One of the Guys (3 page)

She grabbed on to it as though it would keep her from drowning. Striking out, Jaynie caught him square on the jaw. Pain jolted up from her hand and she relished every second of it. “I warned you, Dean.”

“Now, Jaynie, why in the hell did you go and do that?” Brian’s deep voice interrupted them and they turned as one to watch as he stepped through the open door.

“I wanted to do it.”

Brian Lasher stood there, his thumbs hooked in his belt loops. He had on a worn T-shirt with a faded
Lulu
’
s
logo emblazoned on it. The muscles in his wide chest strained against the thin cotton and barely visible under the neckline was a leather cord. There was a shark tooth on it. He’d found it the last time he’d gone to the beach with his folks before his dad was killed when he was eight. He didn’t much look like a knight in shining armor with his too-long hair, threadbare clothes and a mean, nasty smile on his rugged face.

But there was little doubt in anybody’s mind that Brian would just punch Dean. No, he’d knock the other man on the ground and enjoy every second of it. Jaynie smirked as the fantasy played out in her mind—Dean lying bloody and bruised on the ground. But Jaynie would enjoy it more if she was the one laying him out.

Dean rubbed his jaw and she saw, with pride, that his cheek was already a deep purplish-red. He was going to bruise. Mr.
GQ
was going to love that.

“Can I hit him once?” Brian asked. His voice had a playful little lilt to it and he had a smile on his face, as if the whole tableau was highly entertaining, but the look of icy rage in his eyes was anything but amused.

Kate moved to hook her arm through Jaynie’s. “I don’t know, Bri. Should my big brother punch him for us? Maybe twice. One for you and one for calling me a bitch.” 19

Shiloh Walker

Suddenly, Jaynie was exhausted. She wished she could find some pleasure at the nervous look in Dean’s eyes but she just couldn’t. She was too damn tired. “I don’t care what Brian does. I just want to get some rest.” Immediately, Kate turned into a mother hen, stroking Jaynie’s arm and murmuring to her. “Of course you do,” Kate murmured. “Poor baby. Come on, I’m going to put you to bed in the guestroom.”

It was too much temptation to resist, finding oblivion in a soft bed in a dark room where she could pull the blankets over her head and just sleep.

20

One of the Guys

Chapter Two

You wouldn
’
t know how to be a real woman if your life depended on it
.

Those hateful words were still circling through her head a week later. The first few days, Dean had called several times. She wasn’t sure why he might be calling. At least not until a delivery guy showed up at the office and tried to deliver flowers.

Although the messages were full of apologies and “I love yous”, she was pretty much convinced he didn’t even understand the concept of love. What Dean liked was consistency. Jaynie had been a constant in his life and for all Dean’s spouting off about needing something different, Jaynie suspected he’d miss having a woman in the house more than anything.

Today marked one week since she had walked in on her fiancé and the memories were still so painfully vivid that Jaynie wished she could just burn them out of her brain.

She stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at her reflection. Jaynie had been wearing a 34C bra in seventh grade. By high school, she’d been in a D cup which had been a tomboy’s worst nightmare. If it hadn’t been for some seriously good sport bras, she never would have been able to play basketball or run track.

Jaynie still ran two or three miles almost every day. Between the running and her Tae Kwon Do classes, her legs were still as sleekly muscled and lean as they had been in high school. All the weekends she spent swimming or fishing had left her hair sun-streaked and her skin a soft golden tan.

She didn’t look bad. Granted, Jaynie generally paid her body very little attention.

She was strong, she was healthy and that was about all she cared about. She’d never seen a reason to care beyond that. Kate tortured herself to stay sexy, slender and sleek, getting bikini waxes, eyebrow waxes, highlight jobs and she went broke shopping.

21

Shiloh Walker

Granted, Kate enjoyed the shopping and all the girly crap, there was no doubt about it.

But it all seemed useless to Jaynie. She’d had a man who loved her, right? Why bother?

But the past seven days had been an eye-opening experience as she had relived every last moment of watching Dean in bed with another woman, and relived the words he’d spoken to her that night.

You wouldn
’
t know how to be a real woman if your life depended on it
.

You
’
re so uptight
,
it
’
s amazing you can fuck without freezing up
.

She wasn’t sure which hurt more.

“I’m not uptight,” she murmured to her reflection, and, though she wanted to believe that, and a few days ago, she never would have believed it, right now, she was all but drowning in self doubt.

She still liked sex. Hell, she loved it. And it wasn’t that she didn’t like playing around. Granted, Dean hadn’t seemed too interested in playing much of anything lately.

Of course, that obviously had something to do with
her
.

You wouldn
’
t know how to be a real woman if your life depended on it
.

Staring at her reflection, she swore softly. “Damn it.” Damn
Dean
.
Straight to hell.

Slowly, Jaynie gathered all of her hair in her hand and started to twist it, pulling it up off her neck. She was still staying with Kate and Brian. She hadn’t even started to look for her own place. Brian and Kate had gone with her three days ago to help her pack up all of her things. Every last box, every last book, was stowed down in the Lashers’ basement.

The guest bathroom, like nearly every other room in the house, held a ton of Kate’s stuff. Hairclips, dangly earrings, little bottles of lotion and perfume. Opening the drawer, she dug out a clip and secured it in her hair. It took three tries before she finally got to where it didn’t feel like it would fall down the first time she shook her head.

22

One of the Guys

It looked a little different, she supposed. Some of her hair was spilling out and it had a softer look than it did when she wore it in a ponytail. Curious, she looked into the drawer and saw a couple of spare tubes of lipstick, mascara, blush and all the other stuff she never messed with. Jaynie could count on one hand how many times she’d willingly put on makeup and every single time it had been for some goofy formal dance, either in high school or in college.

She opened one tube of lipstick and the bright fuchsia color had her shaking her head. Kate could wear that color and wear it well, but Jaynie wasn’t even going to try.

The next one was a little more doable. It was a soft peachy-coral color and though it looked pretty going on, Jaynie stood there staring at her mouth and feeling…

Fake.

Makeup wasn’t her. Fiddling with her hair and stressing over what to wear—it just wasn’t her.

The door opened and, as a rush of cool air flooded the room, Jaynie turned, startled.

A blush stained her face a painful red as she looked at Brian. She stood there frozen and he stood there looking dazed. His weird turquoise eyes darkened and his gaze slid down from her face to her chest and then, farther down. She could practically feel the path his gaze took as he looked her over from head to toe. The dazed looked faded, replaced quickly by heat and that hungry look was enough to unfreeze her. She grabbed a towel from the hook by the shower.

Her hands shook as she wrapped it around her body, shook so badly she couldn’t tuck the end tight enough to hold the towel in place. In the end, she just stood there clutching it to her chest. “Brian, can you leave?” she asked. Her voice squeaked a little on the last word.

His eyes slid back up, a slow leisurely journey that shook her to the core. He shook his head and muttered, “Damn, Jaynie.”

Then he turned, grabbed the door and shut it behind him. Hard.

23

Shiloh Walker

* * * * *

Damn
,
Jaynie
.

More than an hour had passed and Brian’s husky, rough voice still echoed through her mind. She lay naked on the guest bed. She had long since kicked the covers away and the sheet lay in a tangle around her hips. Shivers raced over her flesh as she recalled the look in his eyes. That heat—it had surprised her. More, she was surprised by how she’d reacted to it. Like she hadn’t ever seen hunger in a man’s gaze before.

She had, but for some reason Jaynie couldn’t remember it affecting her quite like this. Dean had been her first lover, and her only one. She liked it that way and didn’t particularly care if it seemed a little old-fashioned.

She liked sex with him—it was hot, it was intense, or so she had thought. Jaynie hadn’t ever worried about their sex life and it wasn’t something they ever really talked about. At least, not since college.

The sex had always seemed good to her and he hadn’t ever voiced any complaints.

Until this past week, she hadn’t ever really doubted herself as a woman.

Until this past week. Logically, Jaynie knew that was why Dean had said those things. He’d wanted to hurt her, though she didn’t really understand why. He was the one who’d screwed around. And damn, had he ever screwed around. She had a bad feeling that this wasn’t a new thing for him so how in hell could he act like she had betrayed him?

Not that it mattered. He had done it and his words had done more damage than Jaynie could have imagined. She was miserable, insecure, aching, scared and heartbroken. Under the weight of those emotions, the anger had flickered out like a fire deprived of oxygen. She wanted the anger back. She’d take the heat of anger over the chill of misery and loneliness any day.

But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t find that anger. She couldn’t find that heat. Even though it was the dead of summer, she walked through the days frozen to the core.

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One of the Guys

Then Brian had inadvertently opened the bathroom door and the heat she’d seen in his eyes had melted some the ice inside her. But the anger hadn’t blazed back to life inside her. Oh, there was heat, but it wasn’t the fire of anger. It was every bit as potent as rage, and every bit of heady.

Jaynie didn’t think about what she was doing as she climbed out of bed and wrapped the sheet around her. If she thought about what she was getting ready to do, she would panic and run. She didn’t want to do either.

Kate was out on a date and she had waggled her fingers at them on her way out and said, “Don’t wait up.” Moving through the house in a daze, she paused by Kate’s bedroom at the foot of the stairs and stepped inside. As always, the light was on, and as always, the room looked like a tornado had swept through it. Lacy bras, panties and flirty little skirts were tossed haphazardly here and there. On the bed was a shopping bag and Jaynie peeked inside. The robe was nearly the same color of peach as the lipstick had been. It still had the tags on it and Jaynie used her teeth to pull them free, all the while staring straight ahead.

If she stopped to think about what she was doing, she’d freeze again. Jaynie was damn tired of being cold. She paused at the mirror and stared at her reflection. The peach silk lay against her tanned skin, clung to the stiff peaks of her nipples. She tied the belt tightly and then slid her hands under her hair, pulling it free from the robe. It tumbled down her back, the thick gold-streaked strands razor straight.

For a second, she hesitated, staring at her reflection. She closed her eyes and when she did, she saw Brian’s intense turquoise stare, hot and focused. If she started to panic or think, all she needed was that memory and she knew she’d feel steady enough to go through with this.

He wasn’t in his room. She turned and stared back down the staircase, uncertain of where he might be. He hadn’t gone out. She would have heard his truck if he’d left the house.

25

Shiloh Walker

She headed back downstairs, made her way into the kitchen and from there she heard the muffled sounds of his breathing, strained and harsh. She heard metal clank as she opened the basement door. It was dim down there. Her feet were soundless on the carpeted steps as she descended.

Jaynie’s breath hitched a little as she stared at Brian. He was lying on the weight bench, his gaze on the ceiling, his features blank as he lifted the heavy bar up and slowly lowered it back down. He didn’t make any of the annoying grunts and groans that Dean liked to make when he worked out. The only sounds she heard were his heavy breathing. He did ten reps as she watched.

She waited until he put the bar down and sat up before she moved. She didn’t make a sound, she knew she hadn’t, but his head turned and for a brief moment there was a fiery heat burning in the depths of his gaze. Then he blinked and when he looked at her, his expression was shuttered.

That blank look cracked as she lowered her hands to the robe’s belt. She didn’t say anything at first, just opened the robe and stood there as he looked at her. He stared at her breasts and she shuddered a little when he licked his lips. His big hands clenched into fists and under the thin cotton shorts, she could see the swelling of his cock. His gaze moved down her body. Jaynie had to fight not to jerk the robe closed when his gaze fastened on her sex. A muscle jerked in his jaw and Jaynie felt an answering throb deep inside.

He wanted her. The relief that flooded her was unreal. It didn’t matter that he was probably just reacting to the physical stimulus of a woman standing naked in front of him. It was a basic, honest human reaction—a man wanting a woman. That was all she needed, to know that she hadn’t totally failed and that she could react. Men could want her and she could feel heat—she hadn’t frozen up.