One Man Guy (13 page)

“Nice,” Alek heard a voice offer. He turned around and saw Ethan hovering on his board, lazily circling a traffic cone. “I thought I was going to have to bail your ass out of this one, just like last time.”

“You’re not going to have to save me anymore, Ethan.”

“Is that because I’m going to be too busy going to hell?”

“Look.” Alek took a deep breath. He found himself wanting to look at anything but Ethan—the untied lace on his left shoe, a guy with a baseball cap on backward retaping the top of his skateboard—but he forced himself to make eye contact. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“You better be.”

“I am.” He wished he could be alone with Ethan, but if this was where the apology was going to have to happen, so be it. “I think I did some serious overreacting.”

“No shit!”

“I just thought—”

“You made what you thought pretty clear that day. You thought that I was embarrassed to be seen with you in front of my friends. Well, let me tell you something,
dude
. Every one of those guys, even the ones who can be total assholes like Jack, accept me for who I am. I’m not saying they threw me a parade when I came out, but they don’t care about my being gay. Which I think is pretty awesome, especially considering that none of them are. So they were just having some fun that day. Everything else was your own shit.”

Ethan’s words stung Alek, but not because they weren’t true. He swallowed his response, and his pride. “That’s why I’m here now, Ethan. ’Cause I know I acted like a jerk. So I came to say I’m sorry. Here.” Alek pulled a package out of his JanSport backpack and handed it to Ethan.

“What’s that?”

“I think apologies are easy. You just say ‘I’m sorry’ and expect everything to be fine. Gifts are better. They say ‘I’m sorry, and I’m willing to spend a few bucks and some time and effort to show you how sorry I really am.’”

“Nice, Polly-O.” Ethan nodded his head in approval.

“Well, open it already!”

Ethan sat down on his skateboard with his back to Alek and ripped open the package. When the wrapping paper lay on the ground in shreds, Ethan held up the contents. “A book?” he said.

“Flip through it,” Alek instructed. Ethan did, and Alek continued talking. “You remember how, when you used to buy CDs, they came with these great little books that had all the lyrics? Well, I made a little booklet of all the Rufus lyrics. I put them by album, so it starts with
Rufus Wainwright
, and then come
Poses
,
Want One
and
Two
,
Release the Stars
,
All Days Are Nights
, and then
Out of the Game
.” Ethan didn’t say anything, so Alek continued. “I’m sure you already know most of the words, but I just thought it would be nice to have them all printed out together, you know.”

Alek hoped this would at least get some kind of reaction from Ethan, but he still didn’t say anything. After a few more moments of silence, Alek added, “I hope you don’t think this is stupid, but I didn’t really know what else to get you. I mean, I don’t know anything about skateboarding or…”

Ethan’s shoulders started heaving. Alek took two steps backward.

“You know, if you don’t want it, I can take it back,” Alek offered huffily. Putting himself on the line was one thing, but there was no way he was going to let Ethan laugh at him for the peace offering that he had spent most of the weekend putting together.

Ethan turned around to look at Alek, and Alek saw tears running down his face.

“Come with me,” Ethan said. Without waiting for a response, Ethan got on his skateboard and began to skate away. “I’ll see you guys later,” he called over his shoulder, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

“Later, Ethan,” Jack called back.

“See you tomorrow,” a spiky-haired guy yelled.

Ethan turned around. “What’re you waiting for?” he asked Alek, who had been standing frozen like a Rodin statue. Alek grabbed his backpack and ran after the boy on the skateboard.

11

Ethan jumped off his skateboard and unlocked the front door to an attached brown row house with a key hanging on one of his many pocket chains. He wove through the piles of books, records, CDs, DVDs, magazines, and newspapers stacked on the shelves, in every corner, and against every available wall surface. It was hard to make out what kind of furniture was in the house because everything was drowning in piles.

“My father likes things,” Ethan offered wryly, answering Alek’s unasked question.

“What does he do with all of this?” Alek exclaimed, gesturing to the books and CDs and DVDs.

“He’s read or listened to or watched every book, album, or DVD in this house.”

“Are you kidding me?”

But Ethan was on the move again.

Alek followed Ethan into his room, thinking how terrifying this setting would’ve been just a few weeks ago.

“Close the door,” Ethan said over his shoulder. Every wall in Ethan’s room was covered with images, making Alek feel like he’d stepped into a kaleidoscope. Even the ceiling was plastered with pictures.

From underneath his bed, Ethan pulled out a medium-size green plastic bin. As he started to work his way through the contents, Alek tried to decipher the magazine cutouts, posters, and printouts staring at him.

All of the images were of men. Some were movie stars, like Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Jude Law, and Johnny Depp. Some were athletes: Alek recognized Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Rafael Nadal, Dwayne Wade, and Joe Mauer. And some, Alek realized, were gay celebrities, like Anderson Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris, and Alan Cumming.

Then there was an entire wall dedicated entirely to models at various points of undress. Alek guessed that he saw more seminude men in Ethan’s room than he had seen in his life cumulatively. He couldn’t find one totally frontally naked man, but many of the men were naked from the waist up, and some of them were entirely naked but photographed from behind. Finding himself blushing, Alek refocused on Ethan, who finally found what he was looking for. He slid the green plastic bin back under the bed and turned to Alek.

“Look at this.”

Alek stared at the booklet, dumbstruck. It contained the lyrics to all the Rufus songs, organized by albums, almost identical to the one Alek had given Ethan.

“I’ve been racking my brain, thinking about every conversation you and I have had,” Ethan said. “And I’m sure I didn’t mention that I had this. So I can only conclude that it’s pure coincidence that you made it for me. And that’s freaky, man.”

“Why? I’m sure that lots of people know you love Rufus.”

“This wasn’t given to me by just anyone. It was a gift. From my ex-boyfriend.”

Ethan’s gaze went to a framed portrait on his desk of him with his arm around a handsome, tall guy with a solid jaw and curly blond hair.

“Is that him?”

“That’s Remi.”

“Why’d you guys break up?”

“Long story.”

“If you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to, Ethan, but I wish you would.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just … well, it’s embarrassing.”

“More embarrassing than telling someone to go to hell?”

Ethan laughed in spite of himself. “Well, not that embarrassing. Nothing would be
that
embarrassing.”

“So what’re you waiting for?”

Ethan hopped on his bed and lay down on his stomach. Alek sat on the floor next to the bed, looking up at him.

“Well, Remi was one of my dad’s students at NYU. He came here from Australia. My dad thought he was mad smart, but that his papers weren’t up to par. So he told Remi to stay after class one day and asked him what was going on. Turned out Remi could barely work on school because his life was falling apart.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, his folks lost all their money right before he started school, so he had to hold down all of these jobs and barely had time to do his homework. He couldn’t afford student housing, so he was sofa-cruising from one friend’s apartment to another. My father freaked when he found out that Remi had spent some nights on the street, so he told him to stay in our guest room until he found a regular habitat. I think it was only supposed to be temporary, but by the time spring semester rolled around, Remi was still here. My dad liked having him around, and he did all the shit that my dad hated, like dishes and laundry and vacuuming. And of course I didn’t mind because by that point we were pretty serious.”

“But he must have been way older than you.”

“Not really. He skipped a grade, so he was only seventeen, and I’d just turned fifteen. It wasn’t that big of a deal. And look at him.” Ethan handed the portrait on the desk to Alek. “He was the kind of guy that turned heads.”

“Did your dad freak out when he found out you two were together?”

“I don’t know if he ever knew, honestly. Most of the time, I think he’s totally clueless. I guess he thought Remi would be a good influence, like the older brother I never had, and in a lot of ways he was. Remi turned me on to Rufus, and although I had hung out a lot in the city before I met him, he had a knack for finding cool people and places. He always said that if he were stranded in the desert he wouldn’t survive a day, but in a city he knew how to get by. He’s the one who taught me the bathroom train trick and how to do the city on ten bucks for the day—”

“Hey, that reminds me. I still had five bucks left over.”

“That’s because I decided to skip the last part.”

“Why?”

“Because you were being a salty bitch. It’ll just have to wait for the next time we get to the city.”

Alek inhaled sharply. His mind started racing with the possibilities of what another day in New York with Ethan could entail.

“Now where was I?” Ethan sat up. “That’s right. Remi knew just how to navigate his way through the city. Wait until I show you his Barnes & Noble trick, or his umbrella special.”

“What does that mean?” Alek sat up eagerly.

“I told you, you’ll have to wait and see,” Ethan said playfully, leaning forward for extra emphasis. Alek scooted back slightly, stretching his legs out.

“I know this may sound stupid,” Ethan continued, “but I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. From the moment we met, everything felt so right.”

“Well, he sounds just about perfect,” Alek said.

“He was,” Ethan replied. “I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well, it’s just that sometimes…” He trailed off, looking away.

“What, Ethan?”

“Sometimes he did things that really upset me. But I knew it was just me being immature.”

“Like what?”

“Well, some nights, he just wouldn’t come home. I’d wait up until two or three for him, and nothing—not a text or call or anything. And whenever I asked him where he’d been, he’d say he was studying late at a friend’s place. But then the next day we’d be chilling with one of his friends, who’d let it slip that they’d been out clubbing the night before. You know—shady shit like that. And, like, I didn’t really care. I mean, he was in college and he could do whatever he wanted. But I just wished he wouldn’t lie to me about it, you know? Especially when I knew he was hooking up with other guys.”

“He cheated on you?”

“It wasn’t really cheating, because we weren’t monogamous.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty normal in the gay world.” Ethan lay back down on his stomach. “I didn’t know that until Remi told me. I hated the idea of his being in the city all the time with all that temptation. But Remi said, ‘I’m not going to let some American teenager tie me down when I’m in the middle of my sexual prime, regardless of how cute he is,’” Ethan quoted, using an Australian accent. “After he disappeared, I promised myself that I would never date someone again unless it was just the two of us. It was too hard the other way.”

“So what happened?”

Ethan didn’t respond.

Alek scooched a little closer to Ethan’s bed. He said softly, “Tell me, Ethan. Please?”

“Well, one day in the middle of last summer, I woke up and he wasn’t here.”

“Stayed out all night again?”

“No—he was totally gone. He packed everything up and just disappeared, like he’d never been here. I mean, I knew there was stuff going on with his family back home—he wasn’t sure if he’d have enough money for the next semester, and I think his dad was sick. But I never imagined that he’d just vanish on me like that. He was my first everything.” Ethan paused for emphasis.

Alek looked at him quizzically.

“My first
everything
,” Ethan repeated.

“Oh!” Alek exclaimed.

“I mean, I’d made out with a few guys before him, but that’s it. By the time he disappeared, we’d already been together for months. And we were going real strong. At least, I thought we were. And then he was gone. No note, nothing. I asked my dad, and he said, ‘Didn’t he tell you? Remi bought his return ticket weeks ago.’ Something about his having told my dad and not me just slayed me. I ran from the kitchen table up to my room, put Rufus on repeat, and cried all day. I just couldn’t believe he would do that to me.”

“Did you try to e-mail him or anything like that?”

“Of course! But his NYU account got deactivated, so anything I sent got bounced back to me. And he never responded to the Facebook messages I sent him—not like he ever checked his account anyway—and I didn’t have his family’s number in Australia. Even now, if somebody wants to disappear, they just can.” Ethan took a breath and swallowed deeply. “When I kidnapped you to go into the city last week, that was the one-year anniversary of Remi’s departure. I hadn’t been to the city since, because it reminded me of him too much. But when I saw that Rufus had been rescheduled to that exact day, I took it as a sign. Honestly, I had such a good time with you that I didn’t even think about him, except for a few times at the concert.”

“Like during ‘Do I Disappoint You’?” Alek asked.

“You noticed?”

Alek nodded.

“That was our song, ’cause every time he’d come home after having stayed out all night, he’d sing it to me and I’d have to forgive him,” Ethan said wistfully. “I wish you could’ve met him, Alek. I think you’d have really liked him.”