Off to War (12 page)

I have a twenty-six-year-old sister named Jessica, a twenty-five-year-old sister named Martha, and a twenty-three-year-old brother named Ricky.

Dad's deployments are really close together. He was with the National Security Agency in Fort Mead, Maryland, so his earlier deployments were shorter because they couldn't spare him for very long. He was name-requested for the job he has now in Iraq. He does a lot of briefings, and a general liked him and asked him to go back to Iraq. But he had to go right away, and he had only just gotten home.

Dad told my mother about it by sitting her down and giving her a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of hot tea. As soon as he put the cake in front of her she knew something was up. We were all set to move to a base in Germany — Darmstadt — but we came here instead. I didn't really want to go to Germany anyway. We'd already lived there, in Heidelberg, from the time I was three until I was seven. I'd lived in Fort Bragg, too, but not since I was a baby. We moved to Fort Mead after Germany and stayed there for five years. We'd just moved here and bought a house — our first house — and Dad was in it for four weeks and one day before he left.

We bought a house because there wasn't anything available on post when we moved here. You put your name on a waiting list, but we were pressed for time because we knew that as soon as we got here Dad would be deployed. So we bought a house. We're hoping to be here at least three years. Dad wants us to be here until I graduate from high school, but with the army, well, we can only hope.

Dad's been in the military sixteen and a half years. He says he joined at college because they'd pay him to stay fit. And he thought it looked cool. And he always wanted to be an Airborne Ranger. Before military intelligence, he was an infantry — a ground-pounder. He's a walking advertisement for GI Joe. He really loves it.

Daddy wants me to do any career I want to do. Just because he likes the military, he knows it's not for everyone, and he wants me to find things that I want to do, and not just join up because he likes it. I think I'd like to be a veterinarian or a doctor.

The army is in Iraq to give us freedom and to let us live our lives in peace, and to protect America from anything bad that could happen. Freedom means to live in harmony with others, not be bad people, not to hurt anyone, and be a good person to other people who need help.

The military is special in being able to bring those qualities out in a person because they sacrifice their lives for the United States of America to make sure all the people in America live in peace.

I'm a pretty good student. I'm the top one in language arts. I just found out today, and I got a pencil with a smiley face on it as a reward! I also enjoy PE, art and social studies. Right now we're learning about latitude and longitude — that's very interesting — and the 3A's, which is Africa, Asia and Australia.

This is my first year back in the public school system after being home-schooled for three years. The schools at Fort Mead
were awful. Fort Mead is just outside Baltimore and Washington, DC. Even though Fort Mead is a closed installation, particularly after 9/11, the Fort Mead schools are last resorts for kids that were kicked out of other schools, so we got a lot of kids who didn't want to be there, and they let everyone know. Mom worked there for a year as a lunch monitor, and got all shocked by what she saw, so my parents decided to home-school me. Mom was trying to finish up college at the same time, so we studied together, and it worked out perfect. She'd make sure that I'd get up in the morning and get my work done, and every Friday I went to a community center to do computers and PE. I met up with a lot of my friends there because they were home-schooled, too.

One of the good things about being a military kid is you get to travel. I don't get carsick or anything. I've skied in the Swiss Alps, I've been to the Mediterranean, I've been to lots of places.

I went to Camp Darby in Italy for ten days. It's a US military installation with a campground and a beach. I've been to Poland to go pottery shopping, and to the Czech Republic, where Daddy bought a teapot and we kept going around and around this big traffic circle because he couldn't get into the right lane. Daddy was hungry and he gets grouchy when he's hungry. We needed to get food into him so he'd be human again. He was like, “I'm an officer in the United States military and I need to get out of this circle!” It was pretty funny.

Sometimes the soldiers he works with will call Mom and say, “Ma'am, he's in a bad mood,” and she'll go, “Give me five minutes, I'll bring him some chow.” Then he'll eat and be all cheerful again. And the soldiers will whisper, “Thank you, ma'am.”

Dad calls Mom “Headquarters Six,” so that when his aides say, “Headquarters Six is on the line, sir,” he knows it's Mom calling.

My mother comes from a military family, too. Her dad spent thirty-two years in the navy. He was in World War II, Korea and Vietnam.

Mom was a combat water-safety trainer for the Fourth Ranger Battalion at Fort Benning, Georgia, when she met Daddy. She trained soldiers how to not drown even in full combat gear. Daddy was one of her students. When she first met him he looked down at her — he's very tall — and said, “There's no way you're in the infantry!” and she said, “You're a smart man!” and pushed him in the pool. That's how they met.

The hard part about being an army kid is when your dad has to deploy and you don't want him to deploy.

The last time he left, we actually had to go to work with him. And this was unusual because we've never been able to do that before. He usually goes overseas with a small group, but this time he was going with a whole battalion. We were there from 08:00 to 21:00. We had to sit in his office and wait for him to have all his meetings and gather all his stuff. It was a very good lesson to see all the other families that it happened to, not just us being affected. We got to see the equipment that he had to be issued, everything he had to wear on him, and all the young families and new soldiers with their pregnant wives who wouldn't be able to see their babies being born, and mothers who were soldiers saying goodbye to their kids. It was a real education. Some families got mad at each other, too. Mom said for some it would be easier to part that way. We kept trying to leave and Daddy kept saying, “You don't need to go yet.” That's not like him to do that, because he's a very, “Roger that!” and “Hua-hua!” kind of guy.

I don't really think about the anti-war protesters. I don't see them on the news because I don't watch the news. Daddy doesn't like us to watch the news while he's deployed because he thinks it will only get us upset.

When I saw all the guns he had with him when he was leaving, that got a little freaky. He had lots of guns, and also these night goggles so he can see in the dark.

I was named Darby by my father, after Darby's Ranger School. Colonel William O. Darby is the man who started the US Rangers. I'm wearing dogtags Dad gave me. When a person dies in a war, they put this little tag on their toe, and send the long one home to his family to let them know he died. Mine says my name and Love, Papa.

My advice for other military kids is try not to think about it. Carry on with what you are doing in your own life. Don't get upset, and write letters and send packages to your parents. Licorice sticks — Twizzlers — my dad loves those so I feel better when I send him some. Wet wipes, too, because they don't get baths every day. Mom sends him smokeless tobacco, too, even though it's gross, because you can't always smoke in the field.

So do all that, and have a sense of humor. My family are all big laughers. That really helps.

Members of the Reserves and National Guard usually work part-time. When they are deployed, their employers are obligated by law to have their jobs available for them on their return. While they are serving, they are paid at military rates. Military pay is a way out of poverty for some. For others, it brings financial hardship, particularly for those who never expected to be sent into battle for fifteen months at a time. Their military pay may not be enough to cover their civilian mortgages and expenses.

Several military bases have food banks and charity drop-offs, and 25,000 American military families are eligible for food stamps (a government assistance program that helps low-income families buy food). Some military families would find it difficult to manage without this assistance.

Dylan and his family live in Ohio. His father, a part-time soldier with the Army Reserves, is now on his third tour of duty in Iraq.

My father is back in Iraq again now. It's his third time there. I'm really sad that he's there, and I miss him a lot. The worst
part is all the scary things that could happen to him. He could get shot or blown up or be killed or come back really hurt or different, and it can be really hard to keep those thoughts from taking over my brain sometimes.

Dad always comes back okay, though. Well, the last two times he did. He just went over there again for the third time, so he's got another year before he comes back to us. A lot can happen in a year. He drives trucks, transporting food and oil around the country. It's supposed to be safe, but, you know, things can happen.

I have three brothers and sisters. The first time Dad went to Iraq, the baby was only four months old and not able to do anything. You know how babies are. Then, when Dad came back, the baby was a whole lot different and didn't know who Dad was.

We were all really sad when Dad went to Iraq the first time. He's a big part of our family. Some dads, it doesn't really matter if they're around or not, and some dads, if they drink or yell or hit a lot, it's better if they're gone, but our dad is one of the good ones, so it really left a hole in our family when he left. Mom was always up in her room the first time, with the baby, and she was sad, so I had to do lots of extra things for my brother and sister so they wouldn't bother her and would let her rest. A lot of the time my brother and sister were even too sad to play. The whole house was sad for a long time.

Then we sort of pulled ourselves together and got on with things, and got so we weren't falling apart all the time. Then Dad came home, and it was great. I thought everything would be happy again, like usual. And we were, we were happy, but Dad was used to being in Iraq and being in danger, so being safe and at home was a little strange to him.

Like, my mother had rearranged the kitchen drawers while he was gone, to clean them out and make them work better,
but she didn't tell Dad. Then he came home and said, “What did you do? I can't find anything. Where are the spoons?” He likes everything to be the same as it was when he left it, and we try to do that, but we don't always manage.

But we were working it out and doing okay and getting used to each other again and feeling normal. Then he got his orders — “Back to Iraq!” And he was gone for another sixteen months or whatever it was.

The second trip he did to Iraq was a little easier for us because he knew we'd managed the first time and we could manage again. I mean, I think two tours are not fair, lots of Americans don't even do one, but it's the army and he has to obey orders, so that was the way it was.

My mom kept us really busy the second time. Lots of sports, lots of chores. We were older, too, so we could do more. She started a group, too, to help other military families.

It's good to be busy, especially when the fear starts running through your mind. I go outside a lot with my brothers and sister, and we play soccer, tennis, or just run around a lot. When your mind is running with fear, you feel better if you get your body running from other things. I also help out with the house and take over some of Dad's chores, like laundry and looking after things. Some kids hate chores, but I like that we don't leave everything to my mom, and I also like knowing how to look after myself. I mean, you don't want your mom to do your laundry forever, right?

Although that kind of causes problems, too, because Dad will see us taking care of things and doing fine, and he'll say, “Why did I even come back here? You don't need me for anything!” I think it kind of hurts his feelings that we can manage without him. But it would be worse if we couldn't, because then we'd be a mess, and he'd be over in Iraq worrying about us instead of watching the road for bombs.

My father's best friend in the army was killed that way, by a bomb in the road. His friend drove a truck, just like Dad does, and the bomb was buried, or maybe there was a trip-wire that he didn't see, and it went off and his truck exploded.

The day that it happened, Mom picked me up from school to take me to Grandma's so that she could look after the guy's wife. She spent a long time sitting with her and taking care of her. They have a little baby, too. I remember thinking that my dad was probably crying a lot and that the baby would have to grow up without a daddy. It stinks. It just stinks.

The best thing about Dad going to Iraq is, before he goes, he spends a whole day with each of us, by ourselves, doing whatever we want to do — go to a movie, or a park, or whatever. It's a really special time and I wish we could do it without him having to go away afterwards.

I asked Mom once, “Is Daddy going to die?” This was just after he left for the first time. I was really young, but even then I knew people get killed in wars. I asked her while she was folding laundry, and she said, “No, he's not.” And I asked, “You mean God will watch over him?” And she said, “Yes.”

What she meant was that we don't know if Dad will be killed or not, because it could happen, but we need to have faith that he'll be all right. That helps, too, when the fear starts to take over my thoughts. I just say to myself, “He'll be all right. He'll be all right.” And that calms me down.

I think we're the only military family in my town, so my friends can't understand what we're going through. They never think about the war, or if they do, they see it as one of those boring, adult things that have nothing to do with them. Or they watch it on the news and it's all explosions and running through the streets with guns, knocking down doors. To them it's either boring or exciting, like some video game. They don't get it.