On My Knees (5 page)

I steadied myself against the wall and grabbed at the hand under my towel. I squeezed the wrist and pushed it away. Whoever it was, he meant business. One hand tried to pry my fingers loose while the other strained to recapture my wilting cock.

“Get off,” I said, shoving him away.

I heard grumbling but he got the message and crawled back into the tangle of bodies. I hadn’t expected to be molested. Maybe I’d just leave. I felt my feet slide on the mat. It was a seedy place.

The cubicle was now packed. There was no way to move without pressing myself between bodies like a sheet through a wringer. As I edged my way towards the doorway, I found myself thrust against a tall, toned body. His hard cock stood in my way like a railway barrier, reaching halfway across my hip. I looked up. Christ. Even in the dark I could see he was handsome. Chiseled features, straight nose, high cheekbones. A flash of white said he’d smiled at me, and I felt my cock stirring again. I loved this place! I looked up at him, searching for his eyes, and felt his tongue part my lips. He put his arms round me and hard muscles pulled me close. His taught body against mine made me tremble, and I felt I would collapse on the floor if he let go. He drove his tongue deeper, and I put up no resistance. Yes! I wanted this. The gentle, female kisses of the past were as nothing compared to this writhing muscle drilling its way towards my throat. When his stubble scratched against my chin, I shuddered with delight.

He withdrew his tongue and brushed my ear with his lips. “Fancy going somewhere quieter?”

The pulsating music reverberated off the brick vaults and drowned my reply. I cleared my throat. “OK,” I said a second time.

He slipped his towel round his waist and I felt his hand grasp mine, firm and sure. He pulled me through the melée towards the doorway. His frame blocked what light there was for a moment, and then I saw him as we squeezed into the passageway. He had Attila’s build but was younger and, I suppose, handsome in a more classical way. He’d have graced any runway and my body shook at the thought of what was going to happen. He looked back at me and flashed his teeth again, his green eyes egging me on. I could barely walk.

As he led me down the passageways, head tilted to avoid the brick vault that swept in sharply, he glanced over the tops of the doors of the cubicles. I couldn’t see over them but it was obvious he was checking for one that was vacant. When he found it, he held the door open and gestured for me to enter. As I crossed the threshold, I felt drunk with doubt and excitement. What if he was some kind of lunatic? A murderer? A modern day Jack the Ripper? My body would be found lying in a pool of blood, and no one would know who I was. Then, illogically, I worried that people would.

He stepped in behind me and locked the door. He shone like a devil in the red light as he removed his towel and knelt to lay it out like a blanket. I got down on my knees and did the same.

“Lie down,” he said. “I want to lick you all over.”

I lowered myself onto the towels and lay on my back, placing my hands under my head as a pillow, trembling in anticipation. His shadow fell across me as he reached over with one hand and supported himself above me. I could feel his power, hovering just inches above my chest. When I felt his feet forcing my legs apart, I opened them wide, creating a space for his knees. He sat back on his heels and looked at me.

“What do you like?” he asked.

What did I like? What sort of question was that? I didn’t know what I liked.

“Depends.” It was the only answer I could think of.

“How about this?”

He lowered his head and began licking my neck. Electricity danced across my skin. I could feel his cock, hard and wet, rubbing against my thigh. Mine pressed against him. He moved lower, teasing my nipples with the tip of his tongue, then followed the trail of hair down the center of my stomach. His tongue sank into my navel, and he ran it round in slow circles. I felt my cock pulse and knew that the first pre-cum had worked its way out. As if he’d seen it, his head suddenly dipped lower and I drowned under a wave of ecstasy. My hips began thrusting. As my rhythm increased, he suddenly sat up and my cock sprang loose, snapping back onto my stomach.

“Turn over.” He spoke before I had chance to be disappointed.

The damp towels clung to my skin. I flung them aside and lay down on the bare plastic mat. I felt him cover me, his stomach like a board against my back, his mouth on my neck, his hungry cock probing between my buttocks.

Was this the moment? I felt my erection fading as doubts ricocheted about my head. Condoms? Disease? How did I know he wasn’t positive? Pain! I’d never been fucked like this. Never even probed up there with a finger. He was big, wide. He’d split me open. And yet, I wanted him so much that I didn’t resist. I even raised my buttocks against him as he teased my hole. Then he pulled back from me. I felt the air rush in between us. He shuffled down, too far down, and I felt his hands cup my buttocks. He pulled them apart. It made no sense. Until his tongue entered me.

I was disgusted. But I loved it. My entire body melted.

* * *

“I haven’t seen you before,” he said. We lay resting on elbows, facing each other. The sweat on our bodies glistened like fresh blood under the light. “This your first time here?”

I wanted to speak but only nodded.

“You married?”

The question sliced through me. I saw him look at my left hand.

“The ring. Bit of a giveaway.” He smiled and stroked my arm. “Does she know?”

I nodded again and cleared my throat. “Yes. She knows alright.”

“You’re a lucky man.”

“What do you mean?”

“A wife who doesn’t mind—”

“Oh no, it’s not like that.” I shook my head this time. “She minds.”

“Complicated, eh? Sorry, I mentioned it.”

“It’s fine. It’s just that, well, I just broke the news to her.”

“Ouch!”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here really. Nowhere else to go.”

“She chucked you out?”

I thought of my suitcases in the car boot. In an area like this they might have been stolen. Even the car might be gone. “I really ought to be going—”

“No, please. You don’t have to, do you?” He put a hand on my shoulder to stop me getting up.

“I’m just worried. About my things. My car.”

“It’s quite safe around here, believe me. I know it doesn’t look much, but it is fine. I’ve never had my car broken into—not here at any rate.”

I didn’t want to leave. I relaxed again and scrutinized him. His dark hair was immaculately cut, his fingernails manicured, his body tanned. And his voice was like an orchestra.

“What do you do?” I asked.

“Why?”

I felt silly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

He laughed. “It’s not a problem. I thought maybe—”

“No reason, really. Forget it. Forget I asked.”

“I’m an actor. Obviously you’re not a soap fan.”

I shook my head again.

“I like that. I liked it that you didn’t know who I was. Being a household face can be a bit of a drawback.”

“But you’re out, are you?”

“To some. It doesn’t pay to flaunt it. The producer doesn’t like it, says it can affect the ratings.”

We fell silent. Ultra Naté was reminding us that we were, after all, free to do what we wanted. I sat up, crossed my legs, and took hold of his hand. “Do you mind if I ask how old you are?”

“Twenty nine. You?”

“Almost forty.” I let my fingers wander to his leg and toy with the hairs. “Why would you want to do anything with me?”

He laughed and sat up, mirroring my position. “You’re just my type.”

“Old, fat and ugly?”

He suddenly looked sorrowful and leaned towards me. “Ugly?” He took me by the shoulders. “You are not ugly. You’re a really sexy man.”

I looked away from him, at the upturned box of tissues in the corner.

“Why do you think you’re old and fat and ugly, for Christ’s sake? You seen some of the dogs in here tonight?”

“She always says I am.”

“Who? Your wife?”

I nodded. His arms wrapped around me as he raised himself up on his knees.

“You are lovely. There’ll be many a guy in here tonight would love to go home with you.” He kissed me on the cheek and stroked away the glum thoughts. “Now, what you said about your car, your things. You’re stuck for a place to stay, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m fine. I’m going to a friend’s place.” I reached for the tissue box. “Any idea of the time?” Oh, shit! The time. My phone was in the locker. What if Attila had tried to call? I stumbled to my feet and began to wrap my towel round my waist.

“What’s the rush?”

“I need to check something.”

“Messages?” He laughed again. “It’s common enough in here. Parents, wives, boyfriends - even kids.”

“Something like. Look, thanks. It was great.”

“I’m Justin,” he said with a flash of those teeth. He held out his hand and, even as I shook it, I thought how comical it was.

“John,” I said. I knew from his expression that he didn’t buy it. “Mark, actually.”

“I’ll wait here, Mark. In case you want to come back.” He settled down on the floor mat and draped his towel over his cock.

* * *

The place was even busier now, and I wondered how long I’d been locked away with Justin. The staircase had a column of men going up one side and one going down the other, all turning sideways to fit at once. When I reached the locker-room, I had to push and beg my way to number 26. I found my cell phone and switched it on.

The clock came up on the display first. Eleven. I’d been there over three hours. I was so sure that Attila would have called that I started to get dressed, checking for the signal in between garments. As I removed my trousers from the hook, the bleep of the voicemail called out. The only message was from Alex, nothing important. There were no missed calls.

I switched off the phone, returned my trousers to their hook and ripped off the few clothes I’d put on. Sod him, then. If he didn’t want me, I was going to have some fun. He wanted to be free? I was free too. Free, after too many years.

I took the stairs two at a time, upsetting a few people on the way. I squeezed through the mass of sticky bodies and worked my way down the passageway towards the cubicle I’d left ten minutes before. The door was ajar, the light inside turned off. I peered through the crack. Someone was there lying on the mat, but I wasn’t sure. Until he spoke.

“For fuck’s sake, Mark. Come in and close the door.”

I stepped inside and locked the door behind me.

“Sit down,” he said, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Now, stop bullshitting me. You’ve nowhere to go, have you?”

I shook my head. “No. I thought I could sleep here, actually.”

“You can come with me. This place isn’t fit for a dog to sleep in.”

“I—”

“It’s no problem. I have plenty of room. Come on,” he said, getting to his feet, “let’s go. I do have a shoot in the morning. Can’t have bags under my eyes.”

I suppose the reality of not having a bed to go to hadn’t sunk in but, as I followed him into the passageway and back down the stairs, I felt relieved that I wasn’t spending the night on a floor mat. In fact, I felt quite happy.

Justin’s locker was 572, nowhere near mine, and we agreed to meet at the main exit. I sat on the steel bench beneath my locker and bent down to fasten my shoes. A wave of new arrivals swarmed about trying to match keys to lockers.

“Sorry,” said a voice. “Can I squeeze in?”

I dropped the end of my shoelace and looked up. “I thought you were at your mother’s?”

“I didn’t lie to you, for God’s sake.” Attila stood with one hand on top of the open locker door, towering over me.

“You said you were at your mother’s and might not be back,” I said, bending again to tie my shoelace.

“I was at my mother’s.”

I didn’t reply. My eardrums thumped as I strained to tie the knot. He’d betrayed me. It was the only thought in my head.

“And anyway, what’s it to you? I don’t need your permission. I don’t need anyone’s permission. I’ve had enough of living like that.”

He was right, of course, but it didn’t make me hurt any less.

“Mark.”

I looked up at him. “Yes?”

“Talk to me.”

I got to my feet and took my coat from the locker. “I wanted to talk to you, remember? But you said—”

“Ssh. Not so loud.” He held a finger to his lips.

“What else can I do with this sodding music belting out?”

“Let’s go somewhere quiet.”

“In here? There is nowhere. And anyway, I have to go.” I put my coat over my arm, retrieved my pound coin from the lock, and pushed my way through the crowd. I didn’t want to be angry with him but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him so badly, but he’d lied, whatever slant he wanted to put on it.

“Mark, wait!”

I hesitated for a moment then redoubled my efforts to reach the main entrance.

* * *

Justin was standing in the lobby, back pressed to the wall to make way for those coming and going. I dropped my locker key into the box provided and followed him out into the night.

“Odd,” I said, sniffing the air and slipping my coat on.

“What is?” He linked his arm through mine and leaned in towards me.

“The smell of Olbas is stronger out here than inside.”

“I think it’s advertising.”

I forced a smile and we crossed the road.

“Where’s your car?” he asked.

“Just round that corner.” I gestured with my eyes in the general direction.

“Mine too. Follow me and I’ll show you where you can park when we get home.”

We rounded the corner and he pointed out his car about a hundred yards beyond mine. As I stopped to take out my keys, he gave my arm a squeeze.

“See you in a bit,” he said, and walked on down the street.

I opened the car door and began to remove my coat. How pointless, I thought, putting it on in the first place. It was the stupid kind of thing I did when I was nervous.

“Mark!”

I looked down the street, but Justin’s back was to me.

“Mark!”

The voice came from behind and I turned to see Attila running towards me.

“Wait, Mark. Don’t go.”

I raised my hands to my head to stop it exploding.

* * *

“I feel like a complete bastard,” I said, taking the glass of wine.

“He’ll get over it,” said Attila, sitting down on the sofa beside me.

“That’s not the point.”

“He only wanted one thing. You need to toughen up.”

I took a sip of wine. “Chablis?”

Attila nodded.

“No,” I said. “He wasn’t like that.”

“We’re all like that, Mark.”

“No, you don’t understand. If you’d have let me talk to you, you would know, but you didn’t want to hear it.”

He sat back and slipped his arm round my shoulders. “So tell me. I’m all yours.”

I didn’t understand him. He’d been perfectly happy to lie to me, to go out and be a slut all night, and then, just because he bumped into me, it all changed. And, what was worse, I fell for it. Justin had seemed genuinely crushed when I told him to go. I thought for a moment he was going to cry. Then he just turned and got into his car. I could still hear the tires screeching as he sped away.

“Why did you say you were going to stay at your mother’s?”

Attila jumped to his feet and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t say that. Jesus, is that what this is all about?”

I gave him a blank look.

“I never said I was staying at my mother’s. I said I was there. I said I might not be back home tonight.”

“Meaning that…”

“Meaning…meaning…OK, meaning I was going to the sauna.” He shrugged in defeat.

“Oh, well that makes it all OK, does it?” I finished the glass of wine in one swallow.

“I was going to the sauna…” He seemed to be searching for the words. “I was going there to try to forget about you.” He snatched my glass and went to the kitchen.

That was a blow from a double-edged sword. I sat in silence, trying to digest his words.

“I told my mother about you,” he said, returning with full glasses.

“Why?”

“It just came up in conversation. Here…” He handed me my glass.

“I can’t imagine bringing up such a thing with my mother,” I said.

“She’s not normal. No, I don’t mean she’s mental or anything. I mean, well, what do I mean? She’s German.”

I laughed. “You saying Germans aren’t normal?”

“No, Christ, of course not. I’m half German, after all.” He sipped at his wine. “What I mean is, she has a different way of looking at things. Sex and stuff. She’s not prudish like English or Americans.”

“Your father?”

“He’s dead. A long time ago.”

“I’m sorry.” I looked at the floor.

“No need. I didn’t have much of a relationship with him. He was different. English.”

“So?” I peered at him from under my brow.

“So what?” He looked at me as if I’d pulled a rabbit from a hat.

“You told your mother about me. I’m wondering why, and where this is all leading.”

“Ah, yes. Well, I mentioned I’d met you. When I told her you were married, she said I shouldn’t get involved. She worries about me.” He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

“So, she confirmed your own feelings. I don’t see where you’re headed. You had no intention of getting involved. You told me.”

“I know.” He sat down at the side of me again.

“Jesus, it’s like pulling fucking teeth.” I turned to look him directly in the eyes. “Just tell me.”

He took a long drink of wine. “I know she’s right, to a degree, but I’ve been thinking about you all day. When she said to forget about you, I couldn’t come back here and be all alone. I thought if I went with other men it would get you out of my head.”

“Does it usually work? I presume it’s not the first time?”

“Yes, it usually does. It’s only sex, in the end.”

I stood and cleared my throat. “Fine. So far. And I can see that running into me in the locker room was not part of your plan, but I don’t understand why you came out after me? Why didn’t you just let me go with Justin?”

He put his glass on the side table and stood up. He drew close to me and took my hand in his. “I couldn’t. You see, I realized something as soon as I saw you struggling to tie your shoelaces.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“But—”

“No buts.”

He leaned forwards and pressed his lips against mine. I opened my mouth and he gave me his Chablis-flavored tongue. I sucked it in. My tongue against his, rough and wet and strong. We pulled each other tighter and tighter. I could feel my cock stiffening. I didn’t want it to end but, after a few moments, he pulled back and frowned at me.

“But—” He turned and picked his glass from the table.

I felt my life crumbling again.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just curious what you were doing in the sauna. Last night you were new to this. Tonight I find you in the sluttiest joint in town.”

“My friend, Alex. Not gay, by the way. When I told him I’d met you, he felt that I should…ah, try it out a bit.”

Attila almost choked on his wine.

“Oh, he’s quite something,” I said. “He asked a gay friend of his for suggestions and he recommended I try that place.”

“I see. And?”

“And what?”

“How did you get on?”

“You saw for yourself.” I pictured Justin’s naked body and felt myself smile. “He was quite something. Apparently he’s on TV. He seemed to really like me.”

“You mean he had a nice cock.”

“He did, as it happens, but that’s not what I meant. He twigged that I had nowhere to go and was kind enough to offer to put me up.”

Attila shook his head. “Wait. You’ve lost me. What do you mean you had nowhere to go?”

It dawned on me then that I still hadn’t told him what I really had to tell him.

“This is where it all started. I told her. I told Diana.”

“Jesus! You did?”

I nodded. “Yep. Told her I’m leaving her.”

“So…this business of having nowhere to stay…she didn’t…”

“Throw me out? Yes. On the street. My belongings are in the trunk of the car.”

He flopped down onto the sofa. “Shit.”

“I can stay at the office until I sort it all out. But at least I’m no longer a
married man
.”

Attila dropped his gaze and let out a sigh.

“What? What is it? You just said you’ve fallen in love with me.”

“Yes, yes, I have. But, like I said, I’m fresh out of a relationship.”

“So what?” My world was tumbling again.

“I need space.”

I stood watching as he shook his head from side to side. Today’s roller coaster ride just didn’t want to let me off.

“Mark, it’s all too quick.”