OnlyYou (18 page)

She was pregnant.

At least, she thought she was, though she tried not to dwell
on it too much. After all, it could simply be a virus, right? A virus that made
her hot, nauseous and tired all the time. And made her breasts ache painfully
and made the waistband of her skirts feel too tight.

Oh, and kept her from getting her period.

Kaitlyn groaned, her head falling into her hands as she
finally began to accept the reality of what was happening to her. She knew this
could happen—they both did. Yet, she had allowed her lust to override her
better judgment. She knew that it was quite possible to get pregnant from one
or two sexual encounters but what were the odds that it would actually happen?

She knew she should tell Gabriel. But just how the hell was
she supposed to do that? Never having heard a peep from her all winter, he’s
going to get a letter from her out of the blue, telling him
that—surprise—little Captain O’Connor Junior is on the way? Kaitlyn didn’t even
know if Gabriel
wanted
to be a father.

For that matter, she didn’t even know if she wanted to be a
mother. At least right now, anyway. She’d always thought that maybe someday she
would have children but that someday was supposed to be several years down the
road.

It was all too soon. Gabriel didn’t even know that she was
in love with him, nor was she aware of exactly where she stood with him. The
last thing she wanted to do was force him into something he wanted no part of.

She pushed herself away from the desk and stood, dizziness
striking her swiftly. She placed her palms flat on the desk and closed her
eyes, wondering just how much longer she could hide her condition from the rest
of the household. Kaitlyn was already catching Mary’s glances of concern and
she knew that the woman would probably be on to her soon enough.

Feeling her equilibrium return, Kaitlyn was struck by a
sudden hunger for a big slab of Elizabeth’s soda bread, all toasted and warm
and spread with the thick, blood-red raspberry preserves Mary had just made.

Like a woman possessed, Kaitlyn made a beeline for the
kitchen. As she entered, Mary and Eileen strolled in from the garden.

“Another letter from Gabriel just arrived,” Mary gushed with
a wide smile as she walked over to Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn smiled with relief, knowing that, with each letter
from him, at least she knew he was alive and well enough to write.
Unfortunately, that relief was short-lived as another wave of nausea hit her.
Smells wafting from the fireplace assaulted her nose and she glanced at Elizabeth
who was busy stirring something in the large, black kettle.

No one spoke as Mary quickly read the letter to herself and
absentmindedly rubbed Kaitlyn’s lower back.

Finally, the older woman looked up at them, her face
beaming. “He is doing well, he says,” she began. “Phillip is fine.”

“Praise the Lord,” Elizabeth remarked, making the sign of
the cross.

Mary and Eileen echoed the motion and Kaitlyn bit back a
smile. The gesture reminded her of her own mother, who had been quite
spiritual. Even though she had been living with these women for the past three
months, every time they made the gesture it reminded her of a period in her
life where she felt nothing but complete love and safety.

“Have you written your letter to Gabriel yet, Katie?” Mary
asked, staring at her intently. “We could send Paul into town to send the
letter if you would like.”

Kaitlyn flashed a scowl at Eileen, knowing that she probably
told her mother what Kaitlyn was doing for so long in the library that
afternoon. Eileen merely grinned.

Kaitlyn shook her head sheepishly. “No, Mary, I haven’t
finished.”

“Oh,” she replied, glancing down at the letter. “Well,
Gabriel asks if you have been feeling well since he has yet to receive a letter
from you.”

“Really?” Kaitlyn asked, hope working its way into her
heart. She peered briefly at the letter and the remarked, “I just don’t seem to
know what to say.”

Mary tilted her head and gazed at Kaitlyn sympathetically.
“It does not matter what you write, my dear, only that you write.”

The smells in the kitchen began to get to Kaitlyn and her
stomach churned violently. Every muscle in her body tensed and she turned
toward Elizabeth. “What is that awful smell?” Kaitlyn demanded, not caring
about anything at that moment other than keeping herself from vomiting at
Mary’s feet.

Elizabeth worriedly wrung her apron. “Katie, it is only the
pork stew you like so much.”

The mere mention of food unexpectedly made Kaitlyn’s body
heave. Her hand flew to her mouth and she dashed out into the garden.

Chapter Thirteen

“Damn it,” Kaitlyn muttered under her breath.

She tugged on the waistband of her skirt and checked out her
appearance in a shop window. Mary had given her one of her old skirts she could
no longer fit into but even it was becoming too tight around Kaitlyn’s rapidly
thickening middle.

Unfortunately, she was definitely showing but she still
hadn’t told anyone what was happening. Every time she thought about speaking up
or writing to Gabriel, her heart would begin pounding wildly and her throat
would close up. Thankfully, the full skirts of this era were able to hide the
evidence so far, but not for much longer. Based on her calculations, she
figured that she was somewhere between four and five months into the pregnancy.

Over the past several days, Kaitlyn had been attempting to
talk herself into telling Mary. The older woman definitely knew something was
up. She had taken to rubbing Kaitlyn’s back and insisting that she not lift
anything heavy. Mary had even gone so far as to alter meals to make them more
palatable to Kaitlyn. But how on earth was Kaitlyn supposed to tell her?

Kaitlyn’s cheeks flushed at the mere thought. She wasn’t
normally so prudish or embarrassed by the subject of sex but this was a
different era. Women weren’t supposed to have sex before marriage. Therefore,
admitting she was pregnant to Mary was like admitting to having had sex with
Gabriel.

And the last thing Kaitlyn wanted to do was to discuss her
sex life with Gabriel’s mother, of all people. That thought, in and of itself,
was enough to make her nauseous.

Thankfully that was the only thing that really made her sick
these days. The morning sickness had been gone for a couple of weeks, so
Kaitlyn had finally felt up to accompanying the women on their monthly trip
into town.

Kaitlyn walked along the wooden sidewalk, glancing into the
shops along the way. The general store Mary and Eileen were in had become too
stuffy for Kaitlyn to handle and so she had excused herself to allow them to
finish their shopping on their own.

“Miss McCann!” a man’s voice called out to her from
somewhere ahead.

She stopped and glanced up, catching sight of James Clark
making his way through the small crowd of people gathered outside the butcher
shop.

Kaitlyn smiled and waved, only just then remembering that he
had wanted her to write to him too. A lump of guilt settled itself in her chest
but she plastered a serene look on her face anyway, hoping James wouldn’t
mention it.

He didn’t seem to be too bothered by her lack of
communication if the wide, goofy grin on his face was any indication. He bowed
low before her, his eyes glancing quickly up and down her form.

“You look positively radiant, Miss McCann,” he shyly stated
as he straightened up.

Kaitlyn resisted the urge to ask him if she was glowing and
instead thanked him. “What brings you here, Mr. Clark?”

He clasped his hands behind his back, his eyes nervously
darting back and forth. “Some of it is business, of course.”

Kaitlyn bit back her smile at the way the men here called
everything they did “business” as though women either wouldn’t be interested or
were incapable of understanding anything outside the domestic sphere. “It is
going well, I hope?” she asked.

He nodded, his eyes widening as he stared past her shoulder.
Suddenly, his brown eyes locked onto hers. “My presence here is not solely for
business, madam and I fear that I may have to simply come out and state my
purpose, since I see that you have other guard dogs nearby.”

Kaitlyn furrowed her brow and looked over her shoulder,
spotting Mary and Eileen glancing at her furtively as an older woman spoke to
them. Her curiosity piqued, she turned back to James to give him her full
attention.

He spontaneously grabbed her hand, clasping it tightly in
both of his. “Kaitlyn, I have been an admirer of yours for some time now. I
would like for you to come back to Virginia with me as my wife.”

Shocked, her mouth dropped open and her heart began pounding
erratically.

This can’t be happening…

When she did not immediately answer, James continued, “I
know that this is not the romantic gesture you deserve but I fear by the looks
on your companions’ faces that I may not receive another audience with you
before I leave. I would make a good husband to you. You will not want for
anything, my dear, I swear to you.”

Any of a number of ways to let him down easily would have
sufficed but as Kaitlyn looked over her shoulder once again and saw Mary and
Eileen bearing down on them and looking none too pleased with her, only one
thing to say came to mind.

“James, I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

It was his turn to be shocked. His eyes widened and he
dropped her hand like it was a hot coal as he glanced down at her stomach.

“Miss O’Connor,” he stated as a benevolent social mask
snapped quickly into place when the women reached them. “It is a pleasure to
see you again. I take it this is your lovely mother?”

“Yes, Captain O’Connor’s mother as well,” Mary coolly
replied as she and Eileen moved protectively to either side of Kaitlyn.

“Of course,” he dutifully replied with a bow.

“Will you be in town long, Mr. Clark?” Eileen asked, smiling
pleasantly.

Kaitlyn had known Eileen long enough to know that particular
smile to be Eileen’s version of a polite mask for someone she did not care for.
Confused as to this sudden change in Eileen’s attitude toward James, Kaitlyn
eyed her suspiciously.

“Not too long, unfortunately. I shall be tied up with
business for the next few days,” he answered, casting his eyes in Kaitlyn’s
direction for only a split second. “All of my dinner engagements shall involve
work to one extent or another.”

“Now, that is indeed a pity, Mr. Clark,” Mary replied,
holding her chin high. “Please do call on us the next time you are in the area.
Perhaps then you shall have more free time for a pleasant visit.”

“Of course, madam. It would certainly be a pleasure to be in
the company of such lovely ladies.” James lifted his hat and bowed formally
before them. “Good day to you all.”

“And likewise to you, sir,” Mary said with a nod.

James flashed them a brief, pained smile and then turned,
quickly disappearing into the crowd.

Kaitlyn was amused and a little appalled at the same time by
how deftly Mary had sidestepped further social interaction with James Clark. It
was fascinating how much of Colonial society depended upon reading between the
lines, so to speak. Bluntness seemed to be a rarity.

“Do you think we should tell Gabriel, Mama?” Eileen asked,
leaning toward Mary.

The older woman smacked Eileen lightly on the forearm as she
quickly glanced at Kaitlyn. “No, there is no need to concern him.”

Kaitlyn sighed dramatically, quickly tiring of the secrecy.
She placed her hands upon her hips and stared straight at them. “Just what is
going on? Eileen, I thought you liked Mr. Clark.”

Eileen’s eyes widened as she struggled to keep her
expression blank. The young woman had learned how to lie quite smoothly when
she was spying for the Colonial troops but the closer she and Kaitlyn became,
the more Kaitlyn could get to her.

“I like the gentleman just fine,” she replied with a
decisive nod.

Kaitlyn rolled her eyes and turned her attention to
Gabriel’s mother, knowing that Mary would never tell a single lie. “Why would
Eileen need to tell Gabriel that we had run into him?”

Mary sighed and gently stroked Kaitlyn’s forearm. “Because,
my dear, my son asked that we keep you away from him.”

Kaitlyn froze, unnerved by the strange request Gabriel had
made of his family. “Why on earth would he do such a thing?”

“Because he is in love with you!” Eileen gushed, her face
splitting into a wide, childlike grin.

“Eileen, hush!” Mary scolded.

Kaitlyn’s stomach flipped and her head began swimming. Was
it possible that Eileen spoke the truth? Was Gabriel missing her as much as
Kaitlyn missed him? Though she wasn’t exactly thrilled with his high-handed,
jealousy-driven actions where James Clark was concerned, she couldn’t help but
feel overjoyed by the possibility that Gabriel was in love with her. Eileen had
said he was on many occasions but only now did it sink into Kaitlyn’s head as a
very distinct possibility.

“Now look what you have done!” Mary stated, clucking her
tongue disapprovingly and slipping her arm around Kaitlyn’s waist. “She has
gone all pale again.”

Eileen’s hand flew to her mouth as her other hand
automatically reached for Kaitlyn’s. “I am so sorry! Are you certain we should
not take her to the doctor, Mama? His house is only just down the street.”

Mary shook her head. “She will be fine, won’t you, Katie?”

Kaitlyn nodded emphatically, becoming absolutely certain for
the first time that Gabriel’s mother knew her secret. After all, she would have
to be the most unobservant person on earth to not be able to feel her bulging
abdomen from where Mary’s hand was resting.

Eileen looked askance at both of them. “I do not know about
this. If anything happens to her, Gabriel—”