Obsession 3 (22 page)

Secret thought she would throw up right there in the warehouse just thinking about that night. And at the time she had no idea that the man waiting to bust her cherry was Major Pain. She never thought in a million years she'd ever see him again. Even so, she never thought in a million years he would even remember her again if he ever saw her, but apparently he had. That day Lucky had introduced the two at the warehouse he'd looked at her with familiarity. Clearly he must have eventually remembered her all too well.

“Major pulled me aside a couple days after he saw you here in the warehouse,” Lucky said. “Honor among brothers. He had to let me know he'd hit that. He told me the scenario. I put two and two together.”

“Is he trying to say that you got down with Major and Daddy set it all up?” Kat asked.

The lone tear escaping from Secret's eye gave Kat the answer.

“Secret, honey,” Kat said empathetically and then took a step toward Secret in an attempt to comfort her.

“Don't move!” Secret yelled. She put the gun on Kat and Kat froze.

Kat had a look of hurt in her eyes. She couldn't believe her sister was standing there aiming a gun at her.

“What?” Secret said unsympathetically. “You think you're the only one who can say fuck blood and stab 'em in the back?” Secret looked into her sister's eyes. “You were my blood, and you played me for him?”

Kat looked over to Lucky as she spoke to Secret. “Like I told you, he was like my kryptonite. Something about him. I just kept going back.”

Secret had to realize that even though she and Kat had this instantaneous inseparable bond when they were little girls, it was only temporarily. That bond had obviously deteriorated over the years they had been apart. But always looking at the glass half full and wanting that fairytale life, Secret thought they could just pick up where they'd left off. She though Kat had felt the same way about her. Looked like she couldn't have been more wrong about her and Lucky. The two were made for each other, definitely cut from the same cloth.

“And by the way,” Lucky said. “He knows about Dina.”

A look of horror covered Secret's face. Not so much because Major Pain now knew that Secret had given birth to his child and she had no idea what he would try to do about it, but because Dina was still out in the car.

“Oh, my God, Secret,” Kat said, shaking her head. “I didn't know.”

“And would it have mattered?” Secret yelled. “You're just like him.” She now pointed the gun at Lucky, shaking and in just complete hysterics. She felt like the world was against her, tumbling down on her. Both Lucky and her own sister had betrayed her. No wonder they'd been connected for so many years. The two were just alike and meant to be together. Well now they would die together. Certainly this wasn't part of Detective Davis's deal, but Secret had made one too many deals with the devil already. And nothing was ever what it seemed. Well, she was no longer willing to take that chance.

“I hate to say it, baby girl,” Lucky said, growling in pain, “but you brought it all upon yourself. Like you said yourself, you are the one who made the choices.”

“You're right,” Secret said, “and now I'm about to make another one.” She cocked the gun. “And by the way, you don't need a doctor,” Secret said to Lucky, aiming the gun right at his head. “You need Jesus.”

“Secret!”

Shawndiece coming from down the hallway into the garage area startled everyone, especially Secret, who swooped her arms in Shawndiece's direction and accidentally pulled the trigger.

There were multiple screams. It was hard to tell if it was Secret, Kat, or Shawndiece, but considering Shawndiece was the one lying on the ground, chances were it was her.

“Oh, God, Shawn!” Secret dropped the gun and ran over to her best friend who lay on the ground not moving. She was covered in blood. Secret didn't know if it was the old blood from the puddle she'd last seen her lying in, or fresh blood as a result of the shot Secret had just fired. “Shawndiece, please. Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shoot you.”

“Good,” Shawndiece said, lifting her head. “Because you didn't.”

Secret was in shock, but at the same time relieved. “Then why the hell are you on the ground?” Secret spat.

“Bitch, ain't I taught you nothing? When you hear bullets flying, you're supposed to hit the deck. Not stand there and wait to get hit. Didn't you see my ass lying back there on the ground? I wasn't hit then either. But a bitch hit the ground as soon as the first shot was fired.”

Secret could have strangled Shawndiece, but the sound of a gun shooting made Secret hit the deck as well. That's when she looked up and saw Kat aiming the gun and shooting it at the garage entrance door. She looked at the door just in time to see Lucky clearing the doorway to the outside.

“Shit,” Secret said, Kat running toward the door still shooting.

Finally there was nothing but clicking sounds as Kat was out of bullets. Just then Secret heard tires screeching while at the same time hearing sirens. It was the sound of the screeching tires that put the most awful feeling in the world in the pit of Secret's stomach.

Secret scrambled up from the ground. “My car. No, no, no. Dina! Dina!” Secret ran out the door, pushing Kat aside. Kat was still aiming and trying to shoot the empty gun at Lucky, who was driving off in Secret's car just as police cars pulled up.

“Freeze!” cops yelled, exiting their cars and drawing their guns on Kat.

Kat dropped the gun and put her hands behind her head.

Just then Secret saw Detective Davis getting out of the first squad car that had pulled up. “He's getting away, and my baby is in the car. He's getting away.” Secret pointed just as Lucky pulled out of the side exit of the lot. No sooner than Detective Davis turned to look, there was the sound of screeching tires, a loud crash and all that could be seen was a semi truck pushing Secret's car out of view.

A piercing scream escaped Secret's mouth as she dropped to her knees. “Oh God! My baby! My baby is in the car.”

Officers began running toward the accident. Secret was still in shock and couldn't move.

“Get up, Secret. Come on, let's go.” Shawndiece pulled on Secret's arm trying to get her to her feet. Secret was dead weight and Shawndiece was unable to get her to budge. “Get the fuck up!” Shawndiece yelled. “That's your baby. We gotta go see about your baby.”

Secret looked up to Shawndiece. She was in a daze. She had a puzzled expression on her face as if she didn't understand what Shawndiece was saying her.

Shawndiece used a calmer tone. “Let's go see about, Dina, Secret.” She tugged her arm. “Come on.”

Secret began nodding in agreement. “Dina. I gotta go see about Dina.”

“Yes. Come on.” Shawndiece was able to get Secret to her feet.

In a slow pace Secret began following the path of the police officers. Within seconds her slow pace had turned into a light jog, then a run. When she cleared the corner all she could see was the mangled up car pinned to the front of the semi.

Secret threw her hand over her mouth and gasped. There was no way anyone could have survived this accident. Her car was mangled, crushed like an aluminum can. Secret searched for air. There was none. She couldn't breathe.

Both Secret and Shawndiece stood frozen. When Secret took a step toward the truck, Shawndiece grabbed her arm. Secret looked back at her. Shawndiece shook her head. “No, Secret.” Shawndiece had changed her attitude in just that short of time. A few seconds ago she was urging Secret to go see about Dina. Now she wanted to save her friend the despair of having a vision embedded in her head that might never go away.

“Son of a bitch,” Shawndiece said in awe as she looked past Secret.

Secret turned to face the scene of the accident. She saw Lucky emerged from the car through the passenger window, as it would have been impossible for him to escape through the driver side that was smashed into the truck's grill. Seeing Lucky gave her hope. Things might not have been as bad as it looked.

Secret broke loose from Shawndiece and went running toward the car. A huge explosion sent Secret shooting back toward Shawndiece. She slammed into her best friend as they both hit the ground. When Secret looked up the car was in flames. There was a cloud of black smoke hovering over top of it. The same black cloud that had been following Secret her entire life.

For the past two weeks Secret hadn't been able to peel herself from off of her couch. She'd been lying there staring at the television that hadn't been turned off and remained on the same exact channel. There was no need to channel surf. She wasn't paying attention to anything being aired anyway.

Her cell phone hadn't even been turned on since the memorial service Secret had at the funeral home. It was private, not printed in the daily newspaper. There was no funeral program, no slide of pictures of Dina, no singing, and no eulogy. Just Secret and her baby girl who lay in the tiniest coffin. Burned beyond recognition, the casket remained closed. For two hours straight, Secret wept beyond the depth of grief.

Honoring her best friend's request, Shawndiece had allowed Secret her time alone inside the funeral home with her daughter. Shawndiece remained out in the car waiting for her friend.

Secret hadn't seen Shawndiece since she'd dropped her off at her house after the service. Shawndiece had wanted to stay with Secret. She was worried about her friend. She was in a deep state of depression. But Secret insisted on being alone. And alone is exactly what Secret had been. She hadn't seen or talked to anyone.

Her mind was consumed with the fact that her baby was dead, and she'd watched her die. Visions of her car being demolished right there in her face knowing Dina was in that back seat helpless haunted her. It had paralyzed her to the point where she hadn't cleaned herself or her house since the private memorial service.

Her house stunk because she hadn't taken the trash out. She stunk because she hadn't showered. She only got up off the couch to use the bathroom, several times contemplating urinating on herself. Climbing those steps had taken up energy she didn't have.

She no longer had a job, having not returned since Dina's death two weeks ago. The store manager understood, though. Upon hearing about the loss of her baby, he even sent her a flower arrangement. He had given Secret the assurance that whenever she was ready, she could come back to work anytime. Her position would be waiting for her.

She told him how much she appreciated that, but knew in her heart she was never going back there to work. The way Secret felt, she could stay right there on that couch forever and die. With Dina gone, she had nothing to live for. It would take a miracle from God for her to find the strength to want to go on.

The mail falling through the mail slot onto the floor turned Secret's attention away from the television and to the pile of envelopes on the floor. The mail looked like a pile of dirt sitting next to a freshly dug grave. She hadn't opened it the last few days, tired of the cards of condolences and poems that only seemed to make her break down more instead of lift her up.

She hadn't cried in about an hour. She felt guilty when she wasn't crying and mourning Dina. Misery loved company, so maybe cracking open a depressing card or two would make Secret feel better. She was comfortable wallowing in her own misery. Secret lifted herself off the couch as if she weighed a ton. In all actuality she'd lost almost ten pounds by not having eaten. She lost her appetite when she lost her baby.

She stood up and dragged her feet over to the door. She slowly bent over and scooped up all the mail. As she walked back over to the couch she flipped through the usual cards, utility bills, and advertisements. She got to one envelope in particular that made her pause. Secret placed all the other mail on the table, but kept that one particular piece of mail in her hand. She sat down on the couch and stared at it for a minute before opening it. Finally she tore it open and pulled out a piece of white paper. She read the little yellow sticky that was stuck on the piece of paper out loud. “Sorry it took so long.”

She unfolded the white piece of paper and allowed her eyes to scan it from left to right. Tears began to fall from Secret's eyes as she read the words on the paper: “Congratulations, Secret Miller. You've been awarded a full scholarship to The Ohio State University.”

She went on to read about how her scholarship included tuition, books, room and board as well as food vouchers. It was everything she'd worked so hard for. A free higher education and then some. That piece of paper had been her ticket out of Flint. She crumbled it in her hand and began to cry hard. Her shoulders heaved. The anger she had toward her mother for destroying what could have been rose up in her all over again. Balling up that paper had been like balling up her life. All that hard work she'd done in high school was for naught. There was no turning back the hands of time now. Over a year had passed. Surely some other student was living the life that should had been Secret's.

No longer wanting to sit there and wallow in misery for fear she might drown in it, Secret stood up. She shook her head and looked down at the balled up scholarship award that was in her hand. A piece of paper that had once been worth thousands, priceless to Secret, was now worthless.

“Oh, well, there's nothing I can do about it now.” There was nothing she could do about much of anything. She just felt so useless. She shrugged, tossed the paper up, and caught it back in her hand. She headed to the kitchen in order to throw it away. Just like the day Ray had brought her back to the apartment for the first time, an odor assaulted her nose the closer she got to the trash can. He stood over the trash can. “I threw my life away a long time ago. This just makes it official.”

She was just about to put it in the receptacle but then she paused as a sudden thought entered her mind and froze her actions. She slowly unrumpled the paper. A smirk forced its way on her lips then she said to herself, “Then again, maybe there is something I can do about it.”

 

 

“I truly appreciate you coming with me today, Mrs. Langston,” Secret said as she met her former high school counselor inside the lobby area of a downtown Columbus, Ohio office building. They'd driven almost four hours from Flint to get there.

“Oh, Secret, honey, no need to thank me.” Mrs. Langston hugged Secret. “I'm so sorry dear. I can't imagine how you must feel. What you must be going through.”

“Thank you,” Secret said.

Mrs. Langston pulled out of the hug. She looked into Secret's eyes. “Why didn't you tell me, sweetheart? That day you saw me in the store. I feel so awful. I was going on and on about the scholarship and you being off at college. I didn't know. I could have maybe helped you then. Then maybe you wouldn't have even been in town for . . .” Her words trailed off.

“It's okay, Mrs. Langston. You're helping me now.”

“It was just a phone call.”

“A phone call that got the scholarship board to at least meet with me. The rest is up to me I suppose.” Secret's voice sounded doubtful.

Mrs. Langston took Secret's hands. “You can do it, Secret. You didn't come this far to give up now. You've been through a lot. And after all you've been through you've still gotten this far.”

Secret smiled. “That reminds me of something my grandmother used to say.”

“What's that?”

Secret's smile got bigger thinking back to her grandmother's words. “God didn't bring me this far just to leave me.”

“Amen,” Mrs. Langston said.

Secret smiled.

“Well, shall we?” Mrs. Langston asked.

“Yes, we shall.” Secret looped her arm through Mrs. Langston's and the two women headed to the room they were told to meet the scholarship committee in.

Secret took in a deep breath as she entered the room. For all of her life it felt as though her fate was always in somebody else's hands. As she looked at the two men and three women waiting at the long conference room table, this once again proved to be true. Overcome with nerves, Secret stood frozen at the door.

“Go on, you can do it,” Mrs. Langston whispered in her ear. “You're a fighter. It's what makes you different.”

Secret looked to Mrs. Langston as if she'd just had an “ah ha” moment. It was as if Mrs. Langston had just solved a hundred-year-old mystery. In Secret's mind she had. So many people for so many years had continued to tell Secret that she was different, but no one could ever give her a reason why; not one that made sense or resonated with her anyway. For the first time ever someone had.

A fighter.
That's what made her different from everyone else she knew. Everybody else accepted life for what it was. They adapted. Secret had always fought against the current instead of going with the flow. And that truly was what made her different.

A huge grin spread across Secret's face as she walked over to the conference room table, greeted each member of the scholarship committee, and then put on her boxing gloves prepared to fight for her life.