Of Time and the River (65 page)

With a desperate eagerness he had never felt before he wanted to feel the free light and air again: even the shocked solicitude of his companions when they saw his puffed lips and his blackened eye was drearily oppressive. He thrust past them, muttering, striding towards the door.

It was the first time in his life that he had ever been arrested and locked up, and for the first time now, he felt and understood the meaning of an immense and brutal authority in life, which he had seen before, but to which he had always believed himself to be immune. Until that day he had had all the pride and arrogance a young man knows. Since childhood no one had ever compelled him to do anything by force, and although he had seen the million evidences of force, privilege, and compulsion applied to the lives of people around him, so that like every other native of the land in which he lived, he had in his heart no belief in law whatever, and knew that legal justice, where it was achieved, was achieved by fortuitous accident rather than by intent, he had believed, as every young man believes, that his own life and body were fiercely immune to every indignity of force and compulsion.

Now this feeling was gone for ever. And having lost it irrecoverably, he had gained something of more value.

For now, he was conscious, even at the moment he came out of the cell, of a more earthly, common, and familiar union with the lives of other men than he had ever known. And this experience was to have another extraordinary effect upon his spirit and its understanding and love of poetry, which may seem ludicrous, but which certainly dated from these few hours of his first imprisonment. Up to this time in his life, the poet who had stirred him by his power and genius more than any other was the poet Shelley.

But in the years that followed, Shelley’s poetry came to have so little meaning for him that all the magic substance which his lines once had was lost, and Eugene seemed to look indifferently at the hollow shells and ghosts of words, from which all enchantment and belief had vanished. And he felt this way not because the words of this great poet now seemed false to him, but because, more than any other poet he had known, Shelley was the poet of that time of life when men feel most strongly the sense of proud and lonely inviolability, which is legible in everything he wrote, and when their spirits, like his, are also “tameless and swift and proud.” And this is a time of life and magic that, once gone, is gone for ever, and that may never be recaptured save by memory.

But in the years that followed, just as Eugene’s physical body grew coarser and more heavy, and his sensual appetites increased enormously, so also did the energy of his spirit, which in childhood had been wing-like, soaring, and direct in its aerial buoyancy, grow darker, slower, heavier, smouldering and slow in its beginning heat and densely woven and involved in all its web-like convolutions.

And as all the strength and passion of his life turned more and more away from its childhood thoughts of aerial flight and escape into some magic and unvisited domain, it seemed to him that the magic and unvisited domain was the earth itself, and all the life around him—that he must escape not out of life but into it, looking through walls he never had seen before, exploring the palpable and golden substance of this earth as it had never been explored, finding, somehow, the word, the key, the door, to the glory of a life more fortunate and happy than any man has ever known, and which yet incredibly, palpably, is his, even as the earth beneath his feet is his, if he could only take it.

And as he discovered this, Eugene turned more and more for food and comfort to those poets who have found it and who have left great pieces of that golden earth behind them in their verse, as deathless evidence that they were there:—those poets who wrote not of the air but of the earth, and in whose verse the gold and glory of the earth are treasured—their names are Shakespeare, Spenser, Chaucer, Herrick, Donne, and Herbert.

Their names are Milton (whom fools have called glacial and austere, and who wrote the most tremendous lines of earthly passion and sensuous magic that have ever yet been written), Wordsworth, Browning, Whitman, Keats, and Heine—their names are Job, Ecclesiastes, Homer, and The Song of Solomon.

These are their names, and if any man should think the glory of the earth has never been, let him live alone with them, as Eugene did, a thousand nights of solitude and wonder, and they will reveal to him again the golden glory of the earth, which is the only earth that is, and is for ever, and is the only earth that lives, the only one that will never die.

XLIV

When they got out into the street again, night had almost come. It was about six o’clock, the lights in the streets had gone on, and in the figures of the people that went by, and the motor cars that flashed past sparsely, there was something hurried, mournful, and departing, like the breath of autumn and old leaves stirred by wind and driven on.

Neither spoke for some time, nor dared look at the other: the boy walked with lowered head, his hat pulled down across his eyes. His lips were puffed and swollen, and his left eye was now entirely closed, a blind poached swelling of bruised blue. They passed below a street lamp, paused for a minute in the hard white glare, turned as if impelled by sombre instinct, and regarded each other with the stern defenceless eye of shame and sorrow. Luke looked earnestly at his brother for a second and then said gently:

“How’s your eye, Eugene?”

The boy said nothing: sullenly, steadily, with his one good eye he returned his brother’s look. Luke stared for a minute at the nauseous, fatted purple where the bad eye was, suddenly cursed bitterly, turned, and walked ahead.

“The d-d-dirty bastards!” he said. “I’ve always fought they were a f-f-fairly decent lot till now, but the nice, damned, d-d-d-dirty South Car’lina—” he ground his teeth together, paused again, and turned towards his younger brother: “What d-d-did they do to you while you were in there? I w-w-w-want to know what happened.”

“I guess I got what was coming to me,” the boy muttered. “We were all drunk, and we were driving pretty fast. So I want you to know that I’m not making any excuses for that.”

“Well,” Luke said quietly, “that’s all over now, and there’s no use to w-w-worry about it. I guess you’re not the f-f-f-first one that it’s happened to. So let’s f-f-forget about that.” He was silent for a moment, and then he went on sternly: “But if those b-b- bastards beat you up while you were in there I w-w-w-want to know about it.”

“I’m not kicking about it,” the boy muttered again, because he was ashamed to tell him of the struggle he had had with the two policemen. “I guess I had it coming—but there was one thing!” he said with a surge of bitter feeling as he remembered it. “They did one thing I don’t believe they had any right to do. If it had happened in the North it would have been all right, but, by God, I don’t believe they have any right in this State to put a white man in the same cell with a nigger!”

“Did they d-d-d-do that to you?” Luke cried in an excited voice, stopping short and half turning as he spoke.

“Yes, they did, they tried to,” and then he told him what had happened. Luke turned completely, and started back towards the station, cursing bitterly.

“C-c-come on!” he said.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m g-g-g-going down there and tell those b-b-b-bastards what I fink of them!”

“No, you’re not! Listen!” Eugene seized his brother by the arm. “We’ll only get locked up again! They’ve got us and we’ve got to take it! We’re not going! Let’s get out of this damned town quick as we can! I never want to see the place again!”

Luke paused and stood, distractedly thrusting his fingers through his hair.

“All right,” he said at last. “We’ll go. . . . But by G-g-god,” his voice rose suddenly and he shook his fist in the direction of the station, “I’ll be back. I’ve done business in this town for years, I’ve got f-f-f-friends here who are going goddam well to know the reason why a kid is beaten up and locked up with a n-n- nigger by the Blackstone cops. I’ll see this f’ing through now if it t-t-t-takes a lifetime!” Then, turning to his brother, he said shortly: “All right, Gene. C-c-come on. We’re g-g-getting out of town.”

Without further speech, they walked on down the street until they came to the place where Luke’s car was parked.

“W-w-w-what do you want to d-d-d-do, Gene?” he said quietly. “Do you want to go over to D-d-Daisy’s tonight?”

The boy shook his head: “No,” he said thickly. “Home. Home. Let’s get out of here. Got to go home now.”

Luke said nothing for a moment, thrusting his fingers through his hair. “W-w-w-well,” he muttered at length, “perhaps you’re right.”

XLV

They left town at once.

Luke drove savagely going out of town. He kept his big clumsy hands gripped hard upon the rim of the steering wheel, his brow knit and furrowed by its ridge of wrinkles, his face taut and drawn from the tension of his nerves. From time to time he would thrust his clumsy fingers strongly through his flashing mass of hair, laugh a wild jeering “whah-whah” of rage and exasperation, and then say in a voice so packed with sneering bitterness and contempt that it was hard to keep from laughing at him:

“S—t! Resisting an officer in the p-p-p-p-performance of his duties! Now ain’t that nice?” he said in a voice of mincing refinement and daintiness. “W-w-w-wy the nice neat nigger-Baptist God-damned sons of bitches!” he snarled. “The cheap grafting South Car’lina bastards! D-d-d-d-disorderly conduct! S—t!” he snarled with a savage, dainty, mincing bitterness that was somehow wildly and explosively funny.

Meanwhile they were speeding along through quiet streets that even in the night-time had the worn and faded dustiness of autumn, past withered lawns, by frame-houses which had the same faded dusty look, and under trees on which the dry leaves hung and fluttered: the mournful, worn, weary feeling told of departed summer, evoked sadly the memory of a savage heat, and the sorrowful ghosts and omens of the autumn were everywhere about them. October was there with its strange, brooding presences of sorrow and delight—its sense of something lost and vanished, gone for ever, its still impending prescience of something grand and wild to come. Above them the ragged cloudy sky had cleared: it was a night of blazing and magnificent stars, set in the limitless velvet substance of the sky, burning with faint brilliance and without light over the immense, mysterious, and mournful-looking earth.

Twice, going out of town, his brother stopped, and both times with a kind of sudden indecisive after-thought. Once, when they had passed a little corner drug-store, he jammed the brakes on suddenly, bringing the car to such an abrupt and jolting halt that Eugene was flung forward violently against the wind-screen. He turned to him with a nervous and distracted air of indecision, saying:

“Do you f-f-f-fink you could go a dope?” (this was the word in common use for Coca Cola) “W-w-w-would you like a drink?” he said, with a comical thrusting movement of the head, a wild look in his eyes, a restless and stammering indecision and earnestness. The boy told him no, and after a worried and restless look of his flickering grey eyes, in the direction of the drug-store, he thrust his large flat foot into the clutch and started the car in motion again, with the same violent and jarring movement as when he had halted.

Again, on the very outposts of the town, where there was nothing but the dusty road, a few cheap frame-houses, sparely, flimsily, and carelessly built upon the breast of an immense and formless land, which seemed indifferent to them and with which they seemed to have no union, and with nothing but the road, the stars and the huge mysteries of the earth before them, his brother had halted with another jarring jolt, when they had flashed past a filling station where, so read a sign, soft drinks and barbecued sandwiches were for sale.

“How about a b-b-b-barbecued sandwich?” he demanded, looking at Eugene with a wild and glaring suddenness. “C-c-c-could you go one? Huh?”—he said, almost barking at him, with a comical thrusting movement of the head. But even before the boy could answer, and he saw the sullen and exasperated scowl upon his face, he thrust his fingers wildly through his hair, burst into a wild rich “whah-whah” of crazy laughter—a laughter that was all the more strange and astonishing because even as he laughed the taut and drawn tension of his face and nerves, and the frenzied unrest of his eyes, were terribly apparent—and then started the car in motion again with a jarring, grinding and convulsive jolt. And Luke could not have said why he had halted at these last two outposts of the town—the drug-store and the filling station—but certainly the impulse that had made him halt had little to do with food or drink, for neither of them was hungry, and they had no need or desire for further nourishment.

But the impulse which had made his brother halt belonged to all the dissonance and frenzied unrest of his whole life, and by thousands of actions such as this, the course and pattern of his life were shaped. And finally, his brother had halted because those two small flares of light—pitiful and shabby as they were—had wakened in him a memory of the vast darkness of the huge and lonely earth before them, and because he gave himself into this dark regretfully and with some misgiving of his soul.

For his spirit was afraid of solitude and darkness and, like all men in this land, his soul was drawn by the small hard blaze of incandescence—even by those barren bulbous clusters of hard light upon the wintry midnight pavements of a little town—which somehow pitifully and terribly suggest the fear and loneliness in men’s souls, the small hard assurances of manufactured light which they have gathered as some beacon of comfort and security against a dark too vast and terrible, an earth too savage in its rudeness, space, and emptiness, for the spirit and the strength of men.

And now his brother and he were given to this earth, this dark, this loneliness again. And as they rushed on into the darkness, held, save for the throbbing motor of the little car, in the immutable silence of the earth and darkness, the flickering headlights of the car would suddenly pierce into the huge surrounding mystery of night, lunging for an instant the flashing finger of their light upon some fugitive and secret presence in the vault of night, where all the million lives of men were held. Sometimes the flashing light would blaze upon the boarding of a little house at the bend of the road, and then the house would flash behind and be engulfed in darkness.