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Kealan Patrick Burke

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2012 by Kealan Patrick Burke

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal
enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to
other people. If you would like to share this book with another
person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If
you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not
purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy.
Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

The following is a work of fiction. Any
resemblance to persons living or dead is purely unintentional

www.kealanpatrickburke.com

What follows is the transcript from a series
of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th,
2011, and subsequently distributed to the media. In the wake of the
investigation and as a result of the extensive media coverage,
countless falsified copies and revised versions of the document
were later posted to various social media platforms via a "meme"
which later proved to be a virus.

This is the official authorized version of
the document

May
2
^nd
,
2010

Josh:
Hey

Mandy:
hi

Josh:
Thanks for accepting my request

Mandy:
np. Why did you add me?

Josh:
thought we had a lot in common

Mandy:
cool

Josh:
plus, you're hot, lol!

Mandy:
thx

Josh:
so how r you?

Mandy:
good. Gotta go.

Josh:
ok

Mandy is offline

May
3
^rd
,
2010

Josh:
Hi Mandy

Mandy:
hey

Josh:
What's going on?

Mandy:
nt much. u?

Josh:
cooking

Mandy:
that's cool

Mandy is offline

May
4
^th
,
2010

Josh:
Hey.

Mandy:
Hey.

Josh:
What are you up to?

Mandy:
Txtng my friend

Josh:
Cool. How is she?

Mandy:
Not so good. Her online 'boyfriend' just dumped
her...lol.

Josh:
that sucks.

Mandy:
Yeah. I better go.

Josh:
Oh, ok. Sorry I bothered you.

Mandy:
You didn't. ttyl.

Josh:
Ok.

Mandy is offline

May
5
^th
,
2010

Josh:
Hey

Mandy:
Hey.

Josh:
How are you?

Mandy:
Ok. u?

Josh:
bored

Mandy:
sorry to hear that.

Josh:
I like your new profile pic.

Mandy:
thx!

Josh:
you should be a model

Mandy:
lol. Yeah, right.

Josh:
I'm serious. You look a bit like Celine Dion, only
hotter...!

Mandy:
Ugh, Celine Dion is gross, lol.

Josh:
lol, sorry! Well you're not gross.

Mandy:
thx

Josh:
so do you have a boyfriend?

Mandy is offline

May
7
^th
,
2010

Josh:
Hey

Mandy:
Hi. Jeez, do you ever sleep?

Josh:
what do you mean?

Mandy:
you're always on here.

Josh:
not always. But a lot, I guess. Nothing better to do,
lol.

Josh:
what are you up to?

Mandy:
not much. Just responding to email

Josh:
sweet.

Josh:
do you get much email?

Mandy:
lol

Josh:
what?

Mandy:
nothing. Just an odd question

Josh:
oh, lol. Sorry. Just really bored. Not many people to talk to
on here

Mandy:
aww

Josh:
I don't have many friends

Mandy:
on FB?

Josh:
anywhere

Mandy:
that's sad. Sorry :-(

Josh:
s'okay. Where I live it's hard to be popular

Mandy
: where do you live?

Josh:
did you look at my profile?

Mandy:
no, sorry. I will now.

Josh:
cool

Mandy:
You're in Urbana?

Josh:
yep

Mandy:
cool. I used to live there a few years ago

Josh:
I know

Mandy:
ummm...how do u know, lol?

Josh:
says you went to school there on your profile, silly,
lol.

Mandy:
lol. Blonde moment. Sorry.

Josh:
yeah, but you're not blonde :-)

Mandy:
I am actually ;-)

Josh:
in your picture you are, but you're originally a brunette,
right?

Mandy:
how do you know that?

Josh is offline

May
10
^th
,
2010

Mandy:
Hi!

Josh:
Hey

Mandy:
Quick question...

Josh:
sure

Mandy:
when I talked to you before, you said I wasn't a real
blonde

Josh:
yes. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to upset you

Mandy:
Nah, it's cool. Just wondering how you knew that?

Josh:
so it's true?

Mandy:
Yeah, but I've been a blonde for a long time

Josh:
why?

Mandy:
???

Mandy:
Why what?

Josh:
why are you blonde?

Mandy:
Uh...I dunno. I just prefer it. I like how it looks, I
guess.

Josh:
makes sense

Mandy:
So, how did you know? Is it obvious or something,
lol!

Josh:
Nah, you just look like you used to be a brunette

Mandy:
Oh. In a bad way?

Josh:
No

Mandy:
Ok, phew, lol. So whatchoo doing?

Josh:
Not much. Bad day

Mandy:
what happened?

Josh is offline

May
11
^th
,
2010

Josh:
Hi Mandy

Mandy:
Hey

Josh:
Sorry about yesterday

Mandy:
S'ok.

Josh:
I've been going through some stuff. Makes me cranky,
lol.

Mandy:
no probs. Happens to me all the time. Everything
ok?

Josh:
I like your new profile pic

Mandy:
awesome, thanks so much! Do you like it better than the Celine
Dion one, lol!

Josh:
Yes. Looks like you didn't crop it enough though on the right
side.

Mandy:
I was kind of in a hurry. Does it look bad?

Josh:
No, but you can see your boyfriend's arm in it.

Mandy:
Yeah, I like how I look in that picture so I wanted to put it
up.

Mandy:
If I cropped it anymore tho, I'd have had to cut myself in
half, lol.

Josh:
So who's the guy?

Mandy:
An ex. A jerk.

Josh:
why'd u break up?

Mandy:
He cheated on me.

Josh:
Ouch

Mandy:
Yeah.

Josh:
He'll get what's coming to him tho. Everybody does

Mandy:
I guess. So what kind of music do you like?

Josh:
It's on my profile

Mandy:
K, will check it out

Josh:
K

Mandy is offline

May
13
^th
,
2010

Mandy:
Hi

Josh:
Sup?

Mandy:
nothing. Just saw that you were on.

Mandy:
you still there?

Josh:
yes

Mandy:
you're not very chatty tonight, lol.

Josh:
bad day

Mandy:
me too

Josh:
seems to be going around

Mandy:
yeah. My friend might be pregnant

Josh:
that's too bad

Mandy:
yeah, she asked me for advice and I didn't know what to tell
her

Josh:
how old is she?

Mandy:
17. Same as me

Josh:
she should probably get rid of it

Mandy:
she doesn't want to

Josh:
then it's on her

Mandy:
that's not nice. She's really freaked out

Josh:
she should be. Maybe in the future she'll keep her legs
closed

Mandy is offline

May
14
^th
,
2010

Josh:
hi

Mandy is offline

May
15
^th
,
2010

Josh:
hey

Mandy is offline

May
16
^th
,
2010