Ocean Pearl (18 page)

But I didn't want Georgie to pat me like Jules had.
I wanted her to hold me tight and hug me.

How was it possible to feel so rotten and yet so unbelievably
happy?

I had just discovered that we don't always do what's
good for us. I had issued the come-and-stuff-up-my-life
giant an open invitation, and I'd had a smile on my face
when I'd given it too.

Every time I thought of Jules my heart would do a
triple backflip and when I thought of Ace, that backflip
would land splat, face down against my ribcage, my
heart puffing and panting and swearing it would never
try that again. Not that Ace deserved me feeling bad for
her. What she'd done to Micki was a lousy thing and as
far as I was concerned it didn't matter how many times
she said sorry.

Kia'd said to me the other day, when we saw Jules
up at the shops, 'You're only human.' So what was I
meant to do when Jules said I was 'divine'? Divine? No
one had ever hinted at me being even a little bit divine.

So when the world's hottest and nicest guy
wrapped his hand around mine and said, 'Would you
want to be my girlfriend?' was I meant to answer,
'That's all very nice but I'm obligated to inform you
that currently my friend Ace is your girlfriend?' I would
challenge any girl in Australia to be able to resist Jules
and say that.

If it had been the other way around and Jules was
my boyfriend but he decided he liked Ace, would Ace
put me and our friendship ahead of hooking up with
Jules? No way. Ace adored the boys loving her. That
was the way she saw herself, as the Ocean Pearl girl
who had random guys, like the one at Pete's milkbar
back home, plastering their walls with posters of her
and panting like excited dogs when she was around.

In my opinion, that's why Ace had freaked out so
much when her hair started falling out. For the first time
in her life, she was confronted with the possibility of not
being beautiful. In Ace's brain, not being beautiful meant
no adoring guys falling at her feet, which meant no life.
So, how did she think girls like me coped?

Sometimes, usually when I was feeling flat, Mum
would break into a speech: 'Georgie, there are plenty of
fish in the sea that aren't after the neat, pretty girls that
don't suck up too much brain power.' I always needed
about sixty seconds to recover from that comment
'cause I was aware what category Mum had me in.
'There are plenty of fish in the sea that want a girl with
personality. A girl they can talk and laugh with.
Someone who's fun. Who is comfortable about who
they are and not who they think they should be.' By
the time Mum finished that speech my smile was
usually upside down and sliding southwards.

'Be patient, Georgie,' she'd say. 'He'll find you
one day.'

And he had. Unfortunately he'd found Ace first.

It was almost two am and I still wasn't able to get to
sleep. Excitement and guilt were to blame. There were
two scenes from today playing tag in my head. One
had pictures and sound; one just had sound. They
didn't overlap; they weren't fighting for my attention.
Politely they'd wait for the other one to finish before
taking to the stage and having their turn.

The scene I wanted to revisit the most just had
sound. It was me and Jules talking on the phone this
afternoon.

'Hey,' Jules'd said, 'is it safe to talk?'

'Yeah.' Jules's voice made me squeeze my eyes shut
so I could breathe in his sound. 'I'm up the top near the
tennis courts. It's good reception here, better than
the bungalow.'

'I just dumped Ace. It was bad,' he told me. 'Maybe
not quite as bad as I thought it'd be. She didn't go
psycho.'

'I don't think Ace does psycho.'

Jules laughed. 'She was shocked. I could tell that.'

'Was she crying?'

'Not with me. Ace is tough, Georgie.'

'She's also very soft and squishy.'

We both sighed at the same time. My sigh was 'cause
my heart felt like it was being squeezed up my throat. I
didn't want to comfort Ace and hear her version
of events. I wanted to be with Jules. But that was
impossible.

I knew I'd have to hold Ace's hand while she
banged on and on about how horrible Jules was. I also
knew that I wouldn't be able to say what was itching
my tongue: 'Ace, the way you treat people, shutting
Jules out of your life, prying into Micki's privacy, what
do you really expect? Just to get away with it because
you're Ace?'

'You're too nice, Georgie,' Jules told me. 'I think you
see a different Ace to me. Anyway, you've got a job.
This is classic, Georgie. I almost lost it.'

'What?'

'Ace wants her album back. She's scared I'm going to
sell the photos on eBay.'

'What!'

'And she's sending you to get it off me.'

'She said that?' I didn't know whether to be angry or
elated.

'"Georgie will call you to arrange a time to collect it."
That came out of her mouth like you were her personal
assistant.'

'What will I say?'

'Say you'll do it,' Jules answered. 'We'll get to see
each other. I leave for the Gold Coast in two days and
then when I get back you'll be gone.'

'I know. I know,' I said. 'I'm just – I don't know, it's
such a mess.'

'Georgie, you've done nothing wrong. You didn't
come on to me. Even though I wish you had.' He
chuckled and my knees went to jelly. 'You didn't tell
me to dump Ace. I made that decision before you and I
even went surfing. And I fell for you that day in the
surf. I remember the exact moment.'

'Yeah?'

'I'd just got nailed for about the fifth time. My leg
rope came undone, I lost my board, I was caught in a
rip and getting dumped and you appeared out of
nowhere dragging my board behind you. You paddled
up to me and you were laughing. "Gutsy!" you said.
"That was a little monster you went for. You nearly had
it too," and there was this incredible smile on your face.
You looked so happy and it made me feel happy too.
Man, I was all yours. You had me then.'

I gulped and stars swam around my head.

I remembered laughing and stirring him heaps in the
surf. Until now, I'd had no idea what was going on in his
mind. To me, we were just having heaps of fun and
getting on so well, like we'd known each other forever.

Jules and I said goodbye. I slipped my phone back
into the pocket of my coat and savoured a feeling like
tiny fairies dancing on my skin.

As if it was a puzzle, I wanted to piece together
every second of that afternoon surfing with him.
Maybe there was something I'd be able to remember
about the way he'd looked at me.

I didn't want to go straight back to the bungalow or
the rec room where the girls were watching
Juno
. I
wanted to be on my own so I could think about every
word Jules had said to me. I was desperate to hear
them all again – the sound of his voice when he'd said
things like, 'You had me then.'

But just as I tried, the other scene from today – the
one with sound and pictures – started playing in my
head, ruining everything and making me feel sick
inside.

At first, I'd heard her voice and the hairs on my neck
stood up to attention. Then Ace was running towards
me, sobbing and spluttering.

'Jules dumped me. He was horrible,' she cried,
throwing her arms around me and howling into the
curve of my neck.

I tried, I did – I mean, I knew this was going to
happen – but I just couldn't make my arms wrap themselves
around her. 'I'm sorry, Ace,' I whispered. 'I'm
really sorry.'

'Hug me.' Ace pulled at my arms and folded them
around her. 'I need a hug, Georgie. Please don't be mad
with me anymore.'

'I'm – not – mad – with you, Ace.' It took a tonne of
effort to form each word, let alone make them loud
enough to be heard.

'Jules was so mean,' Ace said. 'I've never seen that
side of him.'

'He probably felt bad.'

'So he should've! I mean, as Kia just said, what a
dickhead dumping me while I'm here at camp trying
out for the national team. How – how selfish!'

'So Kia knows about you and Jules?' I swallowed.

'Yeah,' Ace answered. 'I think I need a Starfish
Sisters night.' She snuggled into my shoulder. 'You
know, how we used to have them when we pulled our
doonas and pillows onto the floor. Can we?'

'I'm not the boss.'

I felt awkward as I walked across the lawn. My body
was stiff like a plank of wood. Plus I had this living
thing attached to me like a limpet and it was weighing
me down.

But in anyone else's mind, it was Ace and me going
down to dinner, our arms comfortably draped around
each other like only real friends could do.

It was almost two-thirty am and my eyelids were
getting heavier and heavier. The peaceful breaths of
Kia, Micki and Ace floated up from the floor.

I swung around to the end of my bed and looked
down at them. They were tangled up in doonas and
pillows. Kia's arm was resting on Micki's legs and Ace's
feet were on Kia's stomach.

My excuse for not being down there with them was
that I felt sick in the stomach. Technically, that wasn't a
lie 'cause the brick in my guts was so heavy I could
hardly swallow.

Not that I knew what was and what wasn't a lie
anymore. The only thing I knew about lies was that I
was drowning in them. But we don't always do what's
best for us. I had willingly taken a deep breath and
dived into the traitor's sea of deception.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't blame anyone
except myself.

For a couple of hours, the girls had chatted away
while I'd pretended to be asleep.

Micki had hardly spoken but then she didn't exactly
get much of an opportunity. From watching Micki, I
could tell that she'd become wary of Ace. There were
little things I noticed, like she didn't initiate any
conversations with Ace. She'd talk to her and stuff but
she'd never actually start it. Just looking at them
sleeping on the floor said it all. The only two girls not
touching were Micki and Ace.

I wouldn't be surprised if Micki never forgave Ace. It
was certain that Micki'd never forget and deep inside
her heart I reckon she'd never feel the same about her. I
didn't blame Micki 'cause I felt like that too. Ace didn't
deserve our forgiveness.

Last night, the only words of Kia's I'd heard were
things like 'I'm so sorry' and 'You must feel awful.'
Although she did actually dare to tell Ace that she
wouldn't take Jules back. I wondered if that was for me.

Kia was totally unimpressed with me. She wouldn't
look at me. She wouldn't speak to me. When I asked
her to pass the salt at dinner, she'd slid it across with
such aggro it almost skidded off the table. No one
seemed to notice though.

The only time Kia spoke to me all night was as we
filed into the rec room for our evening's entertainment
with Don Chambers, the national head coach. 'Happy?'
she'd whispered through her teeth. 'I thought you
were going to tell Jules not to dump her this week.'

There was no point telling Kia that I had. Jules'd
thought about it for a bit then decided he couldn't wait.
'If I'm still with Ace,' he explained, 'but texting you and
meeting up with you and thinking only about you,
then doesn't that make it worse, Georgie?'

I didn't say anything back. I couldn't. The idea that
Jules could think only about me had me gasping for air.

What should have been the highlight of the day was
when Jake announced at dinnertime that Ocean Pearl
had offered Micki sponsorship. The three of us had
asked Jake to make a special announcement because
we knew Micki wouldn't tell anyone herself. Out of the
surf, that was the most united thing we'd done all
week. But it was for Micki, so it was worth it.

Micki had told us beforehand about the OP sponsorship.
She was pretty shy about it and nervous about
Ace's reaction, but then Micki wasn't one to pump
herself up. She'd be the last person to be in your face.
But I did think she'd be just a tad more excited about it.

Ace was cool. She actually genuinely didn't seem
that worried. She said, 'Good on you, Micki, you really
deserve it.' After that she gave Micki a hug. Micki kind
of stood there like a tin soldier but if Ace noticed it, she
didn't let on.

Naturally, Kia and I were already screaming and
bouncing around 'cause we were so, so happy for her.

Later that night when I went into the bathroom to
brush my teeth, Micki was already in there brushing
hers.

'You okay?' I asked, 'cause in the mirror I could see
her frowning.

'You know, Ocean Pearl probably want to sponsor
you too, Georgie.'

'Maybe.' I'd shrugged.

I still didn't know why almost two weeks ago Andy
Wallace had left a message at our place. But what I did
know was that the reason I'd avoided calling him back
was 'cause I was worried about hurting Ace.

My hands were tightly folded behind my back to stop
them from slapping Georgie across the face a couple of
times. Georgie wasn't doing a good job of hiding the fact
that she didn't want to be in our tag team and it wasn't
making us look like a very good potential national
team. The entire selection panel were down at the beach
to watch us do our stuff and I'm sure they weren't
impressed. I wouldn't have been.

Jake seemed pissed off, 'cause he was speaking
through his teeth. 'Georgie, I want you to stay with
your Starfish Sisters.'

'I thought we were called group one,' she replied.

'No arguing, Georgie.'

'What is Georgie playing at?' Ace whispered to me.

I shrugged, tempted to say, 'You don't want to
know.'

Georgie did a sort of a huffy turn and crossed the
sand to where Micki, Ace and I were standing.

'Zena, you're captain of your team,' Jake instructed.
He was doing a good job of ignoring the bad vibe
Georgie had brought to the beach. 'And Georgie, you're
captain of the Starfish Sisters.'

That was the other thing I wanted to call out: 'Jake,
Georgie's resigned from the Starfish Sisters. She's just
too gutless to tell anyone.'

Georgie was chewing the inside of her cheeks as
Jake rattled off the rules of the tag team contest.
'Captains in first, they select the take-off zone and you
must stick to it or you'll be disqualified and your score
will be deducted from the team's points.'

'Right out the left peak.' Ace prodded Georgie's back.

Georgie spun around and snapped. 'Yeah, got it!'

Ace blushed and took a step back.

Georgie was on a downer and it was polluting the
atmosphere. This was exactly what I'd been afraid of:
her ability to rock everyone's world because hers was
rocking.

Georgie's arms were folded but underneath her
elbows I could see her hands clenched into fists as if
they were about to explode and take us all with her like
a suicide bomber.

Breathe, breathe,
I told myself.
This is important. Focus.
Don't even look at Georgie.

'Twenty minutes each, your two best scores taken,'
Jake continued. 'Then before morning tea, once your
brekkie's settled, we'll do heat two. Then after lunch
there are the interviews for those girls who weren't
done yesterday.'

I could recite the interview list word for word I'd
checked it that many times. Zena – 1.30 – 1.50 pm;
Jussie – 2.00 – 2.20 pm; Steph – 2.45 – 3.05 pm; then
lucky (I hoped) last was me – 3.15 – 3.35 pm.

'Have a stretch. Look at the surf and discuss some
strategies with your team,' Jake told us all. 'The siren
goes in five minutes.'

Georgie and Zena hit the water and began battling it
out for the same take-off zone way out the back. The
high tide that had been killing the barrels had begun to
drop off and some nice waves were starting to come
through, if you were patient enough to wait for them.

'Come on, Georgie. Come on, Georgie', the three of
us chanted. The only good thing about Georgie being
in our team and being captain was that she was first
out. It was hard, if not verging on impossible, to beat
Georgie in a paddle battle. That said, Zena was putting
on plenty of pressure. But not quite enough.

'Yes!' Ace punched the air. Georgie had possession of
the left peak. It would be hard for the other team to
keep up unless we stuffed up our wave selection. They
knew too 'cause the sounds coming from their camp
were 'No!' and 'What?' and Laura was doing a bit of
kickboxing with the sand.

'Pressure's on,' I said. 'Let's keep it up.'

Without time for Georgie to catch her breath, a
quality set loomed and she spun around, digging her
arms through the water again, picking off the best that
was there. She pulled in on her backhand, came out
and pulled in again. On the wave behind was Zena and
she'd got an even longer barrel.

'Yes!' Laura yelled.

The war was on!

Ten minutes to go. There'd been a lull in the sets and
both girls still only had one score on the board. But way
out on the horizon a rogue set was on its way.

'Come on, Georgie, spin around. Spin around,'
Micki said, holding my arm, virtually giving me a
Chinese burn. 'Come on!'

Zena was paddling back from the second ride,
which hadn't been that spectacular. But Georgie was
still sitting out there.

'What's she doing?' Micki groaned, squeezing my
arm even tighter.

'Trust her, Micki,' Ace answered as Georgie let the
fourth wave roll through. 'She's waiting. Just trust her.
Trust her.'

I wanted to put my hand over Ace's mouth and
smother the word that kept spilling from her mouth.

But in this case Georgie could be trusted.

A wave – clean, hollow and sectioning up beautifully
– was charging through. Without a second of
panic, Georgie was on it, tearing it to shreds.

'Woooo! That girl can surf,' Ace hollered. 'I'd want to
be in her team any day.'

The Starfish Sisters tag team slaughtered the other
team. They had a combined score of forty-eight points,
versus our sixty-three. Micki and Georgie each got a
near-perfect score for one of their waves – Georgie a 9.0
and Micki an 8.5.

As the morning progressed we'd got more and more
pumped and determined to win. We talked each other
up and discussed psych-out strategies between heats
and how to pull the advantage. We were like a well-oiled
machine, primed for victory.

The other team argued about not fighting for
priority and not paddling hard enough. They were
having trouble even looking at one another.

But now we were sitting around the table eating
lunch, the roles had reversed. Our unity vibe from the
beach had been zapped off the face off the earth.

At least Ace was filling the silence. 'I wish Andy
Wallace had been there. If he could've seen how good I
was surfing . . . I mean, everything's cool between us –
he pretty much told me himself that my contract's fine
but sometimes I think he just sees me as a bikini model
and not a real surfer.'

Micki began to choke on her juice. Ace patted her
back. 'Micki, did he mention anything about me?'

'No.'

'Nothing?'

'Nothing.'

'Well, what
did
Andy say? You haven't told us
anything about it.'

Ace was right. Micki had said virtually zero. If it was
me, I wouldn't be able to shut up.

'There's really not that much to tell,' Micki replied,
pushing away her plate, which was still half-piled with
food.

'Oh, Georgie,' Ace said, 'have you sent a message to
Jules yet about getting my photo album back?'

Georgie's chair moaned as she slid it backwards and
stood up.

'I – I can get the album if you want,' I offered to Ace.
'It's fine.'

'I said I'd get it,' Georgie answered, pulling her coat
around her. 'I'm just waiting to hear back from him
with a time.'

'Just don't forget to tell him he's a dickhead,' Ace
said. 'Georgie?'

Georgie was walking away.

'She is seriously strange again today.' Ace sighed.
'I'm now starting to wonder if she's not feeling rejected
'cause out of us four she's still the only one without a
sponsor. But that attitude is not helping her.'

My tummy was cramping up. I didn't know if it was
Brian's cooking or Ace's conversation. I looked over at
Micki but she was busy studying her fingernails.

What was wrong with everyone?

'Micki, did Andy say anything about them sponsoring
other girls? 'Cause Ocean Pearl's about to explode
into this massive brand,' Ace told us. She stamped her
feet on the ground. 'It's going to be so exciting! I can't
wait.'

'Well, I'm happy with Seahorse Girl,' I said.

'So you should be,' Ace replied. 'So, Micki, did he?'

'No.'

'You're making it sound like Andy didn't say
anything.'

Micki shrugged. 'I hope Georgie gets a sponsor.'

'Look, I know I've said this before to you, Kia,' Ace
whispered, leaning across the table towards us. 'And
please, Micki, don't think I'm saying that Georgie's
ugly, 'cause I'm not, but I don't think she's . . . presentable
enough. You have to be marketable and something
the media likes, or it just doesn't happen.' Ace sat back
and nodded. 'There are a couple of high-profile women
surfers, pro surfers too, that don't have financial sponsorship.
I've asked Andy about it before and do you
know what he said?'

I shook my head. Micki was practically chewing her
fingertips off.

'They don't have the right look and you never know
what's going to come out of their mouth. They're
stuffed with attitude. They're not marketable. True!'

Micki stood up. 'I'm going to the bathroom.'

'I'll go with you,' I said.

'Kia?' Micki whispered to me from her toilet cubicle. 'I
have – I have to tell you something.'

I turned off the tap. 'What?'

'I know we made the no secrets, no lies policy but I
can't keep this to myself anymore.'

My heart popped. How did Micki know about Jules
and Georgie?

'It's okay,' I answered. 'I think the only one sticking
to the no secrets, no lies policy is Ace. But then she
wasn't with us when we made the pact, so it doesn't
count.' The stars must've been off duty the night we'd
made our promise or maybe they were sulking and not
listening. I groaned. 'Oh, Micki, why is everything so
messed up?'

Micki came out of the cubicle. 'What do you mean?'

'What do you reckon? Georgie and –' I caught
myself mid-sentence. In the mirror I had just seen
Micki's face and she had no idea what I was on about.
'Why? What are you talking about?'

Micki crouched down on the tiled floor, pulling me
with her. She cupped her hands over my ears and whispered,
'Andy Wallace has asked me to be the new
Ocean Pearl girl.'

My bum dropped to the ground. 'What?'

'He asked me not to say anything.'

I felt my hand wrap itself around my neck, my
second finger rubbing against my chin. This piece of
news was almost worse than Georgie and Jules.

But the worst thing of all – and this I was sure of –
was that now I was the keeper of two filthy secrets.
How had I landed myself this role?

'Kia?' Micki gulped. Her throat jumped like it had a
frog trapped inside it. 'Kia, I'm scared. I think they've
asked the wrong girl.'

'What do you mean?'

'Me?' Micki whispered. 'I'm not the Ocean Pearl girl.
I'm all . . . wrong.'

Micki left the bathroom. Maybe because I couldn't
think of the right thing to say back, so I didn't say
anything. Instead, I said that I still needed the toilet –
another lie, just one more, what did it matter now?
Everything was a disaster anyway.

My face glared at me in the mirror. 'I've been trying
to be a good friend to everyone,' I told it. 'I'm the
normal one, even Ace said that. It's my job to keep the
Starfish Sisters together. Action. I'm into action, that's
me.'

But I was doing a pathetic job. We were falling apart
and I couldn't stick us back together.

My hands slid inside my tracksuit pants. Up and
over they ran, across the scars on my thighs, till the
heat began to burn off my skin.

I left the bathroom, telling myself, 'Breathe.'

The girls were wandering into a meeting room for
the after-lunch session on injury management.

Ace spotted me standing at the doorway. 'Kia,' she
called, 'I'll get the comfy couch.'

But I couldn't go in there. I couldn't just go and sit
next to Ace. I knew too much. Georgie and Jules. Micki
and Ocean Pearl.

All the lying and sneaking around. I could taste it.
The filth was pasted all over my skin. My nails scratched
up and down my arms but I couldn't get it off.

Breathe. Breathe. Just make it to the next minute. In. Out.
In. Out.
My feet were marching, taking me somewhere.
I think I knew where. It was the only place to go.
Breathe. A few more minutes and the pain will go away.
Breathe. Iiiin. Oooout.
Down the corridor. Out the glass
doors.
It's the only way to make the pain go away.
Up the
walkway.
You know that.
One foot in front of the other.
Breathe. Breathe . . . Make it to the next . . . It's taking me.
Taking control.
Faster and faster I went.
I want it. I want
it. I don't want to feel like this.
My hand pushing open the
bungalow door.
Breathe. In . . .
Outside the bathroom
door. Turning the handle.
Breathe . . .
It's open. Starfish
tiles, crawling all over the walls. One foot. One foot
inside. My hand reaching over to my toiletry bag.
Make
it go away. It'll make it go away. It's the only . . .

'No!' I shouted.

I was running out of the bungalow. Back down the
walkway. Across the lawn. My hands pulled at my
clothes, tore off my jumper, my feet kicked off my ugg
boots – a trail of me dotted along the grass and
stopping at the board shed. I grabbed my wetsuit off its
peg and wrestled my body into it.

'Kia?' Jake appeared at the entrance. 'What are you
doing?'

'I – I really –' My throat was so dry the words were
catching at the sides. 'I really need to get in the water.'

'But there's a session on now.'

'Please, Jake?'

'Kia, are you all right?'

'I just need to get in the water.'

'Okay.' Jake nodded. 'Okay.'

I charged into the surf as though the rest of the
world was on fire. My hands gripped my board as I
rolled along the white water. Over and under I somersaulted
through the waves, feeling the water wash over
me, through my hair, on my face, across my arms,
down my back and legs, to the soles of my feet,
washing every piece of me, while inside, my head
screeched with joy: 'I made it.'