Read Oral Sex for Every Body: Giving and Receiving for Men and Women Online
Authors: Tina Robbins
Tags: #Self-Help, #Sexual Instruction, #Family & Relationships, #Love & Romance, #Reference, #Personal & Practical Guides
Oral Sex for Every Body: Giving and Receiving for Men and Women (4 page)
Romantic. Wear bikinis and tangas with gaudy flowers, lace, embroidery, delicate fabrics, and pastel colors.
Sport-Chic. Cotton is the perfect textile. Choose fun patterns with numbers, letters, lines, tropical flowers, or suggestive messages.
Innovator. Dare to try out camouflage patterns, menswear, and outfits with military insignia.
YOUR “DOWN THERE” LOOK
In a book on oral sex, genitals are an important aspect. It’s a sure thing you don’t hesitate to depilate your bikini line when summertime arrives. Why stop there? How about showing your companion a new “shaved” look and cause him to blow his gourd? Most men find a woman’s pubic area very attractive. The classic image is that of a triangle or simple vertical strip. Try something more daring, even edgy: totally shaved! This choice makes oral sex very enjoyable for both lovers when it’s that “time to dive.”
It used to be unthinkable that a man would shave his body hair, but every day we see more cases of depilated guys and we’re not in the least surprised by it. Movies have had their influence on this “fashion” (Basic Instinct) and even some television shows (Sex in the City). The absence of down (on both pubis and penis) allows for unique and much more intense sensations. That being said, the main requirement for this new style is for him to shave very closely. You should be aware, however, that when shaved, this area will be more exposed to the downside of over-zealous rubbing and, for
women especially, beard stubble can cause nasty, stinging, beard burns.
If you’re going to go for a shaved bush, keep the following in mind:
Shaving the pubis and/or genitals requires hygienic conditions so that harmful bacteria don’t penetrate the skin.
Use properly sterilized tweezers and scissors before you begin any depilation. If you’re going to cut your pubes flush, avoid razor contact with the skin. If you cut yourself, use a disinfectant immediately.
Don’t use the same razor for different sessions or different areas of the body. Shaving with a used blade can cause infection; besides, it’s liable to be rusty.
The pubic area is very sensitive. Be careful using waxes, creams, or gels, which can cause harm to the skin. Test the product before you use it.
Soak your pubes under the shower with warm water before removing them.
If you experience irritation, stop and wait until it dies down. Take time for your skin to adjust to the shaving process.
After you’re done, moisturize the area with a good moisturizing cream.
There are beauty parlors that specialize in this type of hair removal.
THE SCENT OF SEX
Pheromones are those odorless chemical substances capable of waking the sexual impulse in both humans and animals.
The word itself is derived from Greek: “pherein” means to carry, and “horme” means an impulse, i.e., something which excites.
Pheromones normally accumulate in the skin and are released into the air. Minute amounts of pheromone, when inhaled, produce potent substances which provoke very intense reactions.
Pheromones are released by glands found in the armpits and around the sexual organs. Passing over the vomeronasal organ (VNO), located in the nose, pheromones cause signals which are routed to the brain, and it is there that our human experiences and reactions are formed. There are two human sex pheromones: those secreted by males (androstenone) and those secreted by females (copulin).
It is also possible to increase the supply of one’s pheromones using completely natural means. Here are a few suggestions:
Maintain regular sexual relations. Having sex at least once a week will cause an increase in pheromone production.
Practice oral sex.
Exercising helps stimulate the apocrine (sweat) glands which are producers of pheromones. Sports activities produce profuse sweating, which boosts production of these beloved chemicals.
Avoid using deodorants with strong perfume, since these neutralize the effectiveness of your own natural fragrance. It is advisable to use deodorants, which block perspiration but don’t eliminate your own sexual scent.
Don’t be too quick to remove fresh sweat from your body, unless there’s too much of it or the odor is disagreeable.
TANTRIC AROMAS
The Tantric path of the East recognizes the power that human pheromones have regarding seduction, whether giving or receiving it. Sex is viewed as a path to enlightenment, and all
aspects of Tantric ritual are regarded as fundamentally important. Beyond the sexual act itself, Tantra deals with the increase of desire and passion. For this reason, we are urged not to suppress our body odors excessively with colognes and perfumes, since this is liable to thwart desire. The aromas of sweat and the secretions of the sexual organs are alleged to be potent aphrodisiacs.
With regard to aphrodisiacs, different authors who specialize in Tantric sex invite us to use any number of natural aromas to strongly excite the passion of lovers. They recommend using incense and essential oil heaters to perfume the room where you are going to make love.
These perfumes include:
Basil. Basil’s powers are well-known in many Eastern cultures. Place a small plant of it in your room or heat some drops of its essential oil.
Sage. Known since ancient times, it is recommended to burn some dry leaves of sage to affect an immediate aphrodisiac response.
Cilantro. Grind some seeds into a powder and mix with musk and saffron to obtain a wonderful incense.
Jasmine. This is a much-used ingredient in essential oils for massage. In the East, where its characteristics are well-know, it is often used to scent the bed of newlyweds.
Vanilla. For the Pre-Colombian Indians, vanilla was an aphrodisiac considered worthy of the gods. It has a sweet, subtle, but penetrating odor.
Ylang-ylang. This is an exotic Eastern oil that is sweet and penetrating.
THE FENG SHUI OF SEX
This ancient art, based on how energy flows in the interior of a house, can also help in sexual matters. The idea behind it is to create harmonious surroundings where attraction, eroticism, tenderness, and sentiments contribute to the fulfillment of the relationship.
Feng Shui bases its efficacy on working with the presence of the Five Elements of Nature (Earth, Water, Fire, Metal, and Wood) in the home.
EARTH
Is associated with fertility, motherhood, and home atmosphere.
Attracts stability and security in relationships.
Is reflected in stable, tender relationships.
Is evoked with yellow and brown walls and fabrics.
WATER
Is associated with adventure, freedom, and deep thinking.
Attracts excitement, independence, and communication.
Is reflected in a deep sexual relationship, full of feelings, but little passion.
Is evoked with fountains, aquariums, and mirrors. FIRE
Is associated with spontaneity, joy, and passion.
Attracts bipolarity of feeling and sentiment.
Is reflected in sexual unions full of ardor, though short-lived.
Is evoked with candles, orange colors, brilliant reds, and yellows.
METAL
Is associated with harmony, clarity, and romance.
Attracts clear thoughts and feelings.
Is reflected in a sincere sexual relationship that is open and direct.
Is evoked with articles and sculptures of metal, circular forms, greens, and blues.
WOOD
Is associated with candor, momentum, and creativity.
Attracts direct, guileless communication.
Is reflected in sexual affairs full of ups and downs and sudden turns.
Is evoked with anything made of wood. POSITIONING THE BED
With the aim of achieving surroundings charged with eroticism and sensuality, Feng Shui offers a few key points when it’s time to choose a bed and how to position it in the lovers’ room. Here they are:
Avoid placing the foot of the bed at a door opening. This will tend to precipitate nasty, continual arguing.
The distance between the bed and any window should be enough to preclude distraction, supporting a sense of spaciousness.
It is important that the headboard be of solid wood and that it doesn’t shift during lovemaking. This reinforces a feeling of mutual trust.
The bed should be somewhat higher than normal, which will insure that the couple’s sense of oneness is put on a firm footing with a strong emotional bond uniting them.
COLOR IS IMPORTANT
Red. Energy, passion, love, and power. This color furthers excitement and fantasies in bed. That being said, lovers who love red are usually quite domineering and possessive.
Orange. Joy, creativity, warmth, and cordiality. Along with red, orange is the color of sexual passion.
Yellow. Mental clarity, energy, and purity. This color suits calm lovers, those who are conventional in their sexual relationship.
Green. Hope, health, fertility. Those who prefer this color are open and innocent in their approach to sex. In surroundings of this color, however, there can be a noticeable lack of passion.
Blue. Tranquility, honesty, and freedom. This color invites delicacy, affection, and tenderness. It is ideal for first dates.
White. The color of purification and spirituality, prohibited for devotees. This color is for insipid lovers, those who prefer to make love with the lights out, using the missionary position.
Brown. Intimacy, sensitivity. This color is ideal for leisurely, deep, and long sessions of lovemaking.
SOME CURIOUS FACTS
La Federación Española de Sociedades de Sexologìa (The Spanish Federation of Sexology Societies) has recently conducted an interesting study to find out about the attitudes and sexual practices of Spaniards. Here are some of the findings:
When it comes time to choose where to make love, Spaniards overwhelmingly (66%) admit to using the same spot they always use.
The place they prefer, by far (94%), is their own home. The bedroom is the favorite place (93%), followed by the den (24%), the bathroom (13%), and, curiously enough, the kitchen (9%).
Among those who prefer to conduct their amorous encounters outside the home, the car is the location chosen by the majority of those surveyed (11%), followed closely by hotels (10%), the beach or country (8%), and, finally, the house of a friend (4%).
Regarding the environment where the sexual encounter takes place, it is curious that although more than half of those surveyed (51%) consider surroundings to be very important and prefer them to be special, their actual conduct does not follow their stated preference. More than half of those surveyed in the sample (52%) said they pay no attention to their surroundings during sex!
In contrast to this, there are the 45% who actually take care to ensure an ambience that makes the evening something
BREAKING THE ROUTINE
In this chapter, we have been dealing at length with the subject of the home setting. But what if you opt for a different location—somewhere more exciting?
Get a hotel room with your guy in the middle of the week. Keep it a secret; invite him for what appears to be a simple dinner date or drink in a hotel bar. When he arrives, take him directly to the suite. Pick a hotel with class, meet him wearing your sexiest outfit, and buy him a gift. If you want to make it more mysterious, send him a text message with only the address of the hotel and the room number. When he arrives at the scheduled time, greet him at the door with a glass of champagne in your hand, naked!
Another hot idea to change the setting is to take advantage of when your best friend is away on a trip and ask to borrow her apartment. Once you’re sure the flat is totally at your disposal and you have the keys in hand, call your man and tell him you want to make crazy love with him. Tell him you have a place where you are going to keep him “captive” without interruption.
The idea of having sex on someone else’s bed, sofa, or carpet will delight him. If you make the “show-no-mercy” tone of your invitation convincing enough, you will get his erotic
juices flowing and he’ll be ready to share a sensational sexual soiree with you, pronto.
To close the deal, you can also offer him a little weekend trip.
Sex outside the home is always a wonderful way to experience the thrill of something new and break up the routine. If it is not always convenient to find the time or pretext for such an adventure, make sure you keep this as your “plan A” for those emergencies when you need to jump-start your partner’s sexual appetite and creativity.
Once the bags are packed and you are on your way, worries will dissipate with every passing mile.
To plan a spur-of-the-moment escape, you need only four things:
Rental or use of a cabin in the country. You don’t need anything fancy, just a little bungalow out of the city.
A strong urge to get away and make passionate love.
A toothbrush and clean set of undies.
To convince your partner this weekend will be unlike anything else, that you don’t want to spend it watching TV. Follow your impulse to escape the city noise, without an itinerary. This is usually the best way to go.
OLD FRIENDS
We’ve already talked about the importance of imagination in foreplay with your lover. And while we’re on the subject of play: there’s nothing better than a good collection of toys to play with. Sexual toys, that is. . . .
Don’t kid yourself that sex toys are a new idea. They’ve been around for over 2,500 years. The ancient Egyptians and Greeks were already using dildos, as well as the Romans. Ancient Chinese manuscripts explain how to tie a silk scarf at the base of the penis in order to maintain an erection (primitive version of today’s cock rings).
Some of these aids were quite imaginative: the Chinese “porcupine” consisted of a circle of fine feathers attached to a silver ring, which was fitted over the penis.
We can engage in oral sex using some of these toys as pleasant accompaniments. For example, you can introduce a dildo into your partner’s anus while you lick her clitoris. Or, you can put the dildo into her vagina while you give her the pleasure of a “black kiss,” that is, lick her anus. The possibilities are endless.
You can even buy a chin-strap dildo as an aid to oral sex, using it to penetrate your lover while you perform cunnilingus on her.
Another popular sexual toy that is ideal for oral sex is “Chinese” or Ben Wa balls. These are also known as “Geisha” balls and they come in several varieties, for insertion in the vagina or anus, or “punishment balls” which are spiked (soft rubber) for added stimulation. They are also
available with an internal vibrator. All are ideal for providing an extra treat for your lover during a session of oral sex.
The balls used for insertion and stimulation of the vagina are the “original” Ben Wa balls. They contain a smaller ball inside, which produces added excitation to the vagina when the balls are moved.
The balls used for anal stimulation are smaller than the ones used for the vagina and they have no smaller ball inside. They are placed in the anus one at a time, dilating and stimulating the anal opening. Later they are removed one by one, producing exquisite pleasure. There is a form of these comprised of balls on a string. They can be used to stimulate the anus of both men and women. Remember that any penetration of the anus must be undertaken gently, and if your partner is not used to this sort of thing, it is a good idea to use very small balls with a liquid lubricant especially formulated for anal use, so that the anal mucosa are not irritated.
The Ben Wa “punishment” balls have a surface full of protuberances, resembling small spines (non-injuring), which produce major stimulation and great increase of pleasure.
SOMEONE WRITES US . . .
I love the idea of being watched. One of my sexual fantasies was to do it with my boyfriend with someone else looking on. I didn’t push this on him, but it so happened that one day, by coincidence, my hot fantasy was fulfilled. It happened when one of my friends was going on a trip to the United States and she asked me to take care of her plants while she was gone. The first few days I went to her apartment by myself and,
while I was watering the plants on her terrace, I noticed a young man of about twenty-five on the other side of the building, paying close attention to my movements from behind a curtain.
His presence excited me and got my imagination going. At the end of the week I invited my partner over to my friend’s place. It was summer. It was hot on the terrace and I suggested to my guy that we get naked to take in a little sun. Of course, I knew that young neighbor was watching us. Actually, he had been there every day watching me from behind his curtain.
I began to get really aroused and I pounced on my boyfriend. We did it a number of times without stifling any of our cries of passion. The neighbor couldn’t believe what he was seeing and this turned me on even more. Before my girlfriend returned, I made sure we engaged in a couple of repeat performances. I will bet anything that neighbor will never forget me. . . .
Joana, age 31
So far, we’ve covered foreplay, caresses, sensual massage, all sorts of kisses, a setting loaded with pheromones, candles, and music, and then some. Now it’s time to get down to the real deal and explore the pleasure regions which, when stimulated the right way, make every sexual encounter especially thrilling and memorable. Of course, we are talking about the erogenous zones, the best ticket to an intense, pleasurable climax.
Distributed over the entire body, the erogenous zones contain the greatest concentration of nerve endings. With sufficient stimulation, these nerve endings send a torrent of pleasure signals and sexual excitement directly to the brain. That doesn’t mean, however, that this is an automatic process which works the same way in all individuals.
These “hot spots” are definitely affected by feelings and what goes on in the mind. That is to say, when your lover is in a state of high anticipation, any touch on his or her body is liable to cause a strong sexual response, since then all of their body is effectively one big erogenous zone and they are receiving contact from someone sexy to them. Everyone is different regarding their response to stimulation of the erogenous zones. For this reason, it is not a good idea to get hung up on what any sex manual says about how to excite your lover. The entire body, naturally, reacts in a positive way to sexual contact and stimulation.
In general, we are receptive to a great variety of stimuli: tactile, visual, verbal, etc. It’s quite possible that what drives
one person crazy with pleasure, say rubbing their neck or armpits, will turn someone else totally off. For this reason it is essential to have good communication with your partner. Not all of us are psychics. It works best if we “guide” our lover and show him or her what works with us, and what doesn’t.
Most of us possess a long list of other places besides the genitals where we can experience erotic stimulation. There are many people, in fact, who have a special fixation on one of those other places. We find that if we concentrate solely on one of those areas, forgetting about the rest of the body, we can induce an effect equal or greater than direct stimulation of the genitals.
This is when we must engage our curiosity. Foreplay consists in exploring, trying different things, questioning, suggesting alternatives, etc. It means to go beyond any pre-established sexual conventions. Sometimes we get caught up in a tendency to be too restrained and unimaginative. That is the worst enemy of being a good lover. There is nothing less enticing than a predictable, monotonous, and boring sexual relationship. Sex is fun, passion, giving and taking pleasure, and should be without taboos, shame, or inhibitions. Many couples stick to making love with the genitals alone, taking the “fast track” to the one goal in mind: orgasm. It would be better if they learned to explore other possibilities that could give them even more pleasure.
In this regard, you should keep in mind that touch and sight are the principal senses. Looks, caresses, and rubbing—these are what create the conditions for thrilling sexual sport. Be naughty and start by leisurely taking off your partner’s clothes. Remember that half-dressed is often more exciting
Remember always, a good lover enjoys giving pleasure as much as receiving it. The more you enjoy delighting your lover, the better you will get at doing it and the more he or she will enjoy it. Do everything with enthusiasm, never mechanically or premeditated. Explore new territories and try new approaches; change intensities. This way you’ll know what works and what doesn’t. In every sexual relation, it is vital to be aware of what we are doing and what responses we elicit. It is a matter of watching for cues: listening to their grunts of pleasure, their cries, and observing their facial expressions and glances while you are covering their body with caresses, kisses, and hot licks.
SKIN
With 2,700 square inches (18,000 cm2) of skin and close to a million and a half sensitive nerve endings, the skin is the erogenous zone par excellence, and, beyond a doubt, the most extensive. We’ve already discussed the importance of touch in sexual relations. Desire and excitement arise due to sensory signals that arrive at the brain via the skin. Stroking, kissing, and massaging the skin are the best prelude to sex—a total gift to our senses.
The stimulation of this organ represents one of the principal driving forces of sexual activity. In addition, just looking at the bare skin of your lover or contact of naked skin between two lovers can ignite profound passion. Even so, sexual
response to these stimuli (mostly visual) is more rapid in men than in women.
HAIR
One of the first steps in sex is getting your partner to relax. Many times we jump into sex after a hard day at the office, still burdened with business concerns and stress. More than likely we find ourselves somewhat blocked, and we are not yet at that point of relaxation needed to enjoy a good love making session.
To start by rubbing and massaging your partner’s scalp produces very pleasant relaxation and is the best way to both start and end our sex play. We can use our thumbs to give our partner a nice massage, making sure not to forget their temples and forehead.
In a moment of heightened excitement, we may even grab our partner’s hair more aggressively, being careful, however, not to cause them any pain or injury.
EYES AND FACE
Sight is one of the best aphrodisiacs there is. Visual contact reinforces the intimate connection of the moment. Forget about turning off the lights and doing it in the dark. Look straight at your partner; bring your lips close to him or her, and delicately kiss their half-closed eyelids. Continue by kissing their cheeks with delicate tenderness. Do this all over their face. Feel their body temperature rise. Rub the back of a hand or a finger over their face. Start with the chin, the
cheeks, and later downwards to the neck. Do this sensitively, with feeling.