Our Chance (13 page)

Groaning, I pressed my forehead against hers. The harder I fell for her the more I wanted her to myself. Sometimes I just wanted to shut the whole world out so we could be together without any distractions.

We stopped on the floor below and other’s got in. I didn’t take my eyes off her.

“Fine but you’re staying at mine tomorrow night.”

She shrugged like it was no big deal and replied, “Alright.”

It was a big deal. The amount of time we spent together – at each other’s places – was more than casual. Nell was either in denial or completely ignorant about it.

There were three other people with us so I couldn’t do all of the things to her that I wanted. Instead I watched her try to ignore me watching her. It was fun. She kept her eyes ahead, occasionally returning a smile with the old woman standing next to her.

I meant to just piss her off a bit but I couldn’t look away. Nell was everything I wanted and a whole lot more. She turned to gaze at me, narrowing her eyes for a second, telling me to stop. I couldn’t. I didn’t even want to.

The woman next to her looked at me and scowled, probably thinking I was stalking Nell.

I turned my attention back to Nell and ran my tongue along my bottom lip and I could see the shock on the old woman’s face. Nell bit her lips together, trying to stop herself from laughing. Knowing the lift ride was coming to an end, I decided to step things up. I bit my lip, dropped my gaze to her breasts and cocked my eyebrow.

The door opened on the ground floor and the old woman made a quick exit, followed by an amused, but would never admit it, Nell.

“You’re terrible!” She said, spinning around and shaking her head at me.

Laughing triumphantly, I did a bow.

“How are you so successful? You’re a fucking child!”

“I tend to act like an adult at work. Mostly. What’s the point in life if you can’t have a little fun?”

“What’s he done?” Logan asked, walking towards us from the bar. Chloe was on the end of his arm, both smiling like moronic idiots.

“He made an old lady uncomfortable in the lift by letching over me.”

I held my hands up. “She didn’t need to watch.”

Nell pointed her finger. “You didn’t need to do it.” The humour in her eyes gave her away. She wasn’t mad. She was probably annoyed that she didn’t think to do it herself.

Chloe laughed and pulled Nell’s arm, linking it through hers. “Let’s go see this hotel!”

The girls skipped off pointing things out and playing what shit would go where. Logan and I trailed behind bored stiff.

“We could just go to the bar and neither of them would notice,” I said as we waited at the entrance of one of the rooms they could have the reception in.

“Tempting but the second I leave she’ll fucking notice. Women have this…gift for noticing the shit we screw up on and not a lot else.”

“You’re right there. Apparently everything is my fault, even the things that aren’t. Like yesterday for instance, it’s my fault that we only got one Breakfast tea bag each but two Earl Grey. Please tell my how that’s my screw-up?”

“Oh, it is,” he replied.

“What? Whose side are you on?”

Logan tipped his head to the side. “You’ve got a cock, it’ll always be your fault and the sooner you accept that and learn to nod and repress, the happier you’ll be.”

“Well, it’s a good thing Nell and I aren’t in a relationship.”

He raised a light eyebrow. “Of course, that would be ridiculous.”

“Fuck off.”

Laughing, he shrugged one shoulder. “Damon, just make it official, yeah.”

He made it sound so easy. You didn’t
just
do something with Nell, unless it was purely physical and made your eyes roll back into your head. The girl was complicated personified and I didn’t fully understand why.

“I would. She wouldn’t.”

“She would, she just needs to stop being scared.”

“Hey, if you have any suggestions on how to do that…”

He smiled apologetically.

“That’s what I thought. I don’t know, if she’s going to be with someone I like to think I’m the one she’d let in but whether she will or not anytime soon is anyone’s guess.”

“Sorry, man.”

I shrugged it off but it did bother me, more and more each day.

“If it helps sometimes people need more time than others. Not everyone’s path is perfect and straightforward. Look at me and Chlo, I loved her for years before she started feeling the same way and even then it took her months to be okay with it. For whatever reason Nell just needs time.”

“I just wish I knew the reason. You knew with Chloe, which must’ve made it easier to understand. All I’ve got is a stubborn woman that drives me insane.”

“That’ll never change! It did help; especially since I’d been through the same things as her, but waiting to see if she’d ever come around and be cool with us was excruciating.”

Excruciating. Yes. That hit the nail on the head. For so long I’d been repressing my feelings for her and what it was doing to me, because being with her wasn’t an option. But I could only bury what I felt for so long and now…

“I don’t know.”

I had a feeling eventually things between us would blow up and that’d be it. Even knowing that, I still couldn’t walk away before it turned to shit. I was committed to seeing it through, no matter what the outcome would be. If there was a slither of hope I was staying until I knew otherwise.

“Have faith, man.”

That was all I had. There was a chance, albeit a miniscule one. Maybe I could get through to her, help her overcome or face whatever she was hiding.

“How long do you think they’ll be doing that for?” I asked, moving on from my failure to properly connect with Nell on any real level. They both looked crayon eating special, holding their arms out to the length of what I assumed were tables and other shit that’d be needed in the reception room.

Logan laughed and took out his phone. “A little while longer I hope. How dead do you think I’d be if I posted these online?”

I watched him take a couple photos.

“Really dead and divorced before you’re even married.”

“Damn,” he said, raising both eyebrows. “Guess these are just for us.”

“Nell,” I called as they went to the far end of the grand room. No less than six chandeliers hung from the ceiling and tall windows made the most of the view of the acres of land.

Shit, what do I want her for?

She walked towards me with a content smile. Her green eyes softened the closer she got. Logan made himself scarce and headed over to Chloe. “Yeah?”

When she reached me she stepped into my embrace and looked up.

“I’m bored,” I said.

“You called me over to tell me you’re bored?”

No, I called her over to have her over.

“Yes.”

Rolling her eyes she stood taller and kissed me. I felt everything, every brush of her lips, every time she dug her nails into my back and pulled me closer a fraction, and every lick of her tongue.

Moaning, I curled my fingers into her hair and deepened the kiss. If we weren’t in public I would’ve pushed her against the wall and slid my hand up her top.

Clamping my arms around her back, I pinned her body against mine and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. I couldn’t get enough. Nell gasped and slid her tongue against mine, massaging slowly and clawing at my back.

I loved her.
I fucking love her!

“Nell,” I moaned.

Her heart pounded against my chest at the same insane rate as my own. How could she not see we belonged together? No matter what we had to go through to get there it would be worth it. I needed her to realise that soon.

“Err, guys,” Logan said in amusement.

Scowling, I parted from Nell and glared up at them. “What?” I snapped.

“I think we’re done here if you want to…you know,” Chloe said, winking.

Nell turned in my arms but kept her body plastered to mine. “Go shopping! Absolutely, I need to get gifts for my parents.”

“Sorry?” I said, my arms tightening around her. Let that be a joke, please.

“Good luck, Damon,” Logan said, laughing. “We’re off to meet with the wedding planner, catch ya later.”

“You honestly want to shop right now?”

She nodded. “I thought tomorrow we could chill so I want to get it over with today.”

“Ah, like the walk around with the happy couple?”

“Yep. I have plans for you tomorrow.”

“I like the sound of that. Let’s get this over with then,” I replied, letting go, taking her hand and pulling her out of the room.

We walked up a steep hill, following the directions Nell insisted on getting from the hotel staff. I continued to hold her hand, never knowing how that was going to go down. She didn’t look at me as I threaded my fingers between hers but she did look on, smiling so peacefully it made me ache.

There was always something she held back, a part of herself that she would never truly open. Even when she laughed so much she could barely breathe she was still holding back. But now, fuck me, now she was free and I wanted to stay here forever if this was what being away did for her.

“Do you know what you want to get them?” I asked.

“Nope, something tacky that says Scotland on it. Maybe a crap fridge magnet or that dog they all seem to love.”

“Alright, looks like there are a couple souvenir shops ahead, I’m sure we’ll find tacky there.”

“Cool, then you can buy me a KFC, I starving.”

I pulled her hand, making her step closer and kissed the top of her head. I was in love with the perfect woman and I was determined to enjoy the next day with her – in bed.

Nell

Holding my paper bag filled with tacky Scotland gifts for my parents, I let myself into their house. We’d all made it home on the flimsy little plane safely and I’d promised my parents I’d visit the day I got back.

Chloe and Logan had jumped in and booked their wedding after falling in love with the hotel. I was really pleased they had because the place now held amazing memories for me. I felt so close to Damon it hurt. I told myself over and over it was because we were away, kind of like a holiday romance.

Things were back to normal now and the distance was painful. It wasn’t supposed to bloody hurt. I ached to be that close to him again. I wanted to lie in his arms and just kiss for ages. I wanted to hold his hand that fraction tighter than usual.

Taking a deep breath, I swallowed the hollow feeling in my heart and called, “Mum, Dad!”

“Living room, Nell,” Mum replied.

I turned the old-fashioned silver ball door handle and almost dropped the bag on the floor. Mum was curled up on the sofa with mascara running down her face. I froze. “Mum, what happened? Where’s Dad?”

“He left.”

“What? Where did he go? Tell me what happened.”

I put the bag on the coffee table as I walked past and sat down in front of her, tucking my legs under.

“He lost his job again.”

“Another one? What went wrong this time?”

“Apparently it’s all their fault.”

It always was. He would flit from job to job depending on what he wanted to do next. I couldn’t fault him for wanting to find if there was something out there he was passionate about but Mum couldn’t support them both on her low salary alone.

She took a sip of her vinegar smelling white wine. Drinking on her own. My mum was the classiest chick. To be fair though, she wasn’t a big drinker at all. The odd bottle of wine was saved for the many, many times she and Dad broke up.

Clenching my teeth, I took the glass off her. “Mum, put that down and talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say, Nell. I can’t get through to him, it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes.” The familiarity kicked me in the stomach. I put the glass down before I dropped it. “Work wouldn’t let him take extra holiday, on top of what he’s entitled to, so he quit,” she said, throwing her arms up in the air. “Just like that. Like we don’t have bills to pay.”

“Is that why you’re so upset? Did you… Did you…argue?”

“When he came home early, he tried telling me he had a half day. As if I can’t read the signs by now. I knew, so I confronted him. He gave me the usual drivel about how I never support him and if I was going to constantly be on his back he’d leave.”

“And you told him to leave.”

Their arguments never changed. They may occasionally be about different things other than Dad’s jobs and money but the cycle was the same.

“Bloody right I did. I’m not asking for mansions and diamonds, Nell, but if we’re a partnership, I expect him to pull his weight and do what’s best for us both.”

And here we go, time to start slagging each other off.

“You’re right, Mum, but you know how he is. I don’t see how you can continue complaining about something you
know
is going to repeat itself.” Growing up with my parents had taught me that you have no place moaning about something you’re not willing to change. Or at least try to change.

“I thought we were trying,” she said, getting defensive.

I felt like bashing my head against a wall until I drew blood. Actually every single conversation I’ve had with her about his was like doing exactly that. My weekend in Scotland made me feel like I was floating but thanks to my parents I’d fallen right back down to the ground with an almighty crash.