(Once) Again (15 page)

Frat parties hadn’t changed much in the month I was gone. As soon as I walked through the doors, the music pumping, the keg line growing, I felt like I was coming home again.

College had been so much a part of me. These parties were me. As much as I loved spending time with Kat, I’d missed this too.

A crowd huddled in the main area, and Kat nodded in that direction. I forgot she’d never been to a frat party. No matter how much prepping I did, she couldn’t have been fully prepared for what she was about to experience.

A keg was set up in the back, and a line of people waited for their turn to be flipped upside down. A girl I’d never seen before was up next. One guy held her legs high above him as she braced herself on either side of the keg and put the tap to her mouth.

Upstairs, people hung around the balcony looking over the crowd with red Solo cups in hand. Smoke drifted up from a group puffing on cigars.

I nudged Kat towards the crowd in the main area. She was hesitant at first, but I gave her a reassuring smile. We moved past person after person until we could see the beer pong table. Before the shooting, Eli and I were undefeated. That Friday we were supposed to defend our title. We would’ve won too, but now we’ll never really know for sure.

Chris, the frat president, stood at one end of the table. He was already starting to list heavily to one side. Still, even with him leaning far to the left, he managed to get the ball right in the cup with a nice torpedo shot—though, I would’ve gone for the arc.

Everyone around us screamed out their praise, all eyes on Chris and his over-the-top celebration. But my eyes were on Kat. She laughed at Chris’s antics. A real, genuine laugh, and she even high-fived the couple to our right.

Just as I was about to join in, arms wrapped around me from behind, followed by a squeal.

“Oh. My. God. Joshy!” By the smell of peaches and that high-pitched voice, I knew it was Monica. We’d slept together once freshman year and she had been trying to get me on a date ever since.

“Joshy?” Kat mouthed.

This was exactly why I’d said no to the party in the first place.

I knew Kat should love all parts of me. But did she really need to know firsthand what a player I’d been? At least I remembered the girl’s name. That had to count for something.

“Monica, hey,” I said and unwrapped her arms.

“We’ve all been so worried. Parties are just not the same without you,” she said, and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I leaned away.

“I’m doing well. I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Kat.” I smiled at Kat and hoped I didn’t look like a total tool.

Monica tilted her head and popped her hip. “Girlfriend? You’re kidding, right? I thought you didn’t do relationships?”

“I don’t. I mean, I didn’t.”

“You must give really good head,” Monica said to Kat and my eyebrows shot up. Holy shit, she did not just say that.

Kat snaked her arm around my side. “I guess so.”

I tried to stifle the laugh rising in my throat. I always knew Kat was strong, but I’d never realized she had such guts.

Monica’s overly made-up eyes rolled up towards her bangs. “Bitch,” she muttered and stormed away, bumping into Eli.

I moved to Kat and grabbed her waist, pulling her tightly against me. “Sorry for that. But you can obviously handle yourself.”

Eli approached and hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “What’s gotten into her?”

“Beats the hell out of me,” Kat said.

I scanned the room and turned to Eli. “Where’s the rest of the team?”

Eli took a swig of his beer. “Away game.”

“Why aren’t you there?”

“You said you were coming. I couldn’t miss the return of Jaws.” Thanks Mom and Dad for blessing me with those initials.

Wait. He missed a game for me. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know.”

I’d cut Eli off completely after the shooting, but one text message and he’d changed his schedule for me. I patted his back. “Thanks.”

He shook his head. “I’m just happy you’re back in touch. Don’t do that shit again.”

“Deal,” I said and held my hand out. Cheers erupted behind us, which only meant one thing—the beer pong game was officially over. “That’s right. Undefeated!” Chris yelled and threw his hands up in the air.

I stepped forward and nodded. “Ready to lose your title?” I joked.

“Jaws! Holy shit, where have you been hiding out?” Chris grabbed my arm, pulled me in, and patted my back once before letting go.

“Jaws?” Kat whispered into my ear.

“Nickname. Josh Adam Wagner. Add an S and you got Jaws.”

“The coolest fucking nickname ever, for the coolest fucking dude!” Chris exclaimed and Kat laughed.

“And who might this be?” Chris asked, taking Kat’s hand in his.

“Chris, Kat. Kat, Chris.”

“Pleasure.” Chris kissed Kat’s hand and I was tempted to smack the back of his head.

“Watch yourself,” I said.

“Don’t tell me you tamed the beast?”

I should’ve expected it. But it still felt like a bat to the gut every time someone mentioned my past in front of her.

“Not really a beast if you ask me. More like a Chihuahua.”

“Ouch!” Chris bit his fist, and I yanked Kat into me.

“Really now?” I leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “I’ll remember that later.” Then I traced the curve of her jaw right across the spot below her earlobe. She sucked in a ragged breath, and I controlled the urge to take her back to my dorm room.

“How’s the leg?” Chris asked.

“Better.”

He tapped my crutch with his foot. “How much longer on these things?”

I wanted to say tomorrow, but I didn’t really have an answer. The thing that pissed me off was that I knew if I stopped letting the fear control me, I probably would be able to get around fine without them.

“Soon,” I said.

“I can’t believe you’re here. It’s like a fucking mirage.” He jumped up on the couch like Tom Cruise on
Oprah
and whistled. The entire place went quiet.

“Jaws is back!” He didn’t say anything else, just pointed to me and the room erupted into applause. What they were clapping for? I had no idea. Suddenly people were cheering, “Jaws. Jaws. Jaws.” and smacking me on the back. A beer was shoved in each of my hands and the music went back on full blast.

I handed Kat one of the beers and kept the other.

Chris pulled me into a hug again. Usually you could count how many hugs he’d give out by how many beers he’d had. “I have to go set up the foam machine out back. You guys should check it out.”

Kat’s eyebrows drew together and the skin on the bridge of her nose pinched. “A foam machine?”

“You’ve never been to a foam party before?” Chris asked and Kat shook her head no. “Then you gotta go out back.”

Kat bit her lip and smiled. “We’ll be there.”

“Give me ten minutes.” Chris went to head to the door then stopped. He turned towards me and patted my shoulder.

“It’s really good to see you. Parties haven’t been the same.”

“It’s good to be back,” I said, and it was. Until I’d walked through the front door, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed the craziness. The smell of beer, the cheers of a crowd, and being surrounded by people who all had one goal in mind: a good time.

“So, Jaws.” Kat poked my side. “Want to go out back?”

I had been so unsure of combining my two worlds, but in that moment, hearing Kat use my nickname from school, I finally felt like they belonged together. I didn’t have to choose between one or the other. I could have both.

I tucked a strand of hair behind Kat’s ear and kissed her forehead. “Lead the way.”

Her ass swayed with a new confidence, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. The damn crutches were keeping me from going up behind her and giving her a nice pinch, but maybe that was a good thing. I doubted I’d be satisfied with a simple touch, and the way her face lit up when Chris talked about the foam machine, I didn’t want to take her back to my room until she got to experience it.

Outside, a large group of people stood off in the corner of the yard while other small groups formed on the outskirts.

It was a gorgeous night. The warm spring air had finally pushed out the cold of winter and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky.

Kat came to a stop just behind the large crowd. I moved beside her, leaning down, brushing my lips just against her ear. “Look up,” I whispered.

Her head tilted back and her big blue eyes glowed. “It’s beautiful,” she breathed. “There are so many stars.”

“Being so far from the city, there’s no light pollution. After I first left home, I’d spend a lot of nights looking up, wondering where you were. What you were doing? If you were looking up at the sky too.” I cupped her cheek and she nuzzled into my palm.

“You really thought about me?”

“All the time.”

“I did too. Even after thinking you kissed Kim, I still loved you.”

“It might’ve taken a while, but I’m just happy I finally get to show you this.”

Kat lifted up on her toes and pressed her lips to mine. It was pure and sweet and one of the best kisses of my life. Probably because that moment, with the stars so bright above us, was long overdue.

I rested my forehead against hers and took a second to savor the moment. Cheers erupted around us and foam shot out across the lawn. Kat’s head fell back and laughter poured from her lips as white suds sprinkled her hair.

Just like that day at the music festival, she moved away from me, hair swaying back and forth while she took in every sound, every feeling, every memory. I watched her lose herself in it all.

Kat might have missed out on a lot of things because of her mom’s cancer, but she’d finally made it to a college party. I took out my cell phone and snapped a picture of her with the foam floating around her. This was something she’d want to add to her scrapbook.

The foam poured out more heavily, obstructing my view of Kat. Eli appeared beside me, completely covered in suds. “The foam machine is the best thing this house has ever bought,” he said and threw his arm up in the air, shouting his approval. He lost his footing and his body jerked back, but he caught himself before he face planted into the ground.

“You better be careful. This shit is slippery.” We both laughed, and he took a swig from his cup. “Where’s Kat?” he asked.

“Somewhere on the other side of this wall of shit.” As the foam started to settle, my eyes roamed the yard for Kat. They settled on her reddish-blond hair—she was still taking it all in. Her eyes must have been closed or else she would’ve noticed Monica was standing right beside her and taken a step away from her.

Kat’s pale skin was flawless next to Monica’s radioactive orange, and Monica must have kicked her heels off because Kat stood a little taller than her. More foam spewed out and Kat turned towards me, but her footing went askew and her body wrenched forward. Her arms flung out, grabbing onto the closest thing: Monica.

Kat’s fingers grabbed Monica’s shirt, but the skimpy material was no help. Monica didn’t have time to react. Her foot slipped and she tried to steady herself, but with Kat hanging on to her for dear life, there was no stopping it.

They both went down hard. Kat’s eyes widened when she realized who was on top of her.

“What is your problem, bitch?” Monica yelled and the crowd’s attention turned to the two girls on the ground. Monica hovered over Kat, not even attempting to get off her.

Kat took a deep breath, and her eyes widened more. Tension set in her shoulders, and her lips flattened into a rigid line.

She was having a panic attack.

Her mind had probably flashed back to when she was attacked. That disgusting excuse for a human being who smothered her and held her down, making her feel helpless. She hated feeling helpless. I needed to get to her to diffuse the situation before the full-blown panic set in.

I lurched forward but nearly lost my balance. People started gathering around Kat and Monica and my heart practically beat out of my chest. Eli pushed forward.

“Man on crutches, watch out,” Eli said, forcing our way through the throngs of people.

After the shooting, I would’ve hated those words. I didn’t want to use my injury as an advantage because let’s face it, there was no advantage about it—but I needed to get to Kat. I needed to get Monica off her.

Finally we got through, and I was ready to throw down my crutches and run to Kat’s side, but I stopped myself. She was no longer on the ground. She was squared off across from Monica, whose mouth was running a mile a minute, but Kat was completely calm. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she looked at Monica the way a mother would look at a bratty five-year-old. She didn’t need me to rescue her. She had this.

“Are you done?” Kat asked when Monica’s mouth stopped moving. Before Monica could answer, Kat took a step towards her. “It was an accident and I was about to apologize until you started going off on me. You called me a bitch, but I’ve got news for you.”

Monica took another step towards Kat, but Kat stood tall and I knew Monica talked a hell of a game, but she was a coward. She’d never make the first move.

“There’s a reason Josh is with me and not with you.” Kat stepped down.

Monica’s eyes raged with anger and her lip snarled. “Because you’re a whore,” Monica yelled and I lurched forward, but Kat just laughed.

“If that’s what makes you feel better about yourself, then fine, I’m a whore. But we both know who the real whore is here.”

Kat turned away from Monica just as Monica lunged at her, but Eli stepped in front of her and she smacked into his chest. He leaned down and said something to her, but I didn’t hear. I didn’t care. All I cared about was Kat.

I moved towards her and didn’t stop until her face was in my hands. “Are you okay?” I asked.

She smiled triumphantly. “Couldn’t be better.”

“I saw you panic. I couldn’t get to you. I tried—”

Her finger rested against my mouth. “Don’t. The last thing I want is for that to interfere with my life. I fought through it. I got Monica off me and I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

She nodded.

“When did you get so strong?” I asked