On to Richmond (51 page)

             
He saw right through her.  Moving forward to take both of her hands, he smiled down at her.  “I know I look bad.   You don’t have to pretend.”

             
Carrie shook her head and squeezed his hands warmly.  “You still have a sparkle in your eyes.  I’m glad to see that at least.”

             
Matthew had lost too much weight since she had last seen him.  He had had none to spare then.  His skin was pale and dull from his long months of confinement.  His hair had grown long and scraggly but was pulled back from his face, accentuating the sharp contrast of his sunken cheeks, which were now sporting a thick red beard.  The clothes he wore were inadequate to protect him from the harsh weather. Yet, still his bearing was erect, and his eyes and voice were strong.  Prison life may have been hard on his body, but his spirit had not been conquered. 

             
“Merry Christmas,” she said with a smile.  “I brought you a present.”

             
Matthew reached for it, his eyes clouding just a moment.  “It seems like a different life than the one last year.  I can hardly believe it was just one year ago that I was sharing Christmas with you and your father and Robert on your plantation.”  He paused and then looked at the package.  “Thank you.”  

             
“Open it,” Carrie urged.  She wanted him to have what was in the package. 

             
Matthew nodded and tore into the package.  Seconds later he gave a whoop of delight.  “A coat!”

             
“Put it on, Matthew.”  She was glad he liked her gift.   She had thought long and hard before selecting it.  Finally she had remembered the open-air windows and hunted down the warmest coat she could find. 

             
Matthew put it on quickly.  Then he stared at Carrie.  Carrie returned his stare and then dissolved into laughter at the same time he did.  The coat looked like it had swallowed him.

             
“I bought it for you the way I remembered you,” Carrie finally choked out between her laughs.  Thank God they were able to laugh about it.  It would be so easy to cry. 

             
“It’s wonderful, Carrie,” Matthew said, controlling his laughter and speaking warmly.  “You don’t know the number of times I have longed for something to keep me warm.  Thank you.” 

             
“Tell me how you are doing,” Carrie asked, eager to turn the attention away from herself. 

             
Matthew shrugged.  “The days are long.  The nights tend to be longer.  It has become harder in the cold to keep my spirits up.  The officers I reside with are wonderful, though.  We keep each other from having our pity parties.  We spend long hours dreaming of what our release will be like.  We regale each other with stories of home.  I could probably tell you the life story of every man up there.”

             
“Ever the journalist,” Carrie observed.

             
“No,” Matthew said thoughtfully.  “It’s more a preservation of sanity.  We have to remind each other that there really is another world out there.”

             
Carrie nodded but realized she had no way of truly understanding what he was going through. 

             
Matthew shook his head.  “I really have very little to complain about.  I live in paradise compared to the enlisted men.  However bad the food may be, they at least give us provisions for three meals a day.  The enlisted men only get two.  I have a straw mattress to lay on; the enlisted men still sleep on the floor.  And we do find ways to pass the time.  I find I am becoming quite good at chess,” he said cheerfully.

             
“You have a chess set there?”  Carrie asked blankly.

             
“Of a sort.  It is quite a popular game here at Harwoods.  The playing pieces are a bit crude - they are carved from meat bones.  But they serve their purpose.”  Then he laughed.  “One of the officers has become quite fanatical about the game. Last week when he was playing, he became so excited about checkmating his opponent that he fainted dead away.  We told him he needed to play a little less and eat a little more.”

             
Carrie laughed with him.  “Have you heard anything about the possibility of your being released?”

             
“I’m afraid not.  But I have not given up hope.” 

             
“Hope becomes our light during our darkest times,” Carrie murmured. 

             
“What?”

             
Carrie repeated what she had said.  “Old Sarah used to tell me that.  I find it to be very true.”

             
“Sarah was right.  My hope is what gets me up every morning.”  Then he smiled.  “And there are things happening to give hope.  Our famous Congressman Ely was released yesterday.  Seems he was exchanged for one Charles James Faulkner.”

             
“The Virginian politician who was arrested in the North for disloyal conduct?”

             
“That’s the one.  Anyway, the Federal government released him.  The Confederates reciprocated and released Ely since he was also an important politician.” 

             
“How happy he must be!”  Carrie exclaimed.

             
“Yes.  And we were happy for him.  Not only is he free - we know he will spread the news in the North about what is happening in the prisons.  We all pray he will have influence to force some exchange of prisoners.”

             
Carrie nodded.  “I hope so,” she said fervently.

             
“So, Carrie Cromwell, how are you doing?  Still running the plantation by yourself?”

             
“I’m afraid so - even more by myself than I was before.”  Briefly she told him of Rose and Moses escape.  “I have great hopes they are with Aunt Abby even as we speak.” 

             
Both of their eyes misted over as they thought about the lady they loved so much. 

             
Finally Carrie cleared her throat.  “I am only here for the Christmas holidays.  Then I will go back to the plantation and begin to prepare for spring planting.  There is much work that needs to be done.” 

             
Matthew gazed at her with obvious admiration then asked quietly.  “Are you planning to see Robert while you are here?”

             
Carrie’s mouth fell open.  “Robert is in Richmond?”

             
“I thought you knew,” Matthew said.  “He was here to visit me yesterday.”

             
“Did he speak of visiting me?”  Carrie hated to ask the question, but she simply had to know. 

             
“Well... no, but then, I don’t know he has any idea you are here.  He arrived in town just night before last.  He spoke of visiting your father today.”

             
“I’m sure Father will be glad to see him,” Carrie managed even though her heart was spinning.

             
Matthew leaned forward and took her hands.  “I’m hoping things can work out between you and Robert.”

             
Carrie took a deep breath and regained control of her emotions.  Why could she not control her heart and mind when it came to Robert?  It would be better if he didn’t discover she was in town.  Only time was going to heal her heart.  Continuing to see him would do nothing but keep the wound raw.  “Thank you, Matthew, but I don’t see that happening.  I’m glad he was here to see you yesterday.” 

             
Matthew nodded and just watched her quietly.

             
Carrie sought for a way to change the subject.  Her mind drew a blank.  All she could do was sit silently, fighting to control her emotions. 

             
Matthew came to her rescue by relaying stories of prison life. It gave her time to pull her thoughts back together. 

             
“Time’s up!” he guard called into the room.

             
Carrie flushed.  “Matthew, I’m so sorry...”

             
“Nonsense,” Matthew responded with a warm smile.  “It has been wonderful to have you here.  You have given me a gift I have longed for.  And…” he paused.  “I understand unrequited love,” he finished softly.

             
Carrie stared at him.  She hadn’t known about a lost love in his life.                “Time’s up!” the guard called more loudly, and then he appeared at the door.

             
“Merry Christmas, Carrie.  Thank you for coming.”

             
“Merry Christmas, Matthew.”  Carrie said with a catch in her throat.  “I will be thinking of you.”

Two nights before Christmas found Carrie on her father’s arm as they swept up the stairs leading to a gloriously lighted home.   Carrie gazed at the elegant three
-story mansion as they approached.  Candles were burning in every window.  Festive greenery adorned every door, window, and sash.  A large tree, resplendent in its Christmas finery, was the center of attention as they entered the house. 

             
A doorman was waiting to take their wraps.  Music played in the background as the guests entered.  Carrie looked around her.  Would Robert be here tonight?  Quickly, she pulled her attention back to her father and the hosts they were waiting to greet.  She was being silly!  She simply must stop looking for Robert everywhere she went.  What good had her decision been if she was going to pine over him for the rest of her life?  It was high time she focus on other young men.  Maybe that would keep her mind off Robert. 

             
When Carrie stepped into the ballroom, her plan was perfectly formulated in her mind.  She would have so much fun and meet so many new men tonight that she would have no time to think of Robert.

             
“The first dance belongs to you, Father.”

             
Thomas turned to her with a bright smile.  “I was never in doubt of that, daughter.  I was simply going to turn the young men away until I had had my fill.  By the way, have I told you how ravishing you look in your Christmas gown?”

             
Carrie laughed.  “Yes, you have.  I still think you are trying to make me feel better about wearing last year’s gown.”  Then she laughed again.  “Not that I care.  I’ve always thought it was silly to wear a gown once and then retire it and search for another.  I loved this dress when I bought it.  I still love it,” she said firmly.  She knew she looked her best in the sweeping red, satin gown with the green velvet trim.  Robert had loved her in it...  Too late she remembered her vow.  When the music started, she moved into her father’s arms.  The music and dancing would claim her attention.  She would make sure of it.  

             
Laughter and chatter filled the ballroom as the music swept its way through the room.  Carrie put all thoughts out of her mind and fell into the spirit of the evening.  Hard things were to be ignored - to be banished from significance.  This was a night for enjoyment.  One willing partner after another swept her through dance after dance.  The music swirled around and through her.

             
“May I have this dance, Miss Cromwell?”

             
Carrie felt a tap on her shoulder and smilingly turned to meet her new partner.  “Why of course...”  The words died on her lips.  She struggled for control and then managed to say quite naturally,  “Hello, Robert.”

             
He continued to look at her and almost seemed to drink her in with his eyes.  She blushed but didn’t look away.  Then he held out his arms, and Carrie moved into them.  The magic that had engulfed them the first night they had danced together at the Blackwell ball swallowed them once again.  Carrie lost touch with everything around her.  All she could see was Robert.  All she could feel was the beating of her heart. The music faded into the background as they swirled around the room.