Now and Forever (10 page)

“You don't have to defend yourself to me, Tish,” she said gently. “But we both know Russell doesn't play games. He's my brother, and I love him, and I don't think
he'd ever do anything to hurt you. But be careful just the same.”

“He said we'd forget it,” she said, still quietly smoldering when she remembered the cutting words, “because of Lisa. There isn't anything to be careful about. Will you help me carry the coffee out?”

“Sure.” She picked up the tray.

“Do I…do I look all right?” Tish asked.

Eileen smiled. “It doesn't show anymore.”

“Then let's forge ahead, shall we,” she said with a short laugh.

 

There were dark circles under her eyes the next morning, and there was a haunted look in their gray depths. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved blue print blouse and ran a comb through her hair. She didn't bother with makeup. Somehow impressing Frank wasn't important anymore. And
he
—he'd have gone to the fields by now, she was sure.

But when she got to the dining room, Russell was sitting at the table with Frank, lingering over a cup of coffee. Her heart began to run away just at the sight of him, the pale
blue denim shirt straining against the muscles of his chest, his crisp dark hair burning black in the filtered light from the window.

“Oh, there you are,” Frank said, rising with a smile as she joined them and looking relieved. “I'm going up to get Belle, if I can roll her out of bed. Russell's taking us all riding. Be back in a minute, sweetheart.”

He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the mouth, as if setting his seal of possession on her in front of Russell, and winked as he left. She sat stiffly in her chair, wondering where the devil Eileen was, trying not to be affected by the heat of Russell's intense gaze.

“What the hell was that all about?” he asked curtly. “To remind me that you're his property?”

She swallowed hard. “Where's Eileen?” she asked instead of giving him an answer.

“She left early for school.”

“Oh.”

Mattie brought in the coffee, and with a murmur of thanks, Lutecia started loading it with sugar and cream.

“You didn't sleep,” Russell said quietly.

“I…I slept very well, thanks.”

“Look at me, Tish.”

She obeyed the deep caress in his voice, her heart skipping a beat when she met the patient darkness in his eyes.

“Why are you afraid of me?” he asked softly.

Her lips trembled, and she dragged her eyes back down to her cup. Infuriatingly, her fingers trembled as she gripped the hot ceramic in her cold hands.

“You're so very young, little one,” he said quietly. “A child-woman, like a blossom just beginning to open. I was too rough and far too intimate with you last night. I told you once I wasn't used to limits. All that silky innocence threw me.”

She darted a look at him and found a slow, tender smile on his chiseled lips. “I…I was afraid to come down this morning,” she admitted hesitantly. “Oh, Russell, what's happening? I don't want it like this, I don't want to always be fighting you, I want things to be like they used to be when we were best friends…” she said in a burst of emotion.

“Turn the clock back, you mean?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “After the way we kissed last night, Tish?”

She blushed to the roots of her hair. “You said…we'd forget it,” she reminded him with downcast eyes.

“How can I when my blood burns every time I look at you?” he growled. “I want to tell you about Lisa. I want you to understand….”

“I don't want to hear it!” she cried, jumping up from the table. “Frank!” she called as he came back into the room, “let's go on down to the stables, and Russell and Belle can come later, all right?”

Frank looked from Russell's stony face to Tish's flushed one with a hint of suspicion and more than a hint of jealousy. “All right,” he agreed, and let her tug him out the door.

 

“What, exactly, is your relationship with him?” Frank asked while they waited with their saddled horses for Russell and Belle to join them.

“Russell's like a brother to me,” she hedged, her eyes on a car coming up the driveway. “That looks like Nan's Sprite,” she murmured.

“A brother, or something more?” Frank
persisted. “I don't like the way he looks at you. His eyes look like they could devour you when he knows you're not watching him.”

She blushed. “You're imagining things, Frank.”

“No, I'm not. If he made you marry him, he'd get all this, wouldn't he?” he asked pointedly, gesturing at the estate.

The shock was in her whole look. “He'd what?” She rebelled at his arrogance, at his attack on Russell. “I'm the outsider here, not Russell,” she began shortly. “He told you my father was killed in an accident, but not the whole truth. I'll tell you the rest. My father was a sharecropper, a farmer who works on shares and lives, more often than not, in houses with bare wood floors, leaking roofs, and cracks in the walls! My father had nothing! The clothes I'm wearing now are worth more than anything he ever owned. If it hadn't been for Russell, I'd be living in an orphanage somewhere, and I'd have nothing!”

Frank's face had gone white, absolutely white. “You…you do inherit, don't you?”

“A share,” she said harshly. “The house
and land my father worked and probably a small allowance. That's all I agreed to take.”

He looked at her with eyes that were suddenly cool. “You might have told me.”

“Why?” she asked, raising her eyebrows as she struggled with hurt pride. “Was it the inheritance you thought I'd receive that attracted you, Frank, dear?”

Nan Coleman's little red sports car pulled up at the stables before he could find an answer. She got out, her dark hair unruly, her green eyes sparkling, and joined Tish and Frank.

“Hi, I thought I'd come over and meet your company while I was in the neighborhood,” she said with an impish grin. “You must be Frank, I've heard so much about you!”

He shook her hand with a polite smile. “And you're Nan…Coleman, is that right?”

“Nan and her father own the estate next door to you,” Tish said deliberately. “That amounts to about a third of the county.”

“Russell's got just short of the other two-thirds,” Nan laughed. “Frank, you and your
sister will have to come for coffee one morning if Tish can spare you.”

“We'll be moving into Bright Meadows tomorrow,” Frank said stiffly. “And I'm sure my sister and I would be delighted to accept.”

Nan looked puzzled, and her green eyes questioned Tish's silently.

“Frank and I are friends,” Tish said pointedly. “Right, Frank? Nothing more?”

He straightened. “Exactly,” he said formally.

Nan's eyebrows went up, but Tish mounted her horse before she could ask any more questions.

“Come riding with us,” Tish said. “Russell will get you a mount if you ask him. I'm going on ahead.”

“Thanks,” Nan said with a speculative glance at Frank. “I think I will.”

Tish turned the spicy little pinto gelding she was riding and started toward the bridle path. As she passed the stable, she noticed that Russell and Belle were still inside. The blonde was standing very close to him, her arms linked around his neck. Even as she watched, Belle went on tiptoe….

Tish put her heels to the pinto's flanks and leaned low over his withers as the wind hit her face like tiny switches.

Tears misted her eyes, and a pain like nothing she'd ever known began to ache deep inside her. Russell, Russell, always Russell, and thinking of him brought a frustrated longing that made her soul mourn. How long, she wondered incredulously, had she been in love with him? Love….

“No!” she whispered huskily. Her eyes closed over the gray anguish that burned in them. “No, it can't be, it can't be! I've lived with him most of my life, and I love him, but oh, God, I can't be
in
love with him…can I?”

But she was. She was deeply, hungrily, mindlessly in love. Suddenly all she could think about was Russell, with his hair burning black in the sunlight, his eyes laughing darkly down at her; Russell, holding her in his big arms, teaching her mouth that a kiss was so much more than two pairs of lips touching; Russell, who belonged to Lisa, who could never, never belong to her….

With a hard sob, she turned the pinto. She was so blinded by tears that she didn't notice
how close to the road the bridle path was. She urged the horse faster, and it jumped the ditch right in front of a speeding pickup truck and the sound of squealing brakes and a horse's piercing cry were the last things she heard as she went down….

T
here was an uncomfortable tightness in her chest. She tried to breathe, but even that simple action was almost too much. Vaguely, she felt pain, dull but quite noticeable, all over her body.

Her heavy-lidded eyes opened. A whiteness blurred in them. After a time, a chair came into focus. A small, nervous figure was huddled down in it. She recognized the pale, round face.

“Eileen?” she whispered weakly.

The young girl's head flew up. “Tish!” She jumped out of the chair and hurried to the bedside, resting her hands on the railing. One reached down to catch Tish's and held fast to it. There were tears in the brown eyes.

“Oh, thank God, you're all right,” she whispered. “We were so afraid…I've got to call the house,” she added. “Baker and Mindy are here.”

“Baker came?” she managed. “He shouldn't have, his heart…”

“Wild horses couldn't have kept him away, and he's much better. He and Mindy look years younger.” She smiled.

Her eyes searched the room. “Russell?” she asked achingly.

“He hadn't left the hospital since they brought you in, until about an hour ago when Baker made him leave. Tish, do you remember what happened? It looked like the pinto went into the road and a truck hit it.”

She nodded. “Didn't…see it,” she smiled.

“Russell almost killed Frank Tyler,” Eileen said quietly. “Frank kept saying that it was his fault, that he'd hurt your feelings and caused you to run off…He said it one
time too many, and Russell planted a fist right in his nose. The Tylers went home yesterday. Frank wanted to come see you, but Russell absolutely forbade it.”

“Wasn't…Frank's fault,” Tish whispered, grimacing at the pain as she shifted on the pillows. “Why did Russell hit him?
He
doesn't care!”

“Doesn't care!” Eileen's jaw dropped. “Tish, Russell got to you first. God, he went berserk! I've never seen anyone like that. The driver of the truck wasn't even scratched, but it took Frank and Gus to pull Russell off him. Then he got to you and the ambulance attendants had to work around him because he wouldn't let go.” Tears misted her eyes at the memory. “All the time we waited while they were working on you in the emergency room, Russell just sat and stared into space and smoked. He never said a word. Not…not one word. And when they told us you were going to be all right, he…” her voice broke. She just shook her head.

It didn't make sense, Tish thought, her mind cloudy with drugs and pain. Russell
wouldn't give up Lisa, but he didn't want anyone else to have her….

“I can't…can't think. What's wrong with me?” she asked Eileen.

“A lot of bruises and a couple of pretty deep cuts, and two broken ribs,” Eileen said with a sympathetic smile. “Not to mention a compound fracture of your left leg below the knee. But you're alive, isn't it wonderful?”

“It would be even more wonderful,” Tish whispered, “if it didn't hurt so much. I'm so hungry…”

“I'll have a tray sent up. I've got to make some phone calls, but I'll be right back, okay?”

“Okay,” Tish said drowsily.

 

She drifted in and out of sleep after that. When she was awake she remembered Russell's strange behavior. Maybe he felt a sense of guilt; probably that accounted for it. Although at times he did seem to have a genuine affection for her, what he really felt was something he kept strictly to himself.

“Sweetheart? Are you awake?” came a soft, familiar voice.

She forced her eyes open, and Mindy's small face was there. There were lines of age around the big blue eyes, but she was still the beauty that had overcome Baker's obstinate decision to never marry again when he lost Russell and Eileen's mother. A cloud of silky gray and blond hair curled around her sweet face.

“Oh, Mindy!” she whimpered and painfully lifted her arms.

Mindy held her gently, careful not to press against her where the ribs were broken. “My sweet baby, what have you done?” she whispered piteously.

“Acted like a damned Currie, that's what,” Baker Currie teased, and she looked past Mindy into Russell's dark eyes, but in an older, harder face framed by silver hair.

“Hello, Baker,” she managed with a smile, and Mindy moved aside to let him bend down and kiss the young girl's pale cheek.

“You gave us a start, you know,” Baker said lightly, but there was concern in his whole look. “Your doctor says you're damned lucky to be alive.”

“I feel like I've been beaten.” She laughed drowsily.

“No doubt.” He ruffled her hair with a big, leathery hand. “Russell's still asleep. I damned near had to throw a punch at him to get him out of here. And when that Tyler boy called and asked how you were, I had to cover Mindy's ears! What the hell is going on?”

“Frank and his sister Belle stayed with us for a few days. You remember, I told you about it,” she said. “Frank and I had a…misunderstanding at the stables while we were waiting for Belle and Russell to untangle themselves and come out of the barn,” she added bitterly.

“You're losing me, girl,” Baker sighed. “Russell's got himself mixed up with a woman? He swore he'd never do that, because of Lisa….”

“People change, Baker,” she said tightly. “Gosh, I hurt,” she whispered. “Baker, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop fighting the drugs…it hurts so!”

“All right, girl, you rest. But when you're better,” Baker said quietly, “I'm going to
want some answers. From you or my son, or both of you.”

She drifted off to sleep on that unpleasant warning.

 

Drifting, floating, she moved toward a blackness without light or color. She felt a far-away rainbow sparkle through the darkness, and when she turned, Russell was standing there, tall and frightening. She tried to draw back, but his eyes were like black magnets drawing her closer and closer. And, suddenly, as she neared him, a light seemed to glow softly in his hard face, and he smiled and held out his arms to her….

“Russell!” she whispered, her head tossing on the pillow, her dark hair scattering over its crisp white pillowcase. “Russ…!”

A big, warm hand squeezed hers. It felt strong and comforting. “I'm here, baby. What is it?”

Her eyes opened, drawn by the deep huskiness of that loved voice. Through a sleepy fog, she saw him sitting on the edge of a chair next to her bed. She wet her dry lips and slowly, Russell's drawn, hard face came
into focus. New lines were cut into it by worry.

“It was…so dark,” she explained earnestly, “and I couldn't get to you.”

“I'm here, now,” he said, his eyes haunted and almost black with emotion.

She sighed, grimacing as the movement intensified the pain in her ribs. “Hurts,” she whispered.

“I know.” Russell's deep voice was thick with a different kind of pain. “What caused you to ride off like that? Seeing Nan Coleman making a play for your boyfriend, or seeing Belle with me in the barn?”

She felt the tension in the very air as he waited for her to answer the question.

“I…got something in my eye,” she whispered evasively, “and Pepper went into the road…Russell, what about Pepper?”

“The impact broke several bones,” he said gently. “I didn't have any choice, Tish. We had to put her down.”

She burst into tears and he passed her a handkerchief. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “No! It was my fault…!”

“You're alive,” he said huskily. “That's
all
that matters.”

She gave him back the handkerchief, remembering how it had hurt to see Belle in his arms. But losing Pepper had hurt as much. Something nagged at the back of her mind, something Eileen had said about Frank…

“Why won't you let Frank come to see me?” she asked suddenly.

His lips made a tight line. His eyes narrowed. “He told me, by God, even if you won't. You told him the truth, and he couldn't take it. He started backing away. If it's any consolation, he's on his knees.”

“From what, guilt or a broken nose?” she asked with a dry smile.

He looked vaguely uncomfortable and let his eyes move to the window. “He asked for it.”

She held his hard fingers tightly. “Don't growl. It wasn't anybody's fault. Are you still my best friend?” she asked with a gentle smile, not knowing that her whole heart was in the eyes she turned up to his.

He met that searching gaze with a look that might have melted stone. “Is that what you want?” he asked in a deep, soft whisper. “Is that how you want it to be between us?”

“There…there's Lisa,” she murmured weakly and turned her eyes away.

“God, yes, and you'll never get over that, will you, little saint?” he flashed with narrowed eyes. He stood up. “I'll be back later.”

“Oh, don't,” she pleaded, “please don't! Russ…!”

He drew a sharp, harsh breath. His face might have been carved from rock for the expression in it. “I'll let Tyler come. That should put the color back in your cheeks.”

“Don't be mad, don't go away mad, please, Russ,” she whispered through the tears.

“Don't try me too far, Lutecia,” he said in a voice that was barely audible. “You can't have it both ways.”

One lone tear passed her eyelids. “Russ…”

“Oh, God, you tear me apart when you cry!” he whispered angrily, bending down to kiss away the tear, tracing it back to her eyes. His mouth was warm and slow and gentle on her closed eyelids. “I'm not mad, honey, now hush. Hush.”

Her pouting mouth trembled as she
looked up at him accusingly. “You big bully,” she whispered. “I don't want to fight with you.”

“No,” he agreed narrowly, “you don't. You just want to wipe out the past year and start over. All right, Tish, we might as well. God knows there's no future for us in any other direction. What can I bring you besides Tyler?”

That hurt, but she wouldn't let it show. “You're really going to let him come?”

“If you want him. Do you?”

She nodded.

“All right.” Nothing showed in his face although she scanned it with all her might. “You should have watched a few seconds longer,” he said as he started out the door. “I pushed her away.”

“You mean she…” Tish couldn't stop herself from asking.

“You know me well enough to answer that. I don't like forward women worth a damn.” His dark eyes sent chills down her spine as they gave her body under the sheets a long, bold scrutiny. “Has it ever occurred to you,” he asked quietly, “that ‘friends'
don't normally feel this kind of jealousy toward each other?”

With those pulse-spinning words and a half smile, he went out the door. She watched him walk away, tall and straight and outrageously attractive.

When Frank came to see her, she tried not to notice the disturbing reddish blue color of his nose or the Band-Aid across it.

“I…uh, ran into your…Russell, that is,” Frank said with a sheepish look. “Tish, I acted like a damned fool, and I'm sorry. Of course it wasn't your money that attracted me. I wanted you to know that, and know how sorry I am.”

“It's all right,” she said gently.

“Can I visit you from time to time, and can we still be friends?” he asked quietly. She saw that his eyes were kind but that there was no deep emotion in them, and she was vaguely glad.

“Of course we can,” she said with a smile.

He smiled back and bent down to touch his mouth to hers. Just then the door opened and Russell walked in.

“Uh, hello, Mr. Currie,” Frank said
tightly. Apprehension was in every line of his thin body.

“Don't let me disturb you,” Russell replied impassively. “Tish, Dr. Wallace says you can go home tomorrow. Baker and Mindy will fetch you.”

“Not you?” she asked involuntarily.

“I'm going to Jacksonville…to Lisa,” he said deliberately, and she could feel her face going white. “To bring her home,” he added with eyes that challenged her to say one single word.

Her jaw set, her teeth ground together, but she kept her tongue. “Have a good trip,” she said quietly, the coolness of her tone at war with the hurt anguish in her darkening eyes.

“I'll see you when I get back,” he told her.

“I wouldn't count on it,” she shot back. “I doubt if I'll be here.”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Are you that damned petty?”

“Petty?” she replied. “I think it's pretty petty of you to expect the rest of us to live under the same roof with her!”

His eyes seemed to explode in brown
flames. “Better her than you, baby,” he said with a cold smile and walked away.