One to Love (One to Hold #4) (20 page)

“I got it after my husband died,” I said quietly. “For a long time I didn’t even get out of bed, and then when I did, I thought of butterflies. How they practically die in the pupa before transforming into something completely different.”

As I spoke, I watched concern fill his beautiful blue eyes, only to be chased away by warmth.

“You never told me you were married.” His voice was soft as his hands moved to the tops of my shoulders and down my arms. “You must’ve been young.”

“I was nineteen,” I said. Then I lifted my hand and ran my finger along the letters showing around the neck of his undershirt.
S-L-A-Y-E-R
. I didn’t read it aloud. Instead, I asked, “The wings on your back are very dramatic. Are they symbolic?”

His eyes grew stormy and dropped to his lap. “It’s more of my shitty childhood.”

I was quiet a few moments. The last time we’d gone here, he’d pulled away for two days. I wasn’t sure I could take that again. And yet...

Sliding forward on the bed, I put my head against his shoulder, holding him around the waist. “I want to know, but more than anything, I want to be with you.”

His lips pressed against my neck, moving down to my shoulder. My eyes were closed, and I floated my hands under the bottom of his tank, spreading my palms over the lines of his stomach. I could feel the bumps and ridges, and oh, how I wanted to see them, to run my tongue over them.

“Lay back,” he whispered against my hair. I immediately complied, and he hooked his fingers in my thong, quickly removing it and wrapping my legs around his forearms. His mouth was quick to cover me, and energy flooded my core with each pass of his tongue. He was making out between my legs, and the sensation of his soft pulls mixed with the scruff of his beard against my thigh, drove me crazy. I threaded my fingers in his hair, moving my hips in time with his luscious mouth.

“Oh, god, baby,” I hissed, as the pressure started to build. “Oh my god, I need you inside me now.”

His arms quickly unwrapped from my thighs, but his tongue didn’t leave my clit. Each flick sent a shimmery jerk through me, and I was so close to coming, I couldn’t move.

A tear of foil, and in seconds, he was up, sliding that gorgeous body along mine, plunging his thick length deep inside me. It was the most incredible sensation, tingling and full. I’d never get enough.

Rocking me hard until I was crying out his name, he kept moving, building toward his own orgasm. He sat back on his feet, lifting me onto his lap in a straddle, and with every rise of my hips, I flexed around him inside.

“Oh, fuck me,” he hissed, his forehead pressed against my breast. “Fuck me, Kenny.”

I did just that, pressing against the mattress with my legs, rising and dropping until I heard his labored groans and his fingers gripped my ass hard. All at once, I was on my back again, never losing contact as he caught my knee, bringing it up and pushing several more times deeper. The final time he held onto me. I held onto him, eyes closed, gasping through the intense sensation of our bodies becoming one.

We slowly came down, and he released my leg. I straightened it, twining it with his as his arms moved around my body. We held on, savoring the blissful moments of afterglow.

“That just gets better and better.” He breathed in my ear before kissing my skin.

I shivered at the sensation and exhaled a laugh. “You are one sexy man, Slayde Bennett.”

His mouth covered mine again in a long, gentle kiss, his tongue caressing waves of happiness all the way to my toes. One more kiss, and he pulled away briefly, turning to dispose of the condom and then back, pulling me against his chest, spooning.

“You’re one cunning temptress, Kendra Woods.” His palms spread flat against my stomach, and he pulled me closer.

That made me laugh. “Cunning temptress?”

“You had me in your clutches during coffee.”

“So early in the evening? I should’ve taken you to the bathroom and had my way with you.”

“I would have had no problem with that.”

We both laughed, and I threaded my fingers with his. We were quiet, and I thought about what he’d revealed. “I’m really sorry about your mom.”

He was quiet a moment. “It was the event that changed my childhood.”

Cautiously optimistic, I continued, hoping he’d open up to me. “It sounds like it wasn’t a good change.”

He released our embrace and rolled onto his back. I was quick to roll into him, placing my cheek on his chest and listening to his heartbeat.

“That’s when everything went to hell. All the goodness left with her.”

We lay in silence a few moments, our breath swirling in and out. I wasn’t sure if he’d tell me more until he did.

“I was pretty broken by my mom’s death, but my dad took it the worst. He started drinking and pretty much didn’t quit.”

My arm tightened across his waist, and I tried not to let myself envision a dark-haired little boy with light blue eyes, orphaned with a dad who had checked out.

“It got to where I wanted to be invisible. I tried to stay out of his way as much as possible, because as soon as he saw me, he’d remember something I’d done wrong.”

“How old were you?”

“Seven.” I felt the rage tighten in his stomach. “He’d decide I was being too loud and grab his belt. Or I’d left my Legos out and he stepped on one. He’d grab the belt.”

Catching my bottom lip between my teeth, I did my best not to cry.

“He’d hit me pretty hard, but usually I could take it.” He paused, quiet again. “Until this one time... somebody gave me a puppy. I don’t know if it was a teacher or a friend... Anyway, it was a little beige, shaggy-haired dog. It had these big brown eyes and was happy and cuddly. It was this one bright thing, and I wanted to keep it so much. I don’t know what the fuck made me think I could do that. I guess I thought I could hide it from him.”

He paused, and I could feel this was hard for him by the way his breathing changed. His entire body was tense. The pause, the waiting was painful, but I wouldn’t rush him. I couldn’t.

“That damn dog peed all over the house. I was just a kid, but I did my best to follow it around and wipe up every mess as fast as it happened. My old man was out cold for the most part, but of course, he woke up and found some shit before I did. He tore off that belt and beat me with it. I was screaming and crying, and that damned puppy was jumping all around, whining and not understanding.”

My heart beat so hard. I didn’t want to hear the rest of this story. It hurt in my chest, and my stomach was tight.

“He snatched that dog up and beat it.” Slayde’s voice broke off a moment, but he kept going. “His belt was like a long, black whip... I’ll never forget the sound of that puppy crying. It was so loud, and my old man wouldn’t stop. It was like he was possessed. He beat that dog again and again until it didn’t make another sound.”

He stopped talking, and I turned my face into his skin, pressing close to his chest. My stomach hurt, and I couldn’t stop my tears. I clung to him, holding him and wishing I could go back and comfort the little boy he used to be.

“I cried over that dog for a week. Until that sick bastard got tired of hearing me cry and out came the fucking belt. He beat me until I never cried again.”

Sliding up his body, I placed my palms gently against his face. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Tears covered my cheeks, and I kissed him softly. “I want to give that asshole a dose of his own medicine.”

Slayde’s eyes were somber in the dim light of the lamp. “You asked me about the wings on my back. When I was about twelve, I made this net out of string. I draped it around tree limbs and shrubs—just to see what I’d catch. I got mostly moths and butterflies. Once I caught a bird in it. It was an accident, and I couldn’t get it loose. It kept struggling and struggling. It wouldn’t be still. It would peck at me, and the more it struggled the worse the net tangled. It was getting tighter, and I got so frustrated. I clamped my hands over that little bird and squeezed it... until it didn’t struggle anymore.”

The room was quiet several moments. He didn’t say more, so I carefully prompted. “I don’t understand. You—”

“I killed it.” His voice was flat. “That’s when I realized I was no better than my old man. I killed innocent things just like he did for no good reason. Because they wouldn’t do what I wanted.”

“No!” I jumped forward to cover his lips with my fingers. “That is completely different.”

“Is it?” He lifted my fingers. “When I was older, I got the wings on my back because I’d taken that life. It was the only way I knew to memorialize it. Then when I started boxing they called me Slayer, the death angel.”

I pressed my lips against his skin and wrapped my arms around him. “You’re not that. You’re not cruel or violent. You saved my life when I was in danger, and you’ve only been kind and gentle with me. If you’re any sort of angel, it’s the guardian kind.”

“It was true for a while. I had a lot of demons to fight out. I would drink until I was numb, and I’d fight until I lost control—just like him—until they pulled me off my opponent. Before it went too far, before I...” He cleared his throat. “It was great in the ring, when other people could control me.”

It was hard to hear him saying these things, but I was beginning to understand why he pulled away. I thought about everything we’d done, about all the things Rook had said, about his kickass control.

“But you’re not like that anymore.”

His hand rubbed up and down my arm, smoothing my skin. “I’ve done my best to change. The question is whether that erases the past.”

Closing my eyes, I thought about his question. “I don’t think you can live in the past, dragging it forward with you all the time. I think what matters is what you do once you realize you’re wrong.”

Strong arms tightened around me, and I held him tightly in response. “I hope so,” was all he said.

––––––––

C
arefully, I’d lifted the veil, and she’d listened without fear. I’d told her the worst story from my childhood. I’d told her the worst part of myself when I was a boxer, and she’d covered it all with forgiveness and understanding. I still wasn’t sure I deserved it.

Today, she’d gone to visit her little boy in Wilmington. She’d spend the night, and I’d be alone until Sunday.

“I guess this is it,” I said, holding her as she stood on the side of her car. Her arms were around my neck, and her brow creased. “You’re leaving me for the only boy who’ll ever have your heart.”

A gorgeous smile broke across her face, and she leaned into my ear. “He’s my boy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have room for a man.”

I’d kissed her long and hard, covering her soft mouth with mine. Her hair was up in a high ponytail again, and the ends grazed her shoulders in soft bends. It made her look younger than she was, and I spanned her lower back with my hand as I traced a curl off her shoulder, not really wanting her to go. “Drive safe, okay?”

“I’m sorry to leave like this. I don’t want you to think I’m running away after last night.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” I teased, loving her worried face. “Now, that’s exactly what I’m thinking.”

“Slayde!” She pinched my arm, and I laughed an
Ow!
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. With the bird.”

Her eyes fluttered down, and I remembered the time I’d thought they were like little birds. I only wanted to shelter her, keep her safe.

“I don’t think you should carry that guilt anymore,” she continued. “You were just a kid. You panicked.”

Lifting my hands, I held her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. “Such a mom, finding a reason why the bad things I’ve done aren’t really as bad as they feel in my mind.”

She shook her head, breaking free of my grasp. “I’m not saying it wasn’t bad, but it was a long time ago. You were sorry then, and you’re sorry now. I think you can set yourself free from that one.”

Her lips were close to my face, and I couldn’t resist gliding my thumb over them. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone. Have fun with Lane.”

She smiled and kissed my thumb. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

* * *

N
ow I was back at the gym, finishing up my cleaning duties, thinking about what she said. Maybe she was right, and I could be absolved of that one crime. But that was only one.

“You done for the day?” Rook stuck his head out of his office and nodded for me to come there. “I need to talk to you about the next several weeks.”

Walking into the now-familiar office, I took a seat. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“I’ve got a deal with one of the cargo-ship captains. It’s a trans-Atlantic line. They dock here once or twice a year. The crew gets free memberships when they’re in port, and they ship stuff for me when I need them to.”

My eyebrows rose. “Okay. Why are you telling me this?”

“Every time they come back, more and more of their guys show up wanting to work out. It’s a fucking zoo for a week—longer if they get held up in port.”

“Goes with the motto, yes? Where the wild things are?” I grinned, but he wasn’t laughing.

“Don’t be a smartass. It’ll affect your job, too. These guys mean more cleanups, longer hours... I’m telling you because I need you to be a trainer while they’re here.”

That caused me to sit back. “I’ve never trained anybody.”

“You’ve been training Kenny. It’s basically the same thing. Watching form, making sure they’re lifting correctly, doing full sets, not lounging on the equipment, putting shit back when they finish.”

“Sounds like a few extra tasks in there besides training.”

“It is, and for ten days, with a bunch of seamen who barely speak the language and don’t know gym etiquette, it matters. I’ll work with you tomorrow then you’ll know what to do. You also get a raise. Trainers make a lot more an hour than janitors.”

Shrugging, I stood. “Sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.”

* * *

M
y work was done, and I was sitting on the shore by early afternoon, thinking about Kenny. Not so long ago I’d spent every night alone. Now, it had been a while since I’d picked up my enormous paperback and checked in with the French kid. It had also been a while since I’d checked in with Doc.