One More Kiss (5 page)

He found the fastening of her jeans and undid them. She moved, trying to get her pants off but it wasn’t going to happen while she was sitting on his lap. She pushed herself to her feet and shimmied out of her jeans and then turned back to him.

“I can’t believe we’re here. Like this. After everything that’s happened,” he said. He reached out and trailed his fingers down her stomach and around her belly button. Then his touch moved lower and he cupped her intimately.

His fingers gently stroked against her most sensitive flesh. She wanted—no needed—more and she wouldn’t be denied any longer. She pushed against his shoulders, urging him back to his chair but he shook his head.

“No way. I’ve dreamed of this moment for too long,” he said.

She was taken aback at his words. Soon she felt his mouth against her shoulder, kissing and suckling as he continued along her arm. He kept that one hand between her legs, fingers teasing her, as his other hand slipped her bra away.

His eyes narrowed intensely as his gaze fixed on her exposed torso. She splayed her hands on his chest and, in a reverent way, opened his jeans. She pushed them down his legs along with his boxers. He stepped carefully out of them while continuing to explore her body with his mouth.

She touched his cock. He stopped then, and lifted her up to carry her. She put her arm around his shoulders to steady herself as he strode to the table. He set her on her feet next to it. Then he walked around the gazebo and lowered the curtains so that no one could see in. She watched every movement, admiring his fluid grace.

“Like what you see?” he asked when they were closed off from the world.

“Very much,” she admitted.

“Good,” he said. He returned to her side and kissed her. His hands were on her waist and he raised her up onto the table. She felt a little uncertain, but when he stepped between her legs and she felt the hot nudge of the tip of his cock she stopped worrying. She knew this was right.

He cupped her bottom and drew her closer. She responded, wrapping her legs around his hips, but he pushed them down and away. Instead, he took her hands in his and placed them on the table on either side of her. “Lean back.”

She did and her breasts jutted out, as if on display, her nipples painfully tight. He leaned down and kissed each nipple, scraping briefly, carefully with his teeth before he nibbled his way down to her stomach. His tongued dipped into her belly button, readying her instantly. Then he nibbled her hip bone before gently tonguing his way to her center.

She felt his fingers first, then the brush of his tongue against her clit. She screamed his name and immediately put her hands to his head. She needed to touch him as he found that sweet bud of passion and sucked on it. She knew she was close to climaxing as soon as the tip of his finger penetrated her and the rolling wave of her orgasm began to wash over her. Eagerly, her body responded, desperate for more. He lifted his head.

She stared down at him. “Take me, Jay.”

He nodded and reached for his jeans. She saw him draw out a condom from his pocket. He opened the package and put the protection on quickly before returning to her.

He spread her legs and then she felt him tap her clit with his cock. She shivered as he rubbed himself against her and then she caught her breath as the tip of his cock entered her. But he paused there and she shifted under him, trying to get all of him.

“Beg me,” he said.

“Please...take me, Jay.”

He slid another tiny inch inside of her. “That’s not begging,” he said, leaning forward so that his chest teased her tingling breasts.

He whispered naughty, dirty sexual ideas in her ear and her muscles clenched around him. She felt his hips jerk, and she bit the lobe of his ear.

She could sense the shiver that went through him and then a moment later he filled her completely. She tightened her legs around his waist as he took her, relentlessly moving in and out of her body.

“Come for me,” he said.

She was already from the moment he’d first thrust inside her. What control she had left was quickly slipping away. Her clit was pulsing as one sensation after another claimed her. He leaned down and kissed and sucked the side of her neck as his hips pistoned forward. On a breathy cry, her name passed his lips, and she felt his hard, smooth cock spilling into her.

Alysse ran her hand up and down his strong back and buried her face against his chest. His breath sawed in and out of his body and she relished the afterglow.

He held her loosely in his arms and then brought her to the chair with him where he’d cradled her earlier. He held her to him and she let him. She rested her head against his chest and pretended she was never going to have to leave this spot.

She wanted to stay with him, like this, and remember that one perfect week they’d spent in each other’s arms.

But that wasn’t going to happen. She sat up and faced him.

His expression went from relaxed and sated to guarded. “I guess that was a mistake?”

She shook her head. “Not at all. But I think that’s all we are ever going to have.”

“Sex? It’s more than sex, Aly.”

She frowned and got to her feet. She felt vulnerable and raw as she moved around gathering up her clothes, dressing as quickly as she could. She heard Jay behind her, dressing as well, and by the time she turned around he was fully clothed and looking every inch the Marine that he was.

This wasn’t the sexy, demanding lover of only minutes ago. This was the man who’d called her down here with a mission in mind. She had the feeling that lovemaking hadn’t been his objective.

“I want more than sex. It wasn’t some hot lover I was missing when I was lying in the desert sand feeling like I was going to die.”

“Who were you missing?”

“You.”

“You had me,” she said, trying to objectify what had just happened so it wouldn’t mean as much to either of them.

“I did. I made a mistake. I’m trying to make up for that.”

She laughed because he sounded so wounded and so...well, not like himself. “You said sex was the only place we communicated honestly.”

“I was a guy looking to get laid when I said that.”

She raised her shoulder and tipped her head to the side. “Isn’t that who you were tonight?”

“No.”

She arched her eyebrow at him.

“Well, yes, but I want more. Dammit, Aly, nothing is going the way I planned.”

“Welcome to the real world, Marine. It’s not like the Corps where there are rules and everyone follows them.”

He stalked over to her and put his hands on her waist and lifted her off her feet to kiss her. She could have ignored it if it was hard and demanding, but instead it was soft, seductive. It was every tender feeling she had burning inside her, waiting to get out.

She almost put her arms around him, yet she knew she had to get away. She needed to get some distance between them or he was going to have his willing little Vegas-minded sex-crazy wife back. And she wasn’t that woman.

Really, she assured herself. Tonight was her chance to have Jay one last time before she set about curing herself of caring about him. Curing herself from wanting that hot body of his pressed against her again. Curing herself of the broken heart that she’d never been able to heal.

5

“T
HE
REAL
WORLD
?” he said, grasping her hand and stopping her before she got too far away. “I know more about reality than you do. You are about to go happily back to your safe, happy life never knowing what I’ve done to keep you secure.”

“That’s not what I meant. You think you can plan out every detail and I’ll just fall in line like a good little girl.”

“God knows that you are a good girl, aren’t you?” he asked sarcastically.

She stopped abruptly. He knew he was pushing her into a corner. He didn’t care. He felt so out of control right now he wanted to see her lose it a little, too.

“I always have been, but then following the rules didn’t exactly help me out with my marriage,” she said.

“I never intended to hurt you,” he said.

“Well, you can’t be blamed then for your actions, is that it?” she asked.

He pushed his hands through his short-cropped hair and realized this conversation was on a downward spiral. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“What did you mean? You have no defense, you walked away and left me and now you’re back... I’m entitled to be angry.”

“Yes, you are,” he said, letting his own anger abate. He knew Alysse hadn’t meant that the way he’d taken it.

“Come on, let’s go back to my room and we can talk about it. This isn’t the place for us to do that and we have too much to hash out.”

“No,” she said as she deliberately pulled her hand free. “I don’t think we have anything more to say to each other.”

“Why not?” he asked, but he already suspected he knew the answer.

From the second they’d met in Vegas he’d promised her the world to get her into his room and kept her there as long as he could. Not just because of the physical pleasure but because in his room, when it was just the two of them, he could keep the real world at bay. The reality that spoke of the group of friends she had who wanted them to go clubbing or gaming with them. The reality that spoke of the community of people that she surrounded herself with. The reality that spoke the truth—that he didn’t really fit in her life.

“Jay, I don’t want to hurt your feelings but you have to know that I had sex with you tonight to regain my ego, the ego you bruised so badly when you left me. I needed to prove to myself that you still wanted me.”

“Ah, hell...”

He could see the slight red abrasion that his beard had left on her neck. “That about sums it up.”

He had wanted tonight to be the romance he needed to get back into her life and he feared that once again he’d underestimated the parameters of this mission.

“I’d say I’m sorry but I don’t think it would help,” he said at last.

“You’re right. I know you’re searching for answers for your future and I get that, believe me, I do. But for me, right now, I need to... I just need to figure out some things about myself.”

Jay looked at this woman and knew that if any other girl were standing there he’d write tonight off as a one-night stand and let her go. But this was Alysse. The one woman in the world who had haunted his dreams for the last five years, and somehow, if she needed to use him, well, then he was okay with it.

“So you want to use me for sex?” he asked, a teasing note in his voice that he hoped would mask his own desperation for her not to dismiss him. Sex was the one place in his relationship with her where he felt secure.

Finally, he understood a little of what she must be feeling and he was humbled by her courage. The fact that she must feel at least a hint of what he felt and she’d stayed and had dinner with him anyway...well, that spoke to him.

“Leave it to you to boil it down to sex,” she said. “But yes, I am going to use you to figure out why I don’t want another man to touch me, why I haven’t been able to go on more than one date with any guy. I’m stuck and I’m ready to move on.”

He nodded. It was a gamble he was taking and he knew that. What he didn’t know was if Alysse would ever be able to really forgive him. And what about a future for them? Was that even possible? After everything he’d been through, could he stay here and live some kind of normal suburban life? For now though, he could help her out and maybe figure himself out at the same time.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” she asked.

“I’ll let you use me for sex.”

“Oh, Jay. I wish it were that easy,” she said. “I’m going to use you to get over you.”

Jay pulled her into his arms because she looked so small, so fragile, standing there and he needed to touch her. Really touch her, not just hold her hand. He hugged her and ran his hands up and down her back and then leaned away to see her eyes.

“You are going to get over Vegas Jay who wasn’t ready for you,” he said. “But I am a different man today, Aly, and I’m not letting you go.”

She pulled away from him and adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder as the cool evening breeze stirred her long ginger hair. She studied him for what felt like an eternity.

“I’m not sure that I’m going to give you the chance to keep me,” she said. “You’re going to have to prove you’re worthy of me this time.”

She walked away then and all he could do was watch her leave. He understood the path he’d started down was going to be hard and fraught with obstacles but he did know one thing with utter certainty. He wasn’t about to back down from this.

For the first time since he’d lain in that hospital in Afghanistan he felt truly alive, and he had Alysse to thank for that. He knew that had to mean something important and he was determined to understand what.

She wasn’t about to make it easy for him and he knew he didn’t want easy. He wanted a path to lead him to answer what she meant to him.

* * *

F
OR
ONCE
SHE
HAD
no problems getting out of bed
at 4:00 a.m. Considering she’d tossed and turned all night it was a relief when the alarm went off and she jumped out of bed. Alysse took a quick shower and stared at herself in the mirror as she put on her makeup. She looked tired and tense. Last night had been...

Don’t think about it,
she ordered herself as she went out to her VW convertible and drove to work. There wasn’t a lot of traffic on the road at this time of the morning, which was a good thing because her mind was definitely not on the road. Instead she thought about last night and hoped against hope that she hadn’t made a huge mistake.

But she suspected she had. She’d let lust rule and now she was regretting it. She shouldn’t have slept with Jay because objectivity had left him.
Ha,
she thought. Objectivity had left her a long time before they’d had sex together.

She unlocked the back door of the bakery and let herself in. She grabbed a cup of French roast from the Keurig machine and got started on the Danish dough. But that didn’t distract her because she could do the morning baking on autopilot and all she could think of was last night and Jay.

It didn’t matter that she thought she’d made a huge mistake. A part of her wanted to see him again and only regretted that she hadn’t stayed and slept in his arms.

She groaned out loud. What was wrong with her? Was she destined to be a fool forever where Jay was concerned?

“You okay?”

Alysse jumped and turned to face the doorway where Staci stood. The other woman looked just as sleepy as Alysse felt. But she went straight to work on her morning baking.

“Yes. Why?” Alysse asked. She was having lunch with her mom later today and if she couldn’t fool Staci into thinking nothing was up, then she didn’t stand a chance with her mom.

“You have been staring at the flour for about five minutes, and unless you are trying to use your mind power to make the Danishes this morning...”

Alysse dumped the flour into the mixer and then added the other dry ingredients. She cursed under her breath as she realized she hadn’t sifted the dry stuff together. She had to get her head into baking and off a certain good-looking Marine.

“Sorry. I’m not myself today.”

“Are you getting sick?” Staci said. “If you are, I can handle this and you can head back home.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m just a little off my game.”

“Good. Because I want to hear about the guy last night,” Staci said. She started pulling things from the pantry area and bringing them to her own station. “Was he the big romantic you thought he’d be?”

“Ha, no,” Alysse replied.

“Sorry he was a dud. Did he pay you?” Staci asked.

Given everything that had happened last night she’d forgotten about charging Jay for the cupcake. She included that on his list of offenses.

“It was a setup, Staci. I never told you but I’m divorced. And the guy was my ex-husband. I never thought I’d see him again.”

Staci was staring at her as if she’d grown a second head or maybe really had created Danishes with just her mind power. She should have kept that special nugget to herself, Alysse thought. But Jay had rattled her. She had no idea if using him was going to help her out or if she was out for revenge, even though that wasn’t her style.

“Sorry. Forget I said that. Let’s get the baking done,” she said, eyeing the butter she’d need next.

“Oh, hell, no,” Staci said, coming over to Alysse’s station. “You can’t drop a bombshell like that and then say never mind. I want details.”

Alysse paused and leaned back against the counter. Maybe talking to Staci would help. Although logically, she already knew what she should do—never see Jay again. “Like what?”

“Let’s start with your marriage,” Staci said. “But we have to work while we talk or we won’t be able to open on time.”

Her friend returned to her station and picked up where she’d left off. That she was being so matter-of-fact enabled Alysse to regain her equilibrium. She knew she had to work, the bakery’s fate rested on the two of them getting their products made each morning.

“We met and married in Vegas and spent a fabulous week in the honeymoon suite of the Golden Dream Hotel. When I woke up on the day we were supposed to go home, he was gone. No note, nothing. Just disappeared.”

“Oh, my God. That’s... How did you cope with it?” Staci asked. “I would have hunted his ass down and reamed him a new one.”

“He’s a Marine...a warrior. He’d be hard to take in a fight.” To be honest, that had been part of what had drawn her to Jay. Being athletic she was hard-pressed to find a guy much better than her at most sports and one who didn’t treat her like one of the guys. From the beginning Jay had treated her as though she was special—a lady.

“I don’t care. What did you do?” Staci asked again. She had all of her ingredients assembled.

“I channeled that anger into baking and beating you at regional competitions,” Alysse said. She flipped on her mixer to combine the wet and dry ingredients. Staci did the same, but came over to her.

“Because you are in pain I’m going to let you get away with saying you always beat me,” she said, giving Alysse a quick hug before going back to her station.

Alysse realized then that she hadn’t shut out everyone when Jay had hurt her. Just men. She’d formed this bond with Staci and she was close to her brother’s girlfriend, too.

She and Staci removed their dough from the mixers and started rolling it out. One of the things that Alysse loved most about baking was how she could take a bunch of separate things and make them into something whole. Something good. She liked seeing the dough form.

“So what happened then?” Staci asked.

“I divorced him while he was on tour in Iraq. He signed the papers and my attorney said he reenlisted but went to Afghanistan this time. I have tried to put him out of my mind but I don’t know that I was too successful.”

“Given the string of lackluster dates you’ve been on, I’d say you haven’t been. So why’s he back?” Staci asked.

Alysse paid close attention to the individual Danishes she was starting to create on her baking sheets. She went to the refrigerator to get the different fruits that she had prepared last night while she’d been waiting for Jay’s cake to bake.

“I don’t know,” she said.

She didn’t want to tell Staci he wanted her back and was determined to win her over. She didn’t want Staci to know how weak she was where Jay was concerned and that she was contemplating letting him into her life, considering how badly he’d hurt her.

“Yeah, right.”

Staci was preparing croissants and had set the dough aside to rise, now she moved on to the doughnuts.

“Did you sleep with him?” Staci asked in a low voice.

“Staci!”

“Well?”

Alysse bit her lower lip. “I’m not going to answer that.”

“That means you did. You still want him. Do you still love him?” Staci persisted.

“I don’t know. I think he’s the reason all my dates have sucked so much and I want to be able to move on. I’m still not sure I can trust him or myself. He’s come back to figure out if he can have a life outside the Corps and apparently he wants me to be a part of it.”

Alysse wasn’t too sure that was really what Jay was after, but that was what he’d said. She trusted him to a certain extent but it was hard to see him as the settled-down type. He hadn’t been four years ago; had what happened in the Middle East really changed him?

“That’s great for him, but what do you want?” Staci asked. “I don’t know that guy, but you do. I’m not going to judge you.”

“I thought I was over him,” Alysse said.

It had been really disheartening last night to admit she wasn’t. She’d thought she had better self-preservation skills than that. “He broke my heart and I should have moved on, but he’s still there in the back of my mind and I judge every guy I meet by the man he was in Vegas.”

“Not the man he is today?”

She shrugged. “I’m not really sure who he is. I don’t know that he knows either. I’m telling myself that I’m going to see him and sort out how to...”

“Hurt him?” Staci supplied.

She shook her head. “I thought so, but I couldn’t do it. I just want to be able to move on with my life. I want to enjoy being single and I can’t until I know what it is about Jay that makes me like him.”