One of Us (23 page)

Serafina sees me and stops clapping to wave. Opposite her, Emanuel dances, his wild curls springing in time to the music.

I turn away and look outside. Colored lanterns hang from all the trees. The sky's blue dark rather than black dark, and there's a half moon hanging above the rhododendron grove. It's so beautiful that I can't stand it. I didn't think this through on the back of Oskar's motorbike all those weeks ago. I'm just about to slip across the lawn into the darkness when someone grabs my elbow from behind.

“Come on, Verity! You have to dance this one!” It's Serafina. She pulls me into the hall, into a circle with Emanuel, Celestina, Jeremiah—and Greg. I'm in between him and Jeremiah. Everyone has their arms around each other's shoulders, but the girls' arms are on top. I have to stretch up to reach Greg's shoulder, my hand slipping on his cotton shirt. His face is flushed with dancing and his hair is sticking to his forehead in wisps.

He looks down and sees me gazing at him. “What?” he says, laughing. It's as if we've put everything to one side for just this dance.

“Hold on tight!” calls Serafina. “Don't let go!”

My right hand is around Greg's neck, and my left around Jeremiah's. The music starts again, and the circle whirls around, faster and faster, till suddenly my legs leave the ground and I'm spinning around like the wing of a fan. All the girls' feet have left the ground. It's a mad and crazy dance, and I'm holding on to Greg and Jeremiah just to stop myself from flying off into the air.

After the dance, we sit on the lawn that leads down to the rhododendron grove. Everyone is here.
Serafina is next to me. Every time she laughs, she touches my arm lightly. It's lovely to feel so wanted, so at home, in spite of everything that's happened with Greg.

Celestina is opposite me. She's very quiet tonight. I keep catching her gazing out into the darkness behind me. She has let a long strand of shiny black hair fall across half her face. I don't know why. If my face looked like hers, I wouldn't hide any of it.

Emanuel is stretched out next to Serafina. He's not talking much either. When he does, it's to Jeremiah, opposite him.

Greg's sitting beside me. He's quiet too, not joking around with Emanuel tonight. He's leaving the Institute for good tomorrow. They've all known each other forever. It must be a sad thing for them, to say good-bye.

“Verity,” says Greg, not really looking at me.

“Yes?”

He's speaking so softly that I have to lean closer to hear him.

“Emanuel and I and Celestina are going for a swim tonight,” he says. “Come, if you like. We're meeting at the pond after this.” He pauses. “It's the last night.”

I don't know what to say at first. “Thanks,” I say at last. But I know I won't go.

O
NLY SERAFINA AND
I go back to the room. Serafina seems down. She doesn't mention her citizen boyfriend, so neither do I.

“The others are going for a swim,” I say.

“I know,” she says. “You go, if you want. I don't mind. I can't swim.”

“No, it's OK.”

I lie in the dark with my arms behind my head. The darkness presses against my eyeballs. It's not too late. I could still go. Greg asked me to. But then I think of Celestina and Greg, and I stay where I am. My last night in the Sisters' house. Eventually I fall asleep.

I wake up as the door creaks open. Celestina is creeping in, just like she did on that first night here. She tiptoes over toward her bed. I can smell the peaty scent of the pond, and now that it's too late, I know I made a mistake. Greg asked me to go. It was the first time he's spoken kindly to me since that night when he stood beneath the arch and said he was sorry. Oh, why didn't I go? He asked me. After tomorrow I may never see Greg again. The thought wedges itself into my throat.

I
STAND AT
the top of the steps that lead to the Brothers' house, in the walled courtyard where strawberries and champagne are being served to students, parents, and visitors. It's the last day, quiet after last night's party on this golden afternoon with its clear light that makes everything look not quite real. Serafina is over by the drinks table, in her favorite pink skirt, standing with her parents and smiling a muted smile. Her parents look as if they're at a wedding. Emanuel is very close to Serafina.

I can't see Greg, or Jeremiah, in the crowd. I put my dish of strawberries on the corner of a trestle table and watch Celestina standing alone with a glass of champagne in her hand. Then I look behind me. Greg is on his own too. His family is still abroad. My friends are lonely; it's not just me.

Brer Magnus's voice goes up and down with the birdsong. “Dark days lie ahead,” he intones. “We must all be vigilant.”

Reconciliation means dark days for him? I look away quickly, but suddenly he is right in front of me, holding out his hand and smiling. “Congratulations, Verity,” says Brer Magnus as I stiffly shake his hand.

But before I ask him what he means, I see Ril coming through the arch toward me. She smiles from beneath her official social worker wig. Instantly I become aware of the folded papers tucked into my pocket. I took them off the bedside table last night, and they've been burning a hole ever since.

A
ND NOW BRER
Magnus is distracted: Jeremiah's father is patting his shoulder and talking to him.

I start as Celestina touches my arm. “You didn't come swimming last night,” she says.

“Did you and Greg have a nice time?”

She leans closer. “You think I like Greg?” she whispers. “Is that what you think?”

“Maybe,” I whisper back.

“No.” She pauses. “He's a boy.” She gives me a quick, sad smile. “He knows my parents don't accept me.”

I think back to what she said before:
My parents like me better from a distance.
“I'm sorry, Celestina,” I say.

She shakes her head. “It's OK, it's fine. Greg . . . he's the only one I can really talk to.” She smiles, brightly this time. “And now you.” Then she turns away.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Greg shaking Brer Magnus's hand. He's leaving. Celestina goes and puts her arms tightly around him, and they hug silently. Then slowly Greg makes his way over to me.

“Well, bye then,” he says.

“Bye.”

I don't move toward him.

There's a long moment when our eyes lock together. I don't breathe. All I can see are Greg's brown eyes. Then he turns away and is gone, down the steps toward the Brothers' house, his feet scuffing up tiny flecks of dirt.

Ril has reached Brer Magnus and is waiting to greet him.

Brer Magnus is speaking to me again, but his voice has blurred into a ringing in my ears. Everything stills in the green and golden air. And there goes the last tiny red sight of Greg, away down through the trees.

All my moments seem balanced on this one moment. What can I offer Greg? Almost everything he knows about me is false. I'm spinning off into thin air.

Far away, I hear Brer Magnus's voice: “So, Verity, what do you think?”

And Ril: “That's tremendous news, Verity!”

I think I must tell Greg who I am.

The deck-chair swishes around my legs as I turn and run down the steps, toward the Brothers' house. I hear shocked voices behind me. Maybe I am too late. Now I'm leaping down the steps two at a time, kicking off my pumps and hitching up my dress, almost turning my ankle. Greg has vanished behind the rhododendrons. He's at the bottom of the steps, where there's an arch with a wooden gate. His hand is on the latch.

“Greg! Greg!”

He stops and looks up, then turns away and pulls the handle down.

“Wait for me!” I call as I reach the bottom of the steps. He's about to open the gate into the Brothers' garden, but he stops.

He waits, his hair flattened to his head by the heat. In the shadow of the wall, his eyes look black. They have already said good-bye to me.

I reach him. I catch hold of his hands. Surprise flickers into his face.

“I couldn't let you go . . .” But I have to stop to catch my breath.

“Without saying good-bye properly?” Greg shrugs.

“No! I couldn't let you go. I can't let you go.”

Now he really looks at me. He isn't smiling, but he takes a little step toward me. He's so near that it's easy for me to put my hands on his shoulders and pull him closer. Then I put my arms around his neck to stop him from leaving. His short hair feels as silky as a seal's.

Greg takes my hands, so I have to step back. But
he holds them tightly. “Verity,” he says. “I don't want to let you go either.”

“There's something I have to tell you first,” I say, pulling farther back so that I can look at his face. But it's so good to be able to look right into his eyes without hiding everything that I stop and just smile at him instead. Our eyes fix on each other. You could swear there were no secrets between us. “You don't really know me.”

“No, wait. Stop,” says Greg. “Don't tell me.” He pulls me close to him again. “Don't tell me,” he whispers into my hair. “Not yet.”

I know I'll have to think about what that means, but not now. Later. At the back of my mind a foreboding lurks, because I know this is one bridge I'll never be able to burn.

“Verity,” says Greg, “I have to go now or I'll miss my plane. But give me your address so we can see each other before we come back.”

“Before we come back?”

He raises his eyebrows. “Brer Magnus hasn't told you? You got an unconditional offer for junior year.” He smiles. “And a Distinction in Art.”

Of course Greg knew this before I did. Maybe that's what Brer Magnus was just about to tell me.

“And you?”

He smiles at me. “I'm staying too. I'm not going to go for Medicine now, so I might as well stay here and do Art.”

Now I'm smiling.

“It was because of you,” he says. “You said, ‘
It's your life.
'”

I wish I'd said that to myself, when I first met Oskar. But then I never would have met Greg.

“So, your address?”