On the Way to Heaven (BWWM Romance) (11 page)

    
“We know you love us, too.” Winter stood in
the middle of the room. “We want you to marry our dad and make us a family
again.”

    
“Paige thinks you won’t do it.” Violet
flung her arms around Trina’s neck. “But we know you want to.” She kissed
Trina’s cheek. “We love you, and we want you to be our mother.”

    
“I can’t do this.” Trina pulled Violet off
and got up. “I…I shouldn’t have come here.”

    
“What do you mean?” Paige got out of bed.

    
“I’ve just ruined everything!” Trina
wailed. “I’ve come into your lives and it’s not fair what I’ve done.”

    
“Jesus, she’s cracking,” Winter said.

    
“I’m not cracking.” Trina exhaled into her
hands. “I do love all of you, very much. I’d want nothing more than to stay
here with you, but I’m not controlling this. I wish I were.”

    
“Not controlling what?” Paige squinted.

    
“Is there something you wanna tell us?”
Winter asked.

    
You bet there is. Oh God, there is.

    
“Don’t, Trina,”
Lorraine said.

    
“They need to know,” Trina said.

    
“Huh?” Violet grimaced.

    
“We know it’s hard, sweetie,” Roxy said.
“You can’t tell them what’s going on. It’ll ruin your chances to get into
Heaven, and all of this would’ve been for nothing.”

    
“No, it wouldn’t have, Roxy,” Trina
whispered. “Everything else was worth it.”

    
“She’s talking to herself again,” Winter
whispered.

    
“Who’s Roxy?” Violet pulled on Trina’s
fingers.

    
Shit.

    
“It’s…it’s nothing.”
Trina hurried to the door.

    
“Hey,” Paige said. “You were gonna tell us
something. What is it?”

    
“Goodnight, girls.”

    
Winter walked toward the door. “Trina?”

    
Trina closed the door and went to her
bedroom.

CHAPTER
TWENTY

Two Months Later

    
Neil opened the cans
of creosote and passed one to Trina with a brush. For the past two months,
they’d met up at his dad’s old shed where Neil stored his fifteen foot
masterpiece. It might not have been the biggest boat in the world, but the love
and care Neil had put into making it certainly made it the most valuable.

    
After weeks of helping Neil saw, glue, and
sand, they’d finished the boat except for the final touches. Not a day had gone
by where Trina hadn’t stared at those wide sails, and imagined sailing the
world with Neil until they saw every part of it.
She dipped the
paintbrush into the creosote.

    
Yeah, like that’s really gonna happen.

    
“At the risk of sounding like an idiot…”
Trina stirred her brush into the primer. “What’s this stuff for?”

    
“You always use primer on wood,” Neil said.
“This protects the boat from things like worms and other animals that can
destroy the boat.”

    
“Worms?” She lifted the brush. “How do I do
it?”

    
“You know how to paint?”

    
She nodded.

    
“Just put it on like paint.”

    
She leaned over and glided the brush left
and right. “When do we start painting?”

    
“It’ll take a while.” Neil eased primer on
to the front of the boat. “You gotta make sure the creosote is completely dry,
or the paint won’t hold.”

    
“I’m just amazed at how much you know about
boats. Before you, I didn’t know a sailboat from a canoe.” She laughed. “Now I
know what mainsheets, tillers, and spreaders are.”

    
He dipped his brush into the can. “You’re a
fast learner.”

    
“I thought I’d just be in your way.”

    
“You kidding me? I’ve been working on this
thing for years. I never would’ve finished up this fast without your help.”

    
She smiled, tingling. “I’m flattered you
asked me.”

    
“You know why I asked.” He applied more
primer to his section. “You motivated me to come do this every day.”

    
“You motivated yourself. I can’t take the
credit for everything you do, Neil.”

    
“If it wasn’t for you, this thing would
still be sitting here unfinished.” He brushed. “Being able to spend time alone
with you every day and night is what motivated me the most.”

    
“We live together, remember? Not like you
couldn’t spend time with me.”

    
“I mean, without the girls around.” He
looked at her. “While doing this boat, we’ve shared and become even closer.
Trina?”

    
“Hmm?” She avoided looking at him, scared,
yet anticipating what he’d ask.

    
“Marry me.”

    
She glanced at him. “Stop playing.” She
chuckled.

    
“I’m not playing.” He laid the primer and
brush down and took a little black box out of his pocket.

    
Oh God, no. This can’t be happening.

    
She stood back with
the primer and brush still in her hands. Neil opened the box and held it out to
her. A small, yet luminous, diamond ring shimmered in all directions.

    
Trina dropped the primer and brush. “Oh.”
She righted the can before it spilled.

    
Neil got on one knee.

    
“Uh-uh.” Trina backed away from him. “No,
Neil.”

    
“Trina Mosley…”

    
Jesus that isn’t even my name. You don’t know me. I’m dead.
You can’t propose to me, Neil. Stop him, Lorraine! Please!

    
“Trina Mosley, will
you be my wife?”

    
“Lorraine!” She shouted. “Roxy!”

    
Neil gawked. “Who’s Lorraine and Roxy?”

    
“What are you doing, Neil?” She pointed to
the ring. “Oh God.” She gripped her head and rocked. “No. No, no, no this isn’t
supposed to happen.”

    
“I know you’re shocked but—”

    
“Shocked?” she shouted. “You have no idea
what I’m feeling right now, Neil! This has to be a joke.”

    
He shook his head. “It’s not.”

    
“It has to be!”

    
“Trina.” He further extended his hand to
her. “I want you to marry me.”

    
“Why?” She screamed. “
Why
?”

    
“Because I love you and you’ve made me
happier than I’ve been in a long time. I think about you night and day. There
isn’t a second you’re not on my mind, and I don’t wanna lose you.” He stood. “I
won’t
lose you. See this boat?” He pointed to it.
“When the girls graduate, it’s gonna be you and me on it, and we’re gonna sail
the world.”

    
“Stop it.” She sobbed. “Please.”

    
He grabbed her. “I’ve been playing it your
way all this time. I can’t do that anymore. I love you so much and I don’t
wanna spend any part of my life without you.”

    
“Neil.” She tried to pull away from him.
“Listen—
  
”

    
“No, you listen.” He shook her. “Look at
me. I know you love me. I see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice.” He
stuck the ring in her face. “I want you to be my wife and the mother of my
kids. You gotta say yes, Trina. Damn it, you gotta say yes!”

    
“Stop!” She pushed him. “This is crazy. We
can’t get married!”

    
“Why the fuck not? I don’t understand you.
I’m offering you love, support, and a family. That’s what you’ve always wanted,
and you’re walking away?”

    
“Yes.”

    
“No.” He pulled her to him. “I’m sick of
this. You’re gonna tell me here and now why you keep telling me no.”

    
“I don’t have control over this.” Tears
streamed down her face. “How many times do I have to say it?”

    
His face turned red and his lips trembled.
“I’m getting angry.”

    
“You’re just gonna have to get angry, then.
You can’t force me to marry you, Neil.”

    
“It wouldn’t be force.” He grabbed her and
kissed her. “You want this, too. I’m giving you what you’ve always wanted, if
you just say yes. What are you so afraid of?”

    
“I
can’t
marry you! If I told
you why, you wouldn’t believe me in a million years.”

    
“Then why did you do this to me?” He huffed
and puffed. “Why the fuck did you do this to me?” He threw the ring across the
room.

    
“I didn’t do anything to you!”

    
“Bullshit.” He got in her face. “How dare
you? How dare you come into my life and fill me with hope and all these good
fuckin’ thoughts about being happy, if you can’t be with me? Why did you do
that, Trina?”

    
“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I care
about you, but I can’t marry you. I came so you’d see life was still worth
living without Charlotte.”

    
“Oh?” He squinted. “So you wanted me to see
I could move on without her, got me to fall in love with you, and now you’re
rejecting me?”

    
“I didn’t plan for any of this to happen.”

    
“Well, it did happen!” he shouted in her
face. “I love you now. I can’t change that.”

    
“I can’t marry you, Neil. I’m sorry.”

    
He held his waist and paced. “Then, leave.”

    
“What?”

    
“You heard me. How can I be around you,
knowing I want you and can’t have you?”

    
“Neil…”

    
He held up his finger. “I’d rather you
leave, than to go through that pain.”

    
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” She slapped
at her tears. “That’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

    
“You know what?” Tears appeared in his
eyes. “Too late for that.”

    
“Fine. If that’s the way you want it.” She
marched out of the storage shed. “Lorraine! Lorraine?”

    
Lorraine appeared beside her.

    
“I wanna leave.”

    
“Wait.”

    
“I’m not waiting anymore!” Trina blubbered.
“I feel horrible for what I’ve done.”

    
Lorraine hurried to keep up with her. “You
haven’t done anything.”

    
“Bullshit. I’ve ruined his life. Now he’s
gonna be in more pain than he ever was. I thought you guys sent me here to help
him, not break his heart all over again.”

    
“Neil will be all right. He has the tools
now—”

    
“I don’t deserve to go to Heaven.” Trina
threw her arms up.

    
“Trina—”

    
“I wanna leave.” She pointed toward the
shed. “The boat is finished, and I wanna leave now!”

    
“All right. You’ll leave tonight.”

    
 
“He
asked me to marry him, Lorraine.” Trina choked on tears. “He asked me to marry
him.”

    
“I know.” Lorraine held her. “It’s gonna be
okay.”

CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE

    
“Shit.” Neil picked
the ring up off the floor. He ran the tip of his finger over the jagged
diamond. “Trina.”

    
“Well, well, well.” Louis stood in the
entrance of the shed, chewing gum. “The boat’s
lookin
’
good, Neil.” He walked up to it and ran his hand across the side. “I didn’t
think you had the balls to actually finish it.”

    
“Get your hand off my boat and get your ass
outta
here.” Neil squeezed the ring in his hand. “I’m
not playing, Louis.”

    
He lifted his baseball cap and scratched
his head. “You sound upset.”

    
“Get out of here.” Neil turned toward him.
“You’re lucky I didn’t kill your ass for what you did to Trina that day.”

    
“What?” He smirked. “I was just trying to
show her a little Allocco hospitality.”

    
“Get out.” Neil groaned. “I won’t tell you
again.”

    
“Ooh.” Louis waved his hands, laughing.
“Look who’s finally becoming a real man.”

    
“I’m warning you.” Neil inched toward him.
“You don’t want to push me right now.”

    
“Why do you always treat me so badly?”
Louis switched the gum to the other side of his mouth. “Why can’t we bury the
hatchet after all these years?”

    
“Right.” Neil stopped only inches away from
him. “Like you ever care about doing what’s right. I’m sick of you blaming me
for Charlotte not wanting you. With the way you act, what woman would?”

    
“Speaking of women…” Louis looked around.
“Where’s that sexy maid of yours, anyway? Did she get tired of you already?” He
winked. “Went off to find a real man?”

    
“Get out!”

    
“I don’t know what the hell Charlotte ever
saw in you. You’re the reason she gave up and died. She didn’t even wanna
fight.”

    
“What the hell are you talking about?” Neil
slipped the ring into his pocket.

    
“She wasn’t happy with you, Neil.” Louis
shuffled toward him. “She only married you because she felt sorry for you. You
weren’t the man for her, and you couldn’t give her what she wanted.”

    
Neil clenched a fist. “I’m sick of you acting
like you and Charlotte had some one-of-a-kind love.” Louis rolled his eyes.
“She stayed with you because she got knocked up, and what the hell else could
she do?”

    
“She loved me.” Neil pounded his chest.
“You don’t know a damn thing about us.”

    
“I don’t? You forgot who you’re talking to?
A real man would’ve given her a reason to fight to live. She slipped out of
here so fast it was ridiculous. She was miserable, Neil.” Louis chomped the
gum. “Charlotte was a wonderful woman. She was smart and beautiful. She
could’ve had anything in the world. Instead she got stuck with some lowlife
carpenter and three accidents you call kids.”

    
“Son of a bitch!” Neil grabbed him by his
shirt and threw him on the floor.

    
“Yeah, I said it!” Louis spat. “You had the
best woman you’ll ever have, and you just wasted her. Had such a terrific woman
and all she did was cook, clean, and wash your damn drawers. She deserved
better than that!” Louis waved his arm. “She deserved a man who could give her
the world, and you were barely putting food on the table.”

    
“Who do you think you are?” Neil slammed
his fist in Louis’s face. “Huh? You think you know about Charlotte and me? You
don’t know shit!” Neil slugged him again.

    
“Ah!” Louis’ head bounced back. “Get off
me!”

    
“I’m sick of you, Louis!” Neil slugged him
again. “I’m sick of you!”

    
“Get off!” Louis gurgled, grabbing Neil’s
hand.

    
“Trina was right.” Neil let him go. “You’re
not worth it.”

    
Louis rolled over. Blood flowed from his
nose and mouth. “My nose.” He tried to lean up. “I think you broke my nose!”

    
“Good.” Neil snatched Louis by the neck.
“Stay out of my life. Do you hear me? Or I swear to God, next time I won’t
stop.”

    
Neil stomped out of the shed.

* * * *

    
Trina snuck out of her bedroom in the
middle of the night with her suitcase. She glanced down the hall at Neil’s
bedroom door.

    
Don’t go in there. Just leave. Don’t even tell him goodbye.
It’ll be easier that way.

    
They hadn’t spoken to
each other since the argument in the shed, and maybe that had been a good thing.
It was easier to leave when they were on bad terms. After all, he’d told her to
leave, hadn’t he?

    
She stared at the crooked rug and the
hardwood floors. When she first arrived, she couldn’t get out of this place
fast enough. Now, she could spend the rest of eternity in it. She loved this
house. Every crack, corner, and crease of it.

    
She wiped a tear and tiptoed to the girls’
room. She couldn’t bear to say goodbye to them either, and have to look into
their tearful eyes as they begged her to stay. But she had to say goodbye to
Winter, at least. She’d never rest in peace without giving Winter one last hug.

    
Trina cracked open the girls’ bedroom door
and whispered, “Winter?” She stuck her head inside the dark bedroom. “Winter?”

    
Winter wiggled and turned toward the light
from the hall.

    
“Winter?” Trina beckoned to her. “
Shh
, come out here for a minute.”

    
Winter sat up, rubbing her eyes. She put on
her glasses and slid out of bed. “Trina?” She came into the hall. “What’s
wrong?” Most of her hair had slipped from her ponytail while sleeping. Trina
shut the door and knelt in front of her.

    
“Why do you have your suitcase?” Winter
grimaced.

    
Trina placed her hand on Winter’s chubby
middle. “It’s…” Her lips trembled. “It’s time for me to leave.”

    
“Leave?” Winter gripped Trina’s hand. “No.”

    
“I have to. I need you to do me a favor,
and not tell anyone. Can you just do that for me?”

    
“No.” Winter flung her arms around Trina’s
neck. “Please don’t leave.” She wept. “I’ll do anything if you stay…anything.”

    
Trina had always heard of the saying,
“heart ripping in two,” but now she knew what it felt like.

    
She put her arm around Winter. “I love
you.” Tears fell before Trina could prepare herself. “I don’t wanna leave, I
don’t.”

    
“Then stay.” Winter pulled away from her
and looked at her with runny eyes and nose. “You can’t leave, Trina. We love
you. I want us to be a family.”

    
“We are a family.” Trina wiped Winter’s
tears with her hand. “It doesn’t matter whether I’m here or not. You’ll always
be a part of me. God, I wish I’d had a child when I had the chance.” Winter
sobbed with her hands on her eyes.

    
Trina stroked her hair. “I wish she’d been
just like you.” She kissed her cheek.

    
“Please, Trina. Please.” Winter locked on
to her. “Tell me what I can do to make you stay. I’ll do anything.”

    
“I’m sorry.” Trina kissed her cheek again.

    
“Take me with you.” Winter poked her lips
out. “I wanna go with you.”

    
“No, honey. You gotta stay here with your
sisters and your daddy. They love you and need you.”

    
“I need
you
.” Winter coughed
between tears. “Why are you doing this?”

    
“The last thing I ever wanted to do was
hurt anyone in this house. Please remember that.” Winter pouted.

    
“Please don’t hate me, honey.” Trina patted
Winter’s head. “I couldn’t ever bear that.”

    
“You made me feel good about myself.”
Winter clasped her hands. “I wouldn’t have been able to fight Gaston if it
wasn’t for you.”

    
“Yes, you would’ve. You’re stronger than
you thought, and you know that now.” Trina held Winter’s waist. “You are an
intelligent, beautiful, young lady. Promise me that you won’t ever accept
disrespect or mistreatment from anyone again. You don’t deserve that.” Winter
nodded and sniffled. “I know you’re confused right now, but when you get to be
an adult, you’ll see that you can’t always make the choices you want to make.”

    
“I love you.” Winter kissed Trina’s lips.

    
“I love you too, baby.” Trina hugged her a
final time, fighting the urge to snatch her up and take her with her. “Now, I
need you to be a good girl, and go back to bed and keep this a secret for now,
okay?”

    
She nodded. “Will I ever see you again?”

    
“I’ll always be here.” Trina rose and
grabbed her suitcase. “You might not be able to see me or touch me, but believe
me, I’ll be looking down on you every chance I get.”

    
She seemed confused, but didn’t question
Trina. “Goodbye.”

    
Trina faked a smile. “Be strong.” Winter
nodded and went into the bedroom.

    
“Wow,” Trina whispered. Lorraine and Roxy
appeared.

    
 
“You
ready?” Roxy patted Trina’s back.

    
“Before all this happened, I thought I knew
for sure what I wanted.” Trina jiggled the suitcase. “I wanted Heaven, but
Heaven’s here.” She sobbed. “It’s here.”

    
“It’s going to be hard for a while.”
Lorraine put her arm around her. “But even in the afterlife, things happen for
the best.”