Now She's Gone: A Novel (13 page)

“After that, the affair just developed. I would see him at the gym, he would nod at me and we’d leave a few minutes apart, meet at our fuck hotel and have sex all afternoon. It was so much fun, it was delicious, like a big piece of chocolate cake. One bite was never, ever enough. I couldn’t get enough of it. I wanted it every day. Every minute.”

I was so pissed off I was shaking.

“So, I’m having this affair. I’m thinking, should I tell Bruce? I kept asking myself over and over. I came up with scenarios and kept playing them out in my mind.

‘Hi, honey! I’m having an affair. Is that okay?’

‘Of course it’s not okay you little slut!’ he would reply.

I have to admit when he calls me a little slut, it turns me on. I am big into the dirty talk. The first time I asked him to call me that, his eyes popped out, but he complied. ‘You little slut! I’ll fuck your brains out!’ Sex is always so good when he calls me his little slut. I like being his little slut.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Anyway, getting back to the scenario, I would then ask Bruce, ‘Do you want me to stop fucking Peter? I mean, if you want me to, I will.’

‘Of course I want you to stop!’ he would yell.

I would consider. “Okay, I will, but let me have him one more time.’

Or…

‘Bruce, guess what! I’m having an affair with a man with a really large penis. It’s not bigger than yours, though.’ This was true. It wasn’t either. ‘We’re having spaghetti for supper.’

Or…

‘You’re not mad, are you? Why are you so mad? If you were having an affair, I wouldn’t be mad at you!’

‘Yes, you would,’ he’d say. ‘Besides, I’ve been fucking around on you for years.’”

She was too damn good.

“‘I knew it! Then, we’re even! No harm done. Were they good? The women that you had sex with? Not better than me, of course, right?’

He would shrug. ‘No one is better than you.’

I’d wrap it up like this, ‘The thing is, Bruce, I love you. You. This is just one of those things. Okay, okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll give it up. It’s not like I’m addicted. In a day or two I’ll tell him it’s over.’

While all these conversations are playing in my head, I wondered if I have the nerve to actually tell him about Peter. I decided I didn’t. I have balls but they’re not that big.

Bruce raced into the kitchen just then. I was so startled, I started shaking. He was, like, suddenly there. After I got back into my skin, I just lit up for him. My honey was home! I’m such a good little wife! Look at me! I’m starting supper.

‘Hi, boopie!’ I squealed.

Boopie’s what I call him when I do something bad. Like when I spend all the money in the checking account and forget to write it down. Or when I have an affair. He usually catches on. He never caught on to it that time, though.”

Wrong. I had caught on, but I just thought she’d spent all the money again. I mean, I didn’t think she was fucking some guy!

“So he grabbed me up and carried me around the kitchen. I’m like, ‘Ohhkay. What is up with you?’

‘Guess who got the Chandler building?’

‘You didn’t!’

He nodded.

I squealed in delight. He had wanted that account so badly. I was so happy for him.

‘Can you believe it?’ he asked. He was so excited, he was shaking.

‘Oh, my God! You are so successful!’ I hugged him tight and smiled up at him.

‘Of course, this means long days and weekends…’

The smile vanished off my face. ‘For how long? A couple of months?’

‘More like a couple of years.’

I was not happy.

He said, ‘But, meanwhile, we can plan that trip to Europe and when it’s over, baby, we’re there!’

‘We have already planned our trip to Europe.’

‘I know, but I can’t take a month off now. I’m sorry, baby, I just can’t.’

I glared at him. London, Paris, Amsterdam and Rome, ciao, baby! Damn it.

‘You hate me?’ he asked.

I nodded.

‘Come on! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.’

He was right. This building was the shit. And I couldn’t really be mad at him for being so ambitious. He was just that kind of guy. Coming from his working class background, I could understand that.

I groaned, ‘I know. It’s okay, I guess. Bruce, let me ask you something.’

‘Stop cooking! Let’s go out. Oh, did you pick up my suit?’

‘Bruce, let me ask you something.’

‘What? I just can’t get over this!’ He picked me up off the floor again. ‘How do you want to celebrate?’

I shrugged. A fuck would be good.

‘What did you want to ask me?’ he asked.

He was so happy. I didn’t want to ruin it.

‘Nothing,’ I said.

He smiled at me until I smiled back. We stayed like that for a very long time.

‘Congratulations,’ I said and got an idea. I slid out of his arms and got down on my knees. I stared up at him. He grinned down at me as I unzipped his pants.

Giving him a blowjob seemed like a better idea than telling him I was cheating.”

I couldn’t really argue with that.

ARGH!

“This was the gist of our life after Bruce got the contract for that stupid building:

I would be sitting quietly somewhere, maybe watching TV or reading a magazine and he would come into the room and piss me off.

‘Have you seen my green socks?’ he asked one day.

Oh, God! That drove me crazy! What was I? The keeper of the green socks? And who wears green socks?! I figured the best course of action would be to ignore him.

‘Sandy?’ he asked and stared at me.

It was like he thought, ‘A wife should always help her husband find his green socks and never, ever ignore him. This is one of the worst things a wife can do.’

I was so pissed off I could have slapped him. I continued to ignore him and he started rummaging around looking for the green socks.

He snapped, ‘Huh? Did you hear me?’

I said calmly, ‘I have no idea where your fucking socks are.’

‘What’s up your ass?’

Oh, like he would listen anyway. I glared at him.

‘Huh!’ he yelled, his eyes blazing like he didn’t have time for this. I could just tell that’s what he was thinking. He didn’t have time for anything! But I should always drop everything and help him to find his green fucking socks or his misplaced pen or hat or whatever the fuck he couldn’t keep up with. Fuck that. Maybe if he’d come home in a good mood every once in a while, I’d help him out. But once he got home, he’d act flighty and agitated and it would really piss me off.

‘Sandy…’ he groaned and tapped his foot.

Fine! I’d tell the fucker like it was. I said, again in a calm manner, ‘You have a helluva lot of nerve.’

‘What are you talking about?!’

‘The fact that you expect me to drop everything and help you find your fucking green socks!’

‘Excuse me. I didn’t realize you were that busy.’

‘You’re excused.’

He stomped out of the room. I went back to my magazine. I couldn’t concentrate on it anymore and threw it across the room. I mean, if he’s going to be gone all the time, fine, but he didn’t need to act like I should drop everything when he decides to come home. Agitating the shit out of me. His green socks, his green socks! Fuck his green socks. And fuck him. He forgot our anniversary. The building took every memory cell in his pea brain. He became consumed by it.”

I took a breath. She was right. I did ignore her when it was going on. I tried not to, but I knew this was the project that would make me and we’d be set for life if it turned out good.

All of a sudden, that building didn’t mean anything to me anymore.

“At least Peter listened to me. At least he cared. However, I never gave Bruce a reason to suspect. But sometimes I wanted him to know. Maybe I thought it would jar him a little and make him realize I was around and needed attention. And sex! I needed sex!

I remember once going downstairs into the kitchen and he was standing over the table, poring over some stupid blueprints.

We didn’t say a word to each other.

I sighed, picked up my gym bag, my purse, my keys and a grocery list. That’s when he glanced up.

‘Where are you going?’

I held out my hands with all the stuff in them. ‘I’ve got a few things to do.’

He gave a slight nod. I rolled my eyes and started to the back door.

He said, ‘Remember, we’ve got that thing tonight.’

I turned and gave him a disbelieving look. Don’t succumb to anger! Don’t succumb to anger! Fuck it! I hissed, ‘I know, shithead, I arranged it and that thing happens to be our anniversary which you fucking forgot last fucking year!’

He just stared at me.

I snapped, ‘Do I know you?’

‘Don’t start.’

“Okay! Bye!’

And I slammed the door on my way out. I cancelled our anniversary date and we didn’t make up for three weeks.

So, I had to have something to focus on. I focused on Peter. I had him over one night and gave him a good striptease, just like I used to give Bruce before he turned into the invisible man.

I took him into Bruce’s office while he was away on business. I half-hoped he’d come home and catch us. I knew he wouldn’t. He would have probably said, ‘Uh, please don’t mess anything up in there. I’ve got to work.’”

What the fuck?! How could she have brought him into our house?! I would have beaten the shit out of that guy if I had seen him in my house!

“Anyway, what I did was put on some really, really good music and I had it blaring. Bruce hated when I blared the stereo. ‘You’ll blow the speakers out!’ He was always onto me to turn it down. Which, of course, made me turn it up.

He wasn’t there, so whatever.

I stood by the office chair and I began to dance around it, swinging my hips back and forth. Peter stood in the door and grinned at me. I winked at him and pushed the chair over to him. He got in it and I went over and began to dance around him, taking my clothes off slowly. I didn’t have a chance to finish the song. He grabbed me, threw me on Bruce’s desk and tore my clothes off.

‘Hold on, I’m not finished,’ I told him.

‘I can’t wait,’ he breathed and began to kiss me.

I loved the way he kissed me, as if he couldn’t get enough of me. After he had my clothes off and I was naked and squirming on top of the desk, he began to touch my body. He ran his hand between my legs and opened them up. I moaned. This was the part I liked best. He kneeled down and got between them and just looked at me down there, all swollen and wet and hot. I wanted him to touch me so bad.

He ran one finger down, then into my pussy, as if he were studying it before he could kiss it. I could feel his hot breath on it and that made me warmer.

‘Come on,’ I said and raised my hips up so that my pussy was right in his face.

He pushed my hips back down and shook his head. He kept staring at me and his fingers began to play with my clit, gently stoking it until it throbbed and burned.

‘Oh, God, come on!” I moaned and raised my hips again.

He pushed them back down and smiled at me. ‘You’re so swollen and wet.’

I stared down at him and nodded.

He pressed his face between my legs and breathed me in. His tongue came out and began to stroke my clit. I began to tremble. I was going to come. He pulled back and ran his finger down again, this time all the way back to my ass. One finger went in back there and the other stayed on my clit and stroked it for a moment until it went into my pussy and he began to stroke it, like he was beckoning me. He had found my spot.

I gasped and felt myself grow extremely hot. I was so hot down there, I burned.

He pressed his face against my pussy again and began to suck on it. I was going to die it felt so good. One finger in my ass and the other in my pussy and his mouth on my clit. It was too much. I squeezed my breast and moaned. I began to ride his face and he kept it up until I was nearly bouncing off the desk. I rose up and grabbed onto his head and humped his face, taking everything he had. His fingers and mouth kept working and worked that orgasm right out of me and it was a good one, a huge one. I screamed as I came. He didn’t stop and I rode it out until I fell back on the desk and whimpered.

He came up to my mouth and I took his face and began to suck on his mouth, tasting myself. I licked at him and helped him put his hard cock in me. He rode me hard, so hard I couldn’t keep up at first. It was like something took him over and he couldn’t help himself and he couldn’t stop. I know I couldn’t. I wanted so much then. I wanted his hands and his fingers and his lips and his dick all at once.

‘Come on, baby,’ he whispered and licked on my ear. ‘Give me another orgasm.’

I was near exhaustion but I could try. He held still and put one of my legs up on his shoulder and began to fuck me. Then he did it. He hit bottom. I felt his dick way down deep inside me, pounding so hard. I nearly rose up off the desk and I began to squirm a little and moved against him, staring into his eyes. He had the most beautiful fuck face. I stared at him and sucked his cock into me and I fucked him. He grinned and nodded and before I could help it, I was coming again, this time it was harder, a down deep in my pussy orgasm that reverberated inside of me before it exploded.

I dug my nails into his ass and screamed, ‘Come on! Fuck me hard!’

He fucked me hard. This intensified the orgasm and I held onto it until he collapsed against me. I continued to come, feeling the aftershocks of it for a minute.

And I always refer to that as the ‘All Time Best Peter Fuck Ever.’ I can’t look at Bruce’s desk without thinking about it.”

Sweat was dripping from my forehead. I was completely enraged. I began to shake. “Fuck!”

I jumped up from the couch and paced. Calm down. Calm down.
Calm down!
I couldn’t calm down. I yelled, Shit!”

Before I knew what I was doing, I had the journal torn in half and had started on the living room. I threw a lamp across the room. It went into the wall. I kicked an end table.