October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1) (17 page)

“Are you mad?”

“No,” she said honestly.  “I’m surprised, but not that surprised.  You’re a wonderful and handsome man, Daddy.  I knew this day would come.”

“She might be coming back to California with me on Saturday.  Is that okay?”

“Is she there with you now?”

“No.  She flew home today.  She has a thing at her church on Saturday she has to be at, but I talked to her tonight and suggested the possibility of me flying up there and bringing her back with me, and she’s considering it.”

She didn’t say anything.

“Would you rather she didn’t?”

“No, Daddy.  It’s fine.  I’m just--this is huge!”

He laughed.  “I know.  Tell me about it.  I never thought I would love anyone like I loved your mom, but I do.  I can’t explain it, but I do.”

Two days ago Grace wouldn’t have understood, but now she did.  “You mean like I couldn’t picture me and James together for three years, but now suddenly it seems so right?”

“I guess we were both on Jesus’ list for some good surprises this week, huh?”

“I guess so.  When will you know if she’s coming?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Have you told anyone else about this?”

“I told your grandparents at dinner, but otherwise, you’re the first.  I’m going to call the others tomorrow, or maybe wait until I get back if Sarah decides not to come.  Do you want to tell Tabby, or should I?”

Grace thought for a moment.  She wouldn’t mind being the bearer of the news, but this wasn’t just any news, and she felt like Daddy should be the one to share it.

Chapter Sixteen

On Friday morning Sarah got out of bed earlier than she had all week, spent thirty minutes walking on the treadmill, had some fruit and yogurt for breakfast, and sat down in the living room to have some time with Jesus.  She had bought a new journal at the bookstore on Wednesday.  She dated the first entry with today’s date, and then she sat there and listened.

She listened to her heart: what she was thinking, how she was feeling, and what God might be saying to her regarding those things.  She had two primary thoughts on her mind: whether or not to go to California tomorrow, and if she did, when to tell Chandler and Faye about it.  After several minutes she wrote:

I want to go!  I miss him so much already, and I want to meet his family.  Is that okay, Jesus?  Is that what is best for me right now?  For Andrew?  For our kids?  For our life together?

In her heart she had peace, and the thought of seeing Andrew tomorrow brought her great joy.  Recalling the verse the pastor had read at the conference yesterday, the same one Andrew quoted to her the day before, she searched for the words in her concordance and found it in Galatians 1:10.  She wrote it out in her journal:

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Yesterday she had been concerned about what others thought, and she had allowed that to dictate her actions toward Andrew.  She could allow the same thing to happen with her kids, but as she slowly released her anxiety about that, she was left with one more reservation.  She wondered if she was making a wise decision to go with Andrew.  She wanted to, and Andrew wanted her to, but was that what God wanted?

After some prayerful silence, she felt it was, and reading the verse once again, she had a thought that excited her.

If I go to California, not just because I want to and Andrew wants me to, but also because God wants me to, then I am being His servant every bit as much as any church-related thing I do.  He’s asking me to trust Him--to follow Him in this, and it’s not burdensome, it’s a joy!

Recalling a verse in Psalms God brought to her mind in that moment, she wrote it out, thinking of the words a little differently than she ever had before.

I desire to do your will, O my God.

O my God!  Doing your will should be my desire--the desire of my heart--my joy!  Levi had that.  He did what he did because he wanted to.  Because he was good at it.  But I’ve spent my time trying to do what others wanted instead of what You want.

I’m sorry.  I didn’t know.  No one ever told me ministry was supposed to be enjoyable, and I never realized it isn’t just what I do within the church walls but what I do in every area of my life.  As a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a woman You have great plans for.  It’s not just about them, or even just You.  It’s about me too!

Checking the time, she knew Faye would already be at school, but Chandler might still be home, so she called him.  He was there, and she asked him what his schedule was like today.  He needed to leave for a shoot soon, but he was free now.

“Could I come by?  I have something to tell you.”

“Sure, Mom.  Is everything all right?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.  I’ll explain when I get there.”

They didn’t live far, and she was there in ten minutes.  Both Chandler and Heather were home.  She explained the events of the last five days and finished by telling them about Andrew calling her last night and inviting her to go to California with him.

“So you’re going?” Chandler asked.

“I want to, and I think God wants me to.”

“Why didn’t you tell us this last night?”

She almost said she had wanted to wait until Sunday when they were all together in the right place to talk, but she answered more honestly.  “Because I was scared of what you would think.  Your dad’s only been gone for three months.  If someone had told me this was going to happen, I never would have believed them.  I loved your dad--”  She started to cry for the first time since being back.

Chandler got up from the chair where he was sitting and came to sit beside her on the couch.  He took her into his arms and held her close.  “We know you loved Dad, Mom.  We would never question that.”

She cried for several minutes.  It wasn’t the first time she had cried in one of her children’s arms since Levi’s death, but it was the first time her tears didn’t hold sorrow and anger, but joy and hope.  She still mourned her loss and Levi’s absence, but she was experiencing her God like never before, and she believed He was behind all of this.

“Thank you, Chandler,” she said.  “Thank you for believing in me.”

He sat back and wiped her tears with his fingers.  “You’ve always done that for me, Mom.  It’s my turn to do it for you.”

***

“You all right, Grace?” Abbie asked during lunch on Friday.

“Yeah, fine,” she said.  “Why?”

“You were kind of staring off into space there.”

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Like a certain youth pastor, you mean?”

“Yes,” she smiled.  “And some other things.”

“Feel like sharing?”

Grace had debated about sharing her dad’s news with Abbie.  She wanted to, but she hadn’t brought it up yet.  This was the perfect opportunity.

“My dad met somebody.  In Iowa.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, a woman.  He likes her.  A lot.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I’m okay with it.  I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet.”

“That could change your life a bit, huh?”

“Yeah.  She might be coming tomorrow.”

“Do you want her to?”

“Yes, I’d like to meet her.  It’s just strange.”

“I’m sure it would be,” she said.

Grace knew Abbie couldn’t speak from experience since her parents were both alive and still married to each other.

“It’s kind of funny you and your dad fell in love in the same week.”

She laughed.  “Yes.  We’ve both been so stubborn about it, but now it’s like neither of us have any say in the matter.”

“You were both waiting for the right person.  I’m sorry for all those times I tried setting you up.  God is obviously much better at it than me.”

Grace had woken up this morning with an empty feeling, like she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel.  But thinking about James helped.  She tried to imagine how she would be feeling if he wasn’t in her heart like he was, but she couldn’t.

She hadn’t talked to him since last night, so she called him when she got home.  He was coming by later to pick her up for dinner before the concert, but she asked if he could come over early.  While she was waiting for him to arrive, her dad called and told her Sarah was coming with him tomorrow.  She said she was happy for him, and she was, but by the time James arrived, she was feeling lost and scared about how much this could change everything.

Tabby hadn’t come home after school because she and the other cheerleaders had some banners to make for the game tonight, and then she was going over to Ryan’s house to have dinner there.  Grace opened the door for James, and he stepped inside.  She accepted his light kiss and brief hug.  He was in a good mood but concerned about how she had sounded on the phone.  She led him into the formal living room at the front of the house.  Unless her dad had talked to James today, she didn’t think he knew about Sarah, and for some reason she had a difficult time saying it after he asked what was up.

“Grace?  Is something wrong?  Did I do something?”

“No,” she said.  “It’s my dad.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yes, he’s fine.  Better than fine.”

James looked confused.  “What’s that mean?”

“He met someone.”

James pondered her words for a moment before suspecting what she meant.  “A woman?”

“Yes.”

James smiled.  “In Iowa?  At the conference?”

“Yes.  She’s a widow, and they met there, and she’s coming here with him tomorrow.”

She could tell James was trying to be sympathetic to her feelings, but he loved her dad too much to focus entirely on her. “All right, Pastor Andy!” he laughed.  “I guess Jesus isn’t the only thing you’re passionate about.”

Grace tried not to, but she burst into tears.  She tried to escape.  She wasn’t mad at James for his reaction, but she didn’t like to cry in front of people.  The only person she did that with was her dad, but he wasn’t here and she couldn’t cry with him about this anyway.

“Hey, come here,” James said, not letting her get away.  “No running away, Gracie.  You called me, and I’m here.”

She cried for a long time, and he didn’t say anything.  She felt stupid.  She felt awful for feeling this way.  She loved her dad and wanted him to be happy, but she missed her mom and still had so many unanswered questions.

“What’s her name?” James asked.

“Sarah.”

“Is she from Iowa?”

“No, Minnesota.  He’s flying up there tomorrow morning, and they’re coming here together.”

“Same time as he was planning before?”

“No, a little later.”

James didn’t say anything, and she asked the question on her mind.  “What if I hate her?  What if I think she’s totally wrong for my dad?”

“I don’t think you will.”

“Why?”

“I know this isn’t quite the same, but I felt that way when your dad was looking to hire a worship guy at the church.  I knew he was looking for someone young, and I thought, ‘What if we don’t get along?  What if he’s a jerk?’  I loved being the only other pastor at the church with your dad because we had such a good relationship, and I didn’t want that to change.  I didn’t want to share him with anybody--that probably sounds weird--but that’s the way I felt.”

Grace hadn’t thought about how hiring other pastors might affect James, starting with Joel two years ago and then Alan last year.  She knew her dad was happy with the dynamics between the four of them, but that didn’t mean they all were.

“But everything turned out all right?” she guessed, since he was bringing this up now.

“Yes.  Your dad is a great judge of character, Gracie.  Joel and Alan haven’t taken anything away from my relationship with your dad, and I have great relationships with them too.  And I know it’s not just because your dad knows how to pick the right people, but because he asked God to bring them.  He prays and God answers--in the best way for everyone.”

“But he’s always said he didn’t think he wanted to get remarried.  Why would he start praying for it now?  Or has he done that?  What if this woman is taking advantage of him and clouding his judgment somehow?”

“Our prayers aren’t always conscious ones, Grace.  Sometimes we don’t know what we want or need, but Jesus does.”

She knew that was true.  There had been times in the last five years God had given her something she didn’t know she needed until she had it.  And the greatest example was the wonderful guy right in front of her.

“I guess my dad made a pretty good choice when he hired you,” she said, remembering how she had been concerned about it because Tabitha and Tate were both in high school at the time.

“You think?” he asked.

She smiled.  Neither of them said anything, and James kissed her.  Gently and affectionately.

“You scared me, Grace.”

“When?”

“When you told me you needed to talk and then I got here and you didn’t speak.  I thought you were going to say you were changing your mind about us.”

She smiled.  “I don’t think I’m going to be changing my mind.  You’re sweeping me off my feet, and I’m loving it, James.  You’re becoming very, very special to me.”

“You’re becoming special to me too, Grace.  I mean, you already were before this week, but being close to you like this just confirms what I’ve known all along.”

“What?”

“God brought me here for a lot of reasons, but the greatest reason is the one I’ve had to wait three years for.  And it’s been worth it.”

Grace didn’t think she could speak, and she didn’t.  James kissed her some more, and she knew the love she felt for him was the same kind of love her mom had experienced with her dad, and what Sarah was experiencing with him now too.  It wasn’t just about romance and going out on fun dates together, it was deeper than that.