On My Knees (5 page)

Eli sighed, seeming to relent. He grabbed the remote from the table and turned on the news. An international story started to put things into perspective, but my mind kept returning to Cameron. The way he’d looked at me that day was burned into my mind, so in love and then so defeated, as hurt as I’d ever seen him.

I hadn’t forgotten any of it. I was afraid if I ever saw him again, I never would.

* * *

“Hey, you.”

Alex interrupted my laser focus on the spreadsheet I was working on. I looked up at him for a second. He was holding what was likely his third cup of coffee and smiling at me with bulgy eyes, like he had something juicy to share.

“What do you want?” I trained my eyes back on the screen. I was in my mode.

“Nice to see you too.”

I sighed and waited for him to start. Considering Alex was male, straight, and engaged, he was a terrible gossip at work. I suspected it was a result of absolute boredom, which I couldn’t exactly blame him for. Our office sorely lacked culture and energy. When I wasn’t working, I usually welcomed the distraction—and the information—since I wasn’t in the habit of making friends at work for intel.

He leaned into the side of the cubicle, bringing his head lower to mine. “Have you met the new assistant VP?”

“The chick?”

I’d seen her walking between her office and the senior VP offices. She was olive-skinned, gorgeous, and had a throaty laugh that made me wonder how many guys had propositioned her since she’d started last week.

“Her name is Jia. She’s our age. I’d like to know how she landed that gig. They didn’t even pretend to hire internally for the position.”

“Is she nice?” I asked, assuming she wasn’t. No one climbed the ladder that fast being nice. Not that I would necessarily know. More women worked in the field now than a decade ago for sure, but our small contingent didn’t exactly share a strong female camaraderie. Every woman for herself, and you never really knew who would sell you down the river if given the chance. I’d seen it happen a few times and accepted this as yet another facet of office politics that I’d never fully buy into as long as I was here.

“I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet, but Jason said his cousin used to work with her before she came here. Said she was a real bitch. That might have been because she wouldn’t sleep with him though.”

“Great. Can’t wait to meet her.” I looked back at my screen, trying to figure out which cell I was on.

“Shit, boss is coming. I’ll see you later.”

I nodded without a word, and he disappeared with lightening speed.

I finished what Alex had interrupted, and then headed downstairs for lunch well after the herd had cleared the office. I waited patiently by the elevator when someone joined me.

“You’re Maya, right?”

“Yes.” My reply came out as a question.

“I’m Jia.”

Up close, she looked impeccable in a blue silk blouse, a fitted black skirt, and heels that I envied. Her jet-black hair was pulled into a tight twist, her features accented with enormous diamond stud earrings and a simple platinum chain that sparkled against her skin. She was pretty. Too pretty.

“Congrats on the new position.” I acknowledged her with a quick smile and shook her hand before turning back. I stared up to the elevator numbers, hoping they’d hurry. I was running out of time to make it to Delaney’s.

“Thanks. I noticed your name on the roster. Not many women around here.”

“You noticed?”

She laughed, revealing a set of perfectly white teeth. Not only was she gorgeous, she was dazzling. Her naturally dark red lips sealed it. The elevator arrived empty and we stepped inside. I punched the button for the lobby, and she leaned back against the elevator wall as we descended.

“How long have you been with the company?”

“Four years,” I replied.

She nodded, no doubt unimpressed at my inability to climb the corporate ladder with the breakneck speed that she had. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know how she’d done it, but maybe I could use some tips, because doing the work of two or more people wasn’t enough apparently.

“We should get lunch sometime.”

“Sure,” I agreed. I could feel her eyes on me, and a quick glance to the side confirmed it. I tried to shake the mild discomfort of being assessed in such close proximity by this beautiful stranger.

“I have meetings this week, but we should plan something for next week.”

“Yeah, that sounds great. You know where to find me.”

Despite my general pessimism about excelling professionally, I was interested in getting to know her better. Maybe this was what I’d heard about in my women’s college pep rallies, women helping women. She might surprise me.

We stepped out of the building and went our separate ways. I hadn’t taken two steps toward Delaney’s before I saw him.

My heart stopped, and a rapid heat washed over me. His lips parted and his breath clouded in the cold air when our eyes met. I forgot everything. Where I was, where I was going, who I was. In that split second all I could think about was who I was the last time we saw each other. Vulnerable, heartbroken, so in love with him I was sick over it.

I’d packed the photos of us away long ago, but every memory came rushing back. He was everything I’d remembered and more. Literally, he was more. The coat couldn’t hide the broadness of his chest and shoulders. I marveled anew at the definition of his cheekbones and strong jaw line covered with fine stubble. His hair had grown out again, but not long enough to obscure the blue eyes that he and his sister shared. They cut through me now, filled with an intensity I couldn’t name.

He stalked closer, his expression unreadable. I couldn’t breathe. Actually I couldn’t stop breathing. I was heaving like a maniac and the fog in the air left no doubt.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Cameron.” His name fell off my lips and my body weakened, a remembered feeling he’d given me so many times before. I fought the urge to touch him, curl up against his body, knowing he’d hold me up. Eli had been all wrong. This was a terrible idea.

I swallowed hard and lost myself in his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Olivia said you worked down here. I thought maybe we could catch up.”

“Catch up?” Why did I sound so desperate? Where was corporate Maya? In a matter of seconds his presence had reduced me to a blithering idiot.

For a split second, he looked how I felt. Overwhelmed, a little lost, paralyzing me with those amazing, penetrating blue eyes. “Do you want to get lunch?”

“Lunch?” I repeated the last word because I still wasn’t completely in control of my brain. He might have been speaking another language for all the sense this made to me.

A slow smile came across his lips. Fucking hell, those lips. They looked good, and it’d been far too long since I’d had anyone’s lips on me.

CAMERON. Olivia was right. Maya was different. I recognized her, but after a few minutes, I knew that she’d changed more than her hair and the way she dressed.

We sat in a little bistro a few blocks away from where she worked. Everyone in the place was wearing a suit. She didn’t seem to care that I wasn’t, which was reassuring because I didn’t care either. I’d watched my father put on a suit every day, and that had been enough for me. Of course Maya was probably more concerned with me showing up out of nowhere than with the dress code for lower Manhattan bistros. She hadn’t interrogated me yet on why I’d sought her out.

After Olivia told me about their run in, I’d stayed up half the night, trying with little success to push her from my thoughts. By morning I realized I couldn’t wait weeks, years, or maybe forever to run into her by chance. Something about knowing we were in the same city at the same time felt karmic. I needed to act on it—open the door, walk through it, and see what was on the other side, even if it was only friendship, or nothing at all.

“So what did you want to talk about?” She tucked her pale blond hair behind her ear. She wore it long like she used to, but the soft waves that once framed her face were sleek and straight now.

“I don’t know.” I hadn’t thought this through too well. I should have known what I wanted to achieve before ambushing her. I had no idea what to expect from her after all this time though, so I’d have to make it up as I went.

The server brought our meals, and I distracted myself with mine, grateful for an excuse to regroup. We had to have some common ground still, but as the seconds passed, the gulf between us created by years of not speaking grew wider.

We hadn’t stayed in touch. Some breakups have no place to go afterwards. I’d had no interest in watching her life take a turn away from mine, with other people who weren’t me. We cut ties, and I’d let her memory fade as much as it would. I had no idea what her life was like now.

“How long have you been in New York?” Her smile was tight and polite.

“About a year. I started a gym in Brooklyn.”

She lifted her eyebrows. “That’s great. What’s it called?”

“Bridge Fitness.”

She nearly choked. “Wow.”

“What?”

“That’s a few blocks away from my apartment. I can’t believe we never ran into each other before.”

“You work out there?”

She laughed. “No.”

“Why is that funny?”

She shrugged and looked out the window. “It’s not. I don’t really have time for stuff like that.”

“That’s what everyone says. It’s the most popular cop out.”

“Right.”

“What about you? You like your work?”

Her gaze lingered on the busy street outside for a moment before focusing on her food. “It’s okay. Pays well.”

I could sense the gulf getting bigger. Lecturing her about working out probably wasn’t the way to go. I was totally fucking this up. We hadn’t exactly parted on good terms, and here we were, trying to talk like none of that had happened. Like we were old friends reunited. We were anything but.

“Listen, I’m sorry for just showing up out of nowhere.”

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s nice to see you.”

“I know we never really stayed in touch. I just wanted to see you. It’s been so long.”

“It has.” She closed her eyes and took a breath, as if her thoughts might be taking her someplace else for a second. “Seems like we’ve both moved on, and you’re doing well, so that’s great.”

I tensed at the words. “You’re seeing someone?”

Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“You said we’ve both moved on. I assume that means you’re with someone.”

“No, not really.”

She studied her food again. I released a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Why the hell couldn’t she look me in the eye?

Her hand trembled slightly as she reached for her glass of water. A faint blush colored her cheeks, her chest rising softly under the soft fabric of her button down that hugged her breasts. I wasn’t blind to the effect I had on women. Since Maya, there’d been others, but somehow I couldn’t remember noticing how their bodies reacted in all the subtle ways that Maya’s was right now. She mesmerized me.

I tore myself away from studying her and straightened in my seat. “I guess I don’t know where to start here.”

She was silent for a moment, tracing tiny circles into the tablecloth. “If this is about closure, I get it. Things obviously didn’t end well between us. If you want to talk about it, I understand.”

Closure? The way she said the word felt like a punch in the gut.

I laughed quietly. “Closure, huh?”

She leaned back in her chair, tossing her napkin over her picked-over salad. For all the attention she’d given it, she’d barely eaten. “I don’t know. I could live without rehashing everything.” Her tone was matter-of-fact, cold, as if talking about what happened between us really was the last thing she wanted to do. Ancient history.

“You don’t ever think about us?”

She took a deep breath. “Sure. Sometimes.”

“And it doesn’t bother you, the way things ended?”

“Does it matter? It ended. That’s what happened. That’s what we decided, one way or the other.” She cleared her throat. “What you decided, anyway.”

I bristled at the last words. Of course she blamed me for being the one to leave. In the heat of the moment, walking away had seemed like the best thing—the only thing—I could do.

“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. The feeling wasn’t mutual. What did you expect?”

She finally looked up, a painful grimace taking over her beautiful mouth. “People don’t get married in college, Cam.”

“We talked about marriage. All the time. Don’t pretend like we didn’t.” I kept my voice low, not wanting to show her how much her rejection still hurt. Fuck, I’d spent years trying to get her out of my system, and here we were. Our last night together could have been yesterday for how in control I felt.

“Can you seriously imagine us married right now, Cam? I mean look at us.”

My lips tightened into a thin line, as I tried to make sense of the woman sitting across from me. How much of the person I’d loved might possibly still be there?

“No. I can’t imagine it at all actually,” I finally said. At the moment I couldn’t.

A flash of pain passed behind her eyes, and I immediately regretted it. Maybe the Maya I loved was hiding somewhere under this new life and look after all. She blinked, her brown eyes glistening before she glanced down at her watch. Big and covered in sparkling crystals, it engulfed her tiny wrist.

“I’d better go. I only get an hour and I left late,” she mumbled, reaching for her purse.

“Let me get the check,” I said quickly.

“No, I’ll get it.”

“I insist.” When the server came, I gave her a smile that guaranteed the check came to me.

“Cameron. Please, you don’t have to buy me lunch.” She started digging almost frantically in her purse.

“I’ll let you pick it up next time.” I dropped some bills onto the table and stood, reaching for her hand.

She pretended not to see the gesture and slung her purse over her shoulder, leading the way to the exit.

We stepped out and she paused.

“You don’t have to walk me back.”

I frowned. “I don’t mind.”