On the Line (23 page)

Kelsey gently squeezed her fingers, bringing her back into the present. “Janelle,
you couldn’t have stopped Sean from driving that night,” Kelsey said calmly, a trail
of tears streaking her cheeks.

“No.” Janelle shook her head. “But if I’d had the courage to end things with Richard
sooner, Sean may have been away from his bad influence sooner. I could have saved
our brother’s life if I’d been strong enough to walk away at the first doubt.”

“You don’t know that, J.” Kelsey squeezed her hand and frowned. “Sean and Richard
were friends.”

“Because of me,” Janelle said scornfully.

Kelsey’s head swayed side to side. “That’s neither here nor there. My point is, even
if you had ended things sooner, they may have remained friends. There’s no guarantee
that Sean would have cut ties with Richard just because you had. You know how easy
Sean was to get along with and everyone who knew him considered him their friend.
Richard was no different.”

“But I was his sister,” Janelle whined. She felt a slight sense of betrayal at the
thought that her own brother may have chosen Richard’s company to her own.

Kelsey smiled a little. “True. But you were his older, bossier sister. And, as much
as we hate to admit it, Richard was fun to be around, in the beginning.” Janelle’s
lip curled but she nodded reluctantly. “Besides, if Sean had had a problem with Richard,
he could have walked away at any point. Richard was dating you, not him. Sadly, Sean’s
death was of his own doing, and we really can’t blame anyone but him. He made a mistake
and it cost us all.”

The sisters sat quietly sipping their coffee for a few minutes. Janelle’s mind wandered
back to the time before Sean’s death and searched for any sign that maybe he hadn’t
been as happy with Richard as he’d led her to believe. She came up with nothing,
no indication that Sean might have even considered ending his friendship with Richard—a
friendship that Janelle still blamed for his death.

“So, now that we’ve settled that, why did you stay with Richard anyway?” Kelsey asked
as she stood up and retrieved the coffee pot.

“I didn’t,” Janelle answered as Kelsey added coffee to each of their cups. She stopped
her pour as she looked at Janelle with a raised brow. “I broke up with him after
the funeral.”

Kelsey set the coffee pot on the marble with a loud
thunk
. Any harder and Janelle
was sure they’d be cleaning up broken glass and spilled coffee. “Then why the hell
did you take him back?” Kelsey snapped.

Janelle cringed. After everything her family, especially her mother, had been through,
Janelle hadn’t told any of them she’d ended it with Richard. “I moved into Sean’s
apartment, took over his lease, and lived out the rest of that fall semester there.
Richard begged me to take him back. Almost every day. He kept promising he would
change, that he would sober up and stay sober, if I’d take him back. I had my doubts,
so I kept saying no.”

Kelsey resumed pouring coffee and fixed it to her liking then slowly sat back down.
“So, what did he do to change your mind?”

Janelle shook her head and took a deep breath. “It was when we came home for winter
break that year. None of you knew we’d separated, so we had to pretend like everything
was fine. But do you remember how he helped Mom out of her funk?”

Kelsey nodded. “How can I forget? That was when he became her favorite child,” she
added with a roll of her eyes. “That’s why you took him back? Because of what he
did for Mom?”

“No,” Janelle replied. “It was the effect it had on Dad. When I got home, I could
see the stress all over his face, even before I knew what Mom was up to. Without
being asked, Richard went to her and helped her through her grief, but it was the
relief I saw on Dad’s face that really moved me. By the time we left, Dad looked
years younger, the stress was still there, but it was lessened. He looked happier.
Not as happy as he’d been before Sean’s death, but he was better.”

“I remember that too,” Kelsey said softly. “I had almost forgotten how stressed he’d
been, how sick with worry over Mom. Richard helped Dad just as much as he helped
Mom.”

“At the time, I thought it was the most selfless thing he’d ever done.” Janelle sighed
sadly. “We went back to college and had a long talk about what I expected from him
if he wanted us to get back together. I didn’t move back in with him, I stayed in
Sean’s apartment. We saw each other every day, and by spring break, I’d seen such
a change in him, and foolishly hoped it was permanent, that I took him back. We continued
the engagement like the separation had never happened.”

Janelle listened to the bright, bouncy music coming from the living room and turned
to look at her children.

“I look at them every day and wonder ‘what if?’, Kels. What if I had been strong
enough to follow my gut and stayed away from him for good? Would I have convinced
you to let me adopt Zach if I hadn’t had a husband? Would I have had an affair with
Nathan that gave me Zoe? As miserable as I was, I’m not sure I would have wanted
to give them up for anything.”

“What if you had been able to work things out with Nathan sooner?” Kelsey asked.

Janelle slowly turned to her and smiled sadly. “Things haven’t worked out with Nathan,
Kelsey. And there’s no indication they will.” She turned back to the kids. “We just
have to go on from here and play the cards we’ve been dealt.”

“Well, then, I suggest we play our fun card and join the kids in the living room.
I could use a good cartoon. And when they go to bed, we’ll put on something guaranteed
to make us cry.”

Janelle felt her sister’s arm loop through hers and looked up to see her smiling
down on her. “You want to cry?”

“It’s therapeutic,” Kelsey replied with a wink as she pulled Janelle to her feet
and they joined the kids.

Sixteen

Nathan walked across his mother’s porch and knocked once on the front door before
turning the knob and opening it. He’d had nothing better to do so he was taking her
up on her offer of a home-cooked meal. It sure beat sitting at home eating TV dinners
and staring at his cell phone. “Mom!”

“Nathan, you’re here,” his mother said as she walked toward him. She quickly wrapped
him in a hug and ushered him into her house.

He glanced around and shook his head. Every time he walked into the house, he was
hoping to see something different. His mother hadn’t changed anything in fifteen
years. The walls were a faded blue and the carpet a dingy brown, and the house still
had the essence of his father scattered throughout. Nathan figured that’s why his
mother still clung to her dark leather sofa, set against the back wall and facing
the door and front window of the living room, and his father’s armchair, angled into
the room with its back to the front door. An old, dark wood coffee table and two
pine bookcases filled empty space in the room.

The one piece that stood out was the beige, microfiber couch that Mason and Charlotte
had given Nancy for Christmas two years ago. They had hoped to push her headlong
into redecorating, but Nancy had simply moved things around, smiling that her boys
were older and they would need more seating as the family grew. That couch now sat
on the opposite wall of the room, against the unused fireplace.

Nathan let his mother lead him around the corner and through the door into the dining
room where his feet stopped moving.

“I thought it was just us, Mom,” Nathan said, frowning at his brothers, sister-in-law,
and nephew.

“Did I give you that idea?” Nancy looked around at her other children, already seated
at the table. “Hmm, so sorry.”

Nathan rolled his eyes at his mother’s decidedly un-sorry tone. He walked around
Jackson and took his former seat between him and their father’s chair. He didn’t
feel like being head of the family tonight. They would survive.

“Glad you’re finally here,” Mason scoffed. “How is it that I work ten hours a day
and I still beat both of you here?”

Nathan stared at Jackson. “You’re living here, aren’t you?”

“And you’re not working at the moment. What’s your point?” Jackson replied.

Nathan’s palm itched to hit his youngest brother on the back of the head.

“I had things to do today,” Jackson said with a shrug then turned to Mason. “Is that
a problem for you?”

“Boys, can’t we at least start the meal in peace before you get to sniping at each
other?” Nancy asked as she set a large bowl of gravy-soaked dumplings on the table.
Nathan looked around the table and grinned. Sure enough, some of his other favorites
were on the table—chicken, bean salad, sweet potato casserole, and yeast rolls.

On second thought, he was no longer sure that was a good thing.

“What’s going on, Mom?” Nathan asked after she’d taken her seat at the end of the
table.

“Nothing dear, why?” she replied with a smile. “Could you please say the blessing?”

Nathan watched as his mom and Charlotte folded their hands in front of them and bowed
their heads. Mason slowly followed, staring at Nathan as he did. Jackson crossed
his arms and blatantly raised an eyebrow at Nathan, who promptly elbowed him into
compliance.

He said the blessing then immediately reached for the dumplings before his brothers
could grab them. They passed the food in relative peace then all began to eat. Nathan
chewed slowly, the sense of foreboding settling over him. Something was going on
here, and he intended to get to the bottom of it.

“Mom, what’s going on?” he repeated his question.

He was answered with her angelic smile and the lift of a delicate shoulder.

“Don’t give me that. These are all my favorite foods. You seemed insistent that I
come to dinner tonight. I know you, you’re up to something,” Nathan said as he stabbed
a chunk of chicken and dragged it through the dumpling gravy.

“I just thought we could have a nice family dinner while your brother is still in
town,” Nancy replied, transferring her beatific grin to Jackson.

“Then these should be my favorites, not his,” Jackson scoffed.

“The rest of us choose to consume from the five food groups, not five different types
of alcohol,” Mason said.

Jackson glared at him. “I have been practically sober for almost five years, thank
you very much.” He looked down at his plate and mumbled, “For all the good it’s done
me.”

Nathan felt a strong sympathy for his baby brother. When he stopped to think about
it, their situations weren’t really that different. Both of them wanted women they
couldn’t have. Or better yet, women who didn’t really want them. At least Jackson
had his band and touring to keep him out of town. Nathan couldn’t get away from Janelle
that easily.

Nathan decided to let the subject drop, at least for now, and dedicated himself to
enjoying his mother’s cooking. He let the snarky comments between Mason and Jackson
float past him and, unless they spoke directly to him, he was also able to tune out
his mother and Charlotte’s chipper voices. He spent the entirety of his meal trying
to come up with a way of satisfying Captain Little’s orders and seeing Janelle at
the same time.

If these investigations went on much longer, he was sure he’d go crazy. He wanted
to see Janelle. He wanted to see his daughter. And it didn’t help that he knew his
mother had been there at least four times since Easter, just over a week ago, but
she refused to say anything about those visits.

“So, what do you think we should get for her?” Charlotte asked as everyone else seemed
to fall silent, including the voice in Nathan’s mind.

“I don’t know. Janelle said she likes princesses. She said Patrick got her a whole
bunch of princess dolls for Christmas,” Nancy answered, and Nathan’s focus sharpened
on her. Nancy held his gaze for a moment then turned back to her daughter-in-law.
“I’ll have to ask if she has that new princess movie that just came out on DVD. Janelle
said she took her to see it in the theater and she absolutely loved it.”

It was perfectly obvious who they were talking about, and even though he was dying
to know why, Nathan held his tongue. He knew his mother well; she’d eventually drop
enough hints for him to figure it out or she’d simply hit him over the head, metaphorically
speaking, with what she wanted him to know.

Charlotte glanced at Nathan as a smile slowly formed on her lips then turned to Mason.
“Are you going to be able to make it to the party?”

“What the hell are you three talking about?” Jackson asked as his eyes bounced from
face to face around him.

“I’m not talking about it,” Mason muttered then looked at his wife. “And I’m not
sure yet. You know I’d rather not go.”

Charlotte patted her husband’s forearm on the table. “I know, but don’t you think
you should?”

Mason looked at Nathan and shook his head. “If he’s not going, why should I? She’s
not my daughter.”

“What’s going on?” Nathan asked, his impatience getting the better of him as his
calm started to slip. “Why are you talking about my daughter, and what party?”

“Oh,” Nancy said, covering her mouth with her fingers. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“Obviously not,” Nathan replied through clenched teeth.

Jackson chuckled softly.

“Zoe’s third birthday is Friday. Janelle is having a party for her on Saturday,”
Nathan’s mother said, then feigned an air of innocence as she continued, “I thought
you would have known.”

“You knew I didn’t,” Nathan growled.

This was really getting tiresome. Janelle couldn’t pick up a phone to call him, but
she could invite the rest of his family to a birthday party for
his
daughter. Three
years he’d missed with Zoe, and it appeared Janelle was perfectly content to let
him continue to miss time with her. He was getting to the bottom of this.

“Maybe if you’d bother to contact Janelle, you’d know that,” Mason said, fighting
a grin as Nathan turned his scowl on his middle brother. “Oh, sorry, I forgot. Your
job is so much more important than the woman you’ve been in love with since high
school.”