Numbers (3 page)

“I want to.” She leaned closer. “What’s your favorite
color?”

He was silent for a moment. “I love red. It is so bright.”

“It is. What about your favorite food?”

“Is this important?”

“We’re getting to know each other. I love the color yellow.
Have you ever seen a sunflower? I love those. I know they aren’t as beautiful
as roses or tulips, but they remind me of summer days. They are cheerful. Plus,
I like to eat sunflower seeds. They are pretty and a food source as well.”

He rose to his full height. “I should take you back.”

Dana had messed up somehow. Perhaps talking about favorites
with a New Species wasn’t her best idea. She slid off the branch and got to her
feet. Mourn stepped forward and bent, scooping her into his arms. He lifted her
easily, as if she didn’t weigh much. She wrapped her arm around his neck and
curled her other hand over his bare shoulder.

“I could walk.”

“You’re barefoot, and I don’t want you to step on something
sharp.”

“Thank you.” She hesitated before relaxing in his arms and
resting her cheek against his chest. He was really warm and smelled of
something manly, perhaps a scented body wash. “I hope I’m not too heavy.”

“You’re not.” He stopped at the short wall that marked
Paul’s backyard. “You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.”

She turned her head and their faces were close enough that
she could make out his striking eyes. “So is fighting. Besides, it’s vapor—not
the real stuff. I’m not looking to hurt myself anymore.”

His lips twitched but he didn’t smile. “You want to live.”

“So should you.”

He bent forward enough to clear the wall and gently placed
her on her feet. She missed the warmth of his body when they parted. “Your
shirt…” She started to remove it, intent on handing it back.

“Keep it. I’ll come back tomorrow night. Expect me. We’ll
talk more.”

“I’d like that.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

That statement surprised her. “Why?”

“They will attempt to talk you out of it, or prevent me from
coming near you. They know I’m unstable.” He stepped into the shadows and
turned his head as if searching for something. “I’ll come when the lights go
out.”

She watched him disappear into the night. She turned,
strolled up to the table and bent over to pick up case and replace the tube.
She eased open the slider. Silence assured her that Paul and Becky hadn’t
noticed her absence. She stepped in and locked the door behind her.

Dana entered the guestroom and ran her fingers over Mourn’s
cotton shirt after she removed it. She walked to the closet and hung it up,
hiding it among her own clothes. He wanted to keep their meeting a secret, and
she would respect that. Her brother would have a fit if he knew she’d willingly
allowed a stranger to carry her off. A smile curved her lips. It had been a
pretty brave venture on her part, and it beat sitting on the patio feeling
depressed. Mourn needed a friend, and she appreciated feeling useful.

Mourn kept his back pressed tightly to the tree trunk as he
watched the slim blonde hang his shirt in her closet. She didn’t pick up the
phone to call Security. He had feared she might. She also didn’t wake Paul or
his mate. Instead she removed the robe and tossed it over the chair by the bed.

He moved to leave, but the sight of her nightgown surprised
him. It was a white T-shirt that fell almost to mid-thigh with narrow straps at
her shoulders and a big yellow, round face over her belly. The two black eyes
and the curved smile on the big dot indicated happiness. She rounded the bed
and climbed on it.

The shirt hiked high, and he sucked in air. The human wore
white panties that barely concealed her sex. They were narrow and were cut high
on her hips, exposing a lot of skin on each side of her ass. She had a curved,
generous one with very pale skin.

She got under the covers and shoved pillows behind her back.
Her gaze darted around the room, and he wondered if she sensed him watching
her. She didn’t look toward the window though, or at the gap in the parted
curtains. She hugged the bedding to her waist and her head tipped down. Her
hair fell forward, hiding her features. She used her thumb to push it back,
hooking it behind her ear. When he could see her face again, the sorrowful
expression did something odd to his stomach.

She was suffering too. It was tempting to approach the
window and knock to let her know she wasn’t alone. He held still though,
keeping in the shadows. She’d lost her mate. She also didn’t seem to be in a
hurry to fall asleep. They had much in common.

He replayed their conversation inside his head. She’d been
right about many things. He did live with guilt. He wished he’d talked to her
longer, but he’d noticed her shivering despite the addition of his shirt.
Humans were fragile, but especially the females. He didn’t want to risk her
growing ill.

Motion at the edge of his vision drew his attention. He
turned his head and watched an officer on patrol stroll down the sidewalk,
heading toward the front of the house. He shifted positions and took off before
the wind direction changed, revealing his presence. He kept to the shadows
until he was far from the house and back in the park.

“What were you doing?”

He started and spun, a growl tearing from his throat as his
hands curled into claws. “You make no sound,” he accused Darkness.

“I don’t. I’m good at that.” The male wore all black, and
stood about eight feet away. “Why were you watching the human female?”

He clenched his teeth, refusing to acknowledge anything.

“She didn’t kill your mate.”

“I know that.”

“You hate humans, but that’s Paul’s sister.”

“I know who she is.”

“Then you are aware that she’s not the enemy.”

“I didn’t say she was.”

“I came to seek you out to talk about today, but instead I
found you under a tree watching a human through the window. I would have
confronted you there, but I didn’t want to alarm her. This is her first visit
to Homeland, and Paul is very excited about that. He will not want her to have
a bad experience. He’ll want her to visit again. Stay away from the human
areas. Do you wish for Paul to attack you if he believes his sister’s life is
in danger? He won’t be able to do you much damage, but it would piss off his
friends enough that they might seek retaliation if you harm the male. Is that
your plan?”

“I wouldn’t hurt Dana.”

Darkness’s eyebrows shot up. “You know her name?”

“I don’t attack females.” It was an insult to be accused of
wanting to do her harm. “She’s defenseless. There’s no honor in that.”

“You were curious about human females? Is that why you were
watching her?”

He said nothing.

Darkness changed the subject. “Don’t force me to defend
myself against you again.”

“I understand.”

“You’re not going to deny that you attacked me today because
you thought I’d kill you for striking me?”

“I lost my mate.”

Darkness stepped closer. “I’m aware. Let me tell you
something about me. I don’t like the situation I found myself in today. I’ve
had to kill before, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Pick someone else if you
have a death wish, Mourn. That was all kinds of fucked up. You want to talk
about honor? I would find none in ending your life.”

Anger stirred. “I’m not defenseless.”

“You’re broken,” Darkness snapped. “You lost your mate, and
you also lost your will to live. You think you’re the only one to know loss?
Think again. We’re Species. We were created to suffer, and we all dealt with a
shitload of it. We survive and thrive. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get
your shit together.”

Mourn snarled and wanted to attack the male for the cutting
words.

“Exactly. Get angry. Use that to get past the loss. I didn’t
know your mate well, but she seemed courageous. I witnessed the death of two of
my brothers and had to kill the third one with my bare hands because his mind
snapped. I had to prevent him from becoming something he would have despised.
They were my blood, yet I’m still here. They would have expected me to live
life. They weren’t given that opportunity. Wouldn’t you have wanted your mate
to embrace her freedom even if you had died? Wouldn’t you have expected her to
go on without you?”

“I wasn’t the one to die.”

“She fought hard to live. Don’t dishonor her memory by
throwing the rest of your life away. She would tell you this if she could.”

“Don’t speak for her.” Mourn felt as if it all his blood
rushed into his head, and he wanted to punch the male in the mouth.

“Someone needs to, and you brought me into this when you
threw the first punch. I don’t know what you were doing near Paul’s sister, but
I’ll have you sent to the Wild Zone if I catch you within a hundred yards of
her. Am I clear?”

“I’m not going to hurt Dana.”

“Why were you there?” Darkness stepped closer. “Shit. You’re
not thinking about grabbing her, are you?”

“No!”

“She couldn’t put up a fight the way one of our females
would. They’d kick your ass if you attempted that bullshit. Is that your new
plan? Stealing Paul’s sister to take as a mate, and forcing us to kill you when
we take her back?”

Mourn was horrified. “That’s what you think I’m capable of?”

“I don’t know what you’d do. I’d have sworn you’d never take
a swing at me before today, yet you did exactly that. She’s under our
protection. Stay the hell away from her.”

“We were talking. That’s all.”

“Bullshit. You were watching her through a window.”

“I was making sure she didn’t tell anyone I visited her.”

Darkness frowned. “Explain fast, and don’t lie to me. Otherwise,
I’ll personally knock your ass out and you’ll wake up inside a cage. I’ll keep
you there until she’s gone.”

“I met her today at Medical and she offered to talk to me.
We both lost our mates.” He resented having to share those details, but what
the male had assumed was outrageous. He wasn’t anything like Vengeance. That
male would be the one to steal a female to take as mate. “I sought Dana out
tonight, we talked and I took her home. I wasn’t sure if she’d call Security or
tell her brother about our conversation. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Why would you care that she told someone if you did nothing
wrong?”

Mourn hesitated. “Some might object.”

Darkness blinked a few times as long seconds passed. “She
lost her mate too?”

“I said that.”

“Did he die or just leave her? Humans sometimes abandon
their mates for a new one.”

“He’s dead.”

“How did your talk go? Did you frighten her?”

“No.” He scowled. “You believe I’d enjoy scaring a female?”

“I’m not sure.”

“I wouldn’t hurt her, nor would I take pleasure in making
her feel fear. She’s a kind female.”

The male studied him closely. “Do you plan to talk to her
again?”

He gave a sharp nod. “Do you plan on stopping me?”

“It depends. Are you going to do anything stupid that would
piss off her brother or me?”

“No.”

“I’ll be watching you,” Darkness warned. “Remember that. You
harm a hair on her head, and you’ll end up at the Wild Zone. They won’t allow
you to leave. Valiant will make damn sure of that, even if he has to lock you
inside one of the cages for the newly acquired animals that are dangerous.
Understood?”

“Yes.”

“Are you planning on spying on her again tonight?”

“No. I was going to go for a run.”

“Good. Do that.” Darkness waved his hand toward the park.

Mourn spun and sprinted away, needing to rid himself of the
anger. He wouldn’t hurt Dana. It was an insult to be accused of it.

Dana glanced at the clock and faked a yawn. “Wow. It’s
getting late. Don’t you have to work tomorrow, Paul?”

He and Becky were snuggled together on the couch, looking
way too content. “Not until midday.”

“Oh.”

“Are you tired?”

She hated to lie, but nodded. “A bit.”

Becky stood. “Okay. Well, it is almost eleven.” She shot
Paul a teasing smile. “I guess it’s time for us to all go to bed.”

He jumped up. “Sounds good to me.”

Dana resisted rolling her eyes. The couple may have been
married for years, but they acted like newlyweds. She was pretty sure what
Becky’s look meant, and why her brother suddenly seemed so eager to retire to
his room. She didn’t care if they were planning to have sex as long as they
stayed there all night. Mourn didn’t want anyone to know they were talking, and
she respected that wish.

“I’ll see you two tomorrow.” Dana hugged them both and fled
to the guestroom. The living space separated the bedrooms so she pressed her
ear to the closed door and waited. A full minute passed before silence reigned.
She flipped off her light, eased the door open and peered into the dark living
room.

She went to the slider, opened it and entered the backyard. Dana
glanced around, hoping Mourn had already arrived. She didn’t see him, but it
took a moment to adjust to the darkness. Movement near the tree closest to the
patio table drew her attention and she smiled when Mourn stepped out of the
shadows. She waved and approached him.

“Hi.”

He didn’t appear as happy to see her as she did him. He was
a handsome man despite the facial differences that marked him as a feline New
Species. The color and shape of his eyes never ceased to fascinate her.

“You’re wearing shoes.”

She glanced down at her outfit. Part of her had wanted to
dress up a bit, but it might have made her brother or his wife suspicious. She
wore comfy, cream-colored cotton pants and a baggy black sweater with matching
slip-on canvas shoes. “I am. Do you want to stay here or go sit in the park
again?”

He swung his head around, searching the area around them.
“Why don’t we go somewhere new?”

“Okay.” She was aware that New Species never left Homeland
so he couldn’t take her anywhere far.

“Don’t be startled.”

The warning did nothing to prepare her for when he bent and
scooped her into his arms. He straightened, spun and strode to the wall. She
wrapped her arms around his neck, expecting it when he jumped over the
three-foot divider since he’d done it before.

“Why are you carrying me?”

“You have short legs and I want to move fast.” He kept
looking in all directions as he quickened the pace. He wasn’t exactly running
but it was close.

“What’s going on?” Dana knew something was wrong.

“Darkness keeps patrolling the area. He’s watching for me.”

“The guy you fought with? The one who put you in the
clinic?”

“Yes.”

She felt a little fearful as she glanced around as well. It
was too dark to see much, and Mourn moved fast. “Are you going to get into
another fight?” she asked, worried.

“Possibly.”

“Put me down. I can run.”

He ignored her request and began to jog. It was a little
jarring, but his arms cushioned her for the most part. She clung tighter until
they came to a small building. He paused, turned and studied the area.

“Do you see him?” she whispered.

“No. It’s windy again, and it will be difficult for him to
pick up my scent. That’s another reason I carried you. I rubbed my shoes in the
grass to make tracking me more difficult. You would have left a trail for him to
follow.”

“Wow. New Species can do that?” She filed that information
away. New Species had to have a highly advanced sense of smell.

“He’s feline like me and we’re not as good at tracking as
the canines, but he could call one here to assist him.” He shifted her weight, opened
the door to the shed-sized building, carried her inside and placed her on her
feet. He closed them in.

It was pitch dark. Dana held very still, afraid she might
run in to something or trip if items were on the floor. “Where are we?” She
kept her voice low.

“It’s a storage building for our sporting equipment. I’ll
turn on the light. Close your eyes so it doesn’t cause you difficulty. It can
take a second to adjust.”

She lowered her head and did as he asked. She heard the soft
click of a light switch and peeked, blinking a few times. It wasn’t a bright
overhead light, but it was enough to see by. Shelves had been built along one
wall and a long bench ran opposite it. Under the wood seat were boxes filled
with various balls.

“It’s private, and warmer than outside. You may sit if you
wish.”

The wood slats weren’t the most comfortable seat but she
sat. Mourn hesitated and then joined her, a few feet away. He didn’t look at
her, but instead stared forward at the cupboards. The silence grew a little
awkward until Dana spoke.

“How was your day?”

“Fine. How was yours?”

“I got a tour of the offices, the Security building, and we
had dinner at the bar.”

He looked at her, and his mouth curved downward in obvious
distaste. “You danced with Species?” His nose flared as he sniffed. “I don’t
smell any of them on you.”

“No. I watched a lot of them dance though. A few men asked
me, but I’m not at ease with that.”

“You don’t dance, or you don’t like males touching you?”

“I’m not social, and I didn’t want to draw that much
attention to myself. I know how to dance, but I don’t like to do it with
strangers. Paul and Becky went out on the dance floor a few times. I just
stayed at the table.”

He relaxed, the straight line of his back easing somewhat.
“I don’t dance. I would be afraid others would laugh at me. We didn’t have
access to music before freedom. It’s new.”

“What about your wife? Did she dance?”

“My mate was ill when we were freed. She spent all her time
in our home, hooked to machines. She didn’t want to stay in Medical so they set
her up inside a home to accommodate her needs.”

Dana nodded. “I understand. We did that with Tommy too, near
the end, but he wanted to try one more treatment that had a very slim chance of
success. He was admitted to the hospital ten days before his death. We thought
he’d last longer, or I would have insisted that he be taken home.” Sadness rose
but she tried to push it back. “I think he planned it that way so I wouldn’t
have the memory of his passing in our bedroom.”

“I moved into the men’s dorm after I lost my mate. I
couldn’t stand the constant reminders at the home we shared.”

“It is tough,” she admitted. “I probably should take that
step too, but I love our house. There are so many good memories there that they
outweigh the bad. We were fortunate enough to buy our dream home the first
time.”

Mourn’s brow furled.

“Most people buy what they call a starter home, and later
upgrade to a house they wished they could have afforded the first time. Tommy
inherited money from his family and he owned his own business. He sold it after
he realized his health issues were serious, but we were always financially
blessed. It wasn’t a problem.”

“I understand.”

The silence stretched and Dana realized Mourn wasn’t much of
a talker. She’d have to gently prod him. “Do you want to talk about her?”

He looked away. “No.”

That’s going to make conversation tough
, she decided.
“What do you want to discuss? Do you want to ask me questions? You can.”

“What is the one thing you miss most about your mate?”

It was a complicated question. She pondered it. “I can’t
really say it’s just one thing, but if I were to list a few, first I’d have to
say the laughter.” She smiled at the memories that filtered through her
thoughts. “Tommy was very funny. He could make me laugh no matter what.” She
sobered. “I miss him when I climb into bed too. I felt safe and right snuggled
up to him before I fell asleep.”

Mourn turned to face her directly. She looked up into his
eyes, awestruck by the tears she saw in them. The blue and autumn hues seemed
to brighten, and it took her breath away.

“My mate gave me purpose, and now I have none.”

Dana could understand that. “What was her name?”

A muscle along his jaw jumped and the tears cleared from his
eyes. “I can’t say her number. It hurts.”

“Number?”

“She never chose a name. Mercile assigned us numbers. I
refused to take a name until after she died since she wouldn’t.”

It was horrific to Dana and heartbreaking. The woman Mourn
had loved had been ill when she’d finally gained her freedom and had probably
never enjoyed any of it. A mental image formed in her head of a gravestone with
just a number engraved on the face of it. It was beyond tragic. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. Not all humans are alike. I know this.
You had no part in her death.”

“I’m still sorry for what both of you endured. Call it a
general apology for all the assholes in the world. Life isn’t fair.”

“It isn’t.” He reached toward her, but didn’t make contact.

Dana clasped his hand and held on. “Things are going to get
better. I thought about Tommy nonstop when he died. It was constant agony. Time
passed and it eased. Some days can go by when I don’t think of him at all.” She
allowed her thumb to caress the side of Mourn’s fingers, hoping it would
comfort him. It did her. “Then I feel guilty.” She smiled. “You wish for those
days, but when they come, go figure, you feel crappy about it. I’ve been
assured that it’s part of the healing process.”

“I try not to think of her.”

“That’s normal too.”

“I have guilt.”

She nodded. “Survivor’s guilt. That’s the term they call
it.”

“I hate being alone.”

“You aren’t. I’m here, and you’re surrounded by other New
Species.”

“You know what I mean. Sleeping alone. Eating alone. The
utter silence is horrible.”

Dana nodded. “It is.” She inched closer to him. “You should
try to make friends. They do help. I lost a lot of mine after Tommy’s death.
Some of them avoided me because they couldn’t face his death, or maybe they
just didn’t know what to say. Some people I avoided because I couldn’t take the
way they looked at me. Pity sucks.” She paused. “Or some people acted as if the
loss of someone is like a contagious disease they can catch from you. It’s a
reminder to them that their own lives can come crashing down around them. I was
exhibit A.”

He turned his head and peered at her. “Exhibit A?”

“Proof that it could happen to them, that they could lose
the person they love too.”

“Some Species use me as an example of why they shouldn’t
take a mate or want one. It makes them vulnerable to pain.”

“Exactly. You’re exhibit A too, for them.” She smiled. “I
made new friends who didn’t know Tommy. They weren’t comparing the before- and after-me.
It helped. I was just Dana to them.”

“Everyone knows me here and at Wild Zone.”

“You still made a new friend.” She leaned over a little and
bumped his arm with her shoulder. “Me.”

He smiled, and it was devastating. It transformed his
features and she had to avoid gawking a little. He was good-looking before but
a happy-looking Mourn proved that he wouldn’t remain single for long, if other
women could help it.

“I’m glad you annoyed me.”

“Me too.”

“I looked forward to talking to you today. It gave me
purpose.”

“I thought Paul and Becky were never going to go to bed. I
was looking forward to talking to you too.”

“What is your life like outside the gates?”

“I went back to work about nine months ago. I took an office
job that keeps me busy. It gets me out of the house five days a week. That’s
where I met new friends. I’ll go to a movie with a few of them on the weekends
from time to time. That gives me purpose and it beats sitting in my home
staring at walls, feeling sorry for myself. The pity party was over. I did that
routine far too long.”

“Pity party?”

His confused look amused her. “It’s a saying. It means I was
feeling sorry for myself, and that I didn’t do much to change that for a while.
I just wanted to immerse myself in my pain. Even I got sick of it eventually.”

“I’m not assigned duties at Homeland like other Species
are.”

“Maybe you should be.”

“I’m not sure they’d trust me. They know I’m unstable.”

“So don’t be. Tell them you need something to do. It helps
you start keeping track of what day it is again.”

“I know what you mean.”

She figured he would. “It’s Saturday. At least, at the end
of it.”

He chuckled. “Thanks. I didn’t know that.”

“I’m sure the NSO will do whatever you need. Paul can’t say
enough great things about them.”

“They are good people.” He looked away. “What about sex?”

That threw Dana. “What about it?”

He cleared his throat. “A few of the females have offered to
share sex with me. Will it heal some of the pain if I touch one of the Species
females? They have said it might help me get over her.”

“You mean the best way to get over someone is to get under
someone else?”

He jerked his attention to her and scowled.

“It’s a saying I’ve heard often. It means to have sex with
someone new. I don’t know. I have gone on a few dates since Tommy died, but I
haven’t gone to bed with any of them. It would have been too weird, and I
wasn’t sexually attracted to them. We discussed it in grief counseling. Some of
them swore it helped, while others said it made them feel empty inside. I guess
it depends on the person. What do you think?”

“It would be uncomfortable.”

“I agree.”

The silence stretched between them. He finally spoke. “She
was the only female I knew.”