Of Daughter and Demon (13 page)

I walked down the pile of trash, down the
junky-built stairway into the guts of the house. I can hear the
rats leavin’, the ones on four legs and two legs alike. They feel
what I feel, they feel the world startin’ to bend and that
somethin’ bad is gonna happen, and are smart enough to get away.
Me? I gotta go right to the heart of it.

I can still smell your blood, Alice. That
can’t be, can it? Other blood’s been spilt since then, and a whole
lot before it, and I can smell that too. I kick open the door that
leads to the basement, to your real grave, where I found you layin’
there, torn in half.

You’re right, I should try not to think of
that, but I have to, if I’m gonna beat this thing I gotta have all
the anger in me. Whattaya mean anger won’t beat it? Makes it
stronger? What should I think of then?

Then a image hits me in the brain and I know
it hadda be you that sent it, Alice, it’s clear as if I was
watchin’ it on a movie screen. It’s how your Ma looked pregnant
with you, and when you was first born, and when we named you, when
we took you home. I see you sayin’ your first word, “Dad,” I see
that over and over and I’m so proud of you . I see you takin’ your
first step and then runnin’ and talkin’ all the time, my heart’s
gonna burst it’s so full of love for you, an’ god dammit, Alice, I
miss you so much, every day, I miss you and then my head clears,
and I know it’s in the room with me.

The cross starts to hum and it kinda glows,
like in the church when Father Malcolm blessed it, but brighter. It
puts off this white light and I can feel it in here with me, tryin’
to poison my mind, tryin’ to show me every rotten thing they done
to you, but it’s afraid, as much as a thing like this can feel
fear, I guess. The light hurts it.

I turn in a slow circle, look in every trash
ridden corner of the basement, and then I see it, a blackness in
one corner where the glow of the cross couldn’t never reach. It’s
like part of the dark, like the shadows come alive and grew, and I
guess I owe you a sorry ‘n some flowers, Mikey D, cuz what it looks
like is about eight feet tall, and I know what you meant by
black
black, Alice. I thought you an’ Mikey was sayin’ black
like a person, not like a feelin’, and that’s what I got, a black
feelin’ in my guts. It’s like lookin’ at all the worst things that
happened, not just to me, but to you, Alice, to anybody, to
everybody. This is what hate looks like, this is what murder looks
like.

Then its eyes open, them blood red eyes that
I seen in Bobby’s head. The whole thing, its body is the color of
the burnt end of a match you just shook out, but them eyes are full
of fire.

It takes a step forward, and reflected in its
eyes I see you, Alice, I see you bein’ ripped in half and this
fuckin’ demon openin’ its mouth, drinkin’ the blood, and suckin’
what looks like glowin’ smoke outta you, it breaths in an’ the
smoke makes it bigger, stronger, hungrier.

“You shouldn’t of done what you did to my
Alice.” I said, then ran forward screamin’ with the cross raised,
the pointed end aimed right at the things chest like a spear, I
have one second to think maybe it’ll end right here but it grabs
the cross and burns the palm of its huge black paw, then it lifts
me up, spins a half turn and slams me into the wall. I drop my only
weapon, I hear the cross clatter to the ground and the low hiss of
its hand burnin’ still, the light goes out and I’m left in the
dark, dark like you musta known for four years, and somewhere in
that dark I can hear it laugh.

Then I see its eyes, its burnin’, bloody
eyes, and I see ‘em getting closer and closer, like its stalkin’
me, playin’ with me like a cat does a mouse. Its hands are
everywhere then, slammin’ into me, into my face again and again,
into my stomach, my nuts, and my chest. It’s like bein’ hit by a
bus over and over and its pinnin’ my arms down and beatin’ me in
the face, and it ain’t really a physical pain but somethin’ deeper,
like bein’ attacked by the cold, like my soul’s bein’ killed. Its
eyes are right in front of my face and I’m layin’ on the ground,
its mouth opens, all full of fangs a foot long and a forked tongue.
Jesus, you hadda stand up to this thing, Alice, baby I’m sorry it’s
gonna kill me now, I smell you on its breath, I smell your blood
and your hair and I can hear you screamin’, I close my eyes just
for a second and think of you, only you, the first time I ever held
you in my arms when you was a baby and the cold falls back, I punch
my whole hand into one of the demons burning red eyes.

The scream is terrible, the loudest thing I
ever heard, and what’s even worse is that even though I hurt this
thing, it liked it.

I pulled my hand out of its eye socket and my
fist is covered with this nasty red jelly that burns. The cross
starts to glow in the corner where I dropped it. I look at my hand
and watch as the fingers melt away and turn to ash, leaving me with
just a ugly, scarred stump at the end of my left wrist. I feel it
comin’ for me again and I put my stump hand up to block it from
bitin’ my throat out, and just like one of them attack dogs, it
latches on and I scream. I can see its eye growin’ back, the
blackness openin’ up again like a red cancer eatin’ away at dirty
jeweler’s velvet. I hear a crunch as it bites my arm off below the
elbow and I scream again, I watch him chew my arm up into a red
slush and swallow it. My arm is spurtin’ blood and I piss my pants
it hurts so badly, then the demon grows another foot taller and
smiles at me like a drawer full of bloody knives. It puts one hand
on each side of my head and its eyes glow redder, I can feel the
heat comin’ off ‘em as he moves in closer. I’m so sorry, Alice,
baby, I think this is it, I ain’t got no more tricks up my sleeve
and if it wants to rip my head off right now and juggle it, I ain’t
got a single way to stop it from happenin’.

But instead of bitin’ my head off, it does
somethin’ worse. It starts to smoke, its black body turns to living
smoke and goes in my eyes and mouth, up my nose, and into my arm,
it cauterizes the wound and pushes itself into the exposed veins
and arteries, working its way into my heart, brain, and soul. I
start seein’ things the way the demon does and
shut up your
screamin’ you dumb little bitch! Oh Jesus, it made me say that, I’m
glad it killed you, you ruined my life and your Ma’s and,
it
made me say that too
, I never loved you, Alice, you was a burden
around my neck every fuckin’ day of your miserable little life,
from the second you fell outta your cunt of a mother until the
day
, this demon is all the way inside me now and
I killed
you, your blood was hot and sweet and
, baby I’m sorry, I’m so
sorry,
so sorry you was ever born
. I feel the rotten power
burnin’ in my muscles and see nothin’ but death and murder. This is
my last chance, so I rip open my shirt and reach blindly behind me
and I swear it was farther back, against the wall, but
you musta
moved it you little bitch! You moved it, now he, I, we, grab the
terrible cross, it burns our hands and he presses the ugly cross
end to his chest to drive me out.

I feel it leavin’ as soon as the cross
touches me, it burns itself into the skin of my chest and the demon
is screamin’ inside me, screamin’ so loud I’m afraid my lungs might
bust. I stagger to my feet, the cross fused to my skin, and I
double over and start to puke, not just from my stomach, but it’s
like my whole body is pukin’, like my soul is pukin’, and all of it
is black. It splashes out on the stained pavement of the basement
floor, gallon after steamin’ gallon, it’s like pukin’ up a bathtub
full of used motor oil, but I’m feelin’ better. I’m sorry he made
me say them things, Alice, you know none of them was true. The
demon runs outta my ears, my mouth, my eyes, my nose, and even
outta my asshole, down my leg and over my shoe. All of it meets in
this kind of livin’, steamin’ puddle in the middle of the floor,
it’s all the way outta me, and it’s hurt, and it’s startin’ to
grow.

I grab the cross in the only hand I got left
and pull, it takes the blisters and charred skin with it and I
scream again it hurts so bad, my chest is bleedin’ and oozin’ out
of a wound the exact size and shape of that cross, about foot long
and from nipple to nipple.

But the cross is glowing, burning, brighter
and brighter, it’s like the middle of the day down here in this
basement, even though it’s pitch black outside.

I raise the cross with my hand and drive the
sharpened end right into the center of the growin’ pile on the
floor, it starts screamin’ and squirmin’ and the cross just soaks
it up, the blackness rises up the length of the spear until there’s
none left on the ground. The cross starts to smoke like it did in
the church and there’s another flash, two of them, one in the
basement, and I know the demon is gone, BANISHED is the word that
comes into my mind, and followed by that is the second flash. This
second flash is right in the middle of my brain and it shows me
everything, oh Alice, it shows me every single thing that lead up
to you bein’ torn in half in this basement. It shows me the who,
the when, and the why, and it makes me wanna puke and cry at the
same time, but I know who else to kill now, and where they are, and
that there’s only two of ‘em left.

I cough and spit up some blood, then lean
against the giant cross like a crutch, which crumbles and almost
spills me back on the floor. My knees were all shaky but you’ll
help me get outta here alive, won’t you Alice? You’ll help your old
man? I stagger up the pile of trash one foot at a time, havin’ to
stop an’ rest a couple times on the way back up. I coughed and spit
up more blood. Wonder where that’s comin’ from? I hear a low
rumblin’ sound and realize I been hearin’ it for a while now, ever
since that first big flash, and I can hear this old coffin of a
house startin’ to crumble. Good. If I can get out in time, I
guess.

I’m covered in sweat by the time I get to the
top of them basement stairs, and breathin’ so hard it feels like
I’m pukin’ up air and havin’ it force-fed back into my lungs. If
there’s a junky don’t like the look of me still in this house and
they see me, they’ll kill me. A little kid could kill me now. The
rumbling is still growing louder, I can hear loose bricks bein’
spit outta the walls and clunkin’ to the rotting old floors. I hear
the dust of lifetimes shaking off the walls.

It seems to take forever, but I finally climb
to the top of that pile of trash and bricks and make my way back
out into the real world, outta the belly of the beast.

Breathin’ the cool night air makes me feel a
little better. I walk down the path a little steadier than I’d
crossed that basement floor, and when I hit the street I’m feelin’,
well, not good, really, but not like I’m dyin’ anymore,
neither.

I look at what’s left of my left arm using
the light of the moon and a streetlight. It’s ugly and pinkish, the
stump end just below the elbow an’ all covered in scar tissue. It
didn’t really hurt no more, but it itched like a mad bastard.

I look up, and down the sidewalk comes a
familiar shape. When his bike got near me, I said, “Thought I tole
you not to come by here ever, junior.”

He braked hard and skidded to a stop, his
eyes wide, and began backin’ up, pushin’ his feet against the
ground.

“What’s wrong kid? You remember me? I gave ya
ten bucks to watch my car.”

“I don’t know you ole man, an’ you better
keep away.” He whipped his bike around, not takin’ his eyes off of
me, and rode like hell outta there, back the way he came. Well, I
must look pretty beat up I guess. Plus it’s dark, kid’s prolly
freakin’ out anyway, ridin’ by after dark. Good, maybe I scared him
away from here once and for all.

I’d borrowed Fifties Chick’s car again to get
down here, and am relieved it’s still parked where I left it and
with all the tires. I get in and drive back to the bar.

There wasn’t no one in the bar but her when I
came in, which was just as well. I sit down at my table and she
looks up.

“Excuse me, sir? I know this sounds weird,
the place being empty and all? But that table is reserved, for the
owner.”

“Huh?”

She came around the bar and walked toward me.
“I said I’m sorry but that’s the owner’s table, he doesn’t like
anyone else sitting there.”

“What the hell you been smokin’?” I ask,
leanin’ forward into the light. Her eyes get all big and she backs
up a step, same look on her face that little kid had. Then it
softens, and I see recognition in her eyes.

“Harry?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me. I look that bad?”

“Oh Jesus, Harry, what happened?”

“My arm? I--”

“No, Harry, you’re face.”

“Whattaya mean my face? I got beat on again,
but...”

“Hang on.” She ran back behind the bar, dug
in her purse and brought out this antique silver compact
from--that’s right, Alice,--the fifties, and brought it over to me.
I look in the mirror, but it isn’t me, Alice. Lookin’ back at me is
a seventy year-old man.

I felt like hell before, but seein’ it on my
face is somethin’ else, it’s like knowin’ what that thing done to
me makes it worse. I stared at my reflection in that mirror for I
don’t know how long. I’d always looked like my ol’ man a little,
but not until this moment did I ever mistake myself for him. I look
just like he did, right before the cancer got him. He had both his
arms, though.

After her initial shock of seein’ that I’d
aged twenty years in about two hours, Fifties Chick took care of me
like she always did. I didn’t realize it before, all the
adrenaline, I guess, but she put her hand on my forehead and
pronounced it fevered. When I tried to stand I collapsed back inta
the booth. I ain’t never felt this weak before. Help your ol’ man
Alice, help me stand on my own, I don’t wanna hafta be carried up
the stairs by this little lady I love and that fat drunk Donnie,
who even now is out back singing at the moon. She was right, his
voice is murder.