On Little Wings (35 page)

She trembled and seemed to sway on the step. “I came to take you home,” she said, the effort of the words making her face go even whiter. I reached out and clutched her shaking arm. She leaned on me, but her pale face betrayed no emotion.

“Claire!” Sarah gasped behind me. She drew up behind me, but my mother recoiled. I could tell that Sarah didn’t know how to help. She couldn’t touch my mother - that much was obvious. Somehow Mother let me guide her inside to the couch. I’m not sure she knew what was happening. She was just responding to my touch. Obeying.

“Mother, what are you doing here? I thought you went to Kansas City this weekend.”

“We did,” she answered robotically. “And we were right there by the big airport and I thought, I thought, if I came to get you …” Her answer ran out of steam. She looked around the room like a person trapped in a bad dream. “You said I didn’t have to come in.”

“You don’t. You just need to sit down. Let me get you some water,” I told her. Sarah leapt at the chance to do something and disappeared into the kitchen. I was kneeling, holding my Mother’s hand, when I heard a faint cry came from outside. I cocked my head, listening. “Did you hear that?” I asked Nathan. He shook his head, his wide, disbelieving eyes trained on my Mother.

“Nathan!” This time Hester’s voice was loud enough for us all to hear. Even my mother lifted her head. I suddenly remembered that we were in the middle of Claudia’s crisis.

Nathan mumbled, “Maybe she found her at Little’s” and rushed outside, trying not to disturb us. I watched him until he disappeared through the screen door, wanting to know what was happening, but unable to leave my mother.

Hester shouted again, her gentle voice sharp with panic. “Nathan! Sarah!”

“Was that Hester?” Sarah asked as she came back in the room with the water.

“I think so.”

She handed me the cup hastily, spilling cold water across the side of my hand, and hurried outside. I knew nothing else could have convinced her to leave my Mother, but when Hester made a sound like that it could not be ignored. And then my mother and I were alone. Our eyes met as I handed her the glass. A general commotion of voices reached us through the screen door. Something was wrong. I had a million questions I didn’t have time to ask. “I’m so sorry,” I told her in a slur of fast words. “I am going to be right back. I promise.” I gave her one anguished look and pulled my hand away from her to join Nathan and Sarah outside. With a dread I cannot explain I jumped both steps and landed beside Nathan thinking “Not Claudia, not Claudia.”

Nathan was clutching Hester’s shoulders, giving her too firm a shake “What?” he growled, his voice low and menacing. I knew he was bracing for the worst news. I wasn’t even sure what the worst news could be.

Hester tried to take a breath to answer. “Little. I went to ask Little and I think, I think she’s …” It didn’t matter that she couldn’t finish the sentence. Her huge, dark eyes spoke terrible volumes. Nathan and I looked at each other in horror.
Like a curse out of Shakespeare. Life is about timing.

“She’s what?” Nathan demanded, his fear making him angry.

“Hester, honey, what did you see?” Sarah asked, prying Nathan’s hands from Hester’s quaking shoulders.

“I knocked and she never answered. So I looked in the window and she is in her chair, but when I knocked on her window, she never moved. I couldn’t see her breathing! She didn’t look…normal.” Hester’s voice rose in panic. She clutched her own face like she was trying to pull the memory out of her head. For a short moment I forgot my mother. Forgot Claudia.

“Should we call the police?” I asked.

Sarah paused and then gave a slow, “No. I think I should go check first. Maybe she’s all right. If she’s … we’ll call Jed if she’s …” No one could say it.

I felt closer to fainting than I ever felt in my life. I wasn’t sure I could walk into a room with a dead body. I’d had nightmares after my grandmother died four years earlier and in every one I had walked into her home and been the one to find her. The midnight fear of those dreams gripped my stomach despite the midday tranquility. The sun was high and warm, reflecting white on the water. The leaves fluttered effortlessly on the trees, enjoying the languid Sabbath day. Nothing fit with death. Or tragedy. Or losing Claudia. Or finding my mother on the front porch. I meant to say “I can’t” but inexplicably, it came out “I’ll go.” Nathan’s eyes darted in concern to my face. I told him that he could keep looking for Claudia; we could take care of Little.

“No. It can wait. I wouldn’t … I’m going.” And then we all looked at each other, not sure how to take the first step to her house.

“I’ll go,” came my mother’s weak voice behind us. We all spun around, silenced, and saw her walking toward us, her grave face colorless, but determined. She didn’t look at us. She cut straight through our group and made her way to the road, turning toward Little’s house.

Even Hester pulled out of her terrified stupor long enough to stare up my mother. “Who is that?” she whispered, but no one answered her.

“Mother, wait, don’t,” I said as I edged in front of her, blocking her way. “You don’t have to do this. We’ll get Jed.”

Sarah came as close as she dared. “She’s right, Claire. Don’t let this be your homecoming.”

My mother turned a haughty, superior stare on her sister. “I know what to do. I’ve been through it before,” she said and continued around us. Sarah and I looked at each other in shock, not sure how to reply. And so our rag-tailed group followed as my mother’s stiff chin led the way to Pilgrim’s Point. She didn’t hesitate until she got to the house and then she turned to Hester.

“Which window?” she asked.

“In the back,” Hester whispered and pointed.

As we started to the back of the house I turned to the little girl. “Hess, I think you should wait over there. Let us take care of it.” I pointed to a large tree and looked her straight in the eye to show her I meant it. Without argument she nodded and went to stand in the shelter of the distant branches. Nathan’s hand brushed my arm in a silent thank you. Even with death looming, and Claudia missing, I couldn’t deny the jolt of happiness that flared up like the rockets flashing through the night.

My mother peered inside the small living room window, cupping her hand around her eyes and tilting her head as she squinted into the dark room. “I see her. I don’t know,” she said slowly.

Sarah and Nathan took their turns at the glass panes while I pulled up to my mother. “Let’s just call Jed. I don’t want to do this.” Even more than that, I didn’t want my mother to do it. Not death again. Not this morning. I silently cursed the timing. Against my better judgment, I crept to the window and looked into the shadowy room. I saw Little’s legs propped up on her olive green ottoman, her skin peeking out from between the end of her housedress and her short, white socks. Reluctantly I moved my eyes up to the chair. Her body rested in the shadows thrown over her by the curving wingback, but I could make out her lolling head, dropped to her shoulders, and turned away from us. My stomach heaved with nausea.

“She might need help, if she’s still …” Nathan said quietly. It was Sarah that steeled herself and walked up to the window and gave two sharp raps. Little didn’t move, though the rest of us jumped. “Crap,” Nathan muttered.

“Try the back door,” my mother said as she walked toward it. The handle turned in her fist. She pushed the door and it swung into the yellow kitchen. We all stared at the open doorway in silence. “I’ll go,” she repeated as she looked at our frozen faces.

“Turn on the light,” I said as I grabbed the switch and the room brightened. To be honest, it made me feel a little better. Before I could follow the others into the living room, Hester’s small hand found mine and grasped it.

“Hess, you’re supposed to be outside.”

“I’m coming,” she said, her determination a mirror of her brother’s, my mother’s.

“Stay with me,” I said needlessly - her vice-like grip proved she had no intentions of leaving my side. Nathan flicked on the living room light, flooding the room in a sickly, yellow glow. Every object seemed to stare at me, the ceramic lizard on the china hutch glared his beady eyes, the divan reached out its wooden arms in supplication. In the middle of the silent room Little rested peacefully in her chair, her motionless face still so lifelike.

“Little?” Sarah was the first to speak. She said it like someone apologizing for waking a person from a nap. She tried again, this time louder, “Little?”

Nothing.

Hester took a shaky breath and I held her back with my hand as I leaned forward to see better. But already I knew there was nothing to see. Just her body, so meek and silent in death. We all drew nearer, our faces somber and appalled. It was my mother who reached down and gently touched Little on the shoulder. I shuddered when her shoulder shook and grew still again.

“Little?” she asked.

I felt a rush of bile in my throat and swallowed hard against the burning sensation.

“Let me check her pulse, in case she’s unconscious,” Nathan said in a soft voice, pulling in front of my mother and Sarah.

We all watched as he stretched out his hand and took her wrist with infinite care. “Still warm.” He placed his fingers against her thin skin, walking them lightly as he searched for the right place to press down. We waited for his conclusion in profound silence.

“What the
hell
are you doing in my house?” Little’s head rose like a sleeping monster roused and her gravelly voice exploded over our bent heads.

Hester and I both screamed. Nathan dropped her arm and stumbled.

“Little!” Sarah yelled. “You’re all right?”

Little’s narrowed eyes swung across our astonished party, boring us with her angry glance, but she didn’t answer. She shuffled in her chair and reached for a small object on the side table next to her. Her hand went to her ear and she fidgeted, tossing her head over.

“I ain’t got my hearing aid in,” she grumbled. “I can’t hear you.”

I heard a shaky laugh and realized it came from me.

“Her hearing aid,” Nathan repeated humorlessly.

“This better be good. Have you all arrested for trespassing.” Little’s eyes stopped on my mother whose white lips trembled, and her indignation transformed to surprise. “You come back, did ya? How long you been here?”

“She’s only been here for ten minutes,” Sarah snapped. “So all she’s gotten to do is come see if you’re dead!”

“Dead? Who said I’m dead?” Little’s eyes impugned us, looking for her accuser.

Hester’s hand shook in mine. I spoke before she felt the need to explain herself. “We knocked on your door and your window and we didn’t …we didn’t see you move.”

“A body can’t sleep anymore? Those Jackasses set off fireworks all night long. I finally had to take my hearin’ aid out. I’m tired!”

“Then we’ll go,” Sarah retorted sharply, her fear giving way to irritation.

“Sides, I wouldn’t die now. Not when things are getting good,” Little looked from my mother to me to Nathan and smacked her hands together, hungry for someone to say something. When we all glared at her she addressed my mother again. “You gonna fight it out? Or a nice talk? I’ve seen it work both ways.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Jasper!” she spat in genuine anger.

“I’m taking Jennifer home,” my mother whispered in confusion, her lips barely moving.

“First you got things to say. You got things to do. You pick up after yourself and then you can get home,” Little said.

“It’s not funny!” Sarah yelled. I’d never heard her raise her voice and we all cringed. Except for Little. “Don’t say it like it’s funny. You leave her alone.” Her voice broke on the ‘her’ and when I looked at her angry, teary eyes I saw an older sister. I saw the same pain that filled Nathan’s face when he told us he couldn’t find Claudia.

Claudia.

“We can’t go yet,” I said quietly, over whatever retort Little tried to give. Everyone turned to me, but I looked at my mother. “I know I promised – I swore – that I would go with you right away, but I can’t leave yet. My friend is missing. We just started looking for her when you showed up and when Little … didn’t die,” my eyes shot to the old woman, daring her to speak. “I just need to know that she’s okay before we leave.”

I couldn’t tell what my mother was thinking. Her blank face never altered.

“Jennifer, I’ll find her. You and Sarah should stay here,” Nathan said in his low voice.

“No,” I answered without equivocation. “Mother? Can you stay with Little? For just a little while? I will be right back.” I sounded like a parent reassuring her child on the first day of preschool, a calm voice mixed with pleading.

“Who’s missing?” She asked, like she thought I had told her and she forgot.

“Judith’s daughter,” Sarah answered. “She didn’t come home after the fireworks last night.”

“Judith has a daughter?”

“Three,” Sarah said. “And this is her son, Nathan.” My mother looked into his face and I wondered if he could hide his antagonism for the sister who abandoned Sarah. To my surprise, he nodded respectfully.

“Your sister didn’t come home? How old is she?” She asked him. Some mothering instinct to gather information was kicking in. “Have you called the police?”

“She’s Jennifer’s age. And we think we know who she’s with,” Sarah said, watching Nathan. “It’s Jake Garner’s son. We think they’re together.”

“Mom, I’m just going down to the docks to see if Jake’s boat is there. It won’t take long.” I begged with my eyes. I couldn’t drive away now. Like this.

“She’ll be fine here,” Little said, looking to my mother. “Go find the girl.”

“No,” My mother declared. “I’ll go with you.”

Her eyes met mine and I didn’t try to argue. She studied me a moment and looked down to Hester, lurking behind me, and Nathan, fighting his urge to resume his search and Sarah, perhaps the most staggered of our party, wiping her eyes. “Has it been this crazy the whole time?” She asked me as if the others couldn’t hear her.

A smile wobbled on my face. “Only since you got here.”