Of Monsters and Madness (26 page)

I
float weightlessly, somewhere high above my body. I’m no longer tied down and the feeling that I could be tumbled along by nothing more than a stray breeze is sheer bliss.

The sky is a beautiful blue, a blue I’ve never seen before, and I float happily along for a while until I see a shadow in the distance. It waves at me to come closer.

The shadow starts to take form, and slowly I recognize Grand-père’s twinkling blue eyes and white hair. He waves again at me and I force myself down toward the ground. “Grand-père!” I shout. “Grand-père!”

The ground rushes up to meet me and though he does not speak, Grand-père returns my embrace when I run to him and hold him tightly. “I miss you,” I whisper.

He pulls back, and points at something in his hand. There, nestled in the middle of his palm, is the elephant I gave him when we first met. He smiles and places it carefully in his coat pocket before he takes a step back. He takes another, and then another, until he disappears from my view.

I close my eyes, and when I open them again, an elephant and rider are on the horizon. Grand-père’s snow-white hair glints in the sun, and I see he’s the one riding the elephant. He begins to wave, and joy fills the cracks in my heart that were so recently filled with sorrow.

“I love you, Grand-père!” I shout again, and again, waving at him until he is just a speck on the horizon. “I miss you! I love you.…”

The words are still upon my lips when I take my first breath. My chest tightens, and I feel it struggle to rise
and fall. Then my scarf is pulled away and the top of my gown is loosened.

“She needs air!” a voice next to me says. “She must breathe!”

No, stop. You will reveal my scars
. I don’t know if I’ve said the words out loud or not.

Air fills my lungs again, and I try desperately to hold on to it. But the ache in my chest is strong. It wants to pull me back under.

“Annabel,” an urgent voice whispers in my ear. “Come back to me, Annabel. Come back.”

I know that voice. I know that voice, I know it
.…

“There is no blood,” Father says, “she should be breathing.”

I struggle once more to force air into my lungs.

Slowly, painfully, the ache begins to lessen, and I open my eyes. Father is leaning over me, and Allan is holding me in his arms. My heart thumps painfully.

Allan
. Not Edgar.

He touches my cheek, and I stiffen. “That is to be the way of it, then,” he says. He gives me a sad smile and pulls away.

Father leans in closer to help me sit up. “I thought we had lost you. You did not breathe.…”

I glance around me, and realize I’m lying on the floor of the laboratory. “What happened?”

“Edgar’s gun went off.”

“Have I been shot? Am I dying?”

Father points to the book on the floor beside me—Mother’s zodiac book—with a balled-up piece of steel in the middle of it.

I have been shot, but Mother saved me.

Taking another deep breath, I suddenly register cold air hitting my chest. My scarf is no longer around my neck. And my scars are fully visible.

Hastily pulling the edges of my dress together, I try to get to my feet. My knees threaten to buckle, but Allan catches me. “I won’t let you fall.”

I find myself leaning into him for just a moment, making silent wishes to myself.
I wish I did not know that a part of Allan set the fire that killed Grand-père. I wish I could un-see all the horror Edgar has shown me. I wish Father was not the one responsible for this
.…

I wish …

Taking a deep breath, I steady myself and pull away. “We will find a cure for this, Allan. I promise.”

Twenty-Six

T
WO
W
EEKS
L
ATER

M
addy glances furtively behind us as we slip away from the cemetery where we were supposed to have been visiting Grand-père’s grave. “Hurry, Annabel,” she says. “We have to get you changed. You cannot wear a dress to the men’s ward.”

We walk quickly, and I think of the last time we took this same path to her house. The night she woke me to come help her mother. It seems so long ago, and yet it has not been even a month.

My hand briefly touches my scarf.
How much I have changed since coming to Philadelphia
.…

Maddy directs me up the stairs and to the door that
leads to the flat she once shared with her brothers and sisters. I clutch the small bag I hold tightly. Within moments, she is unlacing me from my black mourning gown and helping me into the cotton pants and long-sleeved shirt that were in the bag.

A wave of homesickness washes over me as the shirt passes over my head. I have not worn these clothes since my time with Mother and the missionaries.

“Do you have the bottle?” Maddy asks. “Hide it in yer pocket until we get in.”

I nod. “I took some from the jar on Father’s desk and put it in a vial.”

“Remember, Annabel, you must go straight there an’ then come straight back to where Mama is. If we should be separated …” She shudders. “It’s not a place you want to be lost in.”

“I am well prepared, Maddy. I have memorized the corridors.”

She bobs her head and then hands me a hat. “If we’re stopped yer my brother Charlie,” she reminds me. “Don’t forget.”

I tuck my long brown hair beneath the hat and give her another nod. We race back down the stairs and away from her house, fighting every second of precious time that is slowly ticking away from us. She leads
me down several alleyways until we finally come to a grand stone building that bears the words
PENNSYLVANIA HOSPITAL
in engraved letters upon the front of it. It’s so big, I can do nothing more than stare up for a moment.

Maddy nudges me. “Come along, Annabel.”

I keep my head down as I follow her in through the gate and past a guard who seems to be sleeping when he ought to be keeping watch. We enter a poorly lit building with filth smeared upon the walls; and the sounds, as we travel through the corridors to reach the room where her mother is being kept, are haunting. Moans fill the air, punctuated with a slow, steady sobbing that leaves me desperately wanting to help these poor people.

Maddy must notice my anxiousness, because she grabs my hand and squeezes it. “Almost there.”

I keep my eyes on the dirt-encrusted floor and keep moving beside her. When she finally comes to a halt, I look up.

“Go now, Annabel,” she says urgently. “An’ hurry back.”

I squeeze her hand again and then release it, mentally reviewing the steps I need to take to get me to
the men’s ward. It’s not a safe place to be, Maddy has warned me. I need to be quick in my mission.

Several steps later, I find my way and the men’s ward is in front of me. Here, there are no sounds of sobbing. Only silence. Locating the third hallway, I turn down it and come to room fifty-seven. The room that Maddy told me I must find.

There are bars across the hole carved out of the wooden door to serve as a window, and I approach it carefully. It’s dimly lit inside, and my eyes take some time to adjust to the bare cot lying on the floor. “Allan?” I whisper tentatively.

I can barely comprehend that he has been here these past two weeks. That he thought the only way to atone for Edgar’s sins was to lock himself away in an insane asylum.

The sound of chains dragging across the floor greets me.

“Allan?” I try again. “I need to speak with you. It’s urgent. I don’t have much time.”

A moment later, his face appears at the door. He has lost an alarming amount of weight. His cheekbones are sharp as razors. The light in his dark brown eyes has been replaced with a vacant stare that worries me.

“Allan?”

His lips part, and he whispers my name. “Annabel …”

“Oh, Allan.” Tears fill my eyes, and I cannot stop myself. I reach my hand up to the bars. He puts a trembling finger out and touches me. “I must be quick. I cannot stay long.” I cast a glance over my shoulder. “I need your help. Father has been kidnapped. We received a ransom note, but when I tried to pay it, he was not returned. I need someone to help me find him.”

Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the small vial. I don’t know if he will take it. Can I even ask such a thing of him? To return to the very state that put him here?

I slide my hand up to the window. I do not have a choice.
I must find a way to rescue Father
. “The serum,” I say simply.

He withdraws his finger and I cast another glance behind me. My time is growing short. I need to get back to Maddy.

Then he says in a voice so soft I almost think I’m dreaming it, “What do you need?”

“Edgar.” I hold the vial out to him. “I need Edgar.”

Author’s Note