Once an Heiress (35 page)

Her heart lurched at the raw truth in his words. Lily nuzzled against his temple as her bruised love came roaring back. “Of course,” she answered. “Of course I’ll stay.”

• • •

It was past midnight when they left Vanessa’s bedside again. The physician had come, and Ethan received his grim words after he’d examined her. “Her heart and lungs are lapsing, beating and breathing irregularly,” the physician explained. “In cases of severe dementia such as hers, it’s almost as though the body forgets how to live. It won’t be long now.”

Ethan extracted a promise from the man to remain through the night, then he led Lily down the hall to his room.

Weary, she leaned into the support of his arm, having spent all the afternoon and night attending to Vanessa’s needs and his own. She had refreshed his glass of water, reminding him to drink. She’d brought a little supper on a tray and insisted he eat to maintain his strength. It hadn’t occurred to Ethan until later that she had not eaten with him, and he didn’t know whether she’d ever taken any supper of her own.

Lily’s generous heart had evidenced itself a dozen times today. She had walked into the chamber of a dying woman she did not know, and had turned herself into Vanessa’s nurse. She’d rubbed her arms with a cool cloth, adjusted her blankets, and shushed her sweetly when she cried out. Ethan’s chest tightened as he recalled that moment. As Lily smoothed her brow with a soft hand, Vanessa’s eyes fluttered open.

Lily had gasped at the sight of those violet irises. “You have beautiful eyes, ma’am.”

Nessa gave the faintest ghost of a smile. “Thorburn loves my eyes.”

“As well he should,” his wife said, seamlessly stepping into the appeasing role Ethan had been playing for years. Vanessa murmured and slipped again into sleep, and had not roused again.

In their room, Ethan closed the door, and leaned his head against it. He hadn’t meant for Lily to find him here. He’d come to allow both their tempers to cool after the Ghita fiasco, but then Vanessa had declined so rapidly, he couldn’t leave. He’d intended to return home to his wife when it was all over, but now that she was here, he couldn’t bear to let her go.

Though he’d hoped to spare Lily all his anguish over Nessa’s passing, he couldn’t deny what a relief it was to have her beside him. Just her presence made his soul feel a little lighter. Now that she’d come, he had to make things right with her.

He turned from the door and approached Lily, who struggled with the buttons at her back, swaying with exhaustion. Ethan stilled her hands with his and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “Allow me,” he murmured. Lily reached to release her hair, but Ethan shooed her hands away again to do it himself. She’d dressed in haste this morning, he saw — only a few pins held her locks in a simple knot at her nape.

Her chestnut waves fell over his hands, rich and warm. It had not been so long ago that he’d first seen her this way on their wedding night. She was beautiful — breathtakingly so — but he was too distracted and sad to give her body the attention he ought.

Having come unprepared for an overnight stay, Lily had no nightdress to wear. She slipped between the sheets in her chemise. Despite the tired bruises beneath her dark eyes, they shone with alertness as she watched him undress.
She’s probably scared you’ll take her,
he thought dourly. After all the unrest they’d known in their brief marriage, after all the untruths, Ethan couldn’t hold it against Lily if she never wanted him to touch her again. But he needed her tonight — if not quite
that
way.

She scooted over to make room as he joined her in bed. For a moment, Ethan lay on his back with his hands on his bare chest, staring up at the ceiling. He felt her eyes on him, waiting.

“I apologize again,” he said, turning to meet her gaze, “for those terrible things you heard. It was cruel to you.”

“Yes, it was,” she answered.

“I haven’t touched another woman, though, Lily — not since the day I met you.”

“Which time?” she asked, a smile spreading across her face. “The time you were a mannerless butler, or the time you swept me into a scandalous waltz?”

He returned a tired smile, relieved to see her easiness. “The first. However, I was not a mannerless butler; indeed, you were a mannerless buyer.”

She pinched her lips in mock severity and swatted at his shoulder. Ethan caught her hand and brought it to his mouth. Still holding her gaze, he kissed each fingertip in turn. Lily’s smile faltered.

He couldn’t bear not to touch her more; need overpowered his senses. “I know you must find the thought loathsome,” he said in a husky tone, “but if I could hold you — just hold you — for a little while … ”

Lily was against his chest in an instant, nestling into the crook of his shoulder and sweeping her hand over his torso. Ethan exhaled comfortably for the first time in weeks, finally rejoined by the other part of himself. He brought his arms around her, holding her close and letting her warmth and scent seep into him. A knot of anxiety released in his chest. She was a soothing balm, able to cheer and comfort him even on this darkest of nights.

“I love you.” The words slipped from his lips as naturally as breathing, though he hadn’t known the instant before that he would say them. A flash of apprehension worried him, but he couldn’t deny the truth any longer. Lily had his love; what she chose to do with it was her decision.

She lifted her head, her eyes soft. “I love you, too, Ethan.” He raised his head and met her lips, drawing her into a tender kiss.

Inevitably, heat flared between them; the kiss grew urgent. Lily’s arms clamped around his neck, while Ethan squeezed her waist and pulled her close, relishing the molding of her soft flesh against him. Sitting upright, he pulled her chemise over her head, and then lowered her onto her back while he covered her.

Their hands roamed, exploring and enjoying. He collected her breasts in his palms and squeezed while she arched against him. When her hand closed around his shaft, Ethan hissed. He throbbed in her fingers; desperate need coiled tight at the base of his spine.

“Are you sure?” he rasped. “With everything that’s been wrong — ”

“But this is right,” she interrupted. Love poured from her gaze and put to rest all his anxieties.

He moaned as he entered her slick core; each thrust both satisfied and stoked desire. Ethan went slowly, relishing the sensation of being inside her; the feel of her nails nipping at his shoulders; the sound of his name on her panted breaths. When his climax broke over him, he felt more than his seed pour into her. Ethan’s heart left him irrevocably to enter into her keeping. There was no going back for him — not now, not ever.

They clung together, shutting out the sadness of the night to enjoy the bliss of their joining for just a few more moments. Whispered declarations of love fell between kisses, an entire conversation of the same three words over and over. And for Ethan’s part, each “I love you” still felt hopelessly inadequate.

“There aren’t words,” he said at last, frustrated. “Those don’t say quite what I mean.”

“You’ll have to show me.” She pressed a kiss to his damp chest.

“It’ll take years,” he warned.

“We have years.”

He smiled at the thought of years —
years —
with Lily. His own Lily. He turned onto his side and pulled her against his chest. Her hair tickled his nose. He brushed it out of the way and kissed the back of her neck. A delightful shiver coursed up her spine, and she burrowed against him.

“I was thinking,” he said.

“Hmm?” came her sleepy reply.

“I’m going to have more time on my hands soon, and — ” His voice hitched in his throat.
She’s not gone yet
, he reminded himself. “Could I help with your school, Lily? I should very much like to do something useful with my life.”

She stiffened in his arms. When she turned, tears clung to her sooty lashes. “I’m sorry, my love, but there isn’t a school anymore.”

Ethan frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I sold it,” she whispered.

Dismay rolled through him. “You what?”

“I tried to mortgage the property.” Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes to run down her temples. “Mr. Wickenworth must have taken me to every bank in London, but none of them would give me a mortgage.”

“So you sold it. And that’s how you raised the money to free me from Fleet.”

She nodded.

Ethan grimaced. Holding her tight, he pressed kisses to her forehead and nose. “You magnificent woman. My brave princess. I’m not worthy of such a sacrifice. I wouldn’t have asked it of you. I’d rather still be in gaol now, than — ”

She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Don’t say that. I was dying, knowing you were there. I love you so much, Ethan — I was crazed, not being able to do anything. I had to. You’d have done it for me.”

“Yes, I would have,” he acknowledged.

“Then don’t reproach me,” she said, shaking her head. “I gave it up willingly.”

He extinguished the candle on the nightstand, plunging the bedchamber into darkness. There were no more words between them. He held her close, his own eyes wide in the night while she sank into sleep. When he finally felt her relax, her breathing even and shallow, Ethan let his own eyes drift shut.

It was still dark when a jostle at his shoulder awakened him. “My lord, please wake up. Quickly, now.” Ethan let go of Lily and rolled onto his back. The butler stood beside the bed, holding a candle high, his stately features ashen.

“Nessa.” He shot up and took the time only to pull on a shirt and trousers before he darted to her room. The physician stood at her bedside, his fingers perched on her frail wrist. Ethan quailed. “Is she … ?”

“Not yet, but soon.”

The physician stepped aside to make room. Ethan scooped up Vanessa’s hand. He pressed a kiss against it. “I’m here, Nessa.” Her chest barely rose and fell under the coverlet. Fear gripped him as he looked down on her beloved face, worn with age, but still possessed of a beauty neither time nor infirmity could take from her. Hers was the only face that had looked on him with kindness all his life. Vanessa was the sole person, besides his grandfather, who had loved him unconditionally from childhood. And when Grandfather died, he and Vanessa had grieved together for the man they’d both loved and lost. And now she was leaving him, too, leaving him alone, without —

A hand touched his shoulder, gentle but firm. No, he wasn’t alone. Ethan would never be without love again. “Go to him, darling,” he said, emotion tightening his throat. “I’m all right now, Nessa. Thank you for staying, but I’m all right now.”

He kissed her hand again and clung to it, his eyes riveted on her face. She exhaled a soft sigh and sank against her pillow. The physician went around the other side of the bed to check for her pulse, but Ethan already knew she was gone.

The hand on his shoulder tightened as Ethan’s chest constricted beyond enduring. He turned on his knees and buried his face against her belly. Lily wrapped her arms around him while his tears dampened her dress. He heard the door shut as the physician and maid left them alone.

He swiped at his eyes. When he looked into Lily’s face, he was stunned to see tears tracking her own cheeks. “You loved her,” his wife said simply, “and I hurt for you.”

It did hurt — God knew it hurt to lose Nessa — but he wasn’t alone. He had Lily. She would see him through.

Lily felt a hand creeping up the sheet, gliding over her hip toward her breasts. She swatted it.

“Oi!” came the laughing protest behind her as the hand retreated.

“You’ve no heart for your poor wife,” she said, rolling onto her back. “You can’t stand to let me sleep more than three hours at a time. I shall perish of exhaustion.”

Ethan kissed her on the nose. “You should have thought of that before you usurped half my bed, madam. Keep to your own room, and this wouldn’t happen.”

Lily sputtered in pretend outrage. “My lord! How dare you … ?” She couldn’t get through her statement of scorn without laughing.

“What shall we do with the day, princess?” Ethan leaned back against his pillows, his hands clasped behind his head. “The sun’s up, we might as well be, too.”

Beaming at her husband, Lily marveled that it had only been a few months ago that Ethan preferred gaming half the night and lying abed until noon. The change in his schedule was just one difference she’d seen of late. His demeanor had changed, too. No longer did he wear a mask of bland indifference or biting sarcasm. Love had brought those walls tumbling down. Finally, fully open to one another, they could still stand strong as they faced the world together. Lily might not have needed a man at
her
side, but she found she quite liked being at his.

“The lending library?” she suggested. “You’ve read all there is to read about the rising and falling of the Roman Empire, and I’ve gone through all my novels.”

Ethan seemed to weigh the idea with a tilt of his head. “We could,” he mused, cutting his eyes to her. “Or we could stay in bed all day.”

Lily groaned. “If we hadn’t done that very thing two days past, I might be more inclined to consider it.”

“Do you mean to say you vote against my proposal?” Ethan quirked a brow.

“I do.” Lily inclined her head.

“Then I move that the motion be carried to the floor for a vote.”

Lily giggled. “What kind of nonsense — ?”

With one smooth motion, Ethan rolled onto his side and pulled the sheet down to her waist. His slate blue eyes simmered with banked heat and Lily felt an answering need stir between her thighs. “All in favor,” he murmured, “please rise.”

Before she knew what he was about, he drew her right nipple into his mouth. Lily gasped; her fingers tangled in his hair, clutching him close. After driving her mad with wanting, he moved to suckle the other side. His teeth grazed the sensitive flesh, dragging a whimper out of her throat. He lifted his head and gave her a satisfied smile, a wicked glint in his eyes. He glanced at her erect nipples. “The ayes have it. Motion passed.”

Lily shrieked at his outrageous jest. Her cheeks burned even as she laughed. “My poor mother would fall to the ground and
die
if she knew what a shocking reprobate I’d married.”