One Step Too Close - Coffin Nails MC Louisiana (Gay Biker Stepbrother Romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 6) (42 page)

Ryder

Ryder squinted as a ray
of bright light fell on his face through one of the tall windows. The club
reminded him of a church—the huge open space filled with mismatched pillows and
beds, some of which had curtains drawn around them, immediately made him
slightly calmer as he put his arm over Jed’s shoulders. The soothing music
carried between the tall walls was very appropriate for a chill out party on
Saturday morning. In contrast, the floor was thumping underneath Ryder’s feet,
a sign that the basement wasn’t nearly as quiet or serene. With colorful cotton
curtains swaying gently with the breeze that came through open windows, Ryder
found himself standing close to the bar and just taking a deep breath of
relief.

He dreaded having to
face the guys again, to face Wolver again, but here, none of them could touch
him. They wouldn’t come after him to a gay club, especially not to a party that
had most patrons wearing only their underwear. Ryder didn’t feel like going
naked, so he’d stayed in his jeans and a T-shirt, but Jed had gone almost all
out and had left most of his outfit in the locker. There could be nothing
better to calm Ryder down than the sight of black boxer briefs enveloping Jed’s
ass. Jed kept a black tank top on to hide the tattoo on his back, but other than
that, he was naked save for a pair of boots. He looked so ridiculously hot with
his muscular thighs on show that the reality outside was becoming a blur.

Jed stretched and his
ass tensed, making Ryder just want to grab it. And it seemed Ryder wasn’t the
only one. In the chill out area, the music wasn’t all that loud, so they could
easily talk, but Ryder was silent, contemplating just how much his attitudes had
changed throughout the last few weeks. But as happy as he was with the new
understanding about Jed and himself, it made him sad that he’d rather be here,
among gay men he didn’t know, than with his brothers and lifelong friends.

Ryder exhaled and led
Jed to the bar to get a pack of breadsticks and beer for breakfast. Ryder felt
like a zombie as they walked between half-naked men who talked, made out, or
just slept off the tiredness of last night in the vast lounging space. It was
all so peaceful, so beautiful. None of those men had killed anyone last night.

Ryder swallowed hard and
eventually reclined on a narrow double bed with a tangled purple blanket on top
of it, and gestured for Jed to join him. It was a quiet spot, partially hidden
by a large potted plant, right underneath a glass roof high above their heads.

Jed sat close to him,
looking as beautiful as ever in the bright sunlight, with the ambient electro
music as background for the conversation, and wearing close to nothing.
Everything that Ryder had had to go through to have him at his side had been
worth it. Sure, Jed was wild, sometimes out of control, sometimes he broke
promises, but another side of his nature was so tender and sweet. No one else
got to know that. Just Ryder.

Jed slid even closer and
pushed his boots off. They hit the floor loudly as he cuddled up to Ryder’s
chest. In the sunshine, his blue eyes were almost translucent. “You know, I’m
still kinda glad things worked out the way they did.”

Ryder exhaled and opened
the pack of breadsticks. He too was happy that they got their revenge. That
Toro wanted to work with them again. He hated everything else. “You are?”

“Yeah, it feels good to
show everyone my true self. Even if they hate it. To stand up for what I want
makes me feel more like a man than when I just smash fists into people’s
faces.” Jed drank some beer and trailed his fingers over Ryder’s arm with a
little smile on those perfect lips.

Ryder ate silently, not
really wanting to think about what was coming their way. Jed could be so
irresponsible sometimes. “We don’t know what happens next.”

“But it feels good
now
.”
Jed snatched a breadstick out of Ryder’s hand. “If I cut out the past and the
future, I am now in complete bliss. With the man I love, on a comfy bed,
chilling out.” His eyes were so bright and cheerful, he must have really
believed his own words. “Whatever happens, if I have you, I know things will
work out. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Ryder pulled Jed closer
against him and moved his hand up the naked arm, enjoying the muscles beneath
warm skin. This at least was his consolation. “I just want this shitstorm to be
over. I do my best for the club.” He couldn’t help the feeling of loss and the
growing tension in his chest.

Jed put away his beer
and lay his head on Ryder’s chest. “And you are great at it. The way you
handled Toro last night. That was some balls right there. Don’t worry about me.
I’ll be fine. There’s no one better for your position at the club. There’s no
one better for me. I’m just sorry you had to be there when I spoke to Dad. It
shouldn’t be your burden. It was me who pulled you into all this in the first
place.”

That last sentence was
like a stake piercing through Ryder’s heart. He stared into Jed’s eyes, so
bright and trusting, and felt sick to his stomach with the lie he’d been
feeding Jed from the start of their relationship. He had plenty of reasons to
keep it that way, but listening to all that praise without accepting the consequences
of what he’d done was getting heavy on his heart.

“That’s not true,” he
whispered, looking away.

“You were perfectly fine
with chasing girls. Too bad for them. I wish I hadn’t caused you so much
trouble, but I think you’re still happier gay with me, right?” Jed left an
unexpected kiss on the side of Ryder’s pec.

Ryder exhaled and
entwined his fingers with Jed. The tension in his body rose so much it made his
muscles hurt. “I’m sorry Jed. I lied to you.”

Jed’s head instantly
bobbed up, and the question in his eyes didn’t even need to be voiced. Ryder
shook his head. “It’s not about us. It’s just something I told you, and I
fucking need to come clean about this or my head’s gonna explode,” he muttered,
chewing on his lips.

“Are you not bi? Are you
gay?” Sadly, Ryder could sense a bit of hope in Jed’s voice.

“Would you like it
better that way?” he asked, unsure how he felt about it.

Jed licked his lips and
squeezed Ryder’s hand. “I mean… Only if that’s what you are. I kinda like the
idea that you’d be more like me.”

Ryder shook his head.
“Yeah, well, I’m not.”

Jed sighed and focused
his attention on Ryder’s hand. “Sorry.”

Ryder squeezed his hand
and just blurted out what had been plaguing his conscience all along. “You
weren’t my first.”

Jed stilled, but then
slowly pulled his hand out of Ryder’s grip as if it were burning him. “Oh.” The
blank expression on his pretty face wasn’t helping Ryder’s conscience. Jed sat
up and wouldn’t meet Ryder’s gaze. “So… who was? Was there many more?” he
whispered the last question.

Ryder shifted
uncontrollably, his deserted hand cooling faster than he expected. “I’m sorry.
I just— I didn’t want to disappoint you, and then I thought it would be shitty
if I told you something else on the next day, but I can’t do that anymore.”

Jed took a few deeper
breaths, and Ryder was pretty sure it meant he was trying to manage his anger
without blowing up in a room full of people. “Who?”

Ryder sat up, clearly
seeing that Jed didn’t want his closeness now. “Just this one guy... and we did
it for... maybe two weeks.”

“So you fucked some guy
before getting together with me, but you still told me to keep it in my pants?”
Jed leaned over to pick up the beer he left on the floor and took a big sip.
“Was it good? Was he experienced?”

Ryder’s mouth twisted,
guilt washing over him like burning hot lava. “I didn’t plan it. I’ve always
tried to stop myself from doing this. I’ve always liked guys too, but I’ve
never done anything about that. I really thought you’d be better off this way.”

“Was he any good?” Jed
grumbled, his face more tense by the second.

“How does it matter?”

Jed ran his fingers
through his hair, but pulled them in frustration when his fingers wouldn’t
fully go through his tangled mane. “Because I had this stupid idea that we’re…
meant for each other,” he finished quietly.

Ryder laughed and rubbed
his face, not knowing whether he should stay or let Jed have some time off. His
eyes stung, and it seemed that no matter what he did, nothing was enough.
Someone would always try to hold him to an even higher standard. “And now we
aren’t? Because I fucked my cellmate after my woman dumped me?”

Jed nudged Ryder’s knee
with his knuckles. “I just wish you’d told me.” He kept silent for a longer
moment. “It’s the thought that you could be with someone else that freaks me
out. Anything that could take you away from me freaks me out.”

Ryder grabbed Jed’s hand
and quickly pulled it closer. “I didn’t even kiss him. He was just... there,
and when she left me, there was no one I could talk to. It was like the
universe was telling me to finally try it with a guy. And he kept offering
himself, so I... wanted to have it, just this once, when I was in jail and no
one would judge me,” he uttered.

Jed finally looked up
into Ryder’s eyes. “I suppose that’s how I felt about that boy I wanted to
fuck. The one from Dana’s blackmail. He was there, he offered. Guys are so
easy, right?” Jed laughed nervously and squeezed Ryder’s hand.

Ryder swallowed hard but
kept Jed’s gaze. “Some of them are. And others are Jed Arige and require actual
work,” he said with a small smile.

He was relieved to see
Jed smile back. “You secretly love the curveballs.”

“I’m not done yet.”
Ryder cupped his face and gently brushed their noses together, inhaling the
scent of beer and the warm spice that was uniquely Jed. “A few days later, you
didn’t come to the visit, and it felt like the whole fucking world abandoned
me. This guy was the only person that could be close to me,” he said, even
though he knew it could fuel Jed’s guilt. Ryder needed him to understand what
was going on in his head at the time.

Jed’s smile faded. “I
didn’t know. I’m so sorry… That day… It was a bad day. Dana made me install a
bug in the club. I thought I was the biggest loser on the planet. I lied to the
club, and I couldn’t face you.”

Ryder exhaled and kissed
Jed on the cheek, slowly pulling him into a hug. “This thing with him continued
until your next visit. When I saw you, it was one of the weirdest moments
ever,” whispered Ryder, looking Jed in the eyes, searching for understanding.
“It was... as if having sex with a guy suddenly made me look at men
differently. And you were... you were so fucking handsome.”

Jed bit his lip and his
hands were around Ryder’s neck as he scrambled into Ryder’s lap and wrapped his
legs around him too. “Like you finally understood you wanted to fuck me?”

Ryder shuddered and
nodded, sliding his hands around Jed. “I always knew I liked you, but after I
touched a guy this way, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I ended things with Max
the same day, because I was freaked out by it.”

“And that’s why you told
me to not think about guys.” It was more of a statement than a question. Jed
never took his eyes off Ryder, and despite the tension between them still in
the air, Ryder felt so much better after unloading about Max. “Or did you just
hate the thought of me with another guy?”

Ryder scowled. “I
thought you were like me. That you could just choose to be with girls only.” He
looked up, knowing there was no way he’d lie to Jed today. “But I was... I
didn’t want you to be with a guy. It was this strange thing that I know you so
well. I know you act tough, but you can be hurt. And guys can be pigs. I used
to be a pig. I didn’t want anyone making you feel bad. I had this idea in my
head that no one would treat you good enough.”

Jed petted Ryder’s nape
in a way that was beginning to spark excitement. “Except you.”

Ryder would do anything
that was needed to see Jed’s eyes turn so dreamy, so focused on him. He growled
and rolled them both on the bed. He cradled Jed’s head under his chin and held
him. “Yes, except me. I’m never leaving you.”

Jed kept his limbs
wrapped around Ryder, enveloping him in heat and the scent of his shampoo.
“Thank you for telling me about Max. I hate him already, but I get it. And I
want you to know that you can always share with me. You don’t have to be a
rock.”

Ryder sighed, brushing
the back of his hand over Jed’s shoulder. “I’m not. There’s a lot I need to
work on.”

“Yeah, like not worrying
about everything all the time.” Jed kissed Ryder beneath his jaw.

“Someone has to,”
grumbled Ryder. He started playing with Jed’s hair with a small smile.

“You’re gonna be a
serious family man after all.” Ryder could swear there was a hint of malice to
those words despite Jed never stopping with the kisses.

“You alone are a
handful.” Ryder chuckled and pushed his hand under Jed’s shirt. “I need to keep
you out of trouble.” His touch elicited a wanton groan that spoke to his cock
as if Jed was the only one to know its language.

“That’s not gonna be
easy, with my big mouth and quick fists.” Jed grinned and arched his hips up to
grind against Ryder.