One More Time (20 page)

What did he mean work? He promised to take the night off!

For three days I packed boxes and waited for Dillon to call…something he failed to do.
I deserved an explanation, didn’t I?
I counted to thirty before following him back to the bedroom, where I discovered he had locked the door.
He locked me out of our bedroom. What in the world happened in Charleston?
I wasn’t scheduled to work because I was supposed to be home celebrating the fact that Dillon and I were moving into our new home together tomorrow. I was sorely tempted to call Sarah and see if she could sit, but decided to give Dillon the space he obviously needed. After his shower he mumbled something about not waiting up on him and bolted out the door.

Around midnight, I took a book out to the living room where I made a nest on the sofa and waited for Dillon to come home. Sally rolled in around one and said she’d left Dillon at Dragonfly drinking with a bunch of people. My heart sank.
He’s not coming home
. Sally wanted to talk about it. I, however, did not. I wanted to know what in the hell happened to my guy in Charleston. I made my way back to the bedroom and must have fallen asleep because when I woke the sun was up and the pillow beside me was empty. My eyes instantly filled.
If he didn’t come home last night, where did he go?

Amelia whined from her Pack ‘n Play and, with a heavy heart, I lifted her out and nursed her. Today we were moving to our new house. This was supposed to be a happy time in our lives.
What am I doing?
A vision of Jimmy banging Carly flashed through my head, only it wasn’t Jimmy’s face I saw. It was Dillon’s.

Noise from the other side of the apartment caught my attention. I got up and threw on a pair of ratty old jeans and a T-shirt and dressed Amelia in a cute little sundress. Then I went to see what the racket was about.

Dillon and Sally were standing in the living room directing the movers as to which boxes to load first. Dillon looked as if he hadn’t slept in days and my heart went out to him.

“Anyone want coffee?” I asked.

They both said yes. I kept myself busy by making a fresh pot. I did not, however, miss the fact that Dillon barely even looked my way.

“Baby, can you take Amelia, so I can pour us all a cup?” I nicely asked him.

“Sally can get her. I’m going to help the movers,” he replied and walked out the door. I stared down at the coffee pot and tried not to cry. Whatever this was, it was bad… really, really bad.

“You okay?” Sally asked, shuffling up next to me.

Shaking my head, I cleared the tears from my throat and handed her Amelia. “No. Dillon didn’t come home last night, Sal. What is going on? Something happened in Charleston. I don’t know what to think.”

“Shhhh,” she said, patting my back. “He did come home. He just slept on the sofa. Look, it’s obvious he’s upset about something. Give him time and I’m sure he’ll come around.”

Relief washed over me. “You really think so?”

“I do. Now, drink your coffee and let’s head over to the house and meet the trucks. You can talk to him about it after he’s had some time to chill out.”

Against my better judgment, I grabbed Amelia’s diaper bag and followed Sally out the door. Without a sideways look at Dillon, I snapped Amelia in and drove away. When I no longer had his apartment in my sights, I broke down and finally let the tears come.

Dillon and I moved into our new place together and I couldn’t have felt more alone. Yes, Sally lived there too, but I barely saw her the first week. I knew she was trying to give Dillon and I alone time together.
A lot of good that did.
If Dillon wasn’t working, he was at MMG. I only saw him when he came home to shower and barely even then. He wouldn’t speak to me unless I addressed him first and he barely even looked at Amelia. This killed me. He wouldn’t even stay home long enough to discover I’d finally weaned our little girl.

The fourth night we’d been in the new place, I was scheduled to work. At the last minute something came up and Sarah had to cancel. I was terribly upset by this because I needed to see Dillon. I needed to put on my big girl panties and confront whatever was bothering him head on. I had given him more than enough time to get over it and he hadn’t. It was way past time to talk. The other three nights, I had chickened out at the last minute and gone to bed. That wasn’t going to happen tonight. Tonight, I was going to camp out on the sofa with my book and wait for him.

It wasn’t until I felt a pair of strong arms lifting me from the sofa that I realized I had fallen asleep, again.
So much for my big girl panties
.

“Dillon, we need to talk,” I groggily told him.

“Shhhh, just let me hold you tonight,” he murmured into my ear. Like a complete sap, I nodded my head and let him carry me to bed. Stripping down to his boxer briefs, he crawled in behind me and settled my back against his chest. I lay there wide awake and listened to him sleep. All I could think about was how much I missed him.
Tomorrow we will talk.

The next day I woke and, like every other day since we moved in, Dillon was gone.

That night, I felt him crawl in behind me and, once again, I lay awake and listened to him sleep, all the while, vowing tomorrow I would finally confront him. And so the pattern continued for the next three days. I was afraid. Deep down I knew the second I put words to my feelings, the very moment they left my lips, the bubble of love and security I had been living in, would burst. I wasn’t ready for that.
Not yet.

Everything changed Saturday night when Dillon decided to take me off the schedule. All of the sudden I was done. Whatever his problem was, it wasn’t getting better and I didn’t want to live this way anymore. His decision to pull me from the schedule hurt. It felt as if he was punishing me for something I didn’t do. This wasn’t about him anymore. This was about me. It felt personal and I was now angry. Like every other night, I fell asleep before he got home. Only, tonight I was determined when he crawled into bed, instead of lying there afraid to move in case he decided to leave, I was going to force him to talk.

Around three in the morning I felt him crawl in behind me. It took me a minute to shake the sleep off. Not only did his breath smell like Bourbon, but he was pressing his very aroused cock against my ass and lower back. My breath hitched when his fingers slid inside my panties. I was torn. On the one hand I wanted to flip over and confront him and, on the other I wanted to let him take me.
We could always talk tomorrow.
When his fingers slid inside me and he ground his cock into my back, the latter won out.
We will definitely talk tomorrow.

Slowly, I turned my head and was met with his bourbon flavored tongue. Bourbon kisses were yummy tasting. Lips on mine, he turned me onto my back and unbuttoned my sleep shirt. By the time he pulled it off of me, we were both breathing heavily and all I could think about was getting him inside me. I grabbed his cock at the same time he ripped my panties from my body and we both groaned. Nothing in the world mattered more than the man above me. I wanted him with a desperation that was not natural. I didn’t want to over think it. I wanted to be in the moment and feel. Apparently Dillon felt the same way, because suddenly my arms were pinned above my head and he was thrusting in deep. Again, we both groaned. I couldn’t take my eyes from his. I loved this man more than I had ever loved anything, other than our daughter. In that moment I knew, no matter what happened between us, I would always belong to him…always. As soon as we lost control and were deep in orgasm, I realized he hadn’t used a condom. The irresponsibility of my actions overwhelmed me.
What am I thinking?

Dillon pulled out and flipped over onto his back, while I jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom to clean up. The whole time I chanted in my head,
I’m good. I have to be.
When I calmed down a bit, I made my way back to the bed and to a passed out and loudly snoring Dillon.
Shit! We still need to talk!

With a big sigh, I crawled back into bed and, after what seemed like hours, finally fell asleep.

Dillon wasn’t in bed when I woke the next morning. Quickly, I threw on a bra, T-shirt and yoga pants and headed for Amelia’s room. As I passed by the kitchen, I heard voices coming from the living room. As I got closer, I could make out Sally and Dillon and it sounded as if they were arguing. I could see Sally feeding Amelia a bottle but she couldn’t see me. It was apparent Dillon didn’t see me either.

“It will kill Isabella if she finds out you have been hanging out with Dana after work,” Sally hissed. My heart leaped into my throat.

What?

“I haven’t been hanging out with Dana,” Dillon harshly whispered. His defensive tone made me pause.

He wouldn’t do that to me.

“Oh yeah? So that wasn’t Dana leaning over the bar with her tits in your face making goo-goo eyes at you last night? Because it sure looked like her.”

I gasped and both sets of eyes swung my way. Pain like I had never known seared through me. Slowly, I blinked back the tears.

He’s been hanging out with Dana?

Then, it hit me.

“Last night was about Dana, not me,” I whispered.

A look of shock appeared on his face. He held out his hand and took a step toward me. “Fuck no, Ibby. Believe me when I say last night was all about you and only you.”

“So Dana hasn’t been hanging out at Dragonfly, lately?” I asked, thinking maybe Sally had it wrong.

He hesitated and I knew what his answer would be. Finally, he got it out. “Dana came in with a group of customers last night. I was their bartender, nothing more.”

He acted as if he was telling the truth, but I had been fooled before. I didn’t think Dillon was the cheating type. Then again, I didn’t think Jimmy was either. My past and my present were merging into one giant ball of confusion and I didn’t know what to think, what to believe. “Did you hang out with her after they left?”

This time his hesitation rocked me to my core. He started to answer, “Only for a second to….”

I held up my hand to stop him from talking. That was all I needed to hear. “Since coming back from Charleston, you’ve had one foot out that door, Dillon. You have held me at arms-length and completely ignored our daughter.” I pointed to Amelia. “Do you see her right in front of your face?” His eyes darted to Amelia, who was staring straight at him. “She’s yours, Dillon…
Yours,”
I stressed.

“I’m aware of that, Isabella,” he harshly replied. He hadn’t spoken or looked at me with anything other than kindness since I’d first arrived in Charlotte and it hurt.

Not able to stand it any longer, I asked him the one question I knew had the power destroy me. “You don’t want us anymore, do you?”

His silver-grey eyes stared into mine and he said the words I had been dreading all week. “I don’t know what I want.”

Sally mumbled something nasty and promptly carried Amelia out of the room. Brutus followed behind.

It’s hard to describe what a broken heart feels like. It’s as if a part of you has died. The pain is almost unbearable. It hurts to breathe, to think…exist. I couldn’t look him in the eye or he would see I was breaking apart inside, so I wrapped my arms protectively around myself and looked out the window. “I don’t think I can do this,” I quietly told him.

“Do what?” he asked, taking another step toward me.

I looked him straight in the eye and answered, “Live like this anymore.” He flinched and I wanted to hit him. At the same time I wanted to hold him. Couldn’t he see what he was doing to us? “You were fine before you went to Charleston. What happened, Dillon?”

“Nothing,” he quickly replied.

“Bullshit!” I sternly retorted. “Something happened to change your mind about me, about us. What was it?”

“It was nothing,” he repeated, “and I haven’t changed my mind about you. You are amazing. Milly is amazing. It’s just me.”

“What about you? Tell me what happened in Charleston!” I shouted. “You owe me that much!”

“Fine! I decided I can’t be a father. I can’t be a husband! I don’t want to be! Is that what you want to hear? I do not want to be tied down…I just can’t!” There it was, the truth, and it was every bit as ugly as I’d suspected.

“Get out,” I hissed.

“Ibby,” he said. I could see regret written all over his face but I no longer cared.

“Get out!” I screamed. Before he could say anything else, I ran past him. Grabbing my purse and keys, I shot out the door and jumped into my car. I drove two blocks to the neighborhood park where I sat in my car and cried. When I returned home two hours later, he was gone and so was my heart.

Dillon

‡

H
oly shit, what
in the hell just happened? One minute I am minding my own business in the kitchen and the next Sally is all up in my grill. Then I am telling Ibby I don’t know what I want anymore. Fuck! I know exactly what I want. I want Isabella and Milly. I just can’t let myself have them anymore.
The look on Ibby’s face when she asked if last night was about Dana made me want to vomit.
I fucking hate that bitch.
Yes, Dana had shown up at Dragonfly last night, but like every other night this week, the second she so much as glanced my way, I shut her down. Thinking about this past week made my head hurt.