Oblivion (29 page)

“I don’t want to think it was because of me. That’s too much for me right now. I’ll just torture myself thinking about it.”

“He’s sick, that much is clear,” Jace offered and heard noise from the living room. “Go eat with your brother, or our brother, rather. God, this is odd. We aren’t related now are we?”

She laughed. “No, we aren’t related at all.”

Jace grinned and winked at her. “Good because I don’t think of you as a sister.”

Lindsay watched as Jace turned and walked through her bedroom wall into the kitchen beyond and shook her head. She would never get used to his being a ghost now. As incredible as it was; he was back. She was determined not to dwell upon the fact it was temporary. Lance was wrong. She did accept the finality in some things. Jace was lost to her forever.

Lindsay was miles away as she and Lance sat in the diner. She was distracted by her thoughts of Jace and the wonder that he was back. Her brother threw a fry at her to get her attention and she plucked it from her hair and regarded him sourly.

“Earth to Lindsay?” he asked teasingly. “Where are you at, little sister?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I have a lot on my mind.”

Lance raised his hand to Melva, the old waitress, wanting the check. “You want to run anything by me?”

“Do you believe it ghosts, Lance?”

Her brother frowned. “Ghosts? No, I don’t. Why?”

She shrugged and avoided his gaze. “I just wondered about it; that’s all.”

“Is this about Jace?”

“What if there was life after death?”

He looked frustrated. “I suppose anything is possible. I wouldn’t want to find out.”

Lindsay knew Lance worried she was losing it so she monitored her words carefully.

“I guess I just question everything now with what happened to Jace. Being murdered changes things. It cuts a destiny short. It makes me wonder if anything is really meant to be.”

“Lindsay, he had no control over what happened to him. He could have walked out in front of a truck too. What’s your point?”

“Just that maybe there is no ultimate plan for us. It’s out of our hands and things just happen. We have no predestined time to go like everyone thinks.”

He sat back in the booth. “Why are you dwelling on this? Let it go. It’s just going to torture you.”

“I had to think everything happened for a reason before and now I’m not so sure.”

“Death is the end, Lindsay. If there was more we would have heard about it, right?”

Lindsay believed the people who saw that light didn’t know the half of it. From what Jace told her, there was a whole other dimension out there. The wonder of it held her fast. Her beliefs were all challenged now. Jace hadn’t seen anything to indicate God even existed where he was. Even if it bothered her to think there was no higher power, she felt relief to know some of life’s questions were answered.

“I wanted to believe in Heaven and all that. I’m starting to think Heaven is on earth, Lance. What happens after depends on how you lived, good or bad.”

He appeared uncomfortable. They both had pretty loose religious training. They went to church sporadically over the years. Deborah wasn’t a consistent Catholic and their father worked most Sundays at the hardware store.

“Let’s hope you’re wrong. I want to think of my brother as an angel. He was too good of a guy to hang out in some dark, scary place.”

Lindsay wanted to tell Lance everything but held back. If she started spouting off about what she knew he would put her on a plane to Aunt Billie. They finished up and he paid the check. While they waited for a take-out box for Marnie they saw Cam’s car zoom by.

Lance glared after the Mustang. She knew the fact Jace’s murderer walked freely among them bothered him as much as her. They were in agreement on that. The gun in her purse felt leaden as she rose and followed her brother out of Reddy’s diner. The desire to pull it out and go after Cameron made her hand itch.

She sat in the car and held the purse comfortingly. The gun was a security. Just knowing she had it gave her some measure of reassurance. Now all she had to do was learn to use it. She was reminded of Jace’s truck. Lance could help her with that. He made it a point of keeping up with Everett every day now. He could get his Father to sign off on the truck so she could get it from the impound lot.

“I need a favor of you,” she began.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I want Jace’s truck. Everett has to sign off in order to have it taken out of impound. Jace would have wanted me to have it and you know I need wheels now. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure, I’ll see him first thing tomorrow before he’s too far gone. Are you sure you can handle it, Lindsay?”

She nodded. “I want his truck. It’s just sitting there and I could use it while I’m here.”

“I’m surprised that old rust-bucket still runs.”

“Jace kept it going.”

“He was a great guy, Lindsay. I know there’s nothing anyone can say to make you feel better, but someday you’ll see him again.”

Lindsay smiled, knowing someday was in minutes. Jace was at her apartment, waiting on her. Whatever she could learn from his ghost made her anxious to get back. He was here for a reason.

Unfinished business was just too easy for her to believe. She wanted to think her love for him brought him back, if nothing else. He would help her trap Cameron. He claimed it was his sole purpose for being here now. They would get Cameron. She had to believe it.

Chapter Seventeen

Jace sat on the couch and watched Marnie cry. He felt helpless. She got up from her nap and realized she was alone. She didn’t find the note Lance left for her on the table. He helped it along by moving the note. She overlooked it. He could see the torment in her face as her hand went to her slightly rounded stomach.

The thought of his baby growing there made him feel strangely content. He wished he had some power to know such things, but he would have to wait with everyone else when her test results came back.

Marnie looked down at the brochure from the adoption agency and her hand trembled as she set it down on the coffee table. Her slight frown told him the decision to give up the baby troubled her.

He was frustrated he couldn’t talk to her. He wanted to reassure her no matter whose kid it was everything would work out. Lance was determined to make it work. She had to have faith now. Girls like Marnie always expected the worst; never thinking they deserved better.

Jace focused his energy on the brochure. His anger lashed out at it and flung it from the table. It landed on the floor. He forced it across the carpet until he reached the kitchen. He picked it up and it hovered on the air until he reached the trash bin where he let it go. It whispered into the bin.

Marnie sat stunned as she watched it go. Her hazel eyes filled with terror. He could see her face grow taut with fear. She jumped up and looked around, backing away to the bedroom. She ran inside the room and slammed the door shut and locked it. He smiled, thinking he made his point. She would think twice before she made that appointment next week.

Jace heard Lance’s car pull in and was relieved. Marnie was probably freaking out. Lindsay would be mad at him for revealing himself to her. He couldn’t sit back and let her suffer with the choice she needed to make. The life inside her wasn’t an inconvenience.

Lindsay entered the apartment and was anxious to talk more with Jace. Lance set down the take-out box and frowned when he found his bedroom locked.

“Open up, Marnie. I brought you something to eat,” he called, jiggling the doorknob.

“I’m not coming out!” she cried from inside. “Something’s out there! I saw it move things!”

Lindsay cringed to know Jace got into mischief.

“Open the door, Marnie. Nobody’s here but us. You just had a bad dream.”

“I saw it!”

Lindsay went to her room and shut the door as Lance tried to coax Marnie to open the bedroom door. She took the ring out of her pocket and put it on. Jace laughed at her accusing look. He sat on top of her dresser smirking.

“Did you have to do that?” she asked in a whisper.

“She needed help from a higher power,” Jace informed her smugly, grinning. “I couldn’t resist. I don’t think she’s confused anymore.”

“She’s locked herself in the bedroom and won’t come out. You scared her to death.”

“Marnie needs a wakeup call, Lindsay. She has to come to terms with this baby. It’s coming whether she likes it or not.”

“Just try to stay low key, ok? We don’t need them knowing your ghost is here.”

Jace laughed and rolled his eyes. “Fine, but don’t think she’s not aware of it already.”

“She’s yanking my brother’s chain daily. He’s trying to be there for her but she keeps going back and forth. Maybe once she knows whose baby it is she’ll calm down.”

“If it’s Cam’s; she can’t give it up without his ok.”

“The lady at the agency said it’s up to her.”

Jace shook his head. “He can make it hard, take her to court. Don’t think he won’t do it.”

“I know it sounds bizarre, but I pray it’s yours.”

“We all do. It makes sense, but only time will tell.”

“Are you nervous?” she asked.

Jace frowned. “More than I thought. Thinking I might have a kid has haunted me since I died. I knew I failed to get to her in time. So many things went undone after that.”

“Lance said your Dad will sign off on the truck for me.”

“Chicken,” he mocked and his brown eyes twinkled. “You always did have a problem with my Dad. He’s just a drunk, not a monster, Lindsay. Why does he make you so nervous?”

She looked at his transparent image, her eyes sad. “Before I didn’t want to face what he was. I guess I kept you separate from all that. Now, I’m just mad enough to drag him off that bar stool and yell at him about what a waste he’s made of his life and his kids.”

“He isn’t ready to face all that.”

“He abandoned you, Jace. He forced you to step up all those years. When I think of it; I just hate him for making your time here tough.”

Jace sighed and gazed at her with remorse in his eyes. “The hardest thing for me was to realize I had no control over what happens now, Lindsay. I can’t make my dad quit drinking. I can’t make you move on and do everything you said you would do. I can’t guarantee Dougie and Sara will make it either. I only hope me coming back makes you realize I’m ok and you don’t need to worry about me. I want you to be happy one day; even if it’s without me.”

“I can’t think of that now,” she shot back, eyes filled with anger. “Don’t ask me to forget you, Jace. That won’t ever happen.”

“Don’t make me into something I wasn’t either, Lindsay. I wasn’t perfect. Look what I did to Marnie? Just realize you have a new path to take. I just don’t want you throwing away everything because of me.”

“Seems to me what happened with you and Marnie was my fault too.”

He looked pained to hear her words. “I did that. Don’t blame yourself. I didn’t feel comfortable either; if it makes you feel better. I just wanted everything to be perfect for you. I worried I would ruin it. It’s no excuse for what I did.”

“In a roundabout way it tells me how much you loved me, Jace.”

“Don’t ever doubt it, Lindsay. You’re all I ever wanted when I was alive. Now that I’m dead; I just want to make sure you don’t let me hold you back.”

“Don’t expect me to run out and find another guy!”

“Oh, he’ll find you. He’s gonna feel the way I did when we met. He just needs you to give him a chance.”

Lindsay didn’t want to talk about the future. It hurt too much. He talked about it like it should be so easy for her to move on without him. Didn’t he know a piece of her soul died with him? An ache that would never ease formed once she knew he was gone. No other man would ever take his place in her heart. She knew it so absolutely she feared the future, knowing she would be alone.

   “Can we not have this talk?” she asked coolly. “I just lost you! Forgive me if I’m still grieving while you try to marry me off.”

Jace smiled at the anger in her voice. “Easy, don’t be mad. I know I’m asking you for something you can’t give me right now. I just want to know you’ll be ok, Lindsay. When does anyone get a chance to say goodbye like this?”

“Is that what this is?” she demanded. “Is this just goodbye? Is that the only reason you came back?”

“Lindsay, I can’t stay here. All I would do is hold you back. I came back to make sure everyone was ok and Cameron is off the streets. I never planned to stay.”

Lindsay felt fresh anguish to know he was right. How could she be so selfish to expect him to stay with her like this? Self-loathing filled her to know how much she loved Jace. She would have him in whatever form she could; even a ghost.

“I just can’t think of being without you.”

~ ~ ~

He could see her struggle and it tore out his heart to know he couldn’t allow this. He had to leave. The longer he stayed, the more she would cling to the past and what they had. Regret filled his eyes to know the lifetime they were denied was felt every moment they spent together now.

“Do you think this is any easier for me?” he asked with an angry look and threw up his hands. “Do you think it makes me happy to know you’re gonna meet some other guy one day and fall in love and forget about us? It’s going to happen, Lindsay. I’m dead! We can’t be the way we were before. It’s not fair to you and I have to go back and see what comes next.”

“It’s not fair for you to rub it in either! I’m not ready to live without you, Jace!”

He saw her tears and felt a stab of pain. “Let’s just finish this thing with Cameron. Then I can rest easy.”

She nodded and wiped away at her tears. “I don’t want to fight with you. Just don’t talk about what happens when you leave.”

Jace came close, his hand sliding through her basking in her living warmth. She shivered at the touch, feeling the coldness there.

“Do you feel that? What does it feel like? You’re warm.”

“It feels cold,” she said and her eyes filled with emotion. “I wish we had just one more minute left so I could kiss you again Jace.”

His head lowered and his lips fluttered against her warm ones making her shiver again. She felt the icy touch of cool air and no more. Disappointment filled her gaze as he raised his head and she met his brown eyes.