One Choice (26 page)
Authors: Ginger Solomon
****
Josiah watched Cahri take Matthias's arm and start walking after speaking to him in whispers. Whispers he'd heard.
How could she think of their home as a prison?
The ride back to the palace was a nightmare for Cahri. Matthias insisted he would follow them in the car she'd driven to the airport. He found the skycap she described and retrieved the keys. After returning her hat to her, he sat behind the wheel, waiting for Josiah to lead them home in his car.
Josiah acted as if nothing unusual had happened. She couldn't. Her answers to his questions came out stilted, if she answered at all. He gave up and an awkward silence descended.
As soon as the car stopped in the car barn, she jumped out and ran into the palace. Being in his presence caused her heart to skitter around in her chest, and she needed a break. A long break. She weaved through the many hallways and found her way to the gallery.
She sat in front of the portrait of Josiah's great-grandmother. “How did you manage? Did he love you? Did you love him?”
Cahri lay down on the backless bench and stared at the picture, praying for some semblance of peace. Praying for her marriage. Praying someday soon she wouldn't feel like crying all the time.
The door opened, and Cahri rose from her position. Josiah entered. Her heart raced.
“I knew you'd be here.”
She shrugged, wishing she'd gone somewhere else.
“We have to talk.” Josiah sat beside her on the bench.
“There's nothing to say.”
“We can't work this out if you don't talk to me.”
“You're right. But I've been waiting to talk to you for over a month. I needed to talk to you. I needed you to hold me. I needed to know you still loved me, that you didn't blame me for what Waseem had done, that you didn't think it was my fault. But what I needed didn't matter then, and I expect it doesn't matter now. It's been and remains all about what you need.” She stood and walked to the window, pushing aside the heavy drapes. “Well, it can't be all about you anymore. I need time. Maybe a lot, maybe a little. I don't know. You can't expect me to come back here and pretend the last month hasn't happened. Even now the servants look at me with pity. âThe neglected princess.'” She swiped at the tears on her cheeks.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Leave me alone.”
“No.” The force in the one word hit Cahri like a hammer. Josiah continued. “I plan to fight for our marriage, for our love. I know you love me. You said so in your note. I know I hurt you. Forgive me, Cahri. Again.” His footsteps echoed behind her. His hands rested on her shoulders. “I can't promise not to hurt you again because I will, but it won't be because I want to. I can promise to try harder.”
Cahri slumped next to him. She did love him. A lot. More than a lot. Her body still responded to his touch. He twisted her around and pulled her close. She rested her cheek against his chest and felt the beating of his heart. She wrapped her arms around his waist. Her tears wet his shirt. His tears dripped onto her cheek.
They stood there for a long time, not moving, not talking, just holding tightly to one another.
“I love you, Cahri.”
****
They'd been back at the palace for two days. Two torturous days. After a month of near-silence with no one to talk to, Cahri needed time away from Josiah. He was smothering her.
He'd told her he needed to get some work done in his office, so she took the opportunity to walk. Somewhere. Anywhere. She was to meet him for lunch but had a precious few hours to herself. Since her almost-escape, she'd told Matthias she didn't need a guard anymore. He acquiesced but not without a little disagreement.
She had yet to venture toward the stables, so she headed in that direction, praying for her marriage. Conversation between them came hard. She loved him with all her heart, but trusting him again frightened her. As much as she wanted their marriage to work, fear held her in its grasp and wouldn't let go. Fear of him, and fear of herself.
Could she give herself to her husband after Waseem's attack? Would she always remember his plans? She shivered. And his touch?
At the stables, she approached a regal-looking golden horse. She reached her hand outâ
“Don't touch Copper, miss.”
She swung around, frightened by the voice behind her. A man she'd never seen took a step closer. She backed up.
“Stop.” His command ratcheted up her fear. What would he do? Was he like Waseem?
“I won't hurt you, Princess, but Copper might. He doesn't take well to strangers. Please don't get any closer to him.” He took a step back. Cahri released the breath she hadn't known she was holding.
“I'm Jerome, the barn manager. I apologize for frightening you. I didn't want you to get hurt.” He took a tentative step closer.
“Thank you, Jerome.” She bit her lip. Should she explain her reaction? No. If he worked on the grounds, he knew. She stepped forward, attempting to alleviate the man's worried face. “I apologize for overreacting.”
He nodded.
She twisted back to face the horse. “He's beautiful.”
“Yes, but temperamental.”
She reached a hand out toward his muzzle, watching his eyes and ears for signs of aggression. The horse snuffled her hand. Jerome handed her a carrot. She laid it in her hand, and Copper lipped it out, silky lips touching her palm. As he nibbled on the carrot, she rubbed his forehead and scratched around his ears. When the carrot was gone, he snuffled her shirt, looking for more. She giggled, rested her forehead against his, and willed him to know how much she appreciated his acceptance.
She sighed and stepped away. Opening her mouth to thank Jerome, she found him gone. Copper snorted behind her, and she swiveled back around to lavish more attention on the beautiful stallion. After a few minutes he moved away, and she went down the aisle to look at the other horses.
A pure white horse on the end caught her attention. She went to look at him. His coat shined, and even in the shade he reflected the light. He stood tall and erect, reminding her of a soldier standing at attention. Had his tail not flipped away a few flies, she might have thought him to be a statue. She stood there for several minutes, but he never moved. It amazed her.
Looking at her watch, she gasped at the time that had elapsed while she'd admired the horses. She would have to hurry to get cleaned up in time for lunch with Josiah. A meal she both dreaded and anticipated.
****
Josiah jumped when Anaya stormed into his office without knocking.
“What have you done?”
He stared into the angry face of his sister, trying to figure out what he'd done. “I don't know. What are you talking about?”
“I just got home. I found a long letter in my room from
your
wife, telling me good-bye and she would miss me. Where is she?”
“I don't know.” Josiah squelched a smile.
“What do you mean you don't know?” Anaya's yell echoed in the room. She plopped down in one of the chairs facing his desk and dropped her head into her hands. “What have you done, Josiah?”
“I hurt her, Anaya, and she couldn't stand the uncertainty anymore. She got on a flight to France.”
Anaya groaned. “Why didn't you stop her?”
“I did.” Josiah smiled then. “She's around here somewhere, I just don't know where at the moment.” He glanced at his watch. “We're meeting for lunch in about fifteen minutes, if you want to join us.”
Anaya picked up a book from the floor, inspected it, and threw it at him.
“Ouch.” He rubbed the spot on his head where the book had struck a glancing blow.
“You deserve it for whatever you did.”
“I agree. And far worse.” He couldn't look at his sister any more. “What I don't deserve is my wife. She's a better person than I'll ever be.”
Anaya asked more questions, and he told her about the last month.
“She never said a word to me when we talked on the phone. She sounded sad, but I couldn't get her to talk about it. She kept changing the subject. Now I know why.” She shook her head at him. “I should do more than hit you with a book.”
“I know. Trust me, I know.”
“Come here, big brother, give me a hug. You look like you could use one.”
Josiah walked around his desk and put his arms around his sister as she put her arms around him.
“Josiah, I'm ready â oh⦠Oh!” Cahri's voice changed from excitement to shock to hurt in seconds.
Josiah released Anaya and pivoted to see Cahri lifting her long skirt to start running. “Cahri, no. Anaya's home.”
Cahri's hand went to her face, and he knew she wiped away tears. The situation had resembled something inappropriate, and her heart had yet to trust him again.
Josiah walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “I love
you
, Cahri. There will never be room for anyone else in my heart.”
She relaxed against his chest. He kissed her cheek.
“Come. Welcome Anaya home.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. “Can you believe she threw a book at me?”
Cahri giggled and went to hug Anaya. They held on to each other for more than a minute. He waited.
“All right, ladies. Enough hugging, unless you're hugging me.”
They both giggled and then grabbed his arms and pulled him into the hug. He wrapped his arms around them and squeezed as tightly as he could. They grunted, glanced at each other, and grinned.
Uh-oh. Trouble.
Four hands started tickling him. He tried to escape, but their arms had him trapped. He dropped to the floor, and they sat on him to keep him still. He laughed until tears ran from his eyes.
The next thing he knew, Cahri was kissing him, hard. He opened his eyes, but Anaya was gone and the door closed.
Flipping her over, he pinned her to the floor. “What are you doing?” His breath came out in gasps, from the combination of the tickling and the kiss.
She gazed up at him with a twinkle in her eye. “Marking my territory. Staking my claim. Kissing my husband.” Her hands slipped behind his head and grabbed his hair, pulling him down.
“Ou⦠ummph.” His mind swirled with her kisses, and her soft body beneath his. She moved, and before he realized what she was doing, he was on his back again. He chuckled, breaking their kiss.
“What's so funny?” Her whisper caressed his ear. Goosebumps prickled his arms.
“You.”
“Oh?” She nibbled his ear and nipped at his neck then moved to his chin before she claimed his mouth again.
He groaned.
“Am I funny now?” Her kisses, her touch, her smell sent his desire into overdrive.
He broke the kiss. “Cahri.”
“Hmm?” Her lips found his ear again.
“We're not going to make it to lunch, if you don't stop.”
She froze.
“Do you want me to stop?” Her whisper was laced with pain. He felt her body shift away from his.
He held her tight. “No.”
But even as he spoke, he knew she would. He'd hurt her again. Why couldn't he stop worrying about schedules and time and just enjoy his wife?
She sighed and dropped her head to his shoulder. Moments later, she rolled away and stood up. She moved to the small mirror he had beside his desk, and fixed her skewed hat. He watched her take a deep breath, close her eyes, and release it.
He sat up. “Cahri, come here.”
She glanced at him but lowered her eyes before moving to stand in front of him. He raised himself from the floor and tilted her chin so he could see her face. Her lips trembled. He touched his lips to hers.
“I love you.”
She nodded.
“Are you mad at me?”
A shake of the head.
“Are you disappointed?”
No answer, but she didn't need to answer. Her eyes told him all he needed to know.
“Soon, my wife. Soon I will make you mine, but not on the floor of my office like rebellious teenagers.”
She nodded again, but this time her eyes shined with tears which did not fall.
“Do you know how much I want you?”
“No. I returned two days ago, and you haven't even tried to kiss me. You've not touched me⦔ She sniffed. “You've not touched me, at least until a few minutes ago, unless I've had a nightmare.”
“Did you want me to touch you, hold you? Would it have helped alleviate your fears?”
Her eyes widened. He rubbed his thumbs against her cheeks then rested his forehead against hers.
“I love you, and while you think I ignored you for the last month, I didn't. I watched you. It killed me to see how much you hurt.”
She started to speak, but he touched her lips with his fingers.
“I know. I should have been there. My pride wouldn't let me, but then you were gone, and my pride didn't matter anymore. You have been my wife for almost two months and yet not. We will have our formal wedding in a few weeks. Afterward, I will make you mine in all ways. Until then, I want you to trust me again and work on not being afraid.”
“I don't know how.” Her body shook as she cried in his arms. He held her close, rubbing her back and wishing he knew what to do to help her.
The wedding was a few days away. Cahri's nerves tightened every time someone brought it up. No one would tell her the plan. According to tradition, the royal bride just showed up. Everyone else took care of the details. She didn't like not knowing the schedule of events. It made her tense and nervous.
Anaya took her shopping to distract her. Cahri hated shopping, but she did need to get away. They walked through several shops with Matthias trailing behind. Cahri giggled at his stalwart face every time she glanced in his direction. He made a face at her once when no one else was looking. He was one of the few men on the palace grounds she could relax around. Even Josiah still made her nervous.