Obsession (13 page)

Jessica blinked at his icy tone. “You’ve never fallen in love before? You don’t love
anyone
? What about the other Lupines here? J.J.? Your family?”

Even she loved her younger foster siblings and while her foster monster and Richard were a royal PITA sometimes, she bore them no ill will.

For a single moment, something akin to regret shadowed his face. “I like and respect J.J. and Alexa, as well as the others. Love? Family? Family is not all you believe it is, Jessica. I would rather have pack, loyal to the core. The only true family an alpha needs is pack. And a mate.”

“What about your family? Where are they?”

“Let’s focus on your needs.” He dragged over another ergonomically correct chair, this one bright blue, and sat beside her. “I need information.”

“I thought you knew everything about me, wolf.”

His gaze remained steady. “Everything I could find out. But there are things I wish to discover from your lips alone.”

Jessica had a sudden, vivid image—on her knees, her mouth opening as she unzipped his pants and reached for his…

Raphael flashed a predatory smile. “Later for that as well.”

A furious blush ignited her cheeks. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Your expression said it all, along with your scent.”

Damn male Lupines and their acute sense of smell!

He laughed a little. “Now, tell me about your medical history and any physical problems or ailments or concerns. That can narrow down the search.”

“I’ve always had trouble healing.”

He typed commands into the search box and added “immune deficiency.” How she hated being labeled! But if it would help to find Jules…

“What do you remember prior to living with your adopted family?” he asked.

“How am I supposed to know? I was only five days old.”

Raphael looked at her. “Five years old.”

“Five days.”

“Your official entry of existence in the logs is when you were five years old. That’s when the Tyrells found you on their doorstep, crying your eyes out.”

Jessica startled. “I was a baby.”

“No, you were not.” He clicked back onto her photo icon and pulled up a file. As she read it, disbelief filled her. Distant memories flickered like candles. The nightmares. She was little, clutching a worn teddy bear, crying in the dark…

Maybe they weren’t nightmares, but memories. Had she blocked out those memories because they were too traumatic? Had all those nightmares generated from her past?

Suddenly Jessica knew she had to find out what happened to her family, not because she wanted to find a long-lost relative, but what had happened to her. She was afraid to find out the truth, but she must know.

Because knowing was better than the shroud of blankness blocking all her memories.

Raphael clicked back to the photo icon of her.

“They lied to me,” she murmured.

“Most likely to protect you. Do you remember anything prior to your arrival at the Tyrells?”

No way would she allow him to know how rattled she felt. Jessica traced a line on the desk. “Not really.”

Raphael lightly clasped her wrist. “Try to remember. It is important.”

Compelled by his deep voice, she wracked her brain. So little she recalled from those early days with the Tyrells, other than feeling displaced and alone. The nightmares she’d had when she was much younger…

My mommy is dead!

Screams sounded in her mind, ages-old echoes of past haunts. Jessica sat straight and frowned.

“I’m getting something.” She felt like a ham radio operator who had tuned into a garble of static and a faraway voice.

“What?”

Patience, he had no patience, this sexy, handsome Lupine. No, not Raphael.

Another dark-haired man, who tugged her by an impatient hand, ordered her to stop “that caterwauling.”
What is caterwauling?

A cold, cold leaden gray day with a hint of snow in the air, as she clutched her battered bear, tears pouring down her cheeks…

Stop crying.

Wanting desperately to be good, be happy for him so he would not leave her, so he would take her with him…

Papa.

Don’t call me that.

And then darkness and cold, grass beneath her bottom as the man walked off and she reached out to him, sobbing, begging him not to leave. But he kept walking away as she cried. Someone had appeared, a tall man, who looked formidable, but he picked her up and murmured comforting words. Yet she found no comfort.

Because she truly was all alone now…

Come back, please, come back!

A warm thumb stroked a slow line down her cheek. Startled, Jessica opened her eyes to see Raphael wiping away her tears.

“Why are you crying, little Red?” he asked softly. “What bad memories do you have?”

Jessica shook her head so hard, her curls flew out. “It was nothing.” She took a corner of her tucked in shirt, and wiped her eyes with an angry swipe of her trembling hand.

Never again would she cry in front of strangers. Hadn’t she shed enough tears back when she was dumped on that doorstep like a trash bag? Jessica stared at the screen and the forlorn five-year-old girl with a stubborn jut to her chin.

“Screw you. I am not that kid anymore. I will not be you,” she whispered. “I’m my own person now. I’ll never be that weak again. I don’t care if it means being alone the rest of my life.”

Gods, she hated falling apart. And in front of Raphael, too. But when she glanced at him, no pity shone in his eyes, only compassion.

“I know what it’s like to stand against the world and not have anyone stand with you, Jessica.”

“Right.” How could someone like Raphael know the depth of isolation she felt? “At least you have roots. You have a family.”

“I have no family. Not anymore.”

The quietness in his deep voice gave her pause. For a moment, vulnerability shaded his gaze. Something deep inside her stirred to life. She’d thought only of her own pain and concerns, thinking she was unique, and yet, he seemed to understand.

Jessica felt the connection flare between them. It wasn’t sexual this time, but spoke of a deeper meaning. Then she focused again on the computer screen.

She reached for the mouse, and clicked the icon and scrolled to a file reading Family History.

Numb disbelief filled her as she read the brief line: All existing family members deceased.

Nothing else. Not even names, nor dates of births or deaths. No details, such as if her mother liked to sing her to sleep, or if her brothers were always teasing her. Nothing.

She was a blank slate.

Her chest felt hollow. Fighting back the tears, Jessica clicked back to her photo and then saw another link embedded in her file. She followed that and clicked and surfed.

And then a very fuzzy photo appeared on the screen. It was a man with deep red hair, just like hers, his features blurred as if the photo was taken from a distance and someone had jarred the photographer’s elbow.

“Papa,” she whispered.

Raphael leaned close. “Is this him?”

The photo flickered and suddenly faded. Jessica clicked on the mouse, but the photo did not pop up again.

As she touched the mouse button again, the screen went blue. Then suddenly a low, deep growl rumbled from the speaker.

Jessica drew back, staring at the screen. The photo of the unknown red-headed man appeared on the computer screen, larger than life, his fuzzy eyes glowing red as coals.

“GO AWAY!” a voice boomed from the speaker.

“No,” she screamed. Jessica reached out to the screen, desperate to connect to her past when it went black.

Raphael threw her to the floor and covered her body with his own as a lightning bolt zapped out from the screen. It hit the laptop, shattering it.

Deeply shaken, she lay on the floor, his strong, solid body atop hers, his arms wrapped around her. She became fully aware of his sharp, delicious scent, the definition of his muscled body as he lay halfway atop her, the fall of his long, black hair, the silk tickling her cheeks.

Finally he rose off her, and touched her cheek. “Are you all right?”

Jessica fought the lump in her throat and nodded, taking his hand as he helped her to stand. She stared at the shattered laptop, feeling her dreams crack like a broken mirror. Her father. A connection to her past and he hadn’t wanted her.

So close, and yet so far. The blurred image of her father burned into her brain. Her father…and he’d tried to kill her. Why would he do that? What happened when she was a little girl.

Her stomach clenched hard as she fought tears rising in the back of her throat.
Don’t let him see you cry
.
You’re okay, you’ll be fine.

“Jessica, talk to me. Are you all right?”

“Okay as I’ll ever be, considering I nearly got fried by a photo. I’ve heard of girls getting burned over a suspicious photo, but never fried BY one.”

His mouth twitched in a smile. “You are a strong female, Jessica Tyrell.”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not a Tyrell. I never have been one of them. I just want to reclaim my life and my family name.” She drew in a deep breath, wishing she could hide the tremor in her voice. “Even if it’s not a perfect life, at least it’s mine.”

He brushed a kiss very gently across her temple. The move startled her more than the energy bolt emerging from the HD screen. “It
is
your life.”

Raphael stood and ruefully examined what remained of the broken laptop. “Good thing I always back up. Did you recognize the man in the photo? Did it bring back any memories?”

All the grainy memories had winked out. Jessica sighed. “They’re all gone now. I don’t get it. The Tyrells said I was abandoned when I was five days old. Why did they need to protect me?”

“Your file said you were crying and talking about a bad man who hurt your mother.”

Jessica’s chest felt hollow. “I don’t remember. But why didn’t anyone tell me now that I’m older? Sure, they may have wanted to protect me when I was little, but I deserve to know the truth now.”

“I’m sure they did it for the best intentions.”

“So what was that explosion? Some kind of failsafe in the database? Put nasty energy in there in case someone pokes around?”

She had never dealt with magick databases, and the experience unnerved her. For the first time she wondered if she was getting in over her head.

I can handle this. Just have to be more careful.

Raphael picked up a shard of the shattered laptop. “This is why it’s dangerous to access the database. The Brehon, the council of wizards who judge Others, installed the failsafe as a protective measure.”

“Nice warning system.”

“It’s intended to harm the computer, not the user. I’ve never seen it activated. I have received a few shocks when I searched, but nothing that…potent.”

Unease coiled in her stomach. “So what does it mean?”

He gave her a level look. “Whoever placed the warning on that photo did not program it with energy intended to harm. He deliberately intended to keep anyone from finding more information.”

Her brother wasn’t dead. She knew it. “Meaning this person doesn’t want anyone to access my records? Is he afraid of what someone might find out?”

“Someone with that level of power is not afraid, Jessica. There are only a few.” Raphael gave her a level look. “That failsafe was most likely placed by Tristan, the Silver Wizard who rules over Lupines and shifters.”

Blood drained from her face. This new information rattled her. Why would the wizard put such a warning on her file? Things didn’t add up.

But for her entire life, she’d longed to find her family. And she knew in her heart Jules was alive.

A little zap wasn’t going to stop her.

“Let’s try again.”

Raphael shook his head. “I will do it alone and inform you of what I’ve found. I’m experienced with the database.”

No way. She hadn’t come this far to be thwarted. “What happened was a sophisticated logic bomb with a lot of magick tossed in. I know how to get around Skin logic bombs. I’ll be careful.”

“I will not risk it. This is not a Skin logic bomb, but one laced with powerful magick by a wizard.”

A growl rumbled in her throat. She didn’t like being denied.

A deeper growl rumbled in his own throat. Much deeper.

Jessica locked gazes with him. To see if she could get him to look away. Never would she drop her gaze before him. She wasn’t some meek Lupine female who quivered before an alpha, or any male.

His dark gaze pinned to hers, Raphael’s expression remained steady. For several seconds they stared at each other, Lupine to Lupine. Then he reached out and tugged her right earlobe.

“Hey!” Jessica glanced to her right.

“Gotcha. Ha.” The wide grin on his face disarmed her.

“You cheated.”