little longer, you would have received the very throne of Indra. But you have lost patience prematurely. Nevertheless, I will give you whatever wish you ask for.'

The temple cymbals tumbled from his hands, sending a piercing clang echoing throughout the small temple alcove. The Goddess stood in front of him smiling. He spat contemptuously and asked, 'And what if I had died first?'

She kept smiling and assured him, 'I would never have let that happen. Our devotees receive Our unfailing care. It was simply due to some confusion in the divine realm that your reward has been so long delayed.'

And what if She would disappear just as suddenly as She had appeared? There was no telling with her! A moment later he said, 'Give me all Your jewellery then. Then we'll both get to enjoy a life of leisure.'

She cried out without thinking: 'I'd be lost without My Jewellery!' But She regained her composure quickly and explained, 'Divine jewellery is useless to you people. It would turn to sand at your touch.'

'So why did you tell me to wish for anything I wanted? I asked for what I wanted. And unlike You, I mean what I say when I say it. Well, now at least I know how to get You here when I want You here. Next time I need anything I'll just get myself a hammer. Humph. Anyway, there's no hiding my troubles from you. If you really want to grant me a boon, then just go ahead and give me something. Whatever you want.'

Such bravado! She could scarcely conceal her rage. She knew this worshipper well. He had suffered too much to be easily cowed. A man living a cushy life could never hazard such recklessness. But the Brahmin would get soft, too, as soon as he tasted luxury. Then she wouldn't have to worry. This was the kind of man who'd lop off his nose just to be a portentous sight for others. So She would give him a boon that would please him, yes, but would do more for the people around him. That would make him burn with envy.

She said, 'All these years you have spent worshipping me and your moral fortitude has done nothing but deteriorate. Get rid of that fire burning in your heart. Whenever it flares up, try doing something kind for someone instead.'

Listening to advice about doing something helpful for someone else made him sick. "What kind of lecture is this? I've heard this too many times already. Forget the lecture, just gave me my boon.'

'You are one in a million. One in a million. Actually I am impressed by this impudence of yours. What's the use of all those fawning fools, constantly grovelling and tittering? But you can't even look after your own interest. From now on, I'll look after you.'

'Okay so everything's going to be happy ever after, but why are You taking so long?'

The Goddess was so pleased words couldn't express it. She didn't even mind his insolence. She laughed and said, 'All Children are equal in a mother's eye. Maternal feelings are never lacking, even for the most wicked. Until this day no one has ever received a boon such as the one I'm about to grant you. And, along with you others will profit.'

'Others will profit? By my boon? What could be worse? Me, I've no use for a boon like that.'

'You have spent your entire life enduring one hardship after another. It has made your thinking a little skewed. Getting angry like this doesn't help matters. Go. From now on, anything you ask for will appear before you. But whatever you ask for, others will receive too and double, for twelve and twelve makes twenty-four miles around.'

He started to scream, 'You call that a boon? It's worse than a curse! Compared to this boon of yours, my miserable life is a first-class train ride. Take back your stupid boon and get out of here!'

The Goddess vanished back inside the icon as miraculously as She had come. He began shaking the Icon, but She wouldn't reappear: didn't make a single sound. He stood there for a while completely still. He thought to himself, I'll just go home and talk it over with the wife. What could it hurt? After all these years, finally the Goddess had granted him a boon!

He felt happy as he walked home from the temple. His wife was standing in the doorway. Such long, bounding strides! She had never seen him like this.

She called out, 'What's happened? Why are you so excited?'

'Today I found out that you don't mince words with someone used to kicks.'

Then the Brahmin explained in detail all that had led up to his getting the boon. As she stood listening to him, the Brahmin's wife felt the weight of all those years of suffering and hardship lift from her shoulders. She became ecstatic.

She told him, 'I knew that all the time you spent in prayers would prove worthwhile.'

'Prove worthwhile? What do you mean, the prayers would prove worthwhile? It's been completely worthless! Whatever I get everyone else will get also, only twice as much. You couldn't think of a worse curse! God, has the hash started rotting out your brain?'

'As a woman I have no right to challenge you, but really, what does it matter to us if others have more? We have spent so much of our lives toiling away in such misery; just the thought of it makes my hair stand on end. Let's just try to be happy. Then we'll know. It's up to you now. What's there to worry about? It hasn't been easy staying devoted to a husband like you. Why can't you just grant me just one taste of joy?'

He was not a man born with compassion in his heart. But it must be said that he did not get angry after hearing his wife's nonsense. He scratched his head and said, 'You are right. We should see if it works. The Goddess, after all, may be trying to trick us somehow.'

But what should he ask for first? Suddenly he thought of his broken pipe and empty bowl of
ganja
. He called out, 'Oh Mother Goddess, if this boon is genuine, then give me a new pipe and a big bowl of
ganja
."

The words had scarcely left his lips when the gifts appeared. He stared at them wide-eyed, flabbergasted. If he could get every wish to come true this easily, there would be no end to his joy! Every want of the past would be taken care of. What did he wish for first? Just a pipe and some
ganja
.. But what now? And what if the boon was only meant to be used once, then what would he do? That would be an outrage. And everyone else getting twice as much? What torture! This was the real dilemma. Maybe, if he could just have some of that fresh
ganja
his mind would be come more alert. He tapped the
ganja
into the pipe until it was completely full. His wife brought him an ember to light it with. He was thinking about what to wish for next. He had spent his entire life scrounging. Now what would be the best thing to wish for next? This or that, that or this? His mind felt tangled up in knots. He thought of so many things he wanted to wish for. This was the kind of leisure afforded by a full stomach. A person who goes hungry is not even allowed the luxury of clear thinking. His wife wouldn't stop nagging him. So, to please her he wished for a cannister of flour, a container of salt, a bin full of pepper and spices, and a bundle of firewood. It was odd — one moment he asked for things and the next moment there they were before him.

The couple was astonished. His wife dashed off to light the fire. Why linger now? As happy as he was, he was still bothered. Everyone around him was getting twice as much! Nothing could be worse!

The Brahmin's wife fed her husband and then sat down to eat. There's nothing like the pleasure of a full stomach. It was the first time in the Brahmin's entire life that he had eaten his fill, and it only made him sadder. He went to his wife and said, 'Dear, would you please do me one favour?'

'Have I refused you before that you suddenly have to start asking?'

'Refused and you would have had me to answer to. I'd have paddled you with my shoe so hard you'd have had a bald spot on the top of your head. No, I want you to run out and look in every house to see if they've gotten twice as much as we've gotten.'

'Why should we bother with anyone else? What we have, we have for ourselves. No need now to go around the neighbourhood, begging for a light. And it is all because of you that no one has to worry. You're doing well, and everyone is doing well.'

'Absolutely brainless, and still you go on chattering like you have something to say. I've been putting up with this for a lot longer than I've had to, but today it's too much. If everyone is doing well just because of me, then I might as well die. Don't try to argue with me. Just do as I say.'

And talk about doing well! Wherever she went the Brahmin's wife found the Goddess's words had come true. She spun around the village like an unwound top. And in every house it was the same. People were dumb-founded. Was this some sort of magic or sorcery? Then the Brahmin's wife told them about the boon. At last her husband's penance had been rewarded.

When she came home she found her husband sitting outside with a long face... At the sound of her footsteps, he lifted his head and asked, 'Is it true? Are they getting twice as much as we are?'

When his wife nodded her head, it was as if a cannon had been fired into his ear. He wasn't worried about the people he didn't know, but the thought of the people in his own village getting all those things made him crazy. And not one speck of thanks — the bastards hadn't said a word. Helping ingrates like these should be considered a sin! He reeled around like a mad man and collapsed on his broken cot. His wife started massaging his hands and feet.

After some time she tried to soothe him by saying, 'Why are you getting so upset over nothing? Let the world go up in smoke. What do you care? This shouldn't bother you.'

'How am I supposed to let it all go up in smoke? If I really burned up, I'd be okay.'

'You are part of this world. Keep yourself safe and sound and everything else will fall into place. Take a look in the mirror. You need to be healthy. Instead you grow skinny as a thorny bush right before my eyes. If I had a loaf of raw sugar, a pot of butter, and a kilo of fenugreek I would make you
laddus
to eat tonight, and then feed you some
halwa
besides. If I could bother you for the trouble, it'd be done before you know it. If you want, that is. Just make the wish.'

As soon as he heard the words
laddu
and
halwa
the Brahmin's mouth began to water. He would have to get back his strength first if he wanted to deal with all these problems properly. No one knew, when he was going to take his last breath. It's not as if the Lord of Death trumpets His arrival. First, I'll let myself get better, he thought, then I'll deal with everyone else one by one. He lay down and wished for the list of things his wife had asked for. The items appeared as soon as the words had crossed his lips. As he smelled her warming the rich butter on the fire, he felt calmer.