Read Obsession (9780061887079) Online
Authors: Gloria Vanderbilt
Talbot
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“Get out get out get out!” Priscilla threw the letter at me and, screaming, ran from the room. I left it lying on the floor where it landedâa copy, of courseâthe original treasured next to my bed at Akeru, next to a photograph of Talbot. Then, having seen and done to my satisfaction all that I wanted to see and do, I said a pleasant good-bye to Phoebe as I passed her in the hall and marched out of Mrs. Talbot Bingham's Sutton Place house in New York City into my car, on to the airport, and off I jettedâhome to Akeru.
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B
EE WAKES FROM THIS DREAM
, remembering it in alarming detail. But in the afternoon falls into a deep sleep and, when she wakes, has no memory of itâ¦
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T
HROUGH COMPETENT SOURCES
I have discovered that Maja's Janus Club is a five-story mansion on a quiet street in Brooklyn. Determined not to be found out to be an impostor, I arrive wearing sunglasses, confidently presenting myself as Bee. There appears to be a lot of bustle going on, but as I enter, someone runs to greet me, surprised. Obviously it is the flamboyant Maja who although distracted is delighted by my arrival, chatting on about the fête and Nadine who she says has been giving trouble lately and I've arrived just in time to take her down a peg or two. I tell Maja I miss Talbot, and, restless, left Akeru in charge of Rowena and staff for an indefinite time. As we talk it is clear to me she has no suspicion that my real identity is Priscilla, so I take off my sunglasses and look her in the eye as, smilingly, she looks back.
“Well, Bee, you haven't changed. Seeing you brings back happy times, and this is a most fortuitous visitâjust in time for our annual Masked Fête tomorrow night. Come see how we are transforming the ballroom into a magic circle of a silver-and-crystal grotto.”
Knowing nothing of the layout of the house, I hesitate: “I'll need something to wearâa dress, a mask; I forgot this is the time of year for the annual fête.”
“Check with the atelierâthey'll make up something for you in a jiff.”
“No, let me first take a tour around to see if anything has changed since I left that night when Talbot came to claim me.”
“Little has changed,” Maja reassures me. “Our Janus Club is still best in the landâour goddesses make life their art. It's not easy to
find ones up to your class or Nadine's, but I do have a new arrival ready to be presented in time for the fêteâquite acceptableâPhoebeâshe's learning fast. I've even found someone to replace Rowena, since you spirited her away from me. She's teaching a class right now in the Blue and Silver Roomâas you're passing by take a look in. But oh Bee, we still all miss Talbotâso muchâit's a credit to you that you kept The Rules he imposed to the letter and what a success you've made of Akeru! I congratulate you. And it appears you took my advice and preserved the deepest part of yourself intactâyou did, didn't you?”
I turn away from her so she cannot see my tears.
“Never doubt he was genuinely admiring of you. Such a curious mixture, wasn't heâand, if you don't mind a bit of pop
psychology from your ole
Mamacita
, I've come to the conclusionâa genius, yesâand to the world, a demigod, but as a man his desire to win honor, power, wealth, fame, and love of women came from lack of believing he had achieved enough of these satisfactions, and, like any other unsatisfied man, he turned away from reality and transferred his interests, and his libido too, into wishful constructions of a life of fantasy. But I must run, Bee,” and she hurries off to attend to the fête.
I cautiously find my way around the house, imagining Talbot walking up the grand staircase, along these corridors, past rooms with doors closed. What has gone on here? What is going on there now? The front of each door is a painted trompe l'oeil, rendered so skillfully the figures appeared real. I reach out to touch the naked flesh, stunned
to see each face resembles mine. Am
I
really here or am I too a dream?
As I turn to go down the staircase, someone in a great rush almost runs into me and seeing me, stops, exclaiming:
“Bee! What in heaven's name are
you
doing here?”
Stalling, to gather my wits I reply, “I got restless, missing Talbotâso I came back.”
“Oh Bee, I've missed youâI'm on my way for a fitting butâcome let's talk.” And she pulls me to sit with her in an alcove on the staircase.
“Oh that lovely manâI'm sorry for your loss, Bee. No one like him, before or since, so generous to all of us, unlike any client I ever knew. I used to be so jealous of you, convinced it was me he should have chosenâI had the kind of moxie to cope with The Rules
he required. I thought you much too romantic in the long pull to be ever able to hang in there. Anyone could see you were falling in love with himâI wasn'tâwhich makes
all
the difference.” Laughing, she rambled on.
“Remember, during the second half of the Yab-Yum when we each had a turn to display our skills at provoking his cockâI wasn't so sureâI thought he favored me. It's fair to say, Bee, even Maja puts me first in that skill. I'm eager to go for whatever it takes. Only when Talbot, turning me over, removed the balsa stick, replacing it with his cock, roughly, causing me to cry outâI didn't take to that one bitâso unlike him to cruelly comment I could never qualify as Maîtresse unless I be molded by the more severe golden rod.
“But later, Bee, when your turn cameâ
to my professional eye, you were much more interested in finding just the right size of a golden rod than in catering to his cock. I congratulate the time you took, considering the varying tapered sizes presented in the ebony box, intuitively selecting the one to please him. How inventive to suck it before inserting in you, leaving it there for a goodly time, sitting cross-legged to let him, without touching you, contemplate your beauty, and, after a time instructing you to remove it, bid me (not you, Bee) to pour aphrodisiac from the clay cruet into my hands, place a drop on my finger, lightly circle the tip of his cock, as you sat silently observing the pleasure I was giving him. But he never took his eyes off you Beeâdon't think I didn't notice that! When the sweet musk scent filled the room he motioned me to give back the golden rod, know
ing you would insert it with greater skill, but as he bent over the divan my tongue found its way to the secret crevices of his balls increasing his pleasure by taking his cock in my mouth as you rolled the rod gently around and up, higher into him with just the right edge. I learned a lot from you that evening, Bee. And heâenjoyed it mightily.”
I am fainting, and taking her hand to steady myself, I blurt out, “Oh NadineâI have to go nowâno maskâhave nothing to wear,” and, about to ask directions to find the atelier, luckily I catch myself in time, for if I did she would discover I was an impostor. Flustered, astonished to hear myself say as she runs away from me down the stairsâ
“It will be fun working with you again Nadine.”
I look around the halls and finally come
upon the atelier where activity swirls in preparation for the fête. It stops when they see me standing in the doorway.
“Bee!” they all cry. “We missed you. Welcome home.”
Later I learned that Maja encouraged members of the Janus Club to bring wives to her annual fête. I wondered if Talbot had ever in the beginning of our marriage even considered taking me? No doubt Maja knew from her discussions with him when he had enlisted her talents to find him a Maîtresse that Iâhis wifeâwas incapable of reciprocating passion in ways he requiredâknew I would not enjoy or condone the pleasures Janus provided. And, of course that was true. But now?
Priscilla couldn't believe it was her voice saying to Maja:
“Do you think Priscilla would have enjoyed coming with Talbot to Janus Club?”
“Hardly,” Maja laughed. “I never met Mrs. Bingham, of course, but from everything I could gather she's a real uptight prudeâtotally unsuitable for Talbot. His genius had the creativity and the money to make Akeru and The Rules a reality. Not many of us can have our dreams come true in the way he did. Yes, his passions were excessive and obsessive indeed. He achieved everything he wanted, but I can't help but question sometimesâwas it ever enough?”
“You meanâhe
didn't
find what he was looking for at AkeruâThe Rules?”
“Perhapsâperhaps⦔
“How many wives do you expect at the fête?” I stand in the atelier as Maja supervises the fitting for my costume.
“Quite a few actually, the ones that do come are highly competitive. They have an uncanny way of zooming in on goddesses their husbands are, or have been, bewitched by. It's amusing to see how some suggest they retire with such a goddess to one of our private rooms, which, as you well know, are conducive to exploring all manner of pleasures. The favorite room stillâyou remember the one Talbot always requestedâmagenta satin walls, carpeted with red plush roses of velvet silk. Even I'm sometimes surprised when my goddesses tell me they've learned a thing or two from Wife, which is as it should be.”
“Where does it lead?” my voice quavers.
“Often to behavior that wouldn't be tolerated anywhere except here.”
“Is anything expected of me tonight?”
“No, Bee, just have a good time.”
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T
HE FÃTE HAS NOT BEGUN
, but dressed and ready I wander restlessly to the fifth floor of the Janus Club and come upon a dark passageway leading to a door that has been left unpainted as though abandoned before the house was completed. Curiously, the door springs open as I approach and as if pushed by unseen hands I stagger into a room as brightly lit as an empty stage. As the door behind me shuts I know not if the room be big or small, as the walls and ceiling are mirrored. The floor is even coated with a silvery sheen, and although it is not made of mirror appears to be so. Dazed, I stand stunned as hitting and bouncing off the walls, back and forth, up and down, around, stretching into infinity, hundredsâno thousandsâof images of a woman whose face is concealed by a mask of doves' wings and marabou feathers, her dress diamanté and
woven with crystal stars, the tulle frothing around her like whipped cream. Closing my eyes, I twirl, willing the skin beneath this finery to shed like a chrysalis and when I open my eyes I will be Bee. Dizzy, I remove the maskâit is not Bee. It is I. Thousands of Priscillas crying outâ
Yes, yes
âto the center of each of usâ
she
for him,
he
for herânot me. What matter I be Wife? She will forever be his Queen.
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I
N
S
ANTA
B
ARBARA
, Bee on sudden impulse decides to surprise Maja by appearing unexpectedly at the Masked Fête. She throws her white dress sprinkled with diamanté and crystal stars into a suitcase, into it, too, the mask of marabou feathers and doves' wings Talbot placed across her eyes the night he brought her from Janus Club to Akeru. Her heart pounds as she looks from the window
of the plane on its way to New York soaring into clouds and sunlight before rising into a nothingness of blue.
Dominated by mutual obsession, two eagles are now one. They travel, sweeping across mountains and valleys, oceans, deserts, toward each other, across forests by day, in dark of night, at incredible speedâ¦
As midnight strikes, Bee appears at Janus Club.
Among the merrymakers a woman in a strapless tulle dress sparkling with diamanté and crystal stars, wearing a mask of white marabou feathers and doves' wings, mingles in the great hall as new arrivals push through the door.
Among them she sees a woman entering dressed as she is, wearing a mask of white feathers and doves' wings.
Simultaneously, the woman entering spots in the crowd another dressed as she isâand when she doesâshe faltersâfaints, but soon recovers.
She pushes through the crowd, tearing off her mask, moving swiftly toward the woman; she rips the mask off the other woman's face.
As this happens, the two women clasp their arms around each other.
And that, dear reader, is how obsession ends.
My thanks to Daniel Halpern for the brilliance of his vision.
To Chip Kiddâas ever, endless admiration.
To Jeannette Watson for her friendship and encouragement.
To Helene Goulay and the Corner Bookstore for unfailing support.
To Jeanne Carter, agent supreme.
To the team at Ecco-HarperCollins for their involvement and commitment.
GLORIA VANDERBILT
is the author of four memoirs and two novels. She contributes to various publications, including the
New York Times, Vanity Fair,
and
Elle,
and has received two honorary doctorates of Fine Arts. She lives in New York City.
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