Omorphi (21 page)

Again, Rob gave him another long look. “This is a home for abused and neglected youths and not a halfway house for victims of a single violent crime. Victims of abuse, particularly long-term abuse, become conditioned to believe they must earn certain inalienable rights such as the right to food, water, sleep, and so on.”

A pregnant pause.

When Rob didn’t continue, Michael ventured, “So, if I put your cryptic two and two together with the literature that you gave me, I get that Christy was abused in multiple ways over a long period of time.”

Rob remained mute.

“I’ll take that as a yes. If I follow that logic, it means at least one of his parents had to have known it was going on, and that’s why he’s here.”

“Not necessarily.”

Michael’s frustration was about to peak the scale. “Is Christy’s neck injury from an attempted suicide?”

Rob remained mute.

“Shit, I need more information, or at least enough information so I don’t accidentally do things to upset him. And I want to be able to help him. I looked on the net, and I can’t find anything that tells me how to help an abused friend.”

Rob nodded but remained silent.

Michael felt the conversation was rapidly becoming useless so he chose a different tack. “Christy is pretty hard to resist.”

“As you read in the literature, victims of sexual abuse are often promiscuous.”

“I didn’t say he was promiscuous, I said he was hard to resist.”

“I stand corrected.”

“Look, everything you gave me says I’m supposed to help Christy learn how to relate to me through things other than sex and violence. Nothing tells me when it’s okay to have sex.”

Rob nodded. “Good point. May I ask a personal question?”

Yay! Interaction!
“Can’t guarantee an answer, but go for it.”

“In your past experience, have you always known when it was the right time to have sex?”

Dangerous ground.
Michael had to think of a nonanswer pronto, speedy, fast, or confess his virginity. Christy was the first person he’d ever wanted to have a relationship with. Sure, he’d had his experiments, his crushes, his romantic notions, and his erotic dreams, but this was different. He was eighteen. He was off to college soon. He wanted Christy as his boyfriend. He wanted them to be happy together, to have fun. He wanted them to be in love.
Just say it. It isn’t like the doc wasn’t a virgin at one time.
“I’ve never had sex. With anyone. Except, almost with one girl.” The words came out in a rush.

“Almost?”

“Yeah, almost.” He wasn’t going to tell Rob that the reason he didn’t follow through that night in the winter of his twelfth year was that he admitted to himself that he liked guys better than he liked girls. By a wide margin. One the size of the Grand Canyon. And he was absolutely, definitely, permanently, forever gay.

“I see. Do you want to have sex with Christy?”

“What kind of a question is that? I’m a healthy, red-blooded, adult male. What do you think?”

“An adult?”

“Yeah, an adult. Don’t give me crap about still being in high school and not qualifying as an adult. I could have gone to war or gotten married two years ago. I can vote. I have to pay taxes if I work, but my civil rights remain conditioned because I’m deemed,
deemed
, a minor until I graduate. The craziest thing of all? I can miraculously become a full-fledged adult if I’m twelve and commit a crime. How does that happen? By osmosis? Can anyone explain that to me? Our laws are so screwed up.” Michael hadn’t meant to lose his temper, but he had, and it embarrassed him.

“Passionate,” Rob said softly.

“Do you have
any
advice for me?”

“Do only what you’re certain that you’re ready for.”

“What if I can’t resist?”

Rob almost smiled. “Can’t resist sex or can’t resist Christy?”

Michael tucked his chin at the question. So far, he’d been able to resist sex no matter what. Well, until this afternoon. “Him.”

Now Rob did smile. “You should be fine as long as it’s him that you’re interested in.”

“Who else would I be interested in?”

“Yourself. Don’t have sex with Christy simply for the sake of having sex.”

Michael’s anger rose to the forefront again. If this was Rob’s idea of a parental lecture, it sucked. “I would never use him.”

“Good.”

“That’s it? Just good?”

Rob nodded.

Michael wanted to choke the guy. “Okay, the literature says that Christy might have trouble with commitment. I don’t want a boyfriend who screws around.”

“Set limits.”

“What do I do if he…?” Michael had no idea how to ask the question without casting doubt on Christy.

“Strays?” Rob offered.

“Yeah.”

“How many times will you allow him to fail?”

How many?
Michael was starting to hate every word or phrase that inferred anything but the singular. “None.”

“I would like you to keep something in mind. Victims of abuse often can’t defend themselves. They have poor self-esteem, a very low sense of worth, and feel, among other things, shame, humiliation, guilt, isolation, loss, anger, betrayal, but most of all, fear. They are afraid to defend themselves for fear of reprisal and that they’ll be hurt and abused again. If someone were to advance on Christy with malintent, right now he would be unable to defend or protect himself. If you were to find him compromised, for lack of a better term, I would hope that you would understand that his inability to protect himself far outweighs any other consideration in the moment.”

“Are you telling me I have to put up with him screwing around?”

“I’m saying that he’s doing his best to learn the skills necessary to protect and defend himself and that a learning curve isn’t a perfect arc.”

“Okay, fine. Next question.”

“Shoot.”

Michael realized Rob was enjoying this. “You think this is funny?”

“Not at all. I’m merely pleased that the person Christy chose for his first relationship cares so much.”

“First?”

Rob nodded. “Christy has never been in a relationship of his choosing.”

“He said he had a boyfriend.”

Rob nodded again.

Michael clenched his jaw in frustration and was rudely reminded of the punch he took this afternoon. “I need a hint.”

“Would you like me to repeat what I said?”

Michael began to say yes and then replayed Rob’s words in his mind. “Christy didn’t want to be with him?”

Rob was mute again.

“Then why was he? Wait. That’s what Christy meant by because he must.”

Rob remained silent.

“Who made him?”

“You know I can’t answer that.”

“Okay, how about this. He refers to they, and them, and men. Plural. Multiple people. How does that fit in?”

Rob looked down at his hands, seeming to study his nails, this time unable to mask his sadness for Christy.

“Oh c’mon. What is this? Follow the breadcrumbs? I have to figure this out as I go? I have to keep guessing?”

“Unless and until Christy tells you or invites you to become part of his therapy, yes.”

“How am I supposed to help him? I’m in the dark, here.”

“Be yourself.”

Michael wanted to punch something. “I did that today, and look what happened!”

“Yet, here you are.”

That was the end of Michael’s rope. He waited to see if Rob had more to say. When he didn’t, he said a quick thanks and left the room.

M
ICHAEL
found Christy sitting on Darien’s lower bunk, rubbing his back. Michael bent and kissed the top of his head. “See you tomorrow.” He didn’t expect a response and turned to leave. Christy caught his hand, and he turned back. Christy had unbraided his hair, and Michael ran his fingers through his still damp, thick mane.

“Sorry.”

Michael bent and sat next to him. “Don’t be. We’re a work in progress,” he said quietly, not wanting to disturb Darien.

Christy met his gaze, his eyes filled with uncertainty again.

“Things won’t be perfect, Christy, but there’s no reason they can’t be good.”

“Forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. If anything, I should apologize to you for not telling you that Rob gave me some things to read.”

“You don’t think—” Christy quietly stifled a cough.

“Write it.”

Christy shook his head and whispered, “I am ruined, defective?”

Michael brushed a hand over his wild mane again. “There is nothing ruined or defective about you. Get those thoughts out of your head. I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t worry if you can’t make the meet, just text me when Sophia gets here, and let me know where you’ll be.”

“She will be here at eight.”

“Okay. I told Rob she was going to spend the weekend with you and that we have plans for tomorrow night with Jake.”

Christy’s brow knitted.

From the look on Christy’s face, he hadn’t wanted Rob to know.
Crap.
“Did I screw up?”

Christy shook his head. “I didn’t remember to tell him.”

Michael silently thanked the heavens that it was no more than that. “Text me if you want to talk later.”

Christy nodded.

“Get some rest. Today was another big day for us, and I’m concerned about you.”

Christy arched a brow.

“No, you’re not a child, or a girl. I’m only concerned about your health. Try to get a good night’s sleep. Sleep is important.”

“Lecture,” Christy whispered.

“I can’t help it. I was raised by a pediatrician. They lecture a lot.” Michael pecked Christy’s cheek. “Sweet dreams. Know I’ll be dreaming of you.”

Christy finally smiled.

“I love it when you smile.”

M
ICHAEL
finished his homework and lay back on his bed. It was near nine, and his parents weren’t home yet, which meant an emergency came up. He rose and went to check the lasagna. It was fully cooked, and he thought to turn the oven off, then thought better of it and called his mom.

“Hey…. I figured. What do you want me to do with the lasagna…? Okay…. Actually, I’m not hungry. I just finished my homework, and I think I’m going to hit the sack. I have to be up at six…. Yeah, okay. See you later…. What?” Michael smiled. “Yeah, I was serious. I am scarred for life. It’s bad enough that I’m eighteen and still see a pediatrician, but to have my boyfriend take my mom’s side? People will mock me. I don’t think I can take the disgrace, the shame of it all…. Love you too. Hope the kid makes it.”

Michael turned the oven off, covered the lasagna in foil and put it in the refrigerator, and went to his room. He undressed and crawled into bed. Turning onto his back, he dialed Jake.

“About time.”

“I thought you were going to call me.”

“Check your messages.”

“Sorry. Mom went to DEFCON four on the Jason thing. Thanks to you, I had to go into the office. Why’d you call her?”

“My intrinsic right, bro. If I didn’t call her, you wouldn’t have said anything, and we wouldn’t know if you’re okay to run tomorrow. What’d your dad say?”

“I’m fine. The bruises are turning purple. Fodder for the rumor mill. Everyone will be talking about how Jason beat the crap out of me.”

“Doubt it. He was arrested tonight. They’ll be talking about that.”

Michael sat up in bed, ignoring the pain in his diaphragm. “How do you know that?”

“His dad called mine to bail him out of jail.”

“What’d he do?”

“He took a baseball bat to a bunch of storefronts on DILF Street, then started threatening people with the bat.”

“He went into the twink zone?”

“Yeah. Get this. You want to know why he’s so hard up about gays and lesbians?”

“I couldn’t care less. Of course I do, man. Spit it.”

“His mom left his dad for another woman.”

Michael fell back on his bed. “It all makes sense.”

“It gets better. His brother, Matt? He’s gay and hates him.”

“Holy shi—crap. Did your dad get him out?”

“Last I heard, Dad was still talking to the ADA and the juvie judge. The ADA wants to charge him with a federal hate crime as an adult and recommends against bail because he’s a danger to others. It doesn’t help that Coach is insanely pissed about everything, and forgiveness is not on the menu.”

“Man, the guy will never go to Cornell.”

“Don’t listen to what Jason says. He wouldn’t anyway. His dad can’t afford it, and it isn’t like there’s a scholarship for gay bashing.”

“Hope not. Hey, do you think Stephen Engel is gay?”

“Why do you ask?”

“He thanked me for getting between him and Jason, and I said no problem, we’re on the same team, and he said both of them.”

“You’re lying.”

“Am not.”

“Did you tell him you’re gay?”

“No way.”

“What’d you say?”

“Didn’t. He winked and walked away.”

“He winked?”

“He winked.”

“Okay, he’s gay and knows you’re gay.”

“How would he know?”

“Obviously, his gaydar is better than yours. What’d you and Christy do this afternoon?”

Michael wanted to tell Jake everything but stopped short. “Just hung out.”

“Ah, ha, ha, ha! You did it, didn’t you?”

Michael flushed crimson in the dark but grinned from ear to ear. “We kept our clothes on.” Michael tried to keep the smile from his voice and failed miserably.

Jake cracked up. “That doesn’t mean crap, and you know it. Congratulations. You lost your cherry. You happy?”

“You want me to talk about this like a girl, don’t you?”

“I don’t care what gender you assign to it, just talk to me.”

“Okay, it was great. No, it was better than great. Jake, it was, I don’t know, I’ve never felt so into someone. I understand now how you can get lost in someone, in the feelings, the connection. You know? You ever have that happen to you?”

“Yeah, that’s the way it was with me and Kelly. You think it’s going to work out?”

Michael turned serious. “Hope so. He goes through moments where he’s withdrawn and dark, and he can be extreme emotionally. Other times he seems lost and afraid. Hey, are you excited about tomorrow?”