Oden (23 page)

As his hands brush over it again, I watch the devastation come over his expression, stray tears falling down his face, and it tears my heart seeing him break apart like this.

“I am so sorry, Mattie. I broke my promise to you, to him as well. I failed you both,” he says, his body trembling before he falls to his knees, a sob racking his body as he collapses farther until he’s sitting shell-shocked on the ground.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I state honestly, getting down with him and sitting on his lap, my legs straddling him as I hug him tightly.

“I should have protected you both better. I should have known those tunnels wouldn’t be safe forever. You never should have even left Earth,” he snarls, anger radiating from his tone, words directed at himself and not me.

I understand now that, apart from each other, we’ve both blamed ourselves for what happened. Without me there to assure Marduke differently, he’s continued to hate himself while I’ve done the same.

“You did everything you could have, given our situation. Without you, I would never have survived Roth, let alone making it to Oden. Please don’t blame yourself,” I cry, holding his head in my hands and bringing my lips to his.

This isn’t about passion, but love and comfort.

I kiss him slowly, feeling the tension slowly leaving his body, and then his hands move around me, holding me in place.

I break our kiss, my eyes searching his.

“I always thought you blamed me,” I admit. “We had that stupid fight, and then I refused to wear the vest. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. I should have let you put it back on me. I put Riley at risk. I—”

“You never asked for any of this, Mattie. You didn’t ask for your home to be invaded, and you specifically told me you didn’t want to leave Earth. I didn’t listen. I sent you to Roth, and everything you faced there was my fault. I put you on Jeprow’s radar, and it is my fault he was aware of Riley. You two could have been hidden and safe on Earth. Instead, you had to face vile creatures and a madman. You were abused and had our baby forcibly taken away from you. None of this is your fault, it is
my
fault.”

“Marduke,” I sigh, cupping his face with my hands and waiting until his bright green eyes focus on me. I can’t help losing myself in them for a few moments before I can continue. “You can’t take the blame for what Jeprow did to me and to your family. You never even knew about him until you first met him on Roth. How could you have known sending me there would mean we would lose Riley? Jeprow is the one who was crazy. He is the one who took Riley from us.”

“If you’re saying it isn’t my fault, then you have to see that it isn’t your fault, either.”

I open my mouth, ready to argue with him. I made so many mistakes since I found out about Riley. I put all of us in danger on Roth when I insisted on fighting the creatures in the forest. I put us in harm’s way when I put us in the company of Kane, and most of the decisions I made were selfish. I never put Riley first, always willing to risk my life and him for someone else, refusing to wear Marduke’s vest because I was angry and stupid.

The vest might not have protected Riley from the poison I was forced to consume, but I could have fought back better without having to fear a direct hit to my stomach. I let myself be taken because I couldn’t fight back properly. I refused to see things from Marduke’s point of view, let Ival manipulate the conversation I heard, and then picked a fight over it.

I didn’t let Marduke explain himself and then wallowed in self-pity as Jeprow infiltrated the tunnels. Maybe, if I hadn’t been so self-absorbed over what I’d heard, I might have thought about the fact that what Marduke was doing was dangerous. That there was a real chance the tunnels might be found out, and we could have implemented a plan to get away.

I don’t voice any of this, though. Part of me knows I’m holding onto old excuses and self-hatred. However, knowing I might not deserve all the blame I’ve placed on myself for the past year doesn’t change the guilt I feel. I’m sure my words to him won’t change his feelings, either. At least, not right away.

Maybe this is why Hannah decided to be a sneaky cow and contact Marduke. Maybe I have been stuck in my grieving process, stuck in a place I didn’t have to still be. I’m sure I’ll never stop feeling pain over losing Riley, but I didn’t have to feel the pain over losing Marduke when he was still alive. I didn’t have to feel this constant guilt the past year when, maybe if I had Marduke, we could have helped to heal each other.

“I’m sorry,” I finally answer, looking into his eyes so he knows I’m being sincere.

“You’re sorry for what?”

“You’re right; I should have told you I was alive. When I woke up after the crash, I wasn’t whole. I was dead inside, and I didn’t think about anyone but myself. I could only see my own pain and suffering. That was… I was selfish. I’m sorry.”

He leans his forehead against mine, his hands moving away from behind me to cup over my own that are still against his face. “I’ll work on forgiving you for that. Just don’t expect me to let you go anytime soon. I have a year to make up for.” He gives me a small smile, yet it’s enough for his dimples to emerge and my finger shifts over so I can trace one.

My heart speeds up seeing the smile I used to love so much, the smile I
still
love.

“I’m sorry too, Mattie. I’m sorry that I failed to protect you. I know my promises might not mean anything to you, not now I’ve let you down, but I will do everything in my power to protect you. I will spend every minute of every day making sure you are happy. I won’t ever stop loving you.” Tears fall with his words, his voice hitches, and I blink away my own tears.

“How about I give you the next seventy years to prove it to me?” I suggest, my face breaking out into a smile, one that feels good to let out.

“Only seventy?” He winks, smiling at me again, and my heart flutters from the sight.

He leans forward and his arms wrap around me again, holding me against him. His lips then come down over me, and this time, it’s all about passion. My lips open to him immediately and I welcome his taste, his touch, and the familiar dance we have with each other.

Under me, I feel his erection against me and one of his hands moves to my front, cupping my breast and bringing it stiff immediately. I’m suddenly very aware that I’m completely naked.

When I groan into his mouth, distracted enough to let him take over the kiss, he dominates my mouth while his hand teases me. His other moves over my ass, squeezing the skin there and pulling me right over him so his erection, which is unfortunately still blocked by his clothes, rubs me in a delicious way.

He leans down over me, forcing me to lie on the ground as he moves fully over me, his lips trailing down my throat and making his way to what I hope will be my breast.

“Marduke, please…” I beg, not certain what I’m begging for, but he unfortunately stops kissing me altogether. Devastatingly, he actually moves away from me.

He gazes over me for a moment and then leans down and takes my hand, pulling me up to my feet. He kisses me again, walking me backwards into my room. This time, when he leans over me and pushes me down, I feel something soft under me—my bed.

He turns the lamp on beside us and quickly takes his shirt off.

While he’s staring clearly at my breasts, I find my eyes drawn to his new ink over his chest. Our planet is next to the claw he already had there and there are more scratches underneath.

“What does this say?” I ask, wondering if this means that Ival wants to claim Earth still.

“It means Earth is under our planet’s protection. It’s a warning to stay away, and a promise that we will defend you.”

I gape at him, shocked that Ival would allow such a thing.

“You got him to promise that?”

“No, you saving our lives did that. You’re the reason so many of our people and your people are alive right now.”

I squirm under his praise, not believing that to be true. I got very lucky. Jeprow was an idiot and too cocky for his own good to leave that large box out where I could see it.

I finger over the image of our planet, liking seeing it on Marduke.

He sits down on the bed and pushes back, grabbing hold of my hips and sitting me over him. I rest my legs on either side of him, hating that he still has his pants on.

“What’s this?” He lifts my arm up and stares at the tattoo I got a couple of months ago.

I got my parents’ names tattooed across my ribs as well as Riley’s and Marduke’s. I wanted a way to remember them and carry them with me. I bawled my eyes out the entire time, not even caring about the pain it caused. Hannah got our parents’ names, too, and Logan wanted to get a tiger over his face. The guy was actually really great and found some face paint so Logan could get his “
tattoo
” as well.

“I wanted to have them with me,” I try to explain, my voice cracking.

“I know what you mean,” he says, shifting his arm across his chest so his shoulder is exposed to me.

I gasp, seeing the picture of Riley there. The image is the same that was on the ultrasound I was able to do with the scanner tablet when I was with Hannah in the tunnels. Underneath is Riley’s name and below that is my name, both written in English.

“What does this say?” I whisper, my voice hoarse from emotion as I trace the scratches under my name.

“
Mattie, my life mate, you have my heart now and always
.”

I break down after that. Everything feels like it is too much. Having Marduke here with me now, seeing the tattoo of Riley, and all the emotions it has brought up. I cry, cushioned in his arms while he tries to soothe me.

Time completely gets away from me. At some point, I must black out because, when I come to again, I’m wrapped up in the arms of a now naked Marduke under the covers.

He’s whispering how much he loves me, and that everything is going to be all right. He’s muttering as though he’s been repeating those same words for a long time.

I bring my hands up to my face, wiping away my tears, feeling my face crack from the ones that have long ago dried.

“Feeling better?” he asks, sitting up on his elbows to see me better. He hasn’t turned the lamp off, however from my window, I see the sky is already growing lighter.

I nod yes, and I actually do feel a little better. It’s been a long time since I cried like that. Maybe holding it all in hasn’t been the smartest idea.

“I’m sorry my tattoo upset you so much.”

“No, it didn’t. Not really. Just seeing Riley… I haven’t seen that image since the tunnels,” I explain, clearing my sore throat. “Hang on.” I climb out of bed and walk away from him. It’s not until I open the fridge door and feel the chill hit me that I notice I’m naked still.

Grabbing a bottle of water out, I head back to my room and drink over half of it then offer the rest to Marduke and he finishes it off. He doesn’t take his eyes off me as I get back into the bed, and his arms immediately wrap back around me once I’m settled.

“I never dreamed I would be able to hold you like this again.” His hands move over me, teasing and tickling and leaving warmth growing inside of me once more.

“Well, if you really do plan to stay here, then you’ll be able to hold me like this every night.” I smile when I see his eyes light up at my words.

“I love that idea. Perhaps we can stay like this through every day, too?”

I laugh, moving over him and enjoying his sharp intake of breath when I brush against his erection, which rests against my thigh.

“I do have a life here, and you should have one, too. I’ve been teaching sports at the local school.”

“I think you’d make a great teacher,” he murmurs, his hands roaming my body as I lean down over him and open up my drawer by my bed.

I pull out a small box of condoms that my team thought I needed to have before I started college in America. They assured me that American colleges were wild and had crazy sex parties, as such it was better if I went prepared. I knew I’d be the same there as I was here—focused on basketball and keeping my grades up. Therefore, I packed them away in the drawer and didn’t think about them again.

I rip open a packet and sit back, rolling it over Marduke. There is no way I’m going to risk another pregnancy. Not now, and maybe not ever again. Although, as long as I have Marduke, I think we’re both going to be okay. I never realised how much I needed him. What’s more, as I move over him, feeling every inch of him slowly enter me, I know I’ll never be able to part with him again.

I’ve tried living on my own and I was miserable, subsequently now it’s time to try living with him. Maybe I’ll be able to finally start healing. Maybe I’ll feel alive again. I’ll definitely feel less sexually frustrated.

I rest my hands on his chest, rocking against him, overwhelmed by the passion rising inside me from the intense pressure of my climax building and from the love I feel for Marduke drowning me inside. As I keep moving, our eyes never leaving each other, this moment feels more powerful than any other time we’ve made love.

Everything builds slowly, and then he suddenly sits up, moving until the angle hits me in just the right way, allowing him to move deeper, hitting all the right places that make my toes curl and my breath catch. Our movements quicken until we’re at our breaking point, and then I fall into my orgasm, crying his name as tears fall down my face. It’s a release I’ve needed—a moment of happiness I’ve craved with the man I’ve always wanted.