One Special Christmas & Home for the Holidays (19 page)

“Don't stop,” she murmured, echoing his words.

He kissed each fingertip before enfolding her hand protectively in his, his fingers warm and strong around hers. Then he drew a long, ragged breath. “You know what you said earlier, about being out of practice?” he reminded her with a crooked grin. “If this is what you're
like when you're rusty, I have serious concerns for my blood pressure when you're up to speed.”

She blushed and smiled shyly. “I guess I got a little carried away.”

“Hey, I'm not complaining! I just didn't expect things to get so…intense…so quickly.”

“Me, neither.”

“Are you sorry?” His tone was serious now, his face concerned.

She considered the question for a moment, finding it hard to concentrate when one of his hands was stroking her nape and the other was entwined with hers. “No. I think in my heart I realized at some point that this was inevitable. And we're not exactly strangers on a first date. We've known each other for over three months, Eric. This evolution of friendship into romance—well, it feels right to me. And natural. And comfortable. Not to mention…exciting.” Her face grew warm, and he gave a relieved chuckle.

“I'm glad you added that last adjective. For a minute, there, I was beginning to feel like a pair of old slippers,” he teased.

She smiled. “'Old slippers' is hardly the way I would describe you. More like a pair of fancy shoes I once bought—classy and sophisticated and guaranteed to make a woman feel drop-dead gorgeous and desirable.”

“Well, you're definitely all of the above. And I plan to do everything I can to make you feel that way every day from now on.”

Kate looked up at him, and the tenderness in his eyes made her throat constrict with happiness as her heart soared with hope. For the first time in years she
began to think that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't spend the rest of her life alone.

 

The smell of freshly brewing coffee wafted into the bedroom, slowly coaxing Kate awake the next morning. But even though the aroma was appealing, she fought the return to full consciousness. She wanted to hold on to this lingering, inexplicable feeling of contentment—most likely a remnant of some already forgotten dream—for just a little longer.

But she couldn't ignore the knock on her door a few minutes later. And she especially couldn't ignore the husky male voice that accompanied it.

“Are you decent?”

Her eyelids flew open and she stared at the ceiling in shock. The feeling of contentment
wasn't
an illusion, after all. It was as real as the man standing on the other side of her door. She struggled to a half-sitting position and frantically pulled the blanket up to her neck, clutching it against her chest with both hands as her pulse skyrocketed.

“Y-yes. Come in.”

Eric opened the door, a coffee mug in one hand, and paused for a moment to smile at her. His gaze, intimate and tender, lingered on her face, then did a leisurely inventory of the dark mass of hair tumbling around her shoulders, the demure neckline of her gown, the cheeks still flushed from sleep. With her wide eyes, slightly parted lips and endearingly modest posture, she looked vulnerable…and beautiful…and very, very appealing.

With a jolt that rocked him to his core, Eric suddenly realized that he wanted to wake up beside this special woman every morning for the rest of his life. But how could things have progressed so quickly? he wondered
in confusion. When he'd claimed Kate's lips last night, he'd considered it a first step down a new path in their relationship. Yet he now realized that it hadn't been a first step at all. It had simply verified what his heart had known for weeks. He was in love with her. But was he ready for that kind of commitment?

And then she smiled—a tentative, endearing smile that tugged at his heart and chased away his doubts. Yes, he
was
ready, he realized. Maybe past ready. But he wasn't so sure about her. Though she'd responded fully to his overtures last night, she might be having second thoughts in the light of day. He knew she still had issues to deal with, and he couldn't push her. But he also knew with absolute certainty that one day in the not-too-distant future he would ask her to be his wife. It was just a matter of waiting for the right time.

“Hi, Mommy.” Impatient about the delay in seeing her mother, Sarah squeezed past Eric and plopped on the bed beside Kate.

Lost in the intensity of Eric's gaze, Kate needed a moment to refocus and respond. “Hi, sweetie. Do I get a good-morning hug?” She leaned over to kiss her daughter, holding her close for a long moment as she willed her breathing to calm. She glanced at the clock as she released Sarah, and her eyes grew anxious. “Oh, no! I forgot to set the alarm last night. I'll be late! I've got to get up!”

Eric moved beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Your school declared a snow day. You're a lady of leisure today.”

Her posture relaxed and she drew a deep breath. “It must be pretty bad out there. They never call snow days.”

“It is.”

He handed her the coffee, and she gave him a warm smile. “Thank you. I'm not used to such service. Do you do windows?” she teased.

He chuckled and gave her a wink. “Depends what the job pays.”

She flushed but was saved from having to reply when Sarah spoke up.

“Are you staying here all day, Dr. Eric?”

“I wish I could,” he declared regretfully. “But kids still get sick when it snows. So I need to go and take care of them.”

Kate looked at him worriedly. “What are the roads like?”

He shrugged. “Manageable in daylight. The radio said the main routes are clear and I'll be careful, Kate,” he promised gently, reaching out to touch her cheek.

She swallowed. “Okay.”

“I'll call you when I get to the hospital.”

She gave him a grateful look. “Thank you.”

“Take it easy today, okay? Get some rest.”

She nodded mutely.

He hesitated, then turned to Sarah. “Do you think you could find a piece of paper and a pencil for me in the kitchen, honey?”

“Uh-huh.” She scooted off the bed and skipped down the hall.

As soon as she was out the door, Eric looked back at Kate. “I enjoyed last night,” he said huskily.

“So did I.”

“And I couldn't leave without doing this.” He leaned over, and her lips stirred sweetly beneath his promise-filled kiss. “I wish we had more time,” he admitted. His breath was warm on her cheek as he reluctantly broke contact.

“There's always tonight.”

He gazed down at her with a warm, amused smile. “Is that an invitation?”

“Yes.”

“I accept.”

At the sound of running feet, he quickly turned to the doorway.

“Is this okay, Dr. Eric?” Sarah asked, holding out a tablet and pencil as she reentered the room.

“That's perfect, honey.” Eric took it and scribbled something, then handed it to Kate. “That's my pager number, just in case you need me.”

Her spoken reply was a simple, “Thank you,” but in the silence of her heart another voice responded differently. “I'll always need you,” it said.

For a moment, Kate was taken aback by those words. Though they were simple, too, their implication was not. And suddenly she knew that the time had come to put her past to rest. Only then could she give herself a chance at a future that included this very special man.

 

Kate climbed onto the kitchen chair she'd dragged into her bedroom and carefully withdrew a box from the top shelf of her closet. As she deposited it in the living room, she glanced at the clock. Sarah had gone to the park down the street with the little boy next door and his mother, which meant Kate had about an hour to herself. That should be plenty of time, she decided, as she made herself a cup of hot chocolate and put on the CD of classical music that Amy had given her last Christmas.

Kate settled herself comfortably on the couch, took a deep breath and lifted the lid of the box. The familiar cream-colored envelope on top produced the usual
melancholy pang, though it wasn't quite as intense this year. She fingered the envelope gently, then withdrew the formal invitation. As her eyes scanned the conventional wording, she found it hard to believe that eleven years ago today she had walked down the aisle as a radiant bride. So much had happened since then. So much had changed. In many ways, she felt like a different person. The youthful girl in white, so optimistic, so filled with dreams for the future, so deeply in love with her husband-to-be, seemed almost like a stranger, or a character in a story she had read—not actually lived.

She set the invitation aside and reached for the album, pausing to take a sip of her hot chocolate as she flipped open the first page. It was an annual ritual that she and Jack had begun on their first anniversary. They would usually open a bottle of champagne and slowly work their way through the photos, sometimes laughing, sometimes stopping to kiss, sometimes pausing to offer toasts. She'd continued the tradition after his death, substituting hot chocolate for the champagne.

When Kate reached the last page—a close-up portrait of the two of them—her eyes misted as her gaze lovingly traced Jack's handsome, dear face. He had been a wonderful husband. There had been no one else like him—no one who touched her heart in quite the way he had, no one who had his knack for making her find that special place inside herself where the child still lived. And there never would be again. She knew that with absolute certainty. And she accepted it.

With Reverend Jacobs' help, she had also accepted Jack's death, had made her peace with the Lord's decision to call him home sooner than either of them had expected. She felt ready, at last, to move forward with her life—and her relationship with Eric. Much of the
credit for that went to Amy, who had put into words what Kate had begun to feel in her heart: that her love for Eric in no way diminished what she and Jack had shared. That time in her life—those memories—stood apart and belonged always to them. She and Eric would create something new that was theirs alone, touch places within each other that no one else had ever touched. They would move forward together, leaving doubts and guilt behind, and face tomorrow with hope.

Suddenly Kate remembered the counted-cross-stitch sampler she'd worked on at Jack's bedside during the months he'd been in the long-term nursing facility. With a frown, she tried to recall where she'd put it. Somewhere in her closet, she was sure. A few minutes later, after rummaging around on the floor, she emerged triumphantly with a dusty bag. She waited until she was seated again on the couch before she carefully withdrew her handiwork and gazed at the partially stitched words from Jeremiah. She read them once, twice, a third time. They had given her hope as she'd sat by Jack's side, she recalled, but she'd bitterly put the sampler away unfinished—just like her life—after he died.

Kate looked again at their wedding portrait on the last page of the album, and her throat tightened with emotion. For she knew that this ritual, which had helped sustain her during the last few years, was now coming to an end.

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice catching. “I always will. You were my sunshine, Jack. You filled my life with joy and beauty and laughter. I'll never forget that. And I'll never let Sarah forget what a wonderful father she had in you. But it's time now for me to let you go. I know you're with the Lord, and that you've found the contentment and wholeness that only comes when
we are one with Him in heaven. But I still have a road to travel here. And I don't want to make the journey alone. I think Eric is going to ask me to marry him soon, and I'm going to accept. He's a wonderful man. You would have liked him, I think. And it's my most fervent prayer that you'll always know I love you no less because I also love him.” She paused as her eyes misted with tears. “Goodbye, my love. Until we meet again.”

And then, very gently, she closed the album.

“I
'll get it!” Sarah called as she raced from the living room to the front door.

Kate smiled and wiped her hands on a dish towel. It might have taken
her
a long time to figure out where Eric fit in the scheme of things, but for Sarah, who had no memories holding her back, he had immediately meshed seamlessly and naturally into their lives.

“Hi, sweetie. Did you build a snowman today?” she heard Eric ask.

“Yes. Mark and me and his mommy went to the park and made a gigan—gigan—really big snowman with a carrot for a nose and charcoal for eyes.”

Kate liked the sound of his chuckle—deep, rich and heartwarming. “Now that sounds like a first-class snowman. Did your mommy go, too?”

“No. She said she had stuff to do.”

Kate stepped into the living room then and smiled at Eric. The snow had started up again, and delicate white flakes clung to the shoulders of his dark wool coat. He looked rugged and masculine, she thought, as her heart skipped a beat.

“Hi.”

He glanced up to return her greeting, but the words died in his throat. She looked absolutely radiant tonight, he thought in awe. On a peripheral level he noticed her deep blue angora sweater and black stirrup pants, and her hair, brushed loose and full, lying softly on her shoulders. But it was the glow on her face that stunned him. For the first time in their acquaintance she seemed truly relaxed and at ease, he realized. There was a profound calmness, a serenity about her that reached out and touched his very soul. Something about her had changed—and changed dramatically—in the hours since he'd reluctantly left her to enjoy her snow day. It was as if an event of great significance had occurred. But what?

Kate saw the sudden look of speculation on his face and flushed. Was her newfound inner peace so obvious? But Eric was a perceptive man. She should have realized he'd immediately sense the change in her, just as she should have realized that he'd quickly notice the changes in the room, as well. In one quick, discerning sweep his gaze passed over, then returned to the spots where photos of her and Jack had once been displayed.

Sarah's powers of perception were none too shabby, either, Kate acknowledged wryly. The little girl was watching the proceedings with interest, and quickly noted the direction of Eric's glances.

“Do you like our new picture?” she piped up.

His brain was so busy trying to process the significance of Kate's redecorating efforts that it took a moment for the question to register. When it did, he transferred his attention from the Monet print behind the couch to Sarah. “It's very pretty.”

“I like it, too,” she declared. “It was in the hall closet.
Mommy said it was too pretty to keep hidden away. So she took the wedding picture down. She said sometimes you have to put things away to make room for new things.”

Eric turned to Kate, whose cheeks were tinged with warm color.

“Mommy let me put the picture from the TV in my room, too,” Sarah continued, oblivious to the intense atmosphere. “She said we're going to get some tulip bulbs in pots to put there instead, and that we can watch them grow all winter. She said they'll help us keep spring in our hearts even when it's cold and snowing outside. Isn't that right, Mommy?”

Eric's gaze remained locked on hers. “That's right, honey,” Kate replied unsteadily, reaching up distractedly to push her hair back from her face. And that was when Eric noticed the most significant thing of all.

The ring finger of her left hand was bare.

“Aren't you going to say hi to Mommy?” Sarah demanded when the silence between the two adults lengthened.

Once again, it took him a moment to collect his chaotic thoughts. “Of course I am. In fact, I'm going to do better than that.” His gaze never leaving Kate's, he closed the distance between them, hesitated long enough to give her time to protest, then leaned over and kissed her.

“Hi,” he greeted her huskily, one hand resting lightly at her waist. “I missed you.”

“We missed you, too,” Sarah added. “But Mommy said you'd be back.”

“Mommy was right.”

“We're having chicken and dressing and biscuits tonight,” she announced. “And chocolate cake!”

“And broccoli,” Kate reminded her daughter.

“Sounds like a celebration. Broccoli and all,” Eric remarked.

Kate's flush deepened and she turned toward the kitchen, trying to steady her staccato pulse. “Sarah, you have just enough time to finish watching your video before dinner.”

“Okay.” The little girl happily returned to the TV set and sat down, cross-legged.

As Kate walked toward the counter, she was aware of Eric close behind her. And she wasn't at all surprised when he placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned close, his breath warm on her neck.

“I like the redecorating.”

She took a deep breath as she turned to face him, and he looped his arms loosely around her waist. They were only inches apart, and she felt lost for a moment in the depths of his deep blue eyes. “It was time,” she replied quietly.

“You're sure about this?”

She nodded. “I don't want to live in the past anymore, Eric. I'll never forget my life with Jack. And I'll always love him,” she added honestly. “But memories can only sustain you for so long. I've tried to hold on to them, but as a result I've ended up putting my
life
on hold. I've felt like a hollow, empty shell for too long. There was a time when my life was rich and full and filled with promise. I want to feel that way again. I want to move forward and make new memories.”

She didn't say, “With you,” but somehow she had a feeling he knew what was in her heart. And his next words not only confirmed that, but sent her hopes soaring.

He reached over and tenderly cupped her face with
his strong, capable hands. “I feel the same way, Kate,” he told her huskily. “What do you say we start making those memories together?”

 

Kate couldn't remember a Christmas season so filled with joy and breathless anticipation. For once she didn't mind the cold weather, and moved with renewed energy and a lightness of step. Her daily chores, formerly dreary, no longer seemed burdensome and endless. Because always, at the end of her day, there was Eric. Whether it was a simple dinner at her apartment or an impromptu meal out, whether it was a “family outing” with Sarah and Anna, or quietly sipping hot chocolate with Eric by the tree after Sarah went to bed, each moment was golden. And Kate treasured every single one, storing them in a special place in her heart reserved just for Eric. Their relationship, so long purely friendship, blossomed rapidly into a genuine romance.

Once, Kate paused in surprise as she passed a mirror, hardly recognizing for a moment the woman with the sparkling eyes, flushed cheeks and animated face who stared back her. She shook her head and smiled ruefully. There was no hiding it, she admitted. It was there for all the world to see. She was in love.

Even Sarah noticed. As Kate tucked her daughter into bed one night after Eric had been summoned to the hospital for an emergency, the little girl suddenly looked up at her, her expression quite serious.

“Are you going to marry Dr. Eric?” she asked solemnly, without preamble.

Kate's heart stopped, then tripped on. She'd been expecting this question, but she still wasn't sure how to answer it—or the others that would inevitably follow.
Slowly she sat down on the bed and took Sarah's hand, silently asking the Lord for guidance.

“He hasn't asked me yet, honey.”

“But what if he does?” she persisted.

“Well, what do you think I should do?”

She considered for a moment. “Would he live with us if you got married?”

“We'd all live together. Probably at Dr. Eric's house.”

“Would he be my daddy?”

This was the tough one. Kate struggled to find the right words—words that would keep Jack's memory alive but leave room for Eric, as well. “Actually, Sarah, you'd have
two
daddies.” She reached over and picked up the photo of Jack. “When you were born, this was your daddy. He's in heaven now, so you can't see him, but he still loves you very much. And so does Dr. Eric. He'd be your daddy here. So you see how lucky you would be? You'd have a daddy in heaven and one here on earth.”

“Do you still love my first daddy?”

Tears pricked her eyes, and Kate swallowed. “Of course, honey. I always will. He was very special to me. But he wouldn't want us to be lonesome. And I know he'd like Dr. Eric. I think he would probably be very happy if Dr. Eric took care of us, since he can't be with us himself.”

Sarah thought about that for a minute. “You know something, Mommy?” she said at last. “What, sweetheart?”

“I would really like to have a daddy I could see. If Dr. Eric asks you to marry him, I think you should. Then we could be a real family. And that would be my best Christmas present ever!”

As Kate bent over to kiss Sarah, her heart gave a silent, fervent reply.

And mine as well.

 

“Kate? Eric. Listen, I've got a problem at the hospital.”

Kate frowned and glanced at her watch. Sarah had to be at church in forty-five minutes for the Christmas pageant, and Eric had planned to take them.

“Kate?” Eric prompted when she didn't reply.

“I'm here. Will you be tied up long?”

She heard his weary sigh over the line. “Possibly. I've got a little boy who was just diagnosed with meningitis.”

Kate's throat tightened and she closed her eyes. She'd read stories about the dangerous, fast-moving illness. “Oh, Eric! I'm sorry. How old is he?”

“Seven. Even worse, he's an only child. The parents are panic-stricken.”

“How bad is he?”

“Bad.”

She swallowed. The tone of his voice said everything. “Listen, don't worry about tonight, okay? I'll take Sarah. Maybe you can meet us later if things improve.”

“Kate, I'm sorry. Sarah will be so disappointed.”

He was right. Her daughter had been looking forward to having all three of them—Kate, Eric and Anna—in the audience. “Like a family,” she'd told Kate happily. But it couldn't be helped.

“I'll explain it to her, Eric. Don't worry.”

“I wish Mom hadn't agreed to go early to help set up refreshments.” She heard the frustration in his voice. “At least you could have ridden together, then.”

“Please, Eric. It's okay. We're fine. Just do what you can for that poor child and his parents.”

“Thanks, Kate.”

“For what?”

“For understanding. For not making me feel guilty. For not hating my work and resenting the demands and the disruption.”

Once again Kate had a glimpse of the hell he must have lived through with Cindy.

“Eric, your profession is part of who you are,” she said quietly. “Your conscientiousness and caring are two of the things I lo—” She paused and cleared her throat. “Things I respect in you and find appealing. So stop worrying and go do your job, okay?”

“Okay. And I'll get there as soon as I can. You'll explain to Sarah? Tell her I'm sorry?”

“Yes. Everything will be fine. We'll see you later.”

“Count on it.”

As Kate slowly replaced the receiver, Sarah trailed excitedly into the kitchen, holding her halo. “When do we have to leave, Mommy?”

Kate took her hand and drew her into the living room, tucking her under her arm as they sat down. “In about fifteen minutes. Honey, you know how Dr. Eric was supposed to take us?”

Sarah looked up at her with wide eyes that were suddenly troubled. “Yes.”

“Well, he's at the hospital. There's a very sick little boy there who needs him very much. And his mommy and daddy are very worried and they need Dr. Eric, too. So he has to stay with them for a while and try to help that little boy get well so he can go home for Christmas.”

Sarah's lower lip began to quiver. “Isn't Dr. Eric coming to see me in the Christmas pageant?”

“He's going to try his very best, honey. But he isn't sure he'll be able to get there in time. This little boy needs him. Just think if you were sick and had to go to the hospital. Wouldn't you want Dr. Eric to stay with you?”

“Yes. But he said he'd come to my show. And I need him, too.”

“I know, honey. And Dr. Eric knows, too. It's just that sometimes, when you're a doctor, other people need you more. This little boy is so sick that he might die if Dr. Eric doesn't stay with him.”

“You mean like Daddy?”

“Yes. Just like Daddy. And then his mommy and daddy would be all alone, just like we were after Daddy went to heaven.”

“And they would be very sad, wouldn't they? Like you used to be?”

“Yes, they would.”

Sarah bit her lip and struggled with that idea. “I guess maybe they do need Dr. Eric more,” she said at last in a small voice.

Kate's heart swelled, and she pulled Sarah close. “Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you. You're such a big girl! Why don't we say a prayer for the little boy so that God will watch over him?”

“Okay.”

As they held hands on the couch and sent a heartfelt plea to the Lord, Kate also took a moment to silently give thanks—for the wonderful, caring man who had come into her life, and for a precious daughter who had shown a compassion and unselfishness beyond her years.

 

“Oh, my, will you look at that!”

Anna stood at the window of the church hall and gazed outside. A mixture of sleet and snow had begun to fall during the program, and the roads were already covered. Kate, who stood at her elbow, felt the color drain from her face. Eric hadn't made it to the pageant, and there was still no sign of him. The road would only get worse the longer she waited, and even though the social was just beginning, she decided to call it a night.