One Stubborn Cowboy (21 page)

He was silent for another long moment.

"Comes from being a coward, I guess."

Chapter 10

The words resounded in her head like a thunderclap. She sat up suddenly and stared at him. "Coward!" Clasping her hands to her head she tried to hold it on. It felt as if it would explode. Taking a deep breath she got the pain under control. He glanced at her, then away again.

"Dammit, Kit Lockford, you're nuts, do you know that? You are the last person in this world I'd associate with being a coward!"

"Yeah, well, fat lot you know. I refused any more operations. I was so tired of all the pain I just couldn't face another round," he said bitterly.

"That doesn't make you a coward. Oh, Kit, that's so understandable."

"Right. Explain that to everyone who thinks I should try for more. Have the operation, see what it can do. Never mind the pain, it'll fade and maybe you'll walk better," he snarled in repetition of all the platitudes his friends and family had spouted.

"Would it make you walk better?" she asked softly.

"There's no guarantee. Maybe. The only guarantee is there'd be more time in the hospital, more tubes, shots, searing pain. And for what?
Maybe
I'll walk better, not perfectly, never that. Just
maybe better.
But I couldn't stand the thought of all that pain for a maybe."

She stared at him, the throbbing in her head almost causing tears. If this rough rodeo cowboy who routinely experienced pain and discomfort riding the broncs and falling off bulls thought the pain from surgery was unbearable, it must be. He was not a man to flinch at the slightest thing.

His jaw was clenched, his hands balled into fists resting on his thighs. Kelly's heart melted and she lowered her hands to reach out to cover his.

"Tell me about it," she said gently, her fingers kneading the back of his fist, trying to soothe, to reach through the barrier he'd erected so quickly, to understand why he resisted.

"No."

She sighed and lay back on the pillows, drawing the covers up, suddenly conscious of the light cotton robe she wore over her gown. Both lent to her by Sally. Not that there was anything he hadn't already seen, hadn't already touched with his hands and his mouth. But she needed to protect herself. She was feeling fragile right now.

He looked down at her.

"I didn't mean to pry. I'm sure you have valid reasons for your decisions," Kelly said slowly, tracing the patterns of the coverlet, her eyes following her finger.

"I do, and they don't concern you."

"They would concern anyone that loves you," she said softly, eyes still on her fingers.

"As you do," Kit said gently, his eyes studying her averted face, waiting to see her reaction. Had she meant him to hear her declaration last night?

She nodded slowly. "As I do." Her voice was so quiet he scarcely heard her, only saw her lips move.

"Why?"

She grinned and faced him, her look amused. "Why? Cowboy, find a mirror. You are one gorgeous dude, sexy as hell, and have enough determination and courage, yes,
courage,
to satisfy four lifetimes. You're cocky and brash, but I think it's a cover-up for the kindness and genuine interest you have in your ranch, your family and your friends."

"Hell, you make me sound like some kind of damned saint."

She giggled. "Oh, no. Never that." Her eyes skimmed over him, lingering on his broad shoulders, his chest, the masculine bulge of his jeans. "Never that," she murmured again.

Kit suddenly felt like a million dollars. Like a whole man again. His body tightened in response to her sweeping gaze, and he could feel the tension thinking about the operation begin to fade. He started to grow hard under her eyes. He longed to lift some of her silky hair and run it through his fingers, feel the soft texture, smell her sweet scent. He longed to kiss her hot mouth and lose himself in her hotter body. Would he ever get over the craving for her?

But the reality of the situation swept through him. He wasn't a whole man. It was late afternoon and there were others in the house. Kelly had just been injured.

And he couldn't afford to let himself love her.

"How's your head?"

She tilted her head as she looked up at him. "Changing the subject, huh? I'm better. I'm on aspirin now. I should be able to go home tomorrow."

"It didn't look like it a moment ago. Don't push it." He eased himself down on the bed until he was lying beside her, his head on the pillow. "There's no rush to go home."

"There's no point in staying here." She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice at his lack of response to her declaration of love. He must have heard her last night. It hadn't been a dream, had it? Or was she so obvious in her feelings?

"Why did you sleep with me last night?" she asked, resting back against the pillows.

"Couldn't resist. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I waited until Clint and Sally were asleep, slipped out early this morning."

"Are you going to again tonight?" She held her breath.

"Do you want me to?" His hand involuntarily captured her head, his fingers warm and strong against her, rubbing gently to ease her headache.

She nodded, letting go.

"We'll see."

Afraid he'd leave, Kelly searched around for a topic of conversation that would keep him with her for a while longer. "What did you do today? Sally's been telling me something about ranching."

"What do you want to know? Today? I drove out along the northern boundary, checked out the portion of the herd grazing there. We've got a large percentage of the herd in that area. Wanted to make sure we didn't have any breaks in the fence, nor any cattle down."

"Can you drive your truck all over?"

"Just about."

"Could you ride a horse?"

He looked at her, his eyes growing hard. "Would you stop with that."

She shook her head. "Not unless you try."

"Why is it important to you whether or not I ride again?"

"Because I think it's important to you and that makes it important to me."

He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation, rolling over to his back. "Drop it, Kelly." His tone brooked no argument.

"Maybe I'll give a party when I'm better," she said, abruptly changing the subject.

He looked at her in surprise. "A party, what for?"

"Do you like parties?"

He shrugged. "Haven't gone to many the last few years. I used to party all the time—isn't that what the gossips in town say?"

"I can't quite reconcile that image with this successful ranch. I think you put on a good show, but you are a hard worker and I don't know why you don't let others know that. Is it some kind of macho cowboy thing?"

"Sometimes I think if I was a banker, you'd never look at me twice. Are you in love with the cowboy mystique?"

"No. I know who I'm in love with. Are you in love with me?"

He looked away, refusing to answer. He didn't have to. His silence let her know.

She sighed gently and started tracing the pattern on the coverlet again, her eyes blurring a little from the tears that filled them. Tears she refused to let fall. She opened her mouth a little, blinking her eyes quickly, trying to erase all trace of her distress. She would not use those kinds of tricks. If he loved her it would be wonderful, but her love wasn't based on reciprocity. She loved him regardless.

"Why a party?" he asked at long last.

"Just because I don't have any family doesn't mean I haven't accomplished anything with my life, or that I don't have a lot of good friends," Kelly said slowly.

He looked back at her, wondering where she had come up with that. Where was she leading?

"No one ever said that."

"Maybe not, but you don't know that's not what people are thinking. I want to have some of my old long-time friends out. Let my new friends meet them. Share some of my new life with my old friends. It'll be a house party that I could have for a whole weekend. What do you think?"

"Do you miss the city?"

"No. But I miss my friends." And I think I want to show off to you, show you what I've done with my life so far. Maybe then you'll forget Althea and look at me.

"Sounds nice."

"Do you think people I've met here would come?"

"Sure."

"I could have a barbecue, maybe ask the Soames sisters to help out with the food, like Sally did. Would some of your ranch hands do the meat?"

He nodded.

She smiled and went on, planning as she talked.

"I could have a wooden platform built in the backyard for dancing. Get some music."

"Going all out, I see."

"Umm. Would you dance with me?"

"What? For God's sake, Kelly, I can't even walk. How the hell do you think I can dance? I'm not capable. I'm a cripple. Disabled. Stop looking at everything like determination alone can overcome it."

She stared back at him, holding his gaze with her own.

"Not fast dancing. But slow dancing, where people mostly stand still and rub their bodies against each other. I'd like that," she said softly, painting a seductive picture in his mind.

"I'd like that part, too, but not standing up, lying down." He leaned over her, putting his hands on either side of her head and lowering his mouth to hers.

"I'd like it right now, but the timing stinks."

She smiled and quickly moistened her lips, her eyes glued to his, her love shining from her depths.

"Maybe later."

"Umm." He sank the last few inches and closed over her with a burning need that surprised him. Her lips opened slowly, drawing out the moment, extending the anticipation slightly. But when his tongue slowly pushed through the barrier of her teeth, she met him and slowly danced through a mating ritual that was both exciting and erotic.

"Kit, you want to go over those figures before dinner?" Clint called from down the hall.

With a sigh Kit kissed her again, quickly, hard on her mouth, and sat up.

"Later?" Kelly whispered.

Without a word he left.

Kelly insisted on joining them for dinner. She remained in Sally's borrowed gown and robe, but showered and brushed her hair until it floated around her face in a soft blond cloud. The white bandage over her scrape stood in stark relief to the tan she'd acquired recently, the bruise a purple patch of color.

"I'll return home in the morning," she said as they began the meal.

"So soon? Are you feeling up to it?" Sally was concerned.

"Yes. My headache's almost gone." Involuntarily her eyes flicked to Kit's. He met her gaze, devilish light dancing in his. She flushed, looking down at her plate. Was he remembering last night when she'd said she had a headache? Did he think she was now issuing an invitation? Was he wrong?